


Are You Ready for the Summer?

by Ardatli



Series: Summer Lovin' [1]
Category: New Avengers (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, No infidelity I promise, Slow Burn, Summer Camp AU, girl don't play that, mostly fluffy, no matter where it looks like I might be going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:24:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 93,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4566234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardatli/pseuds/Ardatli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where the gang are counselors at a sleepaway camp, and shenanigans ensue. </p><p>A few dozen horny teenagers, minimal adult supervision, and five acres of nature. What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Ultimatum

**Author's Note:**

> With love to Khirsah, from whom I ~~stole~~ borrowed the idea of Billy as a film-maker.

[tap tap ticka type tap]

Billy couldn’t hear the sound of his fingers on the keyboard with his earphones on, but the rhythmic sensation was more than enough. It was like meditation, in some ways, plugged in and working on a project, cutting and rearranging pieces of video into something real, something that told a story, something that breathed life into ideas and –

“William Kaplan, for the fourth time!” The headphones came off his ears before he really realized what was happening and he tipped over sideways. He flung out his arms to catch himself against the sides of his desk, knocking over his empty coke can – coke _cans_. They tumbled to the floor with a clatter, and that only earned him another ‘tsk’ sound from his mother as she bent down to pick them up.

“Look at you, living like a cockroach in here.” Rebecca Kaplan strode to the window and yanked open the drapes, letting the hot afternoon sunshine flood Billy’s room. His screen vanished in the reflected glare, the last sound track a tinny endless loop coming from his discarded headphones. “This isn’t healthy for a young man.”

“Mom, I’m working,” he objected, knowing before he opened his mouth that it wasn’t going to come out as strong as he’d pictured it in his head. He sounded like Episode IV Luke complaining to Uncle Ben, and that wasn’t going to get him _anywhere_.

_It would be a lot easier if she didn’t feed me the straight lines, though._

“You can play with your videos another day,” she replied, oblivious. Billy’s mother tugged his blanket and sheets out of the nice crumple he’d only just achieved that morning, and sat down on the edge of his double bed. Gandalf stared down at her from Billy’s wall, totally indifferent. “Now, let’s talk about your summer plans.”

“I... am going to be in here working on my movie?” Billy hazarded a guess. Her look told him everything he needed to know. “And do more chores, to provide a learning experience about ... housekeeping?”

“Nice try, kiddo.” Rebecca shook her head. She sat forward, elbows on her knees, and the pleased look in her eye that told him he was going to hate whatever came out of her mouth next. “I was speaking to Ezra at Temple yesterday, and his sister Carol – Carol Nash, the one with the daughter about your age. Lauren.”

Billy could vaguely remember Lauren, one of the popular kids who sat in the back during junior congregation and giggled behind their hands every time he walked by. He thought she might be blonde. Was this going where it looked like it was going?

“Mom – “ he trailed off. It wasn’t like he expected there to be a _problem_ if he came out to his parents. They wouldn’t kick him out of the house, or anything like that. But he’d avoid a whole lot of ‘are you really sure, honey?’ and ‘tell us how you’re _feeling_ ’ discussions over the dinner table if he had a boyfriend first.

As if anyone had ever taken a second look at mouthy, skinny Billy Kaplan, except to knock him into a locker on their way past.

“This better not be a setup, mom,” he settled for, and she tilted her head at him with the pressed-lip expression that made her look like Kermit the Frog.

“She’s a nice girl,” Rebecca replied, “and you could do worse. But you know I won’t interfere with your life like that, honey. You need to feel both physically and psychologically ready and _mature_ enough before you start sexual experimentation.”

“GAH.” Billy slammed his hands over his ears in an attempt to block her out. “Mom. _No_.”

She was smug, and that was just awful. All kinds of awful wrapped into one mom-package. “That’s exactly what I mean. You’re not old enough to date if you’re not ready to have a conversation about sex.”

“What do you _want_?” he pleaded, eyes wide. “Just tell me what you came in here to tell me, so I can pretend this whole encounter never happened.”

“Your Bubbe Rose would wash your mouth out with soap for that kind of backtalk. But, yes. Lauren was supposed to be working at her mother’s summer camp this year, but she won a scholarship to study photography in California in July, so Carol needs someone to take her place.”

_Oh, no._

“Mom,” Billy warned, starting to shake his head. There was no stopping her.

“Since you have no plans this summer-“

“I have plans!” he yelped.

“No plans that involve going outside, I already told her you’d be delighted to fill in. It’s running the photography activity, so you already know everything you’ll need to teach the campers.”

“I’m not going.”

“It’s a residential camp, so you’ll be gone for eight weeks.”

“No I won’t, because I’m not going.”

She stood, as though she hadn’t heard him, and began to pick his dirty clothes off the floor. “It’s not healthy for young people to spend so much time indoors,” she lectured, looking around until she found the hamper, buried under the Captain America poster that had fallen off his wall last week.

“Lack of exposure to fresh air can generate all kinds of problems, ranging from mold and dust allergies, environmental sensitivity, or depression.” And the look she gave him there was a lot sharper than he liked. “This is an appropriate job for a boy your age, and it will look good on your college applications next year. It will show responsibility, initiative, leadership ability-“

“You’re sending me to sleepaway camp to chase after hyperactive eight year olds. What am I going to do with a bunch of kids who’ve only ever taken pictures with their parents’ cell phones?” Arguing was more than likely an exercise in total futility, but he had to try.

Sleepaway camp? He’d done one summer of it when he was a lot younger. All he really remembered – all he wanted to remember – was sitting at the picnic tables by the tetherball court, watching everyone else running in circles with backwards baseball caps and muscle Ts. His bed had been short-sheeted at least once a week, his hand dunked in warm water more than that, and once been thrown, fully clothed, into the swimming hole as some kind of twisted jock-like ‘joke’. The entirety of the cabin conversation with the other boys he’d been jammed in with had revolved around basketball, race-cars and which of the girls was most likely to let you touch her boob at the campfire.

It hadn’t exactly been the best summer of his life.

“I’m not _sending_ you anywhere.” Rebecca opened his hamper and dumped the pile inside, dusting off her hands. “I want you to do something more than sit in here and get more and more lonely.”

Something in her voice made him pause in his angry circles on his desk chair, and look at her directly. There was something soft in his mother’s eyes; soft and compassionate and... _worried._

“This will be a chance for you to make new friends, sweetheart. Real people who don’t know you from school, who you can share experiences with. Internet friends are lovely, of course, and Eli’s a very nice young man, but it’s simply not the same.”   

And when his mother looked at him like that, her usual business-like patter gone and something warm and mushy in its place, what could he say?

“Fine,” Billy grumped, and Rebecca’s face lit up. Had he just been played? He had the sinking sensation that he’d just been thoroughly played. “Tell Carol I’ll go. But I’m telling you right now, I’m not going to enjoy it. Jocks are camp people. Canoe... paddlers are camp people. Eco-hipsters who like to sleep on dirt are ‘camp people.’ I,” he pointed to himself, his mother’s crooked finger coming up to hide her smile, “am not a camp people.”

“Open mind, William!” she all but trilled as she left, leaving his door wide open behind her. “You never know what could happen in a summer.” 


	2. Precamp: Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we meet some of the others, and the buses arrive at camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Dave, the original Spaceman.

**Billy:** It’s two three week sessions, but apparently all the counsellors have to go up a week early.

 **Billy:** ‘Precamp,’ which basically means ‘hang out with everyone you hate from high school, do the swimming tests you avoided in gym class and learn first aid so you can _not_ save dying children.’

 **Eli:** Sounds like you should have paid better attention in gym.

 **Billy:** They don’t let us have PHONES, Eli. No Wifi. I’m going to DIE.

 **Eli:** Ifyou start biking now, you can make it to Arizona by August. We’ve got a spare bed.

 **Billy:** I’m seriously considering it.

 **Billy:** If you don’t hear from me again, know this. I have been eaten by blackflies and buried in the back woods.

 **Eli:** I’ll make sure all your regular forums host memorials.

 **Billy:** I’d thank you, if I wasn’t sure that was sarcastic.

 **Eli:** 100%. Have fun at camp!

\--

As determined as Billy was to bring his bad mood with him, load-in day dawned bright and clear, with just enough of a breeze to make the June morning perfect. The leaving part was easy: annoy his little brothers at breakfast, remember that he was going to spend seven weeks in the company of two hundred even more irritating versions of _them_ , die inside.

His parents came with him to the bus, which was good, considering that he had two massive duffel bags packed full of all the things he’d need to survive a summer of hell. Bad in that his _parents_ came with him. If God was good, his mother wouldn’t try and kiss him goodbye.  

The square where the buses were supposed to pick up the staff and their bags was packed by the time the Kaplans arrived, swarming with teenagers and grownups, little clusters of luggage piled in haphazard stacks near the road.

“This is it,” Billy said firmly, dropping the bag he was carrying and kicking it until it rolled over and sat upright again. “Leave me here. And when I am gone, remember your son, who once loved you.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?” Dad asked, setting down Billy’s other bag with a little more care. He had a dumb grin on his face, like he wasn’t taking any of this nearly seriously enough.

“At least he’s expressing his feelings,” Mom scolded, and then – God, no – she reached out, in front of everyone there, and pulled Billy into a hug. She even ruffled his hair. Billy stiffened in protest, relaxing only when she finally let go.

“You better go,” he said firmly. “No-one else’s parents are staying.”

That was partly true; some of the older folks were wandering off, singly or in pairs. Others were sticking around, making the teenagers with them look as uncomfortable as Billy felt, but there was no reason to point _that_ out to the elder Kaplans.

“Have fun, honey,” his mom held him out at arm’s length and then hauled him in to kiss him on both cheeks. “Write home sometimes and tell us what you’ve been doing.”

“Now, Rebecca,” his dad chided her, and this was going to be excruciating. Whatever came out of his mouth next was going to be bad. “If he has a _very_ good summer, we probably won’t be hearing from him at all.” And he winked.

“Ugh, _dad_.”

And thank god for small mercies, but someone with a clipboard who looked important had arrived and was waving her arms around, trying to get everyone’s attention. Two large buses had pulled up to the curb, CAMP MANITOULIN stencilled on their sides in large green block letters.

Billy slung his bags over his shoulder, the essentials inside. (camera, gopro, iPod, phone even if he wasn’t going to have a signal, dog-eared copy of Fellowship, you know, the important stuff.) “Look at that, gotta go.” He turned, paused, looked back one more time, then headed off into the melee.

The mix of people around him as they all started to gather up in the center of the square was pretty much what he expected.

_Jock, cheerleader-type, mean girl, jock, kid with big teeth who’s probably really funny, jerk, gorgeous jock._

Holy crap.

One of the guys playing hot potato with a baseball cap had to be one of the hottest examples of mankind Billy had ever seen.

His blond hair fell over his forehead in spikes that looked carefully set in place, the back of his neck shaved. His eyes were bright blue, the kind of color you only ever saw in contact lenses, or photoshopped makeup ads. His shoulders had to be almost twice the width of Billy’s, the muscles in his arms firm curves under a smattering of blond hair.

He wore a faded green t-shirt that read ‘Manitoulin CIT 2014’, and from the way it stretched across his shoulders, his muscles had filled in between then and now. He had basketball shorts on along with that, which was the best and worst decision in the world, because the soft fabric flowed and clung to parts of him that Billy really, really couldn’t afford to be caught staring at.

Those were the good parts.

The bad part was that he was built like a football player, that the baseball cap went back on _his_ head after the guys settled down, and he was hanging out with a group of similar-looking meatheads who probably spent their spare periods in school shoving guys like Billy into garbage cans.

The one guy there that Billy could seriously, immediately feel himself crushing on – or at least teetering on the edge of a potential fixation – and he was about as likely to notice Billy as he was to be any kind of queer at all.

That is to say, damn near impossible.

“Teddy-bear!” A petite blonde girl, hair up in a ponytail, launched herself through the crowd. Big blond guy caught her and swept her up in a big, chaste-but-intimate boyfriend sort of hug, and that settled that question.

“Hey, Cassie!” Billy heard Norse Godling say, and his voice was amazing, all warm and happy to see her. “How did exams go?”

“Great. I _crushed_ AP Chem. Come on; the rest of the guys are over here.” She linked her arm in his and dragged him away through the crowd, just as the older woman with the clipboard began to speak.

“Welcome to precamp!” she said, and completely non-ironic cheers went up from about half of the assembled teens. “This is going to be amazing year, and I know you all can’t wait to get started. Get yourselves on the buses, grab a t-shirt from the pile, and check off your name on the sheet when it comes around, so that we know we have everybody. Bags are being loaded onto the luggage truck now, and they’ll be there to meet us at camp. You’ll get your cabin assignments when we arrive. Surnames A – L on bus 1, M – Z on bus 2.”

There was something buzzing in the air, a kind of infectious enthusiasm that started to rub away the edges of Billy’s sour mood. Until he looked around and saw his parents, still waiting by the bags, watching.

He put the frown back on his face. There were principles he had to uphold, after all. He headed up the stairs of bus 1, sunglasses pushed down onto his nose. There were green t-shirts, piled in stacks by size. Medium, it would have to do-

“Oy, Shepherd! Wrong bus!” Someone’s hand fell on his shoulder and Billy flinched reflexively, whipping around in surprise.

A girl about Billy’s height faced him, her long, dark wavy hair pulled back into a ponytail and stuffed through the back of a baseball cap. Her blue t-shirt had stars on it, vibrant against the darker shade of her brown skin. Dark brown eyes narrowed, staring at him.

Billy poked his sunglasses down his nose so that he could stare back at her over the rims, his jaw set.

She cocked her head and frowned, a deep furrow appearing between her brows. Did he have something on his face? A ‘kick me’ sign on his shoulder? “You’re not Tommy,” she said, as though that was a revelation.

“Nope.” Because what else would he say? “I must have one of those backs.” It was a bad joke, and she frowned even deeper.

“Right,” was all she said, and she let him go. “Sorry about that.” But she stared at him enough to make him uncomfortable as she wove her way down the aisle of the bus, stopping to talk to someone in the middle.

Billy had only just found a seat, shoving his bag under the seat in front of him, when a head popped up from the seat behind him, like some kind of deranged prairie dog. “Whoa,” the girl breathed out. It was the same one that ‘Teddy-bear’ had called ‘Cassie,’ and now she was sitting behind him and looking him over with frank consideration.

“Can I help you?” Billy asked acerbically. What the hell was their problem? He couldn’t be the only new guy coming in, and even if he was, socially inept as he could be, he was pretty damn sure that this was not the way you treated a regular old new employee. “Have I got poppy seeds in my teeth or something?”

“Wow, you guys really do look alike,” was all she said. Then, “I’m Cassie. Cassie Lang.” and she stuck out her hand. He shook it automatically, still confused, and some of that must have communicated itself in his expression, because she looked sheepish. “I’m sorry, you just freaked some of us out! Tommy never said his brother was coming this year.” She paused, considered. “Come to think of it, he never said he had a brother. And shouldn’t you be on the other bus?”

“That’s what Stars-girl said,” Billy replied, looking down the bus until he caught sight of her again. Cassie followed his gaze.

“America,” she answered the question he hadn’t asked. “America Chavez? She’s sports staff. At least she was last year.”

“But I don’t know anyone named Tommy,” Billy continued, and Cassie looked even more confused than he felt. “My name’s Billy. Billy Kaplan.”

“And you don’t have a brother named Tommy?” she persisted.

“…No?” Billy had expected the trip to be weird, but this interrogation, even as the bus started and pulled away from the curb… that was weirder than anything he’d anticipated. “I have two younger brothers, but their names are Isaac and Aaron.”

Except they weren’t his biological brothers, of course. Their parents hadn’t been able to have kids, and had ended up adopting: three boys, a few years apart each, all with enough coloring sort of the same that they looked like a biological family unit. From a distance.

A hint of a notion of a suspicion, terrible and horrible and _wrong_ started to thread up from somewhere in the back of Billy’s mind, and he shut it down immediately.

Cassie didn’t seem satisfied with his answer either, sitting back in her seat with a _thump_. “That’s just uncanny, then. It’s too bad he’s on the other bus, because if you guys aren’t related, then that is one heck of a coincidence.”

“Must be,” Billy echoed. He looked down at the camp t-shirt, sitting folded in his lap, and then out at the city starting to pass them by outside the window. Bus two was behind them somewhere, carrying someone who looked like Billy. And the most beautiful boy Billy had ever seen was sitting at the back of _this_ bus, talking about some sportsball playoffs with the other meatheads.

 _Well,_ this _has gotten off to one hell of a rousing start._

\--

Sinking down into his seat and sticking his earbuds in, Billy had been able to avoid any more strange and unusual interrogations, at least until the bus turned from the highway onto a bumpy gravel road, and a cheer went up from some of the seats.

He risked popping his head up, then, staring at the green trees and rickety farm fences that sped by outside the window. The ass end of nowhere, indeed.

“Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts-“ a handful of guys in the back of the bus started to chant, and a volley of caps and travel pillows soared through the air to land on the loudmouths.

“Knock it off,” America hollered back, folding herself over the back of the seat she was sharing with Cassie. “We’ve got seven weeks of that shit coming.”

“Nominating you for spirit leader, Chavez,” came the call back, which she shrugged off.

Billy looked back over the rows of seats, looking for… something, anything, that would make him feel a little less like the weird new kid. There. Smiling, laughing, his arm along the back of a seat and his baseball cap backwards on his head, The Gorgeous Jock. A lump bumped up in Billy’s throat and he swallowed it, hard.

Then Gorgeous Jock looked at Billy, like he’d felt Billy’s eyes on him, and he did that same double-take that the girls had at the start of the trip. He cocked his head and frowned, and Billy frowned right back.

Gorgeous Jock leaned forward, keeping his gaze locked with Billy’s, and crossed his eyes.

_Seriously?_

Billy, feeling a rush of something weird and unnameable, crossed his eyes. As much as he could manage, anyway, before something around the edges of his eyeballs started to hurt.

Gorgeous Jock grinned, and made a move to pull his eyelids down, but the bus made a sharp turn, Billy slid sideways on the awful vinyl seat, and then they slowed to a stop. CAMP MANITOULIN was printed in block letters on the sign beside the parking lot, in the same font and colors as the lettering on the side of the bus.

They had arrived.

The rush of people piling off the bus caught Billy in their wake, and he jumped lightly down the handful of stairs to land on the grass below. His backpack and camera bag resettled on his shoulder, he turned around to get his bearings.

They had been dropped off in a gravel parking lot bordered with grass, just outside a waist-high white wooden fence. The gate in the fence stood open, and a path of trampled grass led through it to a big field. A flagpole stood at one end, and behind that, a row of white and brown clapboard buildings of various shapes and sizes. Cabins would be in there somewhere, a mess hall, bathrooms? And beyond that, down the hill, Billy could see the faint blue line that would be the lake.

It smelled all right. A lot better than the city, at least: a sort of mowed-grass pine-tree damp wood outdoorsy kind of scent that seemed to hang in the air.

Something was chirping or buzzing in the long grass off to the side. Did grasshoppers chirp? Crickets were only out at night, weren’t they? Something buzzed past his ear, and Billy slapped at his arm when the mosquito tried to land there.

_Why do I have the strange feeling I’m going to be getting very up close and personal with wildlife this summer?_

 “This is the guy!” Billy turned at the sound of Cassie’s voice, and he looked into his own eyes. “See?”

The boy wearing Billy’s face stared back at him, his green eyes utterly, totally blank with shock.

It only lasted a moment, then his eyes started to narrow, Billy’s—this other guy’s—face settling into a tight and unfamiliar smile. “They say everyone’s got a double out there,” he said. “Tommy Shepherd.”

“Billy Kaplan,” Billy answered, hearing his own voice as though from a distance. After a moment, differences began to resolve themselves, and that feeling of looking into a distorted mirror started to change.

Tommy bleached his hair, the shock of white-blond bangs flopping into his eyes in the opposite direction from Billy’s. ( _But our haircuts are the same.)_ His jeans were ripped at the knees, his t-shirt old and faded, announcing a band Billy had never heard of. And somehow he looked older than the face Billy saw in the bathroom mirror every morning. “I’m sorry to stare, but this is weird as hell.”

“Tom, you never told me you had a twin!”

 Another stranger, this time a girl with long black hair, extremely expensive running shoes, and purple sunglasses that matched her equally purple hairband. She flung an arm around Tommy’s shoulder like they were old friends, and he tugged on a lock of her hair.

“That’s because he doesn’t. At least if he does, it isn’t me,” Billy replied, tucking away the part of his brain that was still pinwheeling frantically trying to make sense of it all.

“You sure about that?” She looked back and forth between them, an eyebrow going up.

“As sure as I can be,” Billy replied.

Tommy shrugged, whatever he’d been feeling when he looked at Billy now gone, buried beneath a swagger, a grin, and a hint of bravado. “The world couldn’t handle two of me, Katie-Kate. Unless you want to give it a try-”

“Keep dreaming, pool boy.”

“Billy,” Billy jumped in. “Billy Kaplan. Running the photo hut this year. You are-?”

The girl smiled, and there was a kind of acceptance there, and a weird sense of immediate kinship, and a funny feeling like he’d known her a lot longer than a minute and a half. “Kate Bishop, head of waterfront. I make sure none of you idiots drown.”

Billy nodded, trying to file all the information away before he forgot and made an idiot of himself. “Good to know.”

“But you look identical,” Cassie said, as though she’d been paused partway through the conversation and only just re-animated. “When’s your birthday?” she spun and pointed at Tommy accusingly.

“March 15th,” Tommy said. “I’m eighteen next spring.” And Billy’s world careened sideways again.

“Nooo,” he replied slowly, and Cassie’s grin got wider.

“It’s yours too, isn’t it? I knew it!” she crowed.

Billy frowned. “If you’re also adopted, I think we might have some issues.”

“I’m not dying my hair back.” Tommy said out of the blue, “so if we’re going to go all Parent Trap at the end of the summer, you’re going to have to bleach.”

_Well, shit._

What was a guy supposed to do when the world suddenly got weirder than he’d ever imagined possible?

 _Could he really be- could_ I _be-_

_Why wasn’t Tommy acting even a little freaked out about it all?_

“Fall in, everyone!” A guy about Kate’s age—meaning a couple of years older than Billy, if he had to guess—climbed easily up to stand on the second rung of the fence, so that he was taller than everyone else. His yellow wrap-around glasses caught the sunlight, and the dull roar started to settle. “For those who don’t know me, I’m David-“

“Hi, David!” Tommy yelled from the back, and Kate cuffed him on the back of the head.

“And I’m your program director this year. Go grab seats on the field and we’ll do cabin assignments and general orientation.”

It was easier to pay attention to the marching orders than to think about what had just happened.

“Is he always like that?” Billy asked Cassie, who was still hovering nearby.

“What, scary and efficient? Yeah. That’s why he’s in the office and not hanging out with the kids.”  

They traipsed across the field, the buildings on the other side resolving into a dining hall-type-thing and a couple of smaller cabins, one with a sign out front that said ‘INFIRMARY.’

_Oh, goody. Somewhere to go when I fall in poison ivy._

The regulars and returning staff had started to take their seats, sprawling out in a semi-organized kind of circle, by the time Billy and Cassie got there. Tommy had already claimed a spot on the other side, Kate on one side of him and America on the other. He didn’t look Billy’s way.

“This seat taken?”

_Don’t jump._

The voice behind him had been unexpected, but Billy managed to hang on to his cool long enough to turn around easily, and not at all like he’d just been surprised half-out of his skin. Gorgeous Jock stood there, a backpack slung over one shoulder and his arms incredible expanses of warm skin and a smatter of freckles.

_Freckles. Jesus H Christ._

“Depends who’s asking,” Cassie teased lightly, her eyes lighting up. Billy had to bite his tongue so that he didn’t drool all over the guy who was, obviously enough, her super-hot boyfriend. “Teddy, this is Billy. And he’s supposedly not related to Tommy, except they’re obviously twins separated at birth. Billy, Teddy.”

“Your name is Teddy?” Billy blurted out, and wished with all his heart that the grass beneath him would turn into a bog and just, like, suck him down and kill him.

“’Theodore’ doesn’t fit on the jersey,” Teddy said, not taking offense at all. He grinned and flopped down on the grass totally casually, like he never gave a second thought to the way he looked or how he moved. “Have you got Juniors again?”

“We’re about to find out,” Cassie nodded toward David, now doing his best ‘I’m important’ strut toward the center of the circle.

There was some talking, blah blah welcome to camp blah, but Billy couldn’t focus. Teddy had planted himself between Billy and Cassie, one knee bent and his arms resting on top. His hair was short enough on the sides to show off the silver earrings and cuffs running up the edge of his ear. Were they all pierced? Did his parents let him do that, or was it something he put back in when he was away?

He carried himself easily, like someone who was so sure of his body and where he was in space. Billy shifted uncomfortably on the ground as the tell-tale pricks of pins and needles started up in one of his feet.

“We’ll go around the circle—specialists, introduce yourselves. Cabin staff, I’ll give you your assignments as we go.” The circle of twenty-some staff went quickly enough, a few catching Billy’s attention as they went. Kate, obviously enough, head of waterfront. Tommy was cabin staff for the thirteen year old boys, which he seemed to be pleased by. America was sports again, and she nodded pleasantly enough when Billy introduced himself as the photo and video guy. Teddy and Cassie bumped fists and grinned when they both got the littlest kids, which sounded to Billy like a new kind of special hell, but the weirdest one was some guy named Norman. He introduced himself as Spaceman before David corrected him, and was apparently in charge of “tripping.”

“Is that even legal?” Billy asked dryly and Teddy laughed, a rich, warm sound that he could seriously listen to forever.

“Tripping, like canoe trips. Portages and sleeping in the mud. I think that’s where the nickname came from, though he’s weird enough to have earned it on his own.” And if Teddy seemed to be looking a little longer at Billy after their very brief (too brief) conversation, it was probably just because he—like everyone else—was freaked out by the arrival of Tommy’s body double.

“Alright,” David announced, looking at his clipboard and then at his watch. “The van’s here, so grab your stuff and get it to your cabins. Specialists are back in the barracks with program staff. We’ll meet at the mess hall for lunch and a camp tour for the newbies, then we get to work. We’ve got a week to get this place ready for the kids, so we have to get moving.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie before,” Teddy joked casually, rising to his feet. Billy was very carefully not looking at the way his basketball shorts cupped his butt, so Cassie got the punchline in first.

“How do you figure you’ll die? Arrow to the throat or stabbed in the gut?”

“I’ve always been partial to decapitations, myself.” Teddy replied, and they were already walking away.

Then, wonder of wonders, even as Billy was scrambling to get up, brushing the bits of mowed grass off his jeans, Teddy stopped walking. He looked back over his shoulder, and he grinned. “Come on, Billy. I’ll show you where you’re going. It’s always the guy who falls behind who gets killed first, after all.”

“I’ll stick close to Cassie,” Billy shot back, his confidence growing a little as he caught up. “She’s got all the hallmarks of the Survivor Girl, so at least I’ll be the last to go.” Teddy might be someone else’s boyfriend, but at least he and Cassie had been friendly. And that was the first good thing that had happened to Billy so far this summer. He’d hang on to that as long as he could.


	3. Day One Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where settling in happens, and there's lunch.

The van driver had unloaded all of the staff bags into a huge pile by the side of the parking lot during the meeting. Even so, it didn’t take too long for the luggage to get sorted out and the crowd to start dispersing. Teddy shouldered his familiar old duffels, the two olive-drab canvas bags as much a part of his summers as coming to camp had always been. What was it now, his tenth year? Ninth?

Things had changed in that time, sure—a new mess hall to replace the old one with the leaky roof and the carpenter ant infestation; a whole new ball field over the septic tank system, after the old tank had sprung a leak and flooded the baseball diamond. But the thrill that bubbled up when the bus turned down that same old gravel path each time—that never went away.

Camp had been his refuge as a skinny little kid crying for his dead dad; a place for awkward, angry adolescent Teddy to hide when junior high had been terrible; the closed-off little pocket universe where life was so much simpler.

No matter what happened during the year, how _invisible_ he was at school… he was expected here. He _meant something_ here. And the guys—Kate, Cassie, Chavez, David, Tommy, even Spaceman, when he wasn’t off being weird on the waterfront—greeted him every year with open arms.

Even though this year had been so much better than anything that had come before—growing the last couple of inches he’d been praying for, actually putting on muscle, making the basketball team, nailing the SATs, Cassie—he’d still been crossing off the days on the calendar as it counted down to pre-camp.

And now he was here, where the smell of the woods was never far away, and the sunlight reflected in silver sparkles off the crystal blue lake.

He was home.

(So why, then, did his gut twist over alarmingly at the sight of not-Tommy’s-brother straining to pull his bags free from the pile? Billy was slim but not frail, not at all, his arms and legs sweeping lines of long, lean muscle. His bag popped free and he stumbled back, those ridiculous sunglasses flopping off his forehead and down to land on the end of his nose. Teddy looked away. _Danger._ )

“Teddy? You okay?” Cassie popped up beside him, her sunshine-bright face clouded over with some expression he couldn’t name, a probing look that left him just as unsettled as before.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he answered, lying as easily as that. “Just waiting for Billy to defeat mount suitcase.” He nodded toward Billy, now muttering darkly under his breath and hauling a bag over his shoulder.

“What do you think of him?” Cassie asked, that thoughtful processing tone still in her voice. Teddy didn’t answer right away, and she filled in the rest of what she meant. “He and Tommy, I mean. That’s got to really be confusing.”

Confusing—yeah, that was a good word for the way Teddy’s heart beat a little faster as he watched Billy hike up the small hill toward them. “They say everyone’s got a double somewhere,” he offered, and shrugged. “I dunno. I guess we’ll find out what’s going on when they do. Tommy seems really freaked out, though; I’ve never seen him so quiet before. Usually he’d be bouncing ping-pong balls off David’s head by the halfway mark.”

And then Billy was in earshot and they had to stop talking about his clone situation. At least for now.

“So where is everything?” Billy asked, and Cassie seemed to take that as her cue to start playing tour guide. Teddy grabbed her bag so that she wouldn’t have to struggle carrying it, and hiked it up on his shoulder. Billy eyed him, turning away quickly when Teddy caught him at it. Thankfully the girls’ cabins were the first things they came to, so Teddy could chuck Cassie’s bag on her porch and not have to haul it across hell’s half acre.

“Girls are here, boys’ cabins are over there in the other clearing,” Cassie was saying when Teddy ambled back, their bags dropped on their respective porches. “The picnic bench here is for night duty—there’s one on your side, too. Two guys and two girls go on duty from lights-out to staff curfew every night. Even specialists, so don’t think you’re going to get away without taking your shifts,” she teased.

Billy’s eyebrows went up. “Night duty? You expecting alien invasions or invading armies?”

“Nah,” Teddy replied. “More like thwarting kitchen raids and cabin-hopping.”

“Which is why the cabins for the older campers are on the far ends,” Cassie laughed. “Keep the older hormone balls as physically separate as possible.”

“Sucks for the straight ones,” Billy said. His mouth pulled up in a sardonic and kind of bitter smile. It was so much like Tommy’s face that any doubts Teddy might have had about their connection vanished instantly. And then his words hit, along with the defensive curl in his shoulders.

_Oh no, no. Don’t make my life more complicated than it is right now._

“And the rest, ‘cause they don’t have excuses to be alone in the cabins together while the rest take off to find makeouts.” Cassie saved the day again, as the lump and fear sat thick in Teddy’s throat.

Billy relaxed, the sun coming out in his smile, and Teddy was so, so fucked.

“Anyway,” Cassie turned away, back to Teddy, and waved them on, his silver ID bracelet shining on her wrist, and chattering as though there had never been a weirdly awkward moment at all. “Sail, swim and canoe docks are down there, Arts and Crafts and the photo shed and all the indoor activity stuff is back on the other side of the mess hall.”

She’d saved the moment again. Cassie was amazing, and he _did_ love her. It was just… Teddy was a terrible person.

And the other two were already starting to walk away. This time Billy was the one to stop, look back, and wait.

“That’s what I need to check out next, then,” Billy was saying as Teddy caught up with them.

“You’re doing photography?” Teddy asked, testing out his voice. It came out without a creak or a crack, which helped him relax a little bit more.

“Teaching photography, video and doing the video yearbook,” Billy replied, nodding. “I’m mostly self-taught, but I want to go into filmmaking and media when I get to college.”

Teddy could see it. Billy had the sort of look of the indie documentary director to him, rather than anything Hollyweird, but then appearances could be deceiving. “You’ll be getting Kamala as your CIT, then,” he said, for lack of anything else to add to the conversation.

“Ooh, right!” Cassie grinned. “She’s fun.”

“Who?”

“Kamala. The CITs come up the day before the campers; Teddy and I did that last year. They’re assistants, basically. Apprenticing to be counsellors.”

“She’s cute,” Teddy shrugged. “Enthusiastic. Really, _really_ enthusiastic. But nice.”

Billy nodded, his brow furrowing. It looked like he was turning the information over again in his head, and then his face cleared as he let whatever it was go. The long building with the little rooms for the non-cabin staff was just ahead, and Cassie pointed Billy toward it.

“So how long have you guys been coming here?” Billy asked, a little breathless. He stopped and dropped his bags, cracking his knuckles before reaching for them again. Teddy wasn’t carrying anything anymore, so he grabbed one before Billy pulled a muscle trying to lift them both. Billy blinked. “It seems like everyone’s known each other forever.”

“Not everyone,” Teddy said, ignoring Billy’s reach for the bag. He lifted it onto his shoulder and Billy shrugged, then hauled on the straps of his second one instead. “But camp’s awesome; why wouldn’t you want to come back? We get paid and get room and board to play for eight weeks.”

“The littles are a lot easier than the older kids,” Cassie confided. “More puke and homesickness, but a whole lot less attitude.” She wrinkled her nose.  

Billy laughed, a wry little chuckle that made Teddy want to know what his real laugh sounded like. “Some of us never grow out of that. So you’ve been coming here since you were a kid?”

“Mm-hm. We’ve been coming to camp together since we were what? Teddy?” Cassie looked back at him, flipping her long blonde braid back over her shoulder. Her brow was furrowing a little when she looked at him, like she sensed something was wrong.

_Shake it off._

“Uhh, eight?” Teddy hazarded a guess. “I think? I was eight my first year. You were seven?”

“Yeah,” Cassie nodded. “That sounds right.” Her eyes flashed distant for a moment, then she brightened. “It was a totally typically Teddy meeting, too. These older boys were picking on me, and Teddy came barrelling up and jumped them, made them leave me alone. No faster way to make friends when you’re a little kid.” She beamed up at Teddy, and he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, embarrassment flushing his ears hot.

“It wasn’t really that big a deal-“

“I can see how it would have helped, though,” Billy cocked an eyebrow, and Teddy had the discomforting feeling that he was being evaluated, judged and maybe found wanting.

“Oh no,” Cassie giggled, and Teddy groaned, knowing what was coming. “I was taller than him back then. Teddy was little until, like, last year?” She frowned at him in thought as they reached the porch of the ‘barracks,’ then leaned against the railing. “You got tall the year before, so, our last camper year.” She grinned at Billy. “He was so cute, all pointy elbows and knees.”

Earth open up and swallow him. Teddy slid his palm down his face and groaned, Billy’s bag heavy on his shoulder. “Thanks, Cass. Really. Humiliate me more, why don’t you.”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” Cassie bounced up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. Teddy felt his ears go hot, Billy turned away and looked steadfastly back along the path toward the cabin area, and Cassie trotted up the stairs and down the porch, looking at the peeling painted numbers nailed to the wall beside each door. “You’re in eight, right? Here’s yours.”

“Yeah,” Billy called back to her. He nodded to Teddy, a perfunctory, distant sort of gesture. “Thanks for the help. I can get it from here.”

“Sorry?” Teddy blinked.

“My bag?”

“Oh—right.” Teddy set the duffel bag down on the wooden porch, and shuffled his feet. “If you’re sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yeah.” Billy’s tone was final, and Teddy really didn’t have any excuse to argue, or to stay longer.

“Cool,” Teddy replied, and he had to look as awkward as he felt. “I’ve got to go get my stuff unpacked, but if you need a hand with anything-“

“Sure,” Billy nodded. “I appreciate that.”

“Cabin fourteen.” Teddy added helpfully.

“Fourteen.”

And that was when Cass came back along the porch and rejoined them. So really there was nothing for Teddy to do but smile back at his girlfriend, nod to Billy, and walk away.

It felt like Billy’s stare was following him, hot embers burning into the back of his neck. Something wishful, something potential, something- something _wrong_ and heady in its wrong-ness-

But when he turned around and looked, the porch was empty. The door to room eight was closed.

“I think he’s going to fit in,” Cassie declared confidently. Her braid bounced on her back and he tugged it affectionately. She turned and grinned at him, and Teddy smiled back. “We’re going to have a good summer,” she said, almost wistful. He took her hand, squeezed it tight, and firmly decided to put Billy Kaplan right out of his mind.

_We’re going to have a good summer. Because nothing complicated or bad ever happens at camp._

\--

Billy closed the cabin door behind him and sagged against the wall for a second before he looked around.

_I have terrible taste in guys._

Not that there was anything actually wrong with Teddy. He and Cassie were good looking and _nice_ in that blond corn-fed wholesome Midwest kind of way; the sort of high school sweetheart couple who would end up with four kids, two dogs and a horse farm in Wyoming.

And that was precisely the problem. Why did he always have to crush on the straight ones?

 _Ugh_.

His moment of self-pity over, Billy pushed himself off the wall, flipped on the light and looked around. The room wasn’t exactly large; about the size of the dorm room he’d seen on a tour of NYU once. There was just enough room for a single bed, a set of shelves built in to the opposite wall, and a platform up in the rafters that was probably supposed to be for extra storage. There was a shared bathhouse somewhere in the cabin area, which really didn’t sound promising.

The walls, wooden bedframe and rafters were covered with signatures and dates, names of counsellors who had lived in the room before him. _Lee 1961_ was the oldest one he could find during a quick scan around, but that didn’t mean there weren’t more.

Despite the weight of the duffel bags ( _Teddy had hiked one onto his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all, his arms all curved, tight muscle_ ) it didn’t take him long to unpack. Clothes, shower bucket, lockbox for personal items, some books, and the all-important equipment. His cameras and netbook went back in the backpack that they lived in, and he slung his gear on his back.

Next stop, photo hut and figure out what the hell he was supposed to be doing for the next two months of his life. After that… there was at least one conversation that he absolutely had to have. 

\--

Equipment inventoried, previous years’ worth of videos and slideshows watched and with a vague plan in mind, Billy closed and locked the photo hut’s door behind himself and snapped the old key onto his key ring. Someone was banging an actual _triangle_ to call everyone in, and handfuls of teens were straggling back across the fields and out of the woods toward the mess hall.

And there, popping a ball around with someone at one of the ping-pong tables outside, the boy Billy was looking for.

The same one he’d almost rather do anything to avoid.

His camera bag bumping gently against his hip, Billy made his way up the hill toward Tommy, and waited until the game was over before approaching. “Hey,” he said intelligently.

Tommy turned to look at him, giving him a long once-over before nodding in reply. “Come to interrogate the clone?” he said aloud, and it was all Billy could do not to groan.

“Have you got a couple of minutes?” Billy asked, ignoring the opening to get into some kind of fight. “We both know something weird is going on. I want to get it figured out—as much as we can—before camp really starts and kids start asking strange questions.” He stared into his own eyes, but it wasn’t his own expression looking back at him. There was mistrust there, curiosity, something hesitant and wary that Billy had never seen in the mirror.

“Yeah, sure. But I don’t know what you’re expecting,” Tommy replied, tossing the ping pong paddle down on the table. He headed for a bench and sprawled on it, only moving his feet when Billy looked for a spot to sit down. “I don’t know any more than you do.”

“But you might know something different from me,” Billy persisted, sitting down on the wooden bench and setting his bag down on the ground by his feet. “For starters, _are_ you adopted too?”

Slowly, with a frown settling in the corners of his mouth, Tommy nodded. “As a baby. I grew up in Jersey.”

“Same,” Billy said. “Not the Jersey thing—I’m from New York. Adopted there, too.”

Tommy drummed his fingers rapidly on the back of the bench. “What do you know about your birth parents?”

“Not much. My parents told me that my mom was young, and couldn’t afford to raise a kid. That’s pretty much the same story they gave my brothers about their adoptions, though, so I don’t know if it’s true.”

“Sucks to be you,” Tommy said like it was a reflexive reply, then he shrugged. “I got a bit more than that. My folks didn’t tell me, though. I was going through my dad’s stuff and found a letter from my grandparents. They were all shades of pissed that Frank and Mary were adopting a ‘baby that some crazy druggie dumped’ instead of doing a foster thing through the church.” He didn’t look at Billy, but his fingers drummed faster as he talked, his voice speeding up as well. That was a tic Billy recognized; he did it himself when he didn’t want to let on that he was fighting the urge to cry.

“So I went back through some papers, found more stuff. Cops found me in May, dropped off at a police station in one of those ‘amnesty boxes’ for newborns. Had a paper with my birthday and first name, and that was all. They couldn’t trace whoever dumped me there.”

Billy nodded, slowly. “I was put up for adoption at a hospital, if my parents were telling the truth. They said they knew my birthday and I had been named already. That sounds too similar to be coincidence, considering.” His heart was beating fast but his brain was jumping all over the place. Could it be? _How_? And where was their mother now? Were there more siblings out there somewhere?

“Do you know how unlikely it is that someone would give up one of a set of twins?” Tommy said scornfully, and Billy’s momentary fantasy bubble of family, _genetic_ family and some kind of real origin story, vanished in a pop of irritation.

“Maybe you were more annoying,” Billy shot back. A flash of something grim shot across Tommy’s face and then he closed up completely, leaving Billy kicking himself for his big damn mouth. “So the question is,” he pushed on, in case he could redeem himself, “what happened in between when she gave you up in Jersey, and gave me up in New York?”

“You’re assuming that any of this is for real and not just a big coincidence,” Tommy pointed out.

“As if there are better chances of two completely identical guys with the same birthday just happened to both be given up for adoption in the same year on the same side of the country, _not_ being related?”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe,” Tommy said reluctantly.

“Look-“ Billy grabbed for his camera bag, pulling out his point and click. “C’mere.”

“No nudes, dude; I’m only seventeen.”

“Shut up.”

Billy turned the camera, aimed and pressed the shutter. The picture he captured wasn’t perfect, and Tommy was crossing his eyes, but it was good enough for his purposes. There was no questioning the bone structure, the curves of the nose, the shape of the eyes. “Tint you brown or me white and green, and we’re the same person.”

“I’m better-looking.” Tommy folded his arms across his chest, but he stared down at the photo on the camera screen with some air of resignation. Not exactly the excitement Billy was wrestling with.

“Whatever you say.” Billy leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. They were getting looks as the crowd assembled outside the mess hall, but he aggressively ignored the questioning glances. “I wonder if they could do a blood test of some kind at the infirmary? Find out if we’re related for sure?”

“Oh yeah, because they carry a DNA lab at a camp infirmary,” Tommy scoffed. “Dr. MacTaggart’s more of the skinned-knees-and-twisted-ankles type.”

Billy shot him a look. “I don’t see you coming up with a better idea.”

Tommy fell silent for a moment. “Adoption records can be unsealed when you’re eighteen. In nine months we can apply to see them.”

“But that’s forever, and assuming any of that information is in there. If we were both dropped off anonymously, then the adoption agencies wouldn’t know anything either.”

“What is it you expect to find out?”

“Who our parents are, for one thing,” Billy objected. “Where is our mother, who is she, why did she give us up separately, if that even is what happened.”

“What about which of us is older? We _have_ parents, dude.” Tommy shook his head. “Mine might suck, I have no idea about yours, but they’re our parents in all the ways that matter. At least as far as the juvenile courts are concerned.” He grinned alarmingly wide.

_I don’t want to know._

“Yeah,” Billy grumbled, drawing a line in the dirt with the toe of his running shoe. “My parents are alright. But aren’t you the least bit curious? We could be _brothers_.”

“I’ve done fine on my own up until now,” Tommy shut him down. “Why would I want a little brother tagging around after me?”

“I’m the older brother, you’re the tagalong,” Billy declared. “I’m used to having little brothers already, so it only makes sense.”

“Whatever, little bro,” Tommy drawled, grinning. Then he seemed to catch himself, sat up and looked toward the door of the mess hall. “And by the way, hands off of Kate. This is going to be the year for her and me, and the last thing I need is more competition.”

Yeah, like that was going to happen. “Don’t worry about it.” Billy carefully studied the fence at the waterfront in the distance. “She’s not my type.”

Tommy looked at him with scorn. “She’s hot – what’s not your type about her?”

Billy met and held Tommy’s gaze, as steadily as he could while fear was trying to get a foothold inside. “That she’s a girl.”

Tommy blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Billy hauled up his camera bag and flipped up the flap, so the rainbow patch he’d painstakingly sewn on the underside was visible, terrible loose stitching and all.

“Got it.” Tommy  nodded matter-of-factly, seeing to take it all in stride. _Maybe this will be okay after all._ “You know, David’s bi. You should-“

“Don’t. Don’t do the you’re-gay-he’s-gay matchmaking. It’s horrible on so many levels. Not to mention he’s basically our boss.”

“Spoilsport.” The path was empty now, everyone inside and chatter floating on the air from the open windows. Tommy rolled off the bench and landed on his feet, cracking his knuckles with a stretch. He headed for the stairs, then stopped. “Come on,” he offered. “Sit with us.”

“Who’s ‘us’?” But Billy followed him anyway. It wasn’t like he had a better offer. 

“The gang. Kate, Chavez, Spaceman, Nate. David sometimes. Ted and Cass.”

_Maybe they’ll have finished eating and be gone by the time I get there._

The mess hall was a huge room, especially with only the counsellors in it. Lines had been painted on the floor to designate different sections, large paint letters above each one declaring the various sections to be ‘Juniors’ ‘Lowers’ ‘Uppers’ and ‘Seniors.’ Banners with years and bright pictures hung from the rafters, and like the cabin, half the available wooden surfaces had someone’s name and usually a date etched, scratched or written on it.

Food was laid out buffet-style on one of the tables, sandwich meat and cheeses and pitchers of what was probably kool-aid beside. Tommy wove through the tables, replying to the various ‘hi’s and ‘dude’s thrown his way, and Billy did his best to keep up in Tommy’s wake.

When they finally got to the lunch table with Tommy’s friends, trays piled high, Cassie and Teddy were definitely still there. The group was chatting easily about school and winter trips, barely missing a beat when Tommy and Billy slid in beside them.

“So what is the answer?” The older, white-haired boy who wasn’t Tommy narrowed his eyes and looked them over. “Related, or a remarkable application of the theory of the limitations of the human genome?”

“Spaceman, Billy. Billy, Space.” Tommy gestured back and forth between them before starting to pile his sandwich high. “Verdict is, I’m the older, hotter one. And anyone who picks on my little brother goes through me.”

If Billy’s jaw could literally have hit the floor, it probably would have. “That is, we don’t know for sure, but our birth stories mostly match up. There’s just no way to know from here.”

“You should call your parents and ask,” Kate suggested, leaning in and folding her arms on the edge of the table. “Or better yet, get in touch with the adoption records archives and get your information pulled.”

“Not likely,” Billy pointed out the obvious. “No net access.”

Kate only grinned. “Is that doubt I hear in your voice? Worry not. If you want it, I can get it.”

But then her attention was pulled away by someone at one of the other tables, and she never did tell him exactly how she was going to manage to do it.

“This afternoon is waterfront cleanup.” The voice came from over Billy’s shoulder. David was standing behind him when he turned, a clipboard in his hand with a very official-looking schedule clipped to it. “We’ll dredge the swim docks first and get rid of anything that floated in over the winter, then do garbage pickup.”

 _Tommy said David was bi- I wonder how long he’s been out? He would know who to avoid, who would be friendly-_ Not exactly the time for that. Billy nudged his camera bag to turn it on the bench, so the rainbow patch would point out and be more visible.

The bag teetered, toppled, and fell off instead, the heavy padding inside thankfully enough to make sure the camera would be safe. It landed with the flag-side on top, but David didn’t even glance that way.

Teddy leaned over to grab the bag, freezing as his hand closed around the strap. Billy couldn’t stop in time and their hands grazed each other, just the faintest brush of skin on skin. The jolt of _awareness_ that ran up Billy’s arm was like a massive static shock, every nerve in his body vibrating to Teddy’s nearness.

Teddy let go of the bag and Billy pulled it up. “Thanks,” Billy offered, but Teddy only nodded, with a thin smile.

_Great. Not only straight, now he’s a ‘phobe as well. My picker just gets more and more broken._

 At least Teddy didn’t seem interested in starting a campaign of hate against him yet. He was looking up and over Billy’s shoulder at David. “So no intramural football this summer?”

“I don’t think there was enough interest last year. Kids are more into soccer these days.”

“Soccer’s not bad,” America replied, the first time she’d said anything since Billy sat down. “I’d be in for that.”

“Basketball?” Teddy suggested, grinning like he knew something Billy didn’t. “It’s easier to pull together some three-on-threes than field full soccer teams. I’d be happy to coach if you need anyone.”

“This is just because you made your school team, show-off,” Cassie teased him, and Teddy reached over to steal a cupcake that had been carefully set aside on the edge of her plate. She went after him with a fork and the table was laughing, Billy’s skin slowly starting to fit back where it belonged.

The rest of lunch was a mess, at least inside Billy’s head. He kept replaying that moment over and over again in his mind.

_Teddy reached for my bag. He saw the pride flag. He freaked._

And then their hands had touched, and Billy had practically seen stars.

Amazing. In just three hours, he’d started his summer job, moved into a room the size of a walk-in closet, possibly met his previously-unknown long-lost twin brother, and now he was infatuated with a homophobic sportsball meathead.

_What the hell is going to happen tomorrow?_

Then and only then, David’s words from before sunk in. _Waterfront cleanup. Swimsuits. Oh, shoot me now._

Was it too late to start hitchhiking back to the city?


	4. Day One and Two: Swim, Zip, Sing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is relevant at the end of this chapter: 
> 
> Time of Your Life, Green Day: https://youtu.be/CnQ8N1KacJc

Finding the swim docks was easy—follow the dirt path down to the waterfront and listen for the sounds of shouting and splashing. Billy’s sandals crunched on the little rocks underfoot, the breeze tugging lightly at the towel he’d thrown over his shoulder. Wearing a t-shirt with his board shorts was probably a copout, but the world wasn’t ready to see the fishbelly-white skin underneath.

It was a relief to see half the other counselors in variations of the same outfit, a bunch of the girls and even some of the guys hanging out with shirts or shorts on over their suits. Even Teddy, for some reason, though it wasn’t like _he_ had anything to hide.

A set of wooden docks floated on the surface of the lake, forming a series of three boxes bounded on all four sides that extended out into ever-deeper water. “The kids have to do swim tests the day they get here,” David was explaining to a handful of others when Billy joined the group. “If they pass the senior level, they can swim in any of the areas, and do all the water sports.”

Someone sniggered, and Billy didn’t feel quite so dirty for thinking the same thing.

“Grow up,” David sighed, rolling his eyes behind his fancy sunglasses. “Campers who don’t pass get lifejackets during general swim, and stay in the juniors section. That way no-one drowns and this place doesn’t turn into Camp Crystal Lake mark two.” 

“Wise plan, but ultimately doomed to failure,” Billy couldn’t help himself. “Only way to avoid certain death is to stay a virgin.”

“And no skinny-dipping,” Teddy added, appearing behind Billy out of nowhere in his stupid low-slung swimsuit and a tank top that had armholes cut deep, so deep that Billy could look right through and see Teddy’s chest, if he wanted to.

Which he didn’t. And he didn’t look, because that would have been creepy.

“Or strip poker,” Billy replied, choosing nerdgasm rather than tripping over his own tongue.

“Shucks, where’s the fun in camp, then?” Teddy grinned directly at Billy, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Anyone here a non-swimmer?” Kate raised her voice from over by the waterline, and a couple of hands went up. “Go to Juniors. Anyone with lifeguard certifications, you’re on Seniors. The rest of you figure it out amongst yourselves. Anything that’s not sand and little rocks gets hauled out onto the beach.”

“What do you _find_ in here?” Billy asked, tossing his towel over one of the posts of the waist-high fence that surrounded the waterfront. “Are we talking dead bodies?”

“The arc of the covenant, last year,” Teddy said, his voice muffled. When Billy turned around he realized immediately that he shouldn’t have. Teddy had stripped off his tank top and his skin was glorious, golden and already a little bit tanned, a white line peeking out from below the elastic waistband of his swimsuit. _Tan line. Kill me._

“Anyone open it?” Billy croaked. Teddy started to head for the docks and Billy followed, looking away so his face wouldn’t go red from Teddy’s nearness, his warm voice, the unbelievable body that should not have been allowed to exist on a seventeen year old guy. Especially not a straight one within arm’s reach.

“Nah. Seriously, though; it’s stuff like driftwood. Seaweed clumps. Making sure no-one was an idiot over the winter and threw bottles in. That kind of thing. It doesn’t take that long.”

The dock rocked under their feet when they walked across the first stage, and Billy paused to get his balance. Teddy didn’t hesitate, taking a running leap off the dock into the deeper water. He curled his knees up and hit the lake in a cannonball, soaking everyone sitting or standing by the edge.

Cold lake water hit Billy full-force, drenching him and knocking the air out of him for a second or two. He sucked in air that tasted vaguely like seaweed and didn’t even think, hurtling off the dock and landing butt-first in the lake himself. Teddy was a few strokes away—swimming was one sport Billy _could_ do—and Billy grabbed him, pushing him down by the shoulder until he dunked beneath the surface.

Teddy kicked away and broke the surface again, shaking his head furiously and spraying lake water everywhere. Those arms of his were grabbing for Billy, something caught him around the ankle and dragged him down, and he was laughing as it happened.

Then, of course, because of _course_ , he managed to suck in a lungful of lake water and came up sputtering and coughing. Tommy hurtled through the air, landing only a couple of inches from Billy’s head, the wave swamping over Billy just as he’d managed to swipe the water out of his eyes and actually get a breath.

Something slid around his chest, warm and firm and supportive, holding him up so that he could keep his head above water. When Billy opened his eyes, Teddy was staring into them, way too close for comfort. “You okay?” Teddy asked, looking very serious.

“I’m good,” Billy nodded, and when he kicked his legs to tread water on his own, his thigh pushed hard against Teddy’s. His skin slid hot against Billy’s, feet tangling for a moment, invisible beneath the water’s choppy surface. Thank goodness the lake was cold.

“Good.” Teddy’s expression changed, a wide grin pasted on. He let go, swimming a few strokes and putting distance between them. Billy tread water for a moment, waiting for the dizzy rush that was probably just oxygen deprivation to clear. He set out for slightly shallower water that he could actually stand up in.

Better start there, where he wouldn’t run the risk of needing another rescue.  

The water lapped against his shoulders, cool and refreshing in the mid-day sun. It wasn’t cold enough to take away the memory of pressure around his chest, or the lingering, remembered heat of Teddy’s body.  

Half an hour of work, a half-rotten sunken log, three piles of weeds, a bunch of soggy cardboard that looked suspiciously like firework shells and a broken canoe paddle later, Billy dragged his skinny, shivering carcass out of the water and dripped his way across the sand to the spot where his towel hung.

The sun had warmed it through and he wrapped it greedily around his shoulders, letting the heat soak into his frozen bones. Who the hell decided that lake swimming in _June_ was a good idea? Some sadist who hated children and teenagers, obviously.

“Half an hour, then we meet at the Quonset hut to unpack benches!” David called out, crossing something off his evil clipboard of doom and chores.

Billy flung his towel over his head and rubbed his hair with it; it stuck up in all directions anyway, it might as well be dryer while it did.

 Someone shrieked and Billy looked out from under his towel. Cassie ran back a few steps, hands up, trying to escape. Teddy shook his head at her again, water drops flying, and within a minute she’d tackled him down to the sand and was sitting proudly on the small of his back.

“She’s little but fierce.” Kate joined Billy, and he had the distinct sensation that she was staring right through or _into_ him somehow, taking his measure.

“I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side,” Billy replied automatically. “If she can take down a beefalo like Altman, I hate to see what she’d do to ol’ noodle arms here.”

Kate snickered, the laugh reaching her eyes. “Weirdness aside, how’re things?” she asked, and it didn’t feel at all like she was testing him, or trying to trick him into anything. That was a nice thought. “Tommy seems cool, but it’s hard to tell with him a lot of the time.”

Billy paused, wrapping his towel around his waist while he gave the question actual thought. “Surprisingly okay, for someone who just spent the better part of an hour turning into a shark’s frozen tv dinner.”

She arched an eyebrow, and he shrugged. “As for the rest of it, I don’t know. Still processing. I’m already the odd guy out here—you’ve all known each other since infancy and I haven’t been to any kind of camp since I was eight. Cloned face or not, it’s all new and strange to me.”

“It never stops being strange,” Kate advised, but she was still grinning. “The trick is to relax and not fight the flow. And there are no sharks in this lake.”

“Too bad.”

“But there is a lake monster.”

“Seriously?”

“According to the campers, yeah.”

“Just them?” Billy cocked an eyebrow.

“The campers and a secret floaty we set out once in a while after sunset to mess with them.”

“I knew I was going to like you.”

 Kate preened, and Billy chuckled. “So I can count you in?” she asked, and he didn’t even have to think about it.

“On sea monster duty? Sure. I’ve always wanted to be a cryptid.”

That earned him a slow blink over the rim of her sunglasses, and a low groan. “Oh God, two of you nerds. I’m calling it now – you and Altman aren’t allowed to spend time together. It’ll cross the streams, end of the universe.”

“Now who’s being a nerd?” Billy scoffed.

Kate reacted with mock disgust, her lips twitching. “Ghostbusters is so mainstream that it hurts. There is no nerd about me whatsoever.”

“Except this guy, maybe.” Tommy arrived, jutting his chin at Billy, his own white-blond hair wet and plastered down to his skull and the back of his neck.

“And you’ve just doubled the quotient,” Billy shot back. Tommy still unsettled him in some funny deep-gut way, and it wasn’t just the hard edge in his eyes when he looked at Billy, or the ground-shifting sensation that came from looking at _yourself_ , but phase-shifted half a parallel universe over.

“If you two are going to fight, I’ll send someone to the mess hall to get olive oil. Might as well get some real entertainment value out of it,” Kate said dryly.

Tommy grinned. “I knew you wanted my body.”

They bickered and teased each other all the way up the hill back toward the cabins, and despite the cold, wet slap of Billy’s swimsuit against his thighs, the way his formerly-dry t-shirt stuck to him in wet patches, and the rock in his sandal, he couldn’t quite shake the small, tentative smile off his face.

Not until the spider the size of a small dog dropped down on him from the darkest, highest corner of the decrepit old showerhouse, anyway. But he only shrieked once, no matter what Tommy told anyone later.

\--

By the next morning, as Billy trudged into the woods looking for something called a ‘ropes course,’ he was about ready to turn his pillowcase into a white flag and wave it above his head. If he’d had the strength in his arms to lift anything, that was.

Yesterday’s moving benches had turned into racking canoes, which had become hauling gym mats out of storage. He’d shovelled dinner into his face mechanically and fallen over in his tiny cabin to sleep like the dead for not nearly long enough. But he’d found his way out; now, the sun still obscenely low in the sky and not nearly enough coffee in his bloodstream, he was heading off into the untamed forest to be eaten by bears, with only his camera for protection.

Had it just been yesterday morning that he’d climbed on the bus? Somehow it seemed longer than that already.

Something buzzed past his ear and he slapped his neck before the mosquito could get a bite in.

The packed dirt path wound around a copse of trees before it opened out into a clearing about ten feet wide. A rope bridge of sorts was strung between two trees at knee-height, and another rope boasted a set of tire swings, eight or nine of them close together and hung at different levels. He headed over to take a closer look, stepping off the path and into ankle-deep scrub and grass.

“Heads up!”

The call had come from above, and Billy jerked his head up. The guy in the Manitoulin t-shirt and the fancy climbing harness rappelled down the pine tree beside him and landed easily on the ground, dark hair poking out from beneath the safety helmet. “It’s bad form to stand right under the high ropes,” he said without any more of a preamble, and unhooked himself from the lines.

“Yeah, sure.” Looking up again showed Billy what the guy meant, a series of narrow boards and rope ladders criss-crossing between the trees, connecting a series of ladders and rope swings together at all levels of the canopy down to the ground. “Do you seriously send seven year olds  up this stuff?”

“Juniors stick to the lower course,” the guy said, pointing at the low bridge. “Nate, by the way. I didn’t have a chance to say hello properly yesterday.”

Billy filed the name away under ‘takes himself too seriously,’ but then, considering the activity he ran, he probably had to. “Billy. I’m here to get some shots and B-roll of setup, if you’re okay with that.”

Nate  looked him over and nodded, then started moving toward a small shed tucked in behind some of the larger trees. “No problem. John and I still have to get the trolley installed on the zip line before the safety inspector shows up to do our certification.” He looked back at Billy, and raised an eyebrow in what looked like an invitation, or a challenge. “How are you with heights?”

\--

Billy, it turned out, was just fine with heights. More so than he thought he would be. But at the moment, standing on a 2’ square platform on the top of a holy-crap-it’s-tall telephone pole, only a safety harness, a belaying line and a carabineer between survival and becoming a red smear on the forest floor below, he was having a moment of doubt.

Nate was waiting down on the ground, so far away that from Billy’s vantage point his face was nothing but a peach-colored blur.

“You planning to jump, or what?” the other ropes-course specialist groused behind Billy. John was a big guy, one of the meatheads who had been tossing a football around with Teddy yesterday evening, and _his_ own harness was still clipped securely to the safety line on the platform rail.

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one running the risk of turning into pizza.” Billy looked down, the ground spinning and retreating even further away. “Bad idea.”

“Come on, you wuss. What are you afraid of? We load-tested already, you saw the guy sign off on the rig, and I’ve been doing this for years.” Something jangled behind Billy.

Billy inched forward, his toes coming to the edge of the platform. It was a _very_ little bit of wood holding them up. He wouldn’t have agreed to follow John all the way up the pole, metal handholds digging into his hands, if he hadn’t watched the visiting safety inspector practically jumping up and down on it half an hour ago. It was safe. Still-

“How many is ‘years’?”

“Are you going to go sometime this week, or are you going to be a pussy about it?”

“One year?”

“Two,” John replied, and that was fine, except he kept going. “Three.” And his hands in the small of Billy’s back, he pushed.

While Billy had been contemplating climbing back down the pole, John Kesler, the son of a bitch, had been unclipping his secondary line. And now he was in freefall.

_I should have told mom and dad I loved them instead of just getting on the bus_

_I should have been nicer to the brats before I left for camp_

_I’m never going to know how Tommy and I are related_

_Jimmy Stedham is the only guy I’ll ever kiss_

_I’ll never, ever see Teddy nak-_

And then the zipline caught him, his body jolting in the harness as the rig hit the wire, everything working exactly as it was supposed to.

He wasn’t falling any more, he was _flying_ , wind rushing past him and the world a tiny green microcosm far below—but getting closer. The tree at the far end grew larger and Billy whooped with delight, the speed yanking the sound out of his mouth.

The line curved into a gentler slope and Billy’s mad rush slowed; he swung up toward the tree and then slid back, slowing down, to dangle from the harness wrapped around his thighs, his heart rabbiting in his chest and his eyes watering from the wind.

Nate was there with a stepladder a minute later, unhooking Billy and letting him climb down until his feet were on solid ground again. “Cool, yeah?”

Billy grinned back at him, and for a moment, the answer was easy. “Oh yeah.” And when Nate held out a closed fist, Billy bumped his knuckles without a second thought.

Kesler followed Billy’s path a minute later, once Billy and the ladder were out of the way.

The moment between stepping off the platform and being caught securely by the line couldn’t have taken more than a quarter of a second. The freefall had seemed like an eternity in Billy’s mind, his regrets tumbling in slow motion through a crystal-clear void.

Kesler whooped and punched the air as he sped down the line, and as much as Billy was annoyed at him, for a moment he could completely empathize.

“When can I do that again?” he asked, as Nate started peeling off the harnesses and bundling the gear.

“Whenever one of us is here and there aren’t any kids waiting,” Nate promised. “Come and hang out, any time.”

\--

Taking video and photos of other people doing manual labour, Billy decided that evening, was infinitely better than doing said labour himself. He sat cross-legged on his narrow cot, digesting the heavy, greasy hamburger and fries that had been dinner, and spooling lazily through the footage he’d shot around the property that day.

Some of it would go up on the website, apparently; all the better to show parents that their little darlings were alive and well and not eaten by crocodiles. The rest he could cut and edit as he liked into the video that would show at the end of the season. As Kate and David had described it, the tear-jerkier, the better.

Mawkish sentimentality he could do. Whether he could take it seriously was an entirely different story. Still.

There was Spaceman and Kate hauling over a dozen wooden crates and cardboard boxes out of the tripping shed, some of them with ‘MRE’ stamped in big, official-looking letters. A lot of footage of the cabin area, and not coincidentally, Teddy doing things like sweeping leaves off porches and balancing on ladders to clean out rain gutters. Ugh. Put all together like that, the footage made Billy look like a straight-up creeper.  

More usefully, there was about ten minutes of the lifeguards stringing the ropes to divide up the swim lanes ( _boring_ ), and a good half-hour of David, America and Tommy trying to chase an incredibly angry owl out of the beams of the Uppers section hall.

That was a keeper.

He flagged the timeline to bookmark the segment and flopped backward onto his pillow. The sky was getting darker outside the little window, pink and orange streaking across the couple of clouds he could see if he tipped his head upside down enough.

Choices, choices. He could stay here in his 6x12 box and wait five minutes for his dinky little netbook to process each command. Or he could take it over to the admin office and use the better computer there.

Or he could actually go for a walk and find other human beings, and see what the social people were up to.

Staying in was the easy answer.

Going Out There meant interacting with a lot of people he still wasn’t sure of. Tommy, for one. And Kesler, who had started off okay and then unmasked to reveal himself as exactly the same kind of bile-spewing smeghead that populated every online comment thread. It was a very short step from ‘pussy’ to ‘fag.’

On the other hand, Kate and Cassie were Out There, as was Tommy. And Teddy, though Billy really had to let that stupid crush go while it was still in the early stages. The heady rush and tightness in his chest felt good, sure, but spending all his time thinking about a straight guy with a girlfriend was a serious exercise in futility and a quick road to a broken heart.

It would be a lot easier to make friends with Teddy if Billy wasn’t obviously pining. And that, at least, seemed like something he could have.

He flipped the computer closed and rolled off the bed, thumping down to the floor in a gangly mess. He dug his shoes out from under his half-unpacked bag and jammed his feet into them. The evening breeze tickled around him and the gravel crunched under his feet as he made his way through the deserted cabin area, the trees dim shadows in the growing night.

Emerging from the wooded fringe around the cabins gave him a few options. Lights flickered in windows of some of the buildings down the path—the mess hall, the office, one of the rec halls, the infirmary. There was a staff lounge somewhere on the waterfront, if David’s vague wave during the tour had been accurate, and Billy set off in that general direction.

Billy heard the voices and saw the lit windows before the building came into sight, an L-shaped ramshackle outbuilding that looked like it had once been a camp office. A door was propped open with a stick and a brick, and beyond it, Billy thought he heard Kate’s voice.

The lounge looked like a stoner’s basement, a couple of battered old couches and chairs shoved in alongside bean bag chairs in front of an old television and dvd player on the wall. A pool table took up the better part of the shorter wing, and a couple of smaller tables and office chairs had been pushed into the open space in another corner.

He’d found the right place, Kesler nowhere to be seen, and the faces he was hoping for scattered throughout the room. Kate had commandeered one of the tables and she was dealing out cards to Space and Tommy. David and America sat on one of the couches, guitars on their knees, Nate-from-ropes in one of the overstuffed armchairs. Cassie and Teddy sprawled together on the other couch, his arm across the back behind her shoulders.

That stung, a resentful, jealous pinprick to the heart, but Billy was getting better at not showing that sort of thing on his face. He headed in to the lounge, returning Kate’s welcoming smile when she caught his eye. “So this is where the party is,” he opened, trying to sound a lot more at ease in the unfamiliar space than he actually felt.

“You found the cool people,” Kate replied easily, and he immediately felt a little better. “I’m about to annihilate these guys at crazy eights; deal you in?”

“You’re playing?” Tommy asked and his body language read ‘tense’ all over the place. Then his face went through a couple of different expressions to settle on ‘whatever.’ “That makes four, Katie-Kate. Switch to euchre.” He challenged Billy with a look. “Assuming you know how to play.”

He’d seen a handful of games in the locker room at school, but that didn’t quite count. “Sure,” Billy said, because his mouth hated him. It was a trump game like his grandmother’s bridge tournaments, that much he remembered. “But it’s been a while, so catch me up on the rules again.”  

Space nodded solemnly and began to sort the cards, launching into an explanation. Billy’s attention drifted, the sounds of laughter and a loud strum on guitar strings breaking in to the conversation.

David picked out a few bars of something that sounded like ‘Kumbaya,’ and America growled at him for it, Cassie calling out names of other songs. Was it Billy’s overactive imagination or did Teddy’s smile seem a little forced? He shook his head and looked down at Cassie, teasing her about something, and the odd sensation went away.

His face lit up when he laughed, his smile open and infectious, tugging Billy’s lips up into a matching smile despite himself. Teddy practically glowed, everything about the way he sat, the cock of his head, the curve of his jaw pulling Billy in, making him want to get closer to the light.

_Icarus flew too near the sun, and look what happened to him._

“Play us a song, you’re the guitar man?” Cassie tried, and in the middle of the laughter that followed, she caught Billy watching. She just smiled, though, curling her fingers in a half-wave.

“Are you listening, or what?” Tommy grumped, shifting to sit next to Billy and across the table from Kate, Space taking Tommy’s old spot across from Billy. “Never mind. If you didn’t hear how to play, we’ll kick your ass in no time.”

“I listened,” Billy lied, and picked up the hand of cards Kate had dealt him. Behind him the musicians finished squabbling and seemed to have settled on a song, one guitar starting and then the other one chiming in, a half-octave below and harmonizing like they’d been playing together for years.

They probably had.

It was David who started to sing, his voice a warm, full tenor that spoke of campfires and wood smoke, the northern lights and nights spent beneath the stars.

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road-“

Billy did remember the game, much to his own surprise. Space’s signals made it easy to follow his lead and take the second trick, stacking the handful of cards triumphantly on the table by his elbow. The low incandescent lights flickered, the yellow glow shimmering off the wooden walls. Outside the open door, the moon reflected off the still waters of the lake, a gleaming almost-full circle against the black.

Billy dragged his attention back to the cards in his hand, the trick taking shape on the table on front of him, the circle of faces that had let him in so effortlessly, and the two strong voices merging and mingling in song behind him.

“So make the best of this test, and don't ask why- it’s not a question but a lesson learned in time.”

Something in him prodded him to look up, and when he did, Kate was watching him. She smiled, her eyes alight. Something in the world had shifted slightly, and she could see it.

“Eat it, Kaplan.” Tommy tossed a card down and Billy followed with a better one, his brother – _his probably-brother—_ groaning in response.

“Well played, friend,” Space said, apparently seriously, and his blue eyes glittered in the light.

Behind them, the others joined in the chorus, their voices twining, lifting and rising into the night. They lifted Billy’s mood with them, a bubble of warm swelling inside where his nerves and anxiety had been.

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you have the time of your life.”


	5. Pre-Camp Wrap-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Billy survives pre-camp, and Teddy bites the bullet.

If Billy thought the first two days of pre-camp had gone by quickly, the last three seemed to race past in an ever-increasing blur. He remembered more of the day sitting down each night to skim through his footage and check the photos he’d taken than he did actually living through it. Each one set itself in his memory as a series of snapshots, flip-books made from still frame moments in time.

He sorted and cataloged them, cross-legged on his bed, filing the images into folders and setting the memories in stone. Date, activity, save.

Day three, first aid training. Kesler jabbing Nate in the thigh with an unloaded epi-pen. Kate and Cassie wrapping Tommy up in miles of gauze bandages, only one eye and a shock of white hair still visible. Three of the lifeguards hauling a fourth around on a backboard. Space sitting cross-legged in front of a Rescue Annie torso, appearing to be engaged in deep conversation. A slow pan across the variety of disgusted faces during the eye-injury training video.

When he reluctantly gave David the camera: Nate and Billy paired up for CPR training, their rescue doll staring blankly up at the ceiling. Trying to figure out how to do a chin-tilt-finger-sweep on a rubber mannequin and arguing with Nate while he tried to practice compressions at the same time.

Not captured: Teddy brushing against Billy on their way to lunch, their shoulders bumping companionably. His smile, hair falling into his eyes, before he quickly looked away.  

Day four, activity planning. Sheets of game instructions photocopied so many generations over that the text was blurry, and stacks of matching green binders to put them in. Video clips of the meathead brigade trying to remember the rules for hopscotch and four-square. The role-playing session that ended with bullied-camper-Cassie bursting into loud mock tears when Tommy suggested ‘nuke them from orbit’ as a solution. 

Also on day four, the impromptu basketball round-robin that erupted on the courts, and had involved half the guys getting shirtless, just because. Billy did not. He’d shown quite enough of his skinny, sorta-hairy chest at the swim docks, thank you very much. There was no point at all in exposing more of himself, especially in a game that would involve him tripping over someone, or being tripped.

Besides; filming the game and getting pictures of everyone as they clapped or hollered or waited their turn to play was technically what he was supposed to be doing. And there were other guys there who were just as fit as Teddy, thank you—David, for one, his yellow tank top damp with sweat and clinging to him as he dribbled the ball furiously down the court.

Teddy stole the ball, then, taking off down the court in the other direction. Where David just looked damp, Teddy glistened, sweat beading on his skin and his cheeks flushed pink from exercise. He jumped, his t-shirt hanging from the back pocket of his shorts, and his muscles traceable curves beneath his skin.

The footage shifted away abruptly, focus changing to Kate and America in a huddle, then an awkward cut to the girls’ game that had followed.

None of the other footage or photos from day four had Teddy in them.

Day five had brought grey weather, bad light, a ziplock bag shoved into Billy’s pocket in case the rain started while he had his cameras out. He really needn’t have bothered. He only had a few pictures of the setup for the ropes training before the photo record ended, the scrapes and bruises on Billy’s knees and elbows and the crick in his neck the only remaining evidence of the morning’s exercises.

Trust falls didn’t work at all when partners were randomly assigned, and really didn’t work when a little gay guy was paired off with a hulking sportsball bro who just happened to be part of Kesler’s goon squad.

On tripod footage, the baseball game pitting specialists against cabin staff, only half of the action caught even in his widest angle lens. His memories were sharper and clearer.

Billy had been reasonably happy with his team, especially when America promptly declared herself pitcher for their side and even Kesler nodded with what looked like a pleased look on his face and a “kill ‘em, Chavez,” as murderous encouragement.

Facing off against Teddy and Tommy was just all sorts of unfair, though. They might be cabin counselors, condemned to spending their summers herding snotty-nosed ankle biters between their activities, but either – both – all three of them, including Cass, and more on their side – could easily have fit in with the sports staff.

Billy scuffed his toe on second base, the way he was pretty sure he remembered seeing some guy in tight pants and knee socks do in a game his brothers were watching, and punched his glove. Tommy stared him down from home plate, the bat over his shoulder and his face a distant blur across the field. He didn’t miss the way Tommy pointed two fingers at his own eyes and then at Billy, as though to say ‘this one’s going to take your head off.’

Damned if he didn’t do it, too, the bat connecting with America’s almost-perfect curveball in a [THWOCK] that echoed off the dining hall walls. The eyeball-level line drive burned past Billy without even clipping the edge of his glove and Tommy was on the move, a blur in the sand he kicked up as he ran. The ball hit Nate’s glove in the outfield, came back to Billy, and that time he caught it.

Billy whirled, threw to Kesler at first base-

Tommy breezed past at about a million miles per hour, distracting Kesler, and Billy’s throw connected with Kesler’s head, right above his ear.

In retrospect, it was probably a good thing that Billy didn’t have America’s throwing arm; his weak toss hadn’t done any damage. At least not to Kesler.

But Kesler had hissed at Billy between his teeth when they came in to take their turn at bat. In the grand scheme of things, Billy had been told a lot worse than ‘ _watch yourself, you little twerp,’_ but it still wasn’t a huge vote of confidence in Billy’s ability to make friends and influence people.

Going up to bat with everyone watching was only slightly less nerve-wracking than gym class had been in high school, with the same horrible possibilities for abject humiliation. But Teddy had been pitching, and he had lobbed a ball toward Billy that was so soft, curved so slow and almost seemed to hang in the air – swinging to hit _that_ pitch was as simple as breathing.

Billy had promptly overcompensated and launched the hit into a nervous impromptu pop-fly that plopped unceremoniously to the ground between second and third, but he made it as far as first base on the power of that hit. Not foreshadowing, obviously, but nice enough of Teddy to give him the chance.

Especially considering the multi-sport asshole struck out the next two batters in succession and Billy never made it off first.

_Maybe it is foreshadowing after all._

Now, sitting in his little room, the breeze sifting in through the screen on his window, Billy set the video to saving and sat back to wait it out. On the surface, he had a record of everything.

The feelings couldn’t be captured that way, though. Not the warmth in his chest when Kate or Teddy would wave him over to a table, or the giddy satisfaction of firing a ping-pong serve past Tommy’s head, or the odd and unfamiliar sense of peace that washed over him when he stood at the waterfront fence and looked out over the grey-blue water of the lake.

Laid out like that, the pictures told the story that their parents would see. Years from now, decades, when Billy looked back, which part of the story would he remember? The orderly march of days, or the way it felt to wake up in the morning and see Teddy, sleep-mazed and rumpled, wander in to the mess hall in his sweats?

(He’d given up trying to fight the crush; it was going to flatten him no matter what he tried. Why did that asshole have to be so _nice_ on top of everything?)

And now things were about to change again. It was their last night of counselor-only pre-camp; tomorrow the CITs and campers would arrive. The grounds that still felt empty and a little bit peaceful would be entirely overrun.

At least then he would be too busy to pine over yet another guy he couldn’t have.

The progress bar on the screen wasn’t moving nearly fast enough to ease the jittery feeling setting in to Billy’s legs. Rappelling bruises or no, he couldn’t lie there all evening and mope.

 _And when did I decide that moping was_ not _a useful coping mechanism?_

_Mom must never know._

It was cooler outside, anyway, not as stuffy as the tiny room. David had said something about a campfire tonight, and there was a soft orange glow just over the hill that suggested it was already underway. This time, Billy left his cameras behind.

He saw the fire itself by the time he got to the top of the gently sloping hill, the bright flames down on the beach calling to him in the darkness. The mingled sounds of voices, guitars, laughing and off-key singing floated up toward him, the soundtrack of everyone else having fun.

Billy knew the crawling signs of an incoming bad day, the tired melancholy that crept up over him until everything was grey-tinged and that much harder than it had to be.

He could stand here, on the path, waiting for the energy to go forward.

He could go back to his cell and try and sleep.

Or he could go forward, try and trust that he could sit in the circle and not be singled out, that maybe he could absorb the cheer and the joy that seemed to be a terminal affliction with some of his co-workers

Fine. Forward it was, and maybe, just maybe, a shot to the arm of people-energy that would help beat back the threatening clouds on the horizon.

Pretty much everyone seemed to be there this time, gathered in camp chairs and lounging on blankets on the pool of light cast by a campfire built in a metal firepit sitting on the sand. Space sat right in front of it, poking at the logs with a long stick, watching the sparks intently as they popped and flashed up into the dark sky.

Kate looked up and caught his eye, patting a place on the sand beside her. She shifted over closer to Tommy to let Billy in, sprawling easily back between them once Billy was sitting, and pulled his feet cross-legged under him. “Glad you could make it,” she teased.

“Important mission,” Billy informed her solemnly, using the good old humour-hides-all technique that usually worked with just about everyone. “Fate of the world at stake.”

“You gotta have your priorities,” Kate replied just as solemnly. “Threat eliminated, Mr. Bond?”

“As always, Moneypenny.”

Kate’s eyes narrowed at him and a dangerous grin played over her lips. “Moneypenny, nothing. You will address me as ‘M.’”

“My mistake.” And then it was easy, Kate’s teasing letting his shoulders unwind and the restlessness in his legs quiet.

The only time Tommy stirred himself was to call out a request to the musicians closer to the fire, and flip the bird at someone calling _him_ out for John Denver. “It’s a good song,” Tommy said in a tone that sounded a little like a sulk, and he folded his arms, flopping back to lie face-up in the sand.

_Take me home, country road-_

Billy knew where Tommy’s home was, of course; he’d said he grew up in Jersey. But that was almost worse than nothing in terms of the details that really mattered. But something in his green eyes looked familiar, this time, and Billy didn’t ask.

“You said you have brothers?” Tommy said, finally, once his song request was over and Cassie’s high, clear voice curled around the chords from America’s guitar in something new. Kate looked down at him in surprise.

“Yeah. Two little brothers,” Billy replied, trying to match the lightness of Tommy’s tone even though he wanted to make it serious. “You can have ‘em if you want them.”

“No thanks. I like being an only child,” Tommy said, and fell silent again.

“Your folks must be real gluttons for punishment,” Tommy said after another long silence.

“You could say that. They like kids.” Billy shrugged half-heartedly. “Can’t figure out why.”

“Kids are nothing but trouble,” Tommy seemed to be agreeing.

“Some people must like them, or humanity would have died out centuries ago.”

Tommy’s only answer was a soft snort.

Then, “maybe it should have.” Kate nudged Tommy in the ribs with her elbow and proclaimed him a cynic, he called her a spoiled brat, and in the midst of their tussle, movement across the fire caught Billy’s eye.

There was that pinprick again, the twist to his gut that was utterly unreasonable, and completely unfair. Teddy and Cassie had stood and were slipping quietly away from the campfire and the circle of light, hand in hand.

Billy swallowed hard, and looked away. David, of all people, seemed to be watching _him_ , a faint hint of something that someone more attuned to _feelings_ might call ‘sympathy’ in his eyes.

A moment later the shadows stopped moving. Teddy and Cassie were gone, sneaking away into the night, and whatever else they had planned for their last night of parent-free, kid-free cabin life.

As if Billy couldn’t guess.

At least here, on the beach, Billy was surrounded by new friends, the fire was warm on his toes, and Kesler was staying far away. Spaceman poked the fire and stirred up the sparks again, the brilliant points of light soaring into the night, where they dimmed, and then merged with the stars.

\--

The knot of dread and anticipation lodged in the middle of Teddy’s stomach wasn’t going away. It had been getting worse since this morning, when he’d finally made up his mind, and now, sneaking away from the campfire with Cassie, his whole chest was so tight and painful that he was never going to be able to get the words out.

But tonight had to be the night; they were never going to get another real chance. Not once the gossip-hounds that were campers came up, every move their counselors made reported not only to each other, but half the time to parents and siblings back home as well.

They were never going to have a better time alone.

It made sense.

So why was he panicking?

Because this was going to change everything. And now, with Cassie’s fingers laced through his, the woods dark around them as they headed toward the empty rec hall- he wanted to turn back, to run to the campfire and hide there in the group, where no-one would ever ask him to do anything difficult.

Cassie didn’t say anything during the walk, just held his hand, only letting go once the door closed behind them and she moved toward the wall. The lights turned on a moment later, bathing the empty wooden building in a yellow incandescent glow.

Teddy took a deep breath. He had to look pale; there was no way she could miss the way he was practically shaking with nerves. And still she didn’t say anything, just grabbed his hand and pulled him over to a wooden bench.

“Cassie-“ he said as he sat, the same exact time she said “Teddy-“

He stopped, laughed, the nerves taking over, then he tried to speak again. “We need to talk-“

“We need to talk.” She got the same words out, again over top of him, and her nervous laugh was as strained as his was.

“Right. Okay. You first,” she said, nodding. That wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“Or we could just leave right now and go back to the fire, pretend nothing ever happened,” he offered, but Cassie, usually so tender and soft, shook her head.

“Yeah, no.”

“Right.” Teddy grabbed Cassie’s hands and cupped them in his, tangling his fingers between hers. His dumb clunky ID bracelet hung loose on her wrist. She’d giggled when he’d given to her, teasing him about stealing his letter jacket instead, or waiting for a class ring. But she’d put it on anyway, despite the heavy links out of proportion on her slim hand.

He was going to cause her pain, and that, more than anything else, was killing him inside.

“We do need to talk,” he stalled, and she squeezed his hands. “It isn't fair. It isn’t fair at all that I've been lying to you.” The compression around his chest squeezed tighter, panic rising as the words he never wanted to think, never mind say, tried to push their way up and out of his throat. “I wasn't entirely sure, not at first. I thought things might be different here, or that _I_ might feel different here, but it hasn’t helped. I’m- I didn’t want to tell you – _anybody_ \- this, but I know I have to.”

He stumbled over the confession, and once again, Cassie saved him.

“That you're gay?” She said quietly, and everything stopped, frozen in that single, wonderful-horrible moment. “I know. Or at least, I guessed.”  

Shock broke the iron bands around his lungs and he sucked in breath. “What? Since when?” _How? I was so careful, never even said it out loud, barely said it to myself-_

She let out a breath, long and slow, and seemed to get taller, _stronger_ , the longer he watched her. “After the Hallowe’en dance at my school. In the playground?”

“Oh.” That made sense. Too much sense. He’d lied, said that he was nervous, that they’d get caught, anything to get him out of having to go further than a kiss.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice still not showing the anger and shame that she had to feel. “There’s a difference between not being ready for stuff, or being respectful, and not being into it at all.” She squeezed his hands again, hard enough to make him look up. “And I know it can’t be _me_ , so…” she freed one of her hands and tossed her hair back over her shoulder with a dramatic flourish, and her eyes and smile were kind.

He laughed, months – _years!—_ of nervous tension bursting out of him all at once, the dam broken. She laughed too, and tangled her free hand back in with his once more. 

Teddy blinked back the tears that were starting to prickle in his eyes, his face hot and his brain melting. “Cass, if you knew, why didn't you say anything? For _months?_ ” How often had she known he was lying to her, and not said anything? Even lies by omission were wrong, and boy had he fed her a big one.

“Why?” She shrugged, and didn’t seem to get it. “You're one of my best friends,” she argued, starting to tick off points on her fingers. “You've never _ever_ tried to pressure me into anything, for obvious reasons, and… I really like hanging out with you. Plus I got amazing social cachet from having such a hot boyfriend.” Cassie nodded solemnly, and Teddy’s face finished getting hot, probably flushed as red as a tomato by now.

“Oh, come _on_ -“

“I’m serious. You’re prime rib as far as the popular set is concerned.”

“Oh God.”

“And...” and that was when Cassie couldn’t look _him_ in the eyes, studying their hands with a new intensity.

“And?”

“I wasn't interested in anyone else, so why mess with a good thing?” She lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.

“Oh.” And it stung, but not nearly as much as it should have in any other circumstance. “But you are now.”

“Nate is so cute, Teddy. And he's so smart and fun. But he won't ever ask me out if he thinks I have a boyfriend.” Her eyes lit up like fireworks when she beamed at him, and – actually, that felt good. He was making Cassie _happy_ by telling her, not sad, and that was really all he’d ever wanted.

_It’s all going to be okay._

“Are you breaking up with me?” and there was a weird, awkward smile tugging at his lips, but there was one on hers that matched. _They don’t make playbooks for this shit._

Cassie nodded. “Yeah.” She closed her eyes, and then she opened, them, smiled, and sighed. “Nothing but the label is going to change, you know that. We’ll still be the best of friends. Just-- you won’t be looking for ways to avoid making out with me, and I can have you _and_ Nate in my life without any love triangle drama.”

It was neat, pat, everything he should have wanted out of a confession of yes-homo to his girlfriend of almost a year. So why was he still a tangled-up mess inside? It felt like a bucket of snakes were winding around in his gut, all churning and unsure. Only one thing still made sense, and that was the way Cassie was holding his hands like he was still a good person.

Without thinking, he reached out and slipped his arms around her. She curled in, so familiar and sweet, and he buried his face in her hair. She was safety, calm, an oasis of affection where everything had made sense –until nothing did at all, anymore.

“I do love you, you know,” Teddy murmured against Cassie’s hair.

She squeezed his arm tight. “I love you too, you big dummy.” And there was something wet on Teddy’s face that was gone by the time he sat back up. Exhaustion hit, like he’d just run a five-mile, and the room seemed to spin for a moment as the world reset itself on a new axis.

Cassie’s eyes were wet when she looked at him, too, and she cupped her hand against his cheek. “Last one for the road?” she suggested, and for a moment he thought he saw something just as sad and tired there, beneath the compassion. He nodded.

Teddy kissed her gently, lips closed. Cassie tasted like bubble gum and chapstick, like friendship and home.

He closed his eyes and searched anywhere inside for a sign. For the same kind of reaction as the pure rush and thrill when he’d held Billy in the water and their legs had touched, Billy’s breathing rapid and his heart pounding- The way Teddy’s entire body had come alive from that brief touch, craving, needing, wanting so much _more_.

Nothing.

Nothing at all but a solid and grounded affection that held no spark.

Cassie nodded slowly when she pulled away, and scratched him under the chin. “Yeah, there it isn’t.” She dropped her feet to the floor, resting her elbows on her knees before turning her head to look at him.

“What do we tell people when they ask why?” Teddy asked, more for something to say than anything else.

“… why not the truth?”

He shook his head vehemently. “Please, no? I’m not ready for that. Not yet.”

“You should think about coming out for real,” Cassie replied, and Teddy’s heart sank. “You know most of us will be cool with it. Not to mention absolutely making Billy's summer.”

The second time that night she’d rendered him utterly speechless. “What- Billy? What's _he_ got to do with it?” His tongue went thick in his mouth.

“Oh come on,” Cassie groaned lightly, and tapped Teddy on the thigh. “He's been pining after you all through pre-camp, and you’re doing the same.”

“No!”

“Yeah. I know you a little bit. Give me some credit.”

Teddy shook his head, the prospect too terrifying to even think about in words.

She leaned in and rested her head on his chest and he put his arm around her, a response so automatic that he’d done it before he’d even stopped panicking.  

“I won’t say anything until you do,” Cassie promised, and that was okay. That, he could trust.

She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist then slipped it off, not bothering with the clasp. She cupped his hand in hers and turned it over, lowered the bracelet into his palm. “It’s always been too big for me. It’ll fit better on someone else.”  

Teddy closed his fingers over it, the steel links still warm from Cassie’s skin, the metal rough where his name was engraved in clear block letters. “You’ll always be important to me, Cassie-put.” It would, most likely, be the last time he ever used that goofy little nickname.

“You too, Teddy-bear.” Cassie stood, kissed Teddy gently on his forehead, and left the hall.

Teddy toyed with the bracelet, spilling it back and forth in his hands, the links clinking softly, one against the other.

He sat there for a long, long time.


	6. Welcome, campers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the kids arrive, gossip flies, and Billy tries to figure out his new normal.

Something was wrong at breakfast, and it wasn’t just Billy who was feeling it. There was a general aura of tension and a quiet buzz of chatter at some of the tables, other than Kesler’s clique. Kate had cornered Cassie the moment the slim blonde had come in to the dining hall, Now they were ensconced at a table in the far corner, talking earnestly with their heads close together. Tommy must have noticed where Billy’s eyes had gone, because he grunted over his very large cup of very bad instant coffee. “Girl talk. It’s safer over here.”

“What happened?” Billy asked, but half his answer skulked in the door just as he asked the question. Teddy paused in the doorway, scanning the room, his shoulders hunched and hands firmly in his pockets. He looked at Cassie and Kate and seemed to flinch, and the buzz started up again.

“They broke up last night.” Tommy said it casually, like it was completely unimportant.

(And honestly, it was. Just because a straight guy broke up with his girlfriend, it didn’t mean he was available for another guy.)

David, on the other hand, looked up from the papers and to-do lists spread out in front of him. “Say that again?”

“Cassie, Teddy, kaput.” Tommy drew a little nuclear-mushroom-cloud with two of his fingers.

On the other side of the room Cassie waved Teddy over, and his clouded expression seemed to clear. He headed over to where she and Kate were sitting, something about his whole posture and aura so tentative and unsure that _Billy’s_ heart felt sore. But Cassie smiled when she looked up at Teddy and tangled her fingers with his before bringing him into the conversation.

“Hm,” David made a noise of acknowledgement. “At least they’re still friendly. The last thing we need is an awkward breakup causing conflict now.” He fussed with the walkie-talkie strapped to his hip.

“What happened?” Billy blurted out, not caring for that instant how obvious he was being.

 _Did she cheat? Did_ he _cheat? Is he going to start dating some other girl and will I have to watch him go all puppy-love over someone_ else _who isn’t me?_

Tommy only shrugged. “Don’t know, not sure I care. Give it a couple of days and it’ll be written in the bathroom stalls.”

As much as Billy was inwardly, selfishly pleased that Teddy was single now—even though in the grand scheme of things it changed nothing as far as Billy was concerned—the idea that Teddy was about to be the center of camp gossip left him with a sour taste in his mouth.

On the other side of the room, Kate and Cassie stood up and headed for the gang’s usual table, hauling a reluctant Teddy along with them.

“Don’t watch them,” Billy hissed at Tommy. “Rude.”

The walkie-talkie on David’s hip spat static and then buzzed to life, Spaceman’s distorted voice echoing through it. “Lunar lander to Houston- come in, Houston.”

David rolled his eyes and hauled it out, thumbing the button before he replied. “Hello, Norman. You’ve found the correct channel.”

“Houston, we have a problem.” The walkie crackled again, but it was Kate’s voice, not Space’s this time, and she grinned, waving her fingers at the table as she approached. She slid her walkie-talkie back onto her shorts waistband and dropped down onto the bench beside David. She stole one of his checklists and he pushed the other one over in front of her as well.

“Do I get a radio?” Billy asked, trying really, really hard not to watch as Teddy and Cassie sat down. But Teddy sat down _right beside Billy_ , which made Billy’s brain short-circuit and lose track of what he was saying. Teddy’s hair was damp and he smelled fresh, shampoo and shaving cream and something woodsy underneath it all.

_I am not NOT allowed to lean in and sniff._

“No, you don’t get a radio. Programming staff and section heads only.” David leaned across the table and plucked his walkie out of Tommy’s hands. Billy hadn’t even seen him swipe it.

Cassie wandered off and came back a moment later with juice and with Nate, who exchanged a steady look with Teddy before sitting down at Cassie’s side.

“I, uh,” Billy had to focus on something else, _anything_ other than Teddy’s warm, calm, quiet presence right beside him. “I’m going to grab my tripods and pre-set a couple. I want to get some b-roll of the buses pulling in, as well as have a camera up to get the kids unloading.”

David nodded, and actually made a note on one of his clipboards. “Nate can take one,” he looked up expectantly, and Nate nodded. “He doesn’t have campers to round up, and you’ll need an extra pair of hands before the CITs unpack.”

“When are they coming?” Billy asked, but his mind was focussed two inches away, on the way Teddy curled his shoulders in defensively, and stared down into his bowl of Frosted Flakes. He was already wearing the dark green camp shirt that they all had to put on for the first day, but didn’t seem to have a whole lot of camp spirit going on.

 _He just broke up with his girlfriend, dummy. How do you_ think _he would feel?_

“On the buses with the kids. Which means we have-“ David checked his fancy diving watch. “An hour and twenty-nine minutes before the population of the camp multiplies by a factor of a ten. Enjoy.”

Conversation struck up around them again, but Teddy toyed with his cereal, pushing one sad, lonely, soggy flake around in circles with his spoon.

“You okay?” Billy asked impulsively, swivelling to face Teddy and straddling the bench.

“Yeah, of course.” Teddy faked a smile, and it was horrible. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason. Except that you look like you went five rounds with a Dementor.”

_Oh my god, Billy, you’re a nerd._

Except that Teddy actually smiled, sort of, the corner of his mouth tugging up. He flipped his spoon in his fingers and aimed it at Billy. “Expecto patronum,” he said wistfully. He waited a beat, and of course nothing happened. He shrugged one shoulder and dropped his spoon back into the mostly-empty bowl. “As you can see, it didn’t work so well.”

Billy couldn’t talk for a second, something so unusual that it only added to the desperate fluttering in his chest. The urge to fling his arms around Teddy, hold him and promise that he would make everything better—it almost drowned him, a wave of longing and thwarted intimacy that swamped every cell, every fibre of his being.

And while he was gibbering internally, Teddy was staring at him, a furrow developing between his brows.

“I heard about-“ Billy cut off what he was going to say, his gaze flickering over to Cassie across the table.

Teddy grimaced. “That didn’t take long.”

“I guess not.” Billy chewed on his bottom lip, searching for words—not just any words, but the right ones that would lift the cloud from over Teddy’s head, make him realize... what? That he was better off without Cassie and he should jump into Billy’s arms?

Words didn’t have _that_ kind of power. If they did, he’d have word-ed himself up a boyfriend like Teddy back in tenth grade.

“If you want to talk,” he said, for lack of anything better. “I’m not much for advice, but I can listen.”

What he didn’t expect at all was the way Teddy’s head jerked up and the look of ... _fear?_... that flashed into his eyes. It was only there for a second and then it was gone, but Billy would swear on JRR’s grave that it had been there. _What is he afraid of?_

“Thanks,” Teddy said, totally casually, but he got up and shoved his bowl and cup onto his tray like he was seriously stressing out. “I appreciate it. But, um. I have to go and get the cabin ready, so maybe later.” And then he was gone, heading for the tray drop-off and the door.

“What did you say to him?” Tommy poked Billy in the ribs until Billy turned around.

“I offered to listen if he wanted someone to vent to,” Billy answered honestly, the sense of something _happening_ beyond what he could see creeping ever closer. Something was up, something to do with Teddy, and it was making the hairs on the back of his neck prickle.

“That’s your problem,” Tommy replied sagely. “Emotions. Don’t encourage them.”

“There is something seriously wrong with you,” Billy griped.

“It’s called life experience, Kaplan. You’ll understand once you’ve grown up.”

He stood up and Billy followed, the dining hall starting to clear out as breakfast finished. “We have the same birthday, _Shepherd._ ”

“Numbers don’t mean a thing,” Tommy said, which didn’t make any sense at all. But he headed off and Billy was left alone to go change into his green clone-wear t-shirt, find his cameras and get ready for the ankle-biter invasion.

Having a distraction right now was probably a good idea. Otherwise, he was going to start thinking. And no good ever came from that.

\--

There was a lot more to getting a cabin ready for kid-invasion than just sweeping out the daddy-long-legs. At the ten-minute ‘buses sighted at Ross Corners’ warning, Teddy stepped back and admired his handiwork.

The ‘Welcome to Cabin 14’ sign with all the kids’ names was taped securely to the outside wall, multi-coloured poster paint still dotting Teddy’s arms and stuck under his nails. The chore wheel was taped to the inside of the cabin door beside the activity schedule, the luggage from the van piled up on the porch, and even _David_ would have to grudgingly admit that the place looked pretty good.

For the thirty seconds that would last before the hurricane hit.

Shouts and cheers from down the path made him break into a quick jog, heading for the green-shirted crowd assembling at the camp gates. Cassie caught his arm before he made it all the way, whiskers drawn on her face and a striped cat-in-the-hat hat on her head. “Come on!” and she waved the face paint crayon at him teasingly.

“Aw, no-“ Teddy groaned.

“First day, Juniors staff. Suck it up.” And it was so easy to fall back into teasing with her, despite last night, despite this morning-

Teddy looked into her eyes and there was sympathy there, or empathy, or some other kind of –pathy, and she squeezed his arm firmly. Right.

“You know I can never say no to you,” he joked, and bent down to get in her arm’s reach and let her do her worst.

The green crayon came out and he winced, but all she did was color in the end of his nose and put some lines on his chin. “That’s it?”

“And the deely-boppers.” The headband with green alien-heads on springs went on, and he felt like a moron, but it was easier once they got to the fence and the other staff holding up the Juniors section banner were all looking equally ridiculous.

Billy had his face stuck in his viewfinder, a camera mounted on a tripod that was pointing down the path toward the road. Teddy could go over there, say hi, get teased about the goofy costumes that always made the little kids forget about being homesick. He’d tease Billy back, and everything would be easy. Just for a minute.

But then the first of the buses turned the corner and bedlam broke out. Someone started singing the camp song and then they were all jumping up and down and cheering, because that was what you did.

His first summer at Manitoulin had been the year his dad died. His mother had needed time alone to deal with estate stuff and her own grieving, and when a friend had offered to pay for a summer at camp, she’d gone for it. He’d cried all the way up on the bus, miserable and hopeless, grieving for the dad he’d never see again.

And then they had turned that corner and the counsellors had been there to welcome them in, with banners and signs, silly hats and funny songs. For a little while, he’d been able to forget.

Somewhere on those buses were kids who needed to see the same thing.

And so Teddy cheered and he clapped when the buses pulled in, and he yelled louder when the doors opened and kids piled out into the fresh air. Tweens launched themselves at each other and at their favourite counsellors with screams and hugs. Little kids looked around, clutching their pillows and backpacks, eyes wide and overwhelmed.

“Teddy!” Chase appeared beside him, wild-haired and with a shit-eating grin on his face. He clobbered Teddy roughly on the shoulder. “Cabin 14, yo. I’m your CIT! Gonna be an excellent summer, dude.”

“When did you go all surfer-boy?” Teddy teased, his mood already about a million times better than before. Chase was easy. He was a smartass and he played dumb half the time, but that was a lot better than someone who would try and organize everything out from under Teddy, or push the kids around.

“New thing I’m putting on. Gert hates it, tho, so it probably won’t last.” Chase flicked one of Teddy’s antennae and made a [boiiiiiiinmg] noise to go along with it. “Classy.”

“Cassie’s fault.”

“Oh heyyyyy! Are you two still-“ Chase shoved his tongue in his cheek so that it bulged out, and waggled his eyebrows.

“No.” Teddy said flatly, and left it at that.

At least Chase could sometimes take a hint. “Sorry, man.” And mercifully, he changed the subject. “Oh, guess who’s in Uppers this year-“

“Toommmmyyyyyyyyyy!” A blur streaked past them and launched at Tommy, who had been half-hiding behind the huge ‘Seniors’ banner painted on mural paper. He got bowled over, losing his grip, and when the pinwheel of limbs stopped rolling at the bottom of the gentle hill, Molly was sitting triumphantly on his chest, a T-rex hat with 3-d teeth still perched solidly on the top of her head. “I’m back.”

Tommy didn’t seem particularly distressed, mind you. “Hey, Molls. Get the hell off me.”

Over on the other side of the road Billy was being talked-to by an increasingly animated girl, her long brown hair down around her shoulders and a camera bag over her shoulder. Kamala had found him, so that meant any chance for any kind of conversation with Billy was long gone. At least until after kid curfew, and probably not even then.

“I’ve got our list.” Teddy snapped back into awareness of the here-and-now, and the job he was _supposed_ to be concentrating on. “Mostly new kids-“ he shoved his hand in his back pocket and came out with the folded sheet of paper. “Juniors are supposed to have name tags. Come on.” Teddy stopped, took a breath, and put on an easy smile. “Let’s go round up our rugrats.”

 “How many have we got?” Chase grabbed the list and looked over it. “Eight? That’s four each, most of them under four feet tall. We can totally take ‘em.”

“Hah!” Teddy grinned, shaking off the last of his melancholy. “You keep thinking that. If they’re anything like we were as campers, they’re going to eat us alive.”

\--

Billy thought he’d been prepared for camp life, now that he’d been there a week.

_So wrong, I was so very wrong._

That realization kicked in about an hour after the buses had emptied themselves all over the parking lot and the field, children scattering in all directions. It hadn’t been that bad when they were corralled into their cabins, at first, but lunch – the dining hall now packed wall to wall and floor to rafters – that was an eye-opener.

Billy didn’t have a section, technically—specialists could eat at whatever table they wanted. He paused and scanned the room, trying to figure it out.

Tommy was holding court in the Seniors section of the mess hall, a pack of junior-high aged boys stuffing their faces with sandwiches piled six or seven layers high. Possibility. Except That Jerk Kesler was at the next table, so Billy automatically turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction. The kids over here only came up to his waist, and more than half of them were vibrating with excitement. Or maybe too much sugar. Teddy and some new blond guy were sitting at one of the tables, surrounded by a pile of boys a couple of years younger than Billy’s littlest brother.

Teddy didn’t even hesitate, just shoved over on the bench and passed Billy a plate from the end of the table. “Chase, Billy, Billy, Chase.” He gestured back and forth between Billy and the new guy. “Billy’s the video specialist. Chase is my cabin’s CIT.”

“Aka, butt monkey who has to take out the trash and deal with puke.” Chase wore his baseball cap backwards and grinned wide, looking as much like a dudebro fratboy as Teddy had that first day.

“We all have to pay our dues,” Teddy replied.

“Hey,” Billy nodded, and set about loading his plate high.

Teddy had turned out to be very different than Billy had expected. Maybe Chase would, too.

Five minutes later he was in the middle of a burping contest, and Billy gave up on that idea.

“Chase Chase Chase Chase – I got to _H._ ”

“Didn’t hear it, doesn’t count, my man. Chug that and try again.”

“I swear to God, Chase, if he pukes on the first day I’m making you sleep on the porch.” Teddy removed the full cup of juice from the kid’s hand and put it back on the table.

“Fun-killer.”

\--

“... you’re all gonna call him ‘T-ballz’ from now on.”

“They better not.”

“Chase Chase Chase Chase-“

“What, little dude?”

“Balls is a bad word.”

\--

“If you can’t hear us now then we’ll SHOUT A LITTLE LOUDER!”

“They can hear you all the way back in the city,” Billy groused under his breath.

Teddy reached down from where he was standing on the bench and hauled Billy to his feet. “Get into the spirit!” He stamped his feet and the campers followed suit, but their little gang of eight year olds were still struggling to be heard over the screaming coming from the other sections of the mess hall.

“SENIORS ARE WHAT? RED HOT!”

“I SAID A HEIDI-HEIDI-HEIDI-HO-“

“LOWERS ARE DYNAMITE, BOOM BOOM WE’RE GONNA WIN TONIGHT-“

“Every voice counts!” Teddy poked Billy in the side until he squirmed away. Billy looked around. Everyone in the room was shouting, stamping, cheering, waving their hands, holding up signs, David, Kate and America egging them on from the center of the room. Even Tommy was pumping his fist in the air and hollering.

Everyone but Billy. Fine. He could play along.

“...people always ask us, who we are...”

It was an easy one to pick up; all he had to do was repeat whatever Teddy said, but louder.

Teddy glanced back over his shoulder, and the brilliant smile he gave Billy made every second of feeling like an idiot totally worth it. Billy hollered along with the rest until David held up his hands.

“Most section spirit – Juniors!”

And Billy had thought the kids were loud _before._

\--

Teddy was different around the campers, and Billy couldn’t take his eyes off him. He moved around the camp with total ease and confidence, almost always with at least one kid hanging off his arms or riding on his shoulders. Any weirdness or discomfort he might have shown during pre-camp was gone.

And despite the size of the camp population now—a couple dozen adults, two hundred kids—Teddy seemed to be everywhere Billy was. Or maybe it was the reverse.

It wasn’t on _purpose_ , exactly. Billy even considered asking Kamala to do everything for the Juniors and Billy would take over with the Uppers, just to give him some breathing room.

But he didn’t.

\--

“This may be a dumb question, Teddy-“

“Unh-hunh.”

“What’s on your legs?”

“Life tip – don’t fall asleep during letter-writing time. Stickers are a _bitch_ to peel off of leg hair.”

\--

“Little help, Teddy?”

Teddy and Chase shrugged from where they had parked themselves on the picnic bench in the middle of the boys’ cabin clearing. Billy joined them curiously, snapping a couple of photos of David facing off against the pack of boys from cabin fourteen.

“We can’t force them, David,” Teddy replied.

Chase nodded solemnly. “That would be authoritative and _bad._ ”

David held out his hand. “Give me back my walkie-talkie,” he enunciated clearly.

The littlest one in the group, wearing thick glasses that should have made him a major bully-target, just grinned from the middle of the gang. His bunk-mates stood on either side, their arms folded. “Finders-keepers. But we might be willing to make a trade.”

David glared daggers at Teddy, but Teddy just held up his hands and shrugged. “Andy’s taken lessons about initiative and leadership to heart.”

“Fine,” David sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What’s the ransom?”

The kids huddled, then broke. “ _Two_ chocolate chip cookies each for evening snack tonight,” Andy announced smugly.

“Deal. Now give me the walkie talkie.”

“Shake on it, or no dice.”

“Kids are great,” Chase announced happily. “They pick things up so quickly.”

\--

The first rain hit the fourth or fifth day, not enough to be a disaster, but enough of a constant drizzle to be incredibly annoying. And damp. The air was damp, the ground was mud, and Billy’s stock of photo paper was curling up in all four corners and sticking to itself.

A rain day meant indoor activities for everyone, which was how Billy found himself ducking under tree branches and splashing between the dining hall and the activity sheds, looking for something —anything!—interesting to take photos and video of to go out to the parents that night.

_Whoever decided that camps needed a Big Brother website needs to be taken out behind the canoe shed and beaten._

Music with the Seniors was good for a while, their impromptu social in the nature shed more of a dance party than anything camp-related. But it got Billy some great photos of Nate trying desperately to escape from a pack of giggling thirteen year old girls, and the chaos that erupted when a wet raccoon scuttled in through the back door.

At least it hadn’t been a skunk.

The dining hall was just up ahead, lights on and cheerful in the grey gloom of the day. Billy tucked in through the swinging doors and peeled off his rain poncho, shaking the wet out of his hair. The Juniors section was packed, remnants of art projects set out to slowly dry on some of the empty tables, laughter and cheering coming from the full ones.

Someone had cracked out board games, and where was Teddy- there, his golden hair visible above the sea of camper heads.

Billy wandered ‘casually’ down between the tables, stopping every few feet to get the kids to grin and pose for photos.

“I’m evolving Shelgon into Salamence, and adding a Double Dragon energy,” said one of Teddy’s campers—the kid who had been wearing the same Pokémon shirt for four days straight.

“Aw, crap,” Teddy sighed, frowning and staring down at- at his _hand_ , because he was shuffling through a small pile of game cards. They’d been battling for a while, from what Billy could tell, down to a couple of prize cards each. Poke-kid was in the lead.

“I use Power Howl,” Poke-kid said triumphantly, eyeing Teddy’s hand with obvious delight.

“Of course you do.” Teddy thumbed through his cards quickly. “That’s a hundred and forty damage, you little so-and-so.” He shook his fist, but both he and the kid were laughing.

“Say buh-bye to Arcticuno.”

“Goodnight, sweet bird. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”

“Hunh?”

“It’s a Shakespeare reference. You’ll learn about it in high school.” Teddy glanced up, then, as though he felt the weight of Billy’s stare, and gave him an only slightly self-conscious grin.

“I hafta pee,” Poke-kid announced. “Don’t look at my cards.” He slid off the bench and ran for the bathrooms at the far end of the room.

“You,” Billy started, and he couldn’t stop the smile. “ _You_ play Pokémon? You’re filled with hidden depths.”

“It’s a good game,” Teddy said, his hackles coming up, but he relaxed when he saw Billy’s grin. “I don’t collect anymore, and I only really play here. It’s useful to be able to break out a couple of decks when the kids are getting restless—there’s always someone who wants to battle, and it buys us an extra half-hour of peace.”

“You don’t need to justify it, not to me.” Billy took his chance and sat, ignoring the hubbub around them. “I left all my Heroclix at home.”

Teddy’s smile dawned bright and wonderful. The defensive curl of his shoulders unfolded. “I didn’t realize you were a gamer.”

“Not... really?” Billy shrugged. “But they weren’t releasing any of the minor characters as action figures and I really, really wanted Catman.”

“Secret Six, are you kidding me?” Teddy grinned, his eyes alight. “I have the whole series. I didn’t think anyone else read it.”

As if Billy wasn’t already madly infatuated. “That was a great book, cut off before its prime.”

And if he looked at Teddy a little harder, trying to see if there was any flicker of recognition for Catman, any _hint_ at all that he might be... could be... well. Could you blame him? Naming off gay or bi superheroes wasn’t exactly a replacement for the old handkerchief code Billy had read about once, but it was better than nothing.

Teddy didn’t react, which made sense. There was nothing else to suggest that Teddy might- except for the way he’d held Billy in the water that one time (and pulled away again so quickly afterward), and the electricity that seemed to crackle between them sometimes. Like now.

It could all just be wishful thinking.

“That’s my seat!” Poke-kid had come back while Billy and Teddy had been – _oh man. Staring at each other?_ Billy snapped out of it first and moved, letting the kid slide back into his spot on the bench.

“I’d better keep moving,” Billy said, for lack of anything better to say. Just being near Teddy made him tongue-tied sometimes, and today was one of the worst yet.

“Not sticking around to watch Seth kick my butt?” Teddy asked cheerfully, but something in it sounded false.

“Nah. I’ll get the full casualty report later.”

Escaping back into the rain, Billy tucked his camera safely under his poncho, and lifted his face to the sky. The water splattered off his nose and cheeks, the cool shock bringing him back to himself.

Constantly looking for signals where there wouldn’t be any—that was one of the first signs of insanity. And by the end of the summer, he was definitely going to have made himself crazy.

\--

Billy managed to avoid Teddy all the next day, his insides turning queasy when he caught sight of Teddy coming into the dining hall at dinner. His smile was gone, something in the slope of his shoulders looking forced or dejected—was he having a bad day? Did he want a friend to talk to? Could Billy actually cope with sitting there and listening to Teddy talk about missing his ex-girlfriend?

“What’s with you?” Tommy poked him and Billy squirmed.

“I wish people would stop doing that,” he grumbled.

“What, asking how you are?”

“No, poking me in the ribs. I’m not a tickle-me-elmo.”

“No, what you are-“

But What Billy Was, According to Tommy Shepherd, was never going to be answered. One of Tommy’s campers chose that exact moment to trip on his own shoelace and dump an entire pitcher of bug juice down America’s back.

Billy slipped out during the shouting, slipping and cleanup. He headed back to the photo shed, his brain a whirly mess.

\--

An hour spent editing photos and not-quite listening to Kamala’s gleeful chatter managed to cut through Billy’s brain noise by the time evening program rolled around.

“Are you going to bring your camera, or should I?” Kamala asked, leaning on the window frame and watching some of the other CITs jog by. One stopped and waved at her, and she waved back.

“I’ll take mine,” Billy offered. “You have fun.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You can do the next one.”

“Deal!” And she took off to catch up to her friends, her voice carrying on the breeze.

Billy would much rather film the social than go to it, any day. He avoided school dances whenever possible. The one or two times his parents had practically shoved him out the door, he’d spent the time slouching against the back wall of the tacky school gym, watching straight couples slobber all over each other on the dance floor.

There would be less slobbering at this one, probably. But it wasn’t like he had anyone to dance with anyway.

\--

Billy managed to get some decent footage by about halfway through the evening. Lots of b-roll of kids jumping up and down. He could layer it around something for the end of summer video, if nothing else. But the hall was getting stuffy, the music was eardrum-burstingly loud, and the social didn’t show a lot of signs of winding down. He slung his camera bag over his shoulders and wandered outside, the air fresh and crisp after the muggy heat of the section hall.

A porch circled the building, open to the night air. Billy wandered along it, the thumping of the bass from the speakers inside sending little buzzing vibrations up through the railing and into his hand.

The back of the wood A-frame building faced out toward the lake, a couple of picnic tables dragged up there to make another hang-out spot. Someone – make that a few someones – were already there. A couple of the camper girls were playing cards at one of the picnic tables, and Teddy sat on the other one, his elbows resting on his knees. He was listening intently to the camper sitting beside him, one of the boys from his cabin.

The kid stopped talking as Billy came into his line of sight, and he scrubbed his sleeve across his face. Teddy turned, following his line of sight, and he smiled when he saw Billy hesitating.

“Hey, Billy.” He shuffled over a few inches and patted the table beside him. “My man Cooper and I are hanging out. Care to join us?”

“Hey, Cooper,” Billy said awkwardly. Groups of kids were getting easier, but one-on-one was still awkward with ones who weren’t his brothers. “How’s it going?” He eased onto the picnic table beside Teddy, their thighs brushing together for one brilliant, glorious moment before Teddy moved over to give him more room.

“Socials are dumb. And my foot hurts.” Cooper pulled his baseball cap down over his mass of curly black hair, hiding his eyes.

‘ _Homesick,’_ Teddy mouthed silently in Billy’s direction.

“I completely agree,” Billy replied honestly. “Who needs music, anyway.”

“Or jumping up and down for two hours with a bunch of stinky kids who never change their socks,” Teddy added.

Cooper recovered long enough to poke his cap brim up and glare at Teddy.

From behind Teddy’s arm, Billy crossed his eyes.

Cooper snickered, then remembered he was trying to be sad and looked away. Teddy saw it and smiled.

“Check it out-“ Teddy said quietly, pointing out at the lake. The sun was setting, the wispy clouds drifting across the blue now streaked with raw color, fuchsia, orange and gold. “You don’t get sunsets like this in the city.”

“We don’t have bears there, either.”

“There are no bears in these woods.”

“Seth said-“

Teddy nodded seriously. “Then Seth lied. Only bears you’ll see around here are gummy bears.”

Billy couldn’t resist. “But those are the most vicious of the lot.”

Teddy snorted, and Cooper actually grinned.

“There’s Venus.” Teddy pointed at a bright star glinting beyond the rainbow-lit curls of cloud. “Just wait, Coop. When the stars start coming out, you’ll see why this place is magic.”

When Teddy said that, Billy’s breath caught. There were balls of emotion wrapped up in and around every word in his last sentence, longing and _be_ longing, love and wistful hope. And for a moment, the world settling into the intimacy of the night, the stars beginning to glimmer in the distant sky, Billy believed it too.


	7. Unmaskings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Teddy starts to come to terms with things, and Billy gets even more confused. Garden hoses are involved.

“Chase Chase Chase Chase Teddy Teddy!”

“How much could I pay you to leave Tyler up there for a while?” Teddy folded his arms and grinned up the tree at the loudest of his campers, currently flailing at the top of the rope ladder about ten feet in the air, Nate holding tight to his safety line.

“I won’t do it for less than twenty bucks and a written statement of immunity.”

“A confiscated Butterfingers bar and a pack of chewing gum that Andy sat on, and that’s my final offer.”

Nate snorted and slowly started to play out the line as Tyler started his climb back down. “The depths we’re lowered to.”

Tyler’s feet hit the ground and he pulled off his helmet, shaking out his hair. “That was _awesome._ I wanna do it again! I wanna do it again!”

“If we still have time after everyone’s had a turn.” Nate clipped Cooper in and set the safety helmet down over Cooper’s cloud of black curls. “Ready? Remember – thumbs-up for okay, thumbs down for ‘not good, bring me down.’”

“Roger roger!”

John Kesler and Chase seemed to be doing fine with the other half of the cabin over at the climbing tires, and Teddy pulled his attention back to actually watching the kids on his side. Being out in the woods was better. Nate was only being a little awkward, and neither Chase nor Kesler actually seemed to care about Teddy’s personal life. It was better than the way people seemed to be _watching_ him everywhere else he went on the property.

Maybe they weren’t. Maybe he was just being paranoid, or much too self-conscious. Like everyone who looked at him _knew_.

Or the way Nate was carefully not looking at him. He hadn’t said anything about Cassie either, and Cass sure as hell wasn’t going to be telling Teddy anything about it. Not yet.

“About Cassie,” Teddy said before he could chicken out.

Nate flinched and almost dropped the line; Cooper hung on to the ladder, oblivious. “...yeah?”

“Hurt her and I pull your legs off,” Teddy said companionably. It seemed like a reasonable sort of threat, however unlikely. He’d never even pulled legs off a bug; the thought alone made him feel gross. But it seemed like a good threat, and Nate seemed to agree.

“What did she say?” Nate asked, jaw set and his eyes focussed on the kid he was belaying.

“I know she likes you,” Teddy offered. That stung, it _did_ , but Cassie wasn’t his. He hadn’t ever been the person he’d pretended to be around her, and he didn’t have the right.

What he _could_ do was make it up to her, by making sure Nate happened. She’d glowed when she’d said his name, after all, and Teddy owed her. He owed her everything. “And I’m okay with that.”

This time Nate did almost drop Cooper, the kid’s reflexes letting him grab onto the rope ladder before he slipped. “Hey!”

“Sorry!” Nate called, his ears turning red at the top. Then to Teddy, “I haven’t – that is, we never- I wouldn’t do that to a guy.”  

Teddy ducked his head and stifled a laugh, one that would come out harder than he meant it to. He could feel the ache in the pit of his stomach, but it was soothed by knowing that he was doing the right thing. For once, he was actually fixing something that he had broken. “Yeah, I know. What I’m saying is that I’m cool. She and I are cool. _We’re_ cool, if you want to be.”

Nate’s look at Teddy was frankly suspicious, lasting a few beats longer than was really necessary. “This is a test, isn’t it?” he said finally. “You’re trying to see if I’m going to move in on your girlfriend before the ink is even dry on the breakup.”

“No test.” Teddy held up his hands. “Just because Cassie and I aren’t a thing anymore doesn’t mean we hate each other. And since I can’t make her happy as her boyfriend-“ _for more reasons than you’ll ever know_   “-it would be nice if she could be happy with someone else.”

_And the same for me, except that’s not likely to happen._

_Maybe someday... college, for instance, when no-one knows me and I can turn myself into someone different. Someone completely new._

“You’re too nice,” Nate said finally. Cooper rang the bell at the top of the climber and started down, Nate playing out the line slowly. “Something is deeply wrong with you.”

“So I’m told,” Teddy said, but this time the cheer was harder to fake.

I’m _a fake. Everything about me is. And the one person who knows is the one person who can’t help any more._

And _then_ , on top of everything else, there was the brown-eyed, confident and brilliant source of the rest of his confusion. He seemed to pop up everywhere Teddy went, a flickering impression in his peripheral vision. Teddy heard his laughter in a group even when he wasn’t there, kept looking for him down at the waterfront, watching for a flash of that lean, tight torso, the faint traces of dark hair that hinted at a trail down toward the forbidden zone.

 _‘He’s pining for you,’_ Cassie had said. In some universe, Teddy supposed, that might have been true. But the less he thought about Billy Kaplan right now, the better.  

It was never going to happen.

\--

It was David who sat down next to Teddy at evening program that night, the kids tearing across the field with scavenger hunt lists in their hands. “How are you doing?” David asked.

“Me?” Teddy asked, a shrug seeming like the only rational response. “Good. Why?”

“I heard about you and Cassie,” David replied, taking off his sunglasses and polishing them carefully with the edge of his t-shirt. Trust him not to tip-toe around the issue. It was oddly comforting, in its own special way. Some things wouldn’t change, even as everything else shifted around him. “I’m sorry. I always thought you two were ...” he seemed to be searching for a word, giving up and finishing with “tight.”

“We were. We _are_ ,” Teddy emphasized. “None of that has changed.”

David settled his glasses back on his head and gave Teddy a steady, penetrating sort of look. Teddy felt like a bug on a microscope for a moment, under the point of that careful gaze. “You seem weirdly okay with it. I assume you know that Nate asked her out today.”

“I’m the one that told him to.” David’s momentary double-take didn’t seem feigned, though he was obviously trying to control his reaction. On the other side of the field, Andy tackled Jake and ripped the list out of his hands. Teddy rose to his feet, brushing the dust and grass off the back of his jeans. “We’re in high school, right? Nothing lasts forever.”

And he left it there, jogging off across the grass to pull the kids off each other.

He felt David’s eyes on him the whole way.

\--

Hauling eight hyperactive little second-graders into bed on a regular camp night wasn’t all that easy. Threats helped. Trying to do the same thing after a track and field day and an evening program that included way too much candy was kind of like trying to corral a stampede of coked-out ferrets with only a butterfly net.

Chase wrapped Tyler’s blanket around both him and the bunk in a big sleeping-bag cocoon so that he’d actually stay put for longer than twenty seconds, and then they made a break for it.

“And no flashlights!”

Teddy closed the cabin door and sagged down onto the porch beside Chase, already flat on his back and staring up at the darkening evening sky.

“I am never having children,” Chase declared aloud. A group of passing Uppers looked over and giggled before running off on their own evening programming, and he didn’t even blink. “I gotta get Gert on board with that. No kids. Or if we do, no sugar. Banned forever. I’m gonna go vegan and organic and shit.”

“I think sugar comes from plants,” Teddy said thoughtfully. “Sugar cane, sugar beets.”

“Damn.”

There was a long pause, neither of them feeling much like moving.

“Program was awesome, though,” Chase said into the night. “Did you see how high Jack jumped when Spaceman came at him with the hockey mask on? It was like _WOAH_ and then _Duuuude._ ”

Teddy laughed. “I don’t think David and Kate planned on having a film student on staff when they programmed ‘Hallowe’en in July’ for the junior camp. Billy does good work.”

“That he does.”

Eventually the shrieking and the muffled giggling wound down inside the cabin, and Chase rolled to his feet. “Sounds like they’re dropping now. I’ve got half an hour until Gert’s kids have lights-out; I’m gonna scrounge up some food then go make out with my girl.”

“Remember to wrap it up,” Teddy joked, his heart completely and utterly not into it. “Preserve your child-free futures.”

“That’s not even funny. Don’t even _say_ that kind of thing.” Chase pointed at Teddy with an accusatory finger, backing away and off the cabin porch. “No jinxing the love lives of others just ‘cause you’re no longer getting laid.”

“Go away, Chase.” The exhaustion washed over Teddy as Chase jogged off, and he flopped back down on the cabin porch. A handful of tiny lights played over the cabin windows from inside; he’d give them another thirty seconds to get complacent and then he’d go in and bust them for having their flashlights on. Until then he would just lie there, wood boards scratchy under his back, and ignore the entire conversation that had just taken place.

\--

“That was _awesome._ ” Kamala bounced on her toes while she carefully peeled the white-glue scar prosthetic off her neck. Tempra paint had really not been the best choice for coloring the fake cut-throat, but Billy hadn’t been able to find any liquid latex or proper acrylics in the Arts & Crafts cupboards. One worked with the materials at hand. “I don’t think there’s ever been a creepier Hallowe’en day. Usually it’s just, like, old sheets for ghosts and stuff.”

“What’s the point of doing it if we can’t raise the bar a little?” Billy bumped knuckles with Kamala when she reached her fist out to him, and he wandered outside. The sink in the photo shed kind of worked, sort of, but the drain had a habit of bubbling up weird chemical smells. Not the sort of thing he wanted to stick his face under to wash off the zombie makeup, just in case.

The tap on the outside of the staff lounge was still hooked up to the garden hose, which made life a lot easier. Billy cranked the faucet on and stuck his face under the cool stream, scrubbing the crappy face paint off his cheeks and forehead.

It was going to suck to have to admit it to mom, but maybe something was different about this camp. Maybe something was different about _Billy,_ eight years later. This time around, a couple of small problems aside, it was actually fun.

Mostly fun. He couldn’t commit to one hundred _percent_ fun. It’s not like he hung out with the jocks anyway, so Kesler’s obvious dislike of him didn’t make a difference in the day to day. And Teddy was turning out to be a nice guy, despite his jock-ish looks, and a friend was definitely better than nothing, even when-

The water turned on full-blast, spraying up Billy’s nose, down his chest, the hose turning into a water-fed snake, whipping around in his hand.

“The fuck?” Billy spluttered, surfacing, his hair soaked and dripping down his face, his shirt drenched. _Teddy_ stood there, of all people, one hand on the faucet handle and a wide grin on his stupid gorgeous face. “ _You._ ”

There was only one thing to do. _ATTACK._

Billy jammed his thumb over the end of the hose, the water still at full pressure. The forced jet crossed the extra couple of feet, spraying Teddy from head to toe. He yelped and jumped away, tearing around the side of the building. Billy chased after him, head down and hose in his hand, unleashing the full power of the tempest in Teddy’s direction once he was clear of the wall.

Teddy grabbed the empty garbage can beside the door and warded off Billy’s spray, the can half-filling as Billy tried to aim the spray around it, and Teddy kept blocking. Two feet away, one-

Billy managed to get the hose jammed down Teddy’s shirt just as Teddy upended the half-full can over his head.

“Okay, _that’s_ it.” Billy dropped the hose and made a dive to tackle the asshole, but Teddy sidestepped and took off in a run as Billy ate dirt. “You are going _DOWN._ ” What else could he do but give chase?

Teddy booted it at full speed down the path to the lake, laughing, and Billy chased after him. He might not be much at football, but Billy had a _lot_ of practice dealing with shithead little brothers, and he was a fucking master at a good flying tackle.

Which he did, and Teddy went down, folding at the knees, the pair of them landing in a heap in the grass beside the canoe docks.

Teddy had somehow ended up on top of him, mostly, the soggy masses of their clothing making a cold, wet layer of gross between them. Even still, the bare skin of Teddy’s arms flushed hot, every muscle tight to hold him up over Billy. His hair stuck to his forehead, tiny drops of water falling to land on Billy’s upturned face. Teddy’s leg pressed between Billy’s, only a couple of inches away from a sexy sort of place, and if Billy squeezed his knees shut, he would trap Teddy’s broad, strong thigh between them. 

_Mayday, mayday. Full body contact. This is not a drill._

Teddy rolled sideways and off of Billy, landing in the grass with a thump and a laugh. “Oh man, Billy. You should have seen your _face_.”

How was he supposed to catch his breath now, the sense-memory of Teddy’s weight still pushing down on him? A moment ago he had been staring up into Teddy’s eyes, Teddy’s lips parted, his bottom lip plump and full-

“You are such an asshole,” Billy said, with feeling.

“Worth it.”

“Butthead.”

“Still worth it.”

Billy pushed himself to his feet, the cold water doing a reasonably decent job of cooling his blood down after Teddy had- anyway. Whatever. Dudes just being dudes, right? He could... dude. He could dude with the best of them.

He turned his back and hauled his wet shirt off over his head, grumbling under his breath as he wrung it out. Half a waterfall squeezed out of the soaking fabric before he gave up, shaking it out. Put it back on again, or not? He couldn’t exactly do the same with his shorts, not with Teddy right there, right behind him.

Right behind him making a vaguely strangled sort of noise.

But when Billy turned around, Teddy was looking the other way, pushing himself to his feet. He shook his head like a big shaggy Labrador, and water drops flew everywhere, including all over Billy again.

There was a fence running along one side of the canoe dock, and a soft breeze making ripples on the water. It seemed like the best option, compared to putting his wet shirt back on and freezing to death, or trudging all the way up the hill back to the staff barracks for dry clothes. Billy squelched down to the dock, his shoes squishing with every step.

Teddy joined him by the time Billy had draped his shirt over the top rail and kicked his shoes off to dry beside it. Much to Billy’s disappointment – and a little bit of relief – Teddy kept his own shirt on.

It wasn’t that helpful, really, the thin grey cotton slicked down to his shoulders, his chest and abs, emphasizing with incredible, erotic clarity the difference between Teddy—a man—and Billy, a skinny little boy with his ribs sticking out.

 _Fuck that._ Billy sat down on the dock pointedly, his jaw tight. So Teddy was exactly Billy’s favourite physical type; so what. There was a difference between finding someone attractive (unbelievably attractive, with a mouth absolutely designed for kissing, and the kind of body Billy had only seen before in his furtive explorations of extremely gay sections of the internet) and acting on it.

 _Do not think of Teddy as a Sean Cody model._  Do not.

Anyway, Teddy was straight. So that was where it ended.

Billy’s extremely straight just-a- _friend_ crossed his legs and stared out at the lake, the sun dipping low, just flickering light above the horizon. “Sorry about the hose,” Teddy apologized after a minute, the silence between them more comfortable than it had a right to be.

“Don’t worry about it. I probably would have done the same thing.”

Teddy grinned and that was Billy’s cue to grin back, and everything was okay again.

Another minute or two passed, some night bird calling across the lake and another one answering back. “So are your parents coming up for visitors’ day?” Teddy asked. Casual conversation, that was the way to take Billy’s mind off of the way Teddy’s shorts clung desperately to his thighs, outlining every line and curve.

Billy flopped back to stare at the sky, instead of at Teddy’s butt. “Yeah – my mom and dad are threatening to. I tried to make them promise to leave the brats at home, but I’m not sure that stuck.”  

“How many of you are there?”

“Three.” Four, maybe? And that was a good question – what was he going to tell his parents about Tommy? He couldn’t _not_ tell them. If they came up for a visit, they’d run into Tommy whether Billy wanted them to or not. Better to figure out what he wanted to do before that became a horrible reality. “What about you?” he asked, deflecting.

“Just me and my mom.” Teddy glanced back at Billy, his eyes resting on Billy’s chest for a beat or two, then he quickly looked away. “I don’t think she’s going to come up, though. She’s pretty busy working.”

“What does she do?”

“Real estate – and she never really knows when she’s going to have to go to a showing.”

“Makes sense. It’s weird that we grew up in the same city and never ran into each other,” Billy blurted out, without thinking. _What would it be like in the city? You’d probably never notice me._

Teddy shrugged. “Not that weird. How often do you get over to Brooklyn?” Billy didn’t say anything. “Thought so.”

“Come on. It’s not like I live on central park,” Billy objected, though Teddy wasn’t exactly wrong. He made it as far as midtown, sometimes—

Teddy, meanwhile, had started humming. “Uptown boy – he’s been living in a white bread... um. he’s been living in-“ he trailed off, tapping his fingers on the dock and looking up at the stars as though trying to figure out a rhyme.

Billy groaned, his hand to his forehead. “Stop. Just stop.” _I’m crushing on a dork._

“You don’t think it’ll be the next big pop hit?” Teddy looked back at him, grinning.

“Only if every other vocal recording made in the last hundred years falls into a fiery lava pit first.”

“Ouch.” But he was laughing, so Billy didn’t worry too hard about hurting his feelings.

And that was where the conversation died again, the night getting darker around them. Billy’s shirt was still soaked through when he touched it, but his shorts were at least a little less godawfully clingy and stuck to his skin.

_Say something. This is your chance to learn more about him. Maybe your only chance._

“You’re going to college in September, right?” Billy’s voice cracked somehow on the first word, but he recovered fast.

“Me?” Teddy seemed surprised, turning to face Billy. He swallowed, his jaw set, resolute, and his eyes flickered down to Billy’s chest only once. What was _with_  him? Billy wasn’t _that_ hideous to look at. “No. I’ve got one more year. I have a stack of early-action applications I’m supposed to be working on the minute I get home, though.”

 _Oh god._ Now Billy felt even worse about himself, if that was even possible. “You’re a _junior_?”

Teddy’s brow furrowed at the squeak in Billy’s voice. “I’m a rising senior now, like you and Tommy.”

“You’re seventeen?” Billy blurted out. _Kill me._

Now he looked really confused, and maybe a little uncomfortable. “I’m eighteen in October. Right before Hallowe’en. Why?”

_He’s my age. My age, and he looks like a freakin’ Greek statue. Not fair._

“You have something against Hallowe’en-themed birthday parties?” Teddy asked when Billy didn’t reply immediately. “You’d have fit right in tonight.” There was an apology in his voice, like he was trying to find something in this that was his fault, instead of Billy’s big mouth.

“No!” Billy objected, kicking himself internally. “Not that. I mean you, with the muscles, and the – “ he gestured vaguely at Teddy, more and more mortified at his stupid, runaway mouth with every word that escaped. But he was that point in the babble when he couldn’t shut up, and he could hear himself _not_ shutting up, and that was so much worse than being rude or weird on purpose. “It’s not fair that we’re basically the same age, that’s all.”

_Oh thank God, I ran out of words to humiliate myself with._

Teddy snorted, his expression hard to see in the darkness. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You look fine to me.” He made a small sound, then, a shuffle or an intake of air, and from his silhouette against the night, Billy could tell that Teddy was looking at him. Then he quickly looked away. “More than fine,” he muttered, so quiet Billy almost didn’t catch it.

“That’s not-“ Billy replied before his ears and his brain got on the same wavelength, and he started to parse out what Teddy had maybe accidentally almost ... said? “Hang on.” Billy sat up quickly, almost missing knocking his head against Teddy’s.

They were sitting closer together than he’d realized, their bare knees brushing against each other, close enough to tickle the hair on his leg. Electricity ran up and down his skin, collecting at the points of contact.

Teddy was a solid, still form in the darkness, the only thing Billy could look at. His face was unreadable, too much shadow, even this close. But surely Teddy could feel it—the surge running through Billy’s veins, the way his body flared to life at the barest touch.

“Hang on,” Teddy repeated, cocking his head. “You’ve got some makeup on still.” He reached out his hand, brushing the side of one finger against the side of Billy’s jaw.

“Where?” Billy’s breath caught and _that_ Teddy had to have heard.

He gave no sign of it. “Here.”

There was no way he could miss the way Billy’s pulse was racing, not when Teddy rubbed the pad of his thumb just under Billy’s ear, the sweet spot between his throat and his jaw that seemed like it was made entirely of nerve endings.  

_Now, please now, make it like the thousand dreams I’ve had where love finds me. Kiss me, promise me everything, I’ll make sure you get anything you’ve ever wanted if only you’ll do it now-_

“I want-“ Teddy whispered, a catch like a sob on the edge of his voice, a sound Billy had never heard before. He could put a thousand meanings on it and none of them would come close to understanding.

“Mm?” Billy acknowledged him without words, Teddy’s thumb resting for that split-second against Billy’s throat, his breath rapid and sweet, Teddy’s long blond eyelashes sweeping down to cover his eyes.

Teddy pulled away, his hand gone, a shuffling on the dock the sound of him moving back to a safe distance. “I want to eat your _brain_ ,” he declared, holding out his arms and letting his hands flop at the wrists in the classic pose. “Fnnnnnggggggawwwww-“ he groaned aloud.

“You’re a nerd,” Billy declared, his fantasy house of cards crashing down around his ears in one horrible, inevitable moment. He rolled to his feet and grabbed his shirt from the railing. Wet or not, he wasn’t in the mood to stick around.

“And what are you?” Teddy bounced to his feet, facing away from Billy, just another shadow in the dark. Like he hadn’t been the one to touch, like he hadn’t-

_Exactly like he didn’t want me to think that he had just thought about..._

_Oh God._

It was too much, too much of a notion all at once, especially because it was ridiculous, and more especially because Teddy was _Teddy_ , and Billy was... just plain old Billy. And ne’er the twain would meet.

“Also a nerd,” Billy replied, jamming his feet into his soggy sneakers. “A cold and wet one. I’m going to have a shower before I turn into an ice sculpture out here.”

“A little chill builds character,” Teddy called after him. _He_ didn’t move from where he was standing on the dock.

Okay, fine. Whatever weirdness had just passed between them, he could let it go. For Teddy’s sake. Hell, the guy was probably just messing with Billy for more shits and giggles. It wouldn’t be the first time. “I have more than enough character already; anyone will tell you that.”

And without waiting for a reply, or for Teddy to leave the dock, Billy marched off, squelching shoes and all, leaving the waterfront behind.

_Boys are confusing. Maybe I should give up and become a monk._


	8. Visitors' Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Kaplans arrive and the plot takes a turn for the well-meaning.

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Camp has been interesting so far. Some of the campers are taking well to photography, and some just want to take Vines of their farts. By the way, did you know that I had a twin brother? –_

 

_Dear Mom and Dad._

_When you adopted me, did they tell you there might have been more than one of me?-_

 

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Have you ever seen a movie called The Parent Trap? It had Lindsay Lohan before her meth addiction-_

 

Billy crumpled up his third try at a letter home before he even made it past the second sentence. He fired the ball of paper at the trash can, but it bounced off the wall and fell in a pile on the floor along with the other failed tries. There weren’t any useful phrases in the etiquette books for this situation—he’d already tried a bunch, and nothing worked. There was just no easy segue into ‘when you picked me up, you missed one.’

Especially since it hadn’t really been their fault. From everything Billy could figure, the Shepherds had adopted Tommy in Jersey weeks before the Kaplans had been matched with Billy in New York.

No-one had ever known. If it hadn’t been for camp, they probably never would have. 

Which made trying to explain any of it in a letter a total waste of time.

Introducing them all when his parents came up for visitors’ day was the best option left. They wouldn’t be able to dismiss or ignore the evidence staring them right in the face.

And then what? 

He had no idea. Hopefully nothing that would end with Billy and Tommy never being allowed to communicate again.

\--

“Why do you think I care?” Tommy glared at Billy through the dark lenses of his sunglasses. His campers were spread out with the others in the field, picking up bits and pieces of garbage, and Tommy rattled the black bag in his hands alarmingly. “Your parents have nothing to do with me.”

“Except that they’re going to be here in less than-“ Billy checked his watch “-two hours, and even if we don’t tell them, they’re going to notice something’s up. It’s a small camp, Tommy, and we saw each other within minutes.”

“And I’m telling you, I’m not interested in playing freak show for your parents.”

“It’s not about a freak show, it’s about who we _are_!” Billy scowled at Tommy, vaguely aware that they probably had much the same expression on their faces right now. “Why don’t you care? Even a little?”

“Five minutes!” David called from the other side of the field. A camper ran up and dumped a small handful of popsicle sticks and scraps of purple paper into the garbage bag Tommy held.

Tommy scowled right back at him, dipping his head to glare at Billy over the rims of his glasses. “Because none of this matters, Billy.” His voice was clipped and tight, his eyes hard. “It’s a fun game for you right now. But when the summer is over? You’ll go back to your life on the upper east side with mommy and daddy and I’ll go back to Jersey with Frank and Mary. And none of this will have any impact on anything.”

“What are you talking about?” Billy spluttered. “We’re probably-brothers – we’ll talk, hang out, be part of each other’s lives-“

The look of total disbelief and condescension on Tommy’s face was almost enough to make Billy stop cold. “That’s what you say now, but that’s not how things ever work out.” Tommy said, and there was so much exhaustion and bitterness in his voice that a wave of _something_ – chagrin, guilt, grief? —flooded over Billy as well. “Just fuck off and leave me alone. Go have fun with your parents. I’ve got a cabin to monitor.”

Tommy turned and headed away across the field before Billy could figure out his next sentence.

What Billy wasn’t about to do, though, was give up.

Now more than ever, he was determined to make it right.

\--  

It didn’t start raining on the morning of visitors’ day, no matter how threatening the grey clouds looked when Billy rolled out of bed. His alarm bleeped sadly at him from the battered wooden nightstand and he smacked at it feebly from under the blankets before he managed to connect with the snooze button on top. The sound of voices already echoed from the cabin area, the high-pitched chipmunk chatter of excited children a wake-up call he was slowly starting to expect.

It had been – what? Almost three weeks since he had left New York City behind, his family included. And while he’d been preoccupied with a dozen other things since the moment he got on the bus to camp, there was an achy little part right down in the middle that kind of missed them.

Nah. He missed his dad’s cooking, that was what it was. Six more weeks of mystery beef and potatoes from powder would make anyone want a half-decent steak, or pancake breakfast.

Billy hauled himself out of bed and resolutely refused to poke any further at the bubble of feelings sitting below his breastbone. Examining it too closely would mean conceding that his mother might be right about a lot more than just ‘camp will be good for you,’ and a guy still had his pride.

It took Billy a little longer than usual to dress in his official STAFF t-shirt and run a ten-minute cleanup on his tiny little room. Mom was going to insist on seeing where he was sleeping, and the fewer things out and visible that she had to fix on and ask about, the better.

Flagpole and breakfast went by in a mad rush, kids and staff higher than kites, hopped up on sugar cereals and bug juice, and the anticipation of the day. The only glimpse Billy got of Teddy was watching him sit down in the corner of the rowdy mess hall with Cooper, the little boy wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Homesick again, most likely, from the way he curled in to Teddy’s shoulder, and the look of compassion and kindness on Teddy’s face as he spoke.

Teddy was going to have his hands full all day, and probably half the night. He didn’t need Billy spying on him like a creeper.

It was easier to keep out of the way once the final cleanup started. Billy and Kamala got out of the chore rotations, video cameras in hand to catch the early prep, and to set up in place for what Kate had wryly dubbed ‘the running of the parents.’

By nine thirty, cars were already pulling in to the roped-off field by the main gate. By nine forty five, a crowd of middle-aged men and women, seniors, and half a day care full of shrieking and whining ankle-biters were lined up six-deep at the sawhorse put out to barricade the camp grounds before the official opening.

“Ready?” Kate had her Official Clipboard in hand, her staff t-shirt on and sunglasses down at the end of her nose. She stared down the crowd agitating at the barrier.

_Thank god the kids are back at the cabins, or this would be a mosh pit out here._

 “Release the hordes,” David’s voice crackled over the radio. “Duck and cover.”

Spaceman and Kesler pulled the barricade back at the entry gate, and Billy jumped back off the path. The herd of family members barrelled down the dirt lane, coolers and backpacks and umbrellas flying. Shrieks of joy echoed up from the cabin area as the first cabins spotted the thundering stampede, and the kids started jumping and waving to get their parents’ attention.

Billy braced himself firmly on the side of the road and watched it all through his viewfinder, zooming in on a few faces to catch the sense and spirit of the day. Kamala was out there somewhere with the hand-held, catching more footage, and Nate had the third. His parents weren’t planning on coming up, and he’d volunteered to help with the filming while Billy was visiting with his.

Billy should probably be grateful for the rescue, but it _would_ have been an excellent excuse not to have to deal with the inevitable.

Because there they were, all four of them, bringing up the tail end of the crowd and walking calmly down the path toward him. The brats were gawking at the setup, Jacob already hanging off of mom’s arm and whining about “why did _Billy_ get to go to camp and we don’t?” and “I wanna stay at camp.”

Great. Just what he needed.

Billy zoomed in on the Kaplans and up Aaron’s nose for good measure.

“Billy!” Moments later he had to abandon the tripod and camera, his dad sweeping him up into a bone-crushing hug.

He answered the tumbled collection of “how are you,” “how’s your summer been so far,” “do you have to sleep in the woods” and “do you have to _poop_ in the woods?” (“Aaron Kaplan!” “What?”) with as much grace as he could muster. That rib-bubble popped somewhere in the middle of the muddle, flooding him with a sense of wholeness that he hadn’t realized had been absent since he left.

His neck tingled. He looked up.

Across the field, Teddy was looking his way. He was surrounded by campers and parents, but none of them were talking to him. Teddy smiled, a half-crook of his perfect mouth that Billy couldn’t interpret, then he turned and headed off, down towards the dining hall.

“William?” Mom calling his name dragged his attention back to the here-and-now, a lump momentarily taking up residence in his throat.

“Yo,” he replied, pasting on a grin.

“So, let’s see this place,” dad said, and clapped him companionably on the shoulder. “Show us everything you’ve been up to.”

_Not a chance._

“My cabin’s this way-“ Billy pointed across the hill, then started walking. The brats ran to keep up, his parents falling in step. “They keep the specialists separate from the cabin staff, so we’ve got our own shower house and everything.

“That’s the haunted cabin, there-“ he pointed to the single building standing off on its own, the paint peeling in places and moss growing up over the roof. It was actually filled with more paper towels and toilet paper than a CostCo, along with cleaning supplies, but the brats didn’t need to know that part.

He stopped walking and grinned wickedly at his brothers. “They say that two particularly _annoying_ campers were murdered one year by their counsellor, and their bodies buried underneath the cabin. And now-“  he grinned, and lowered his voice. “At night…” he leaned in, and they leaned in closer. “They WALK.”

Jacob shrieked, but Aaron just rolled his eyes with a level of disdain that only a thirteen year old could manage. “You’re moving away when you go to college, right? Mom, promise me that Billy’s moving away before he goes full-stupid.”

“Too late.” Jacob snorted, then ran and hid behind mom when Billy pretended to give chase.

And then- yeah. Billy looked up and met Tommy’s eyes. Tommy was hanging out on the porch of his cabin, not far from the ‘haunted’ one, just finishing a conversation with a set of parents. He stared at Billy’s parents for a long, uncomfortable second, then turned away.

“There’s someone you should meet,” Billy said, the silliness gone from his voice. “It’s- you’ll see in a moment.”

His mother’s eyes lit up, and he ignored her.It was obvious what she was thinking, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. Not when it was going to be clear in a moment that she was so utterly, totally wrong.

Billy led the way to Tommy’s cabin. He was trapped on the porch with nowhere to go but inside, his CIT standing at the foot of the stairs and chatting up a handful of parents and campers.

He could hear his parents muttering to each other behind him, and when Alex shooed the other families out of the way and let them climb the stairs, they stopped.

Tommy glared at Billy through his sunglasses. “What are you doing, Kaplan?”

Billy set his jaw and stared him down. “I want you to meet my parents.” He turned, and it was obvious mom hadn’t gotten it yet. His dad was staring at them with a furrowed brow, but Jacob had them pegged.

“You guys look like _twins!_ ” Billy’s littlest brother blurted out. Tommy took his sunglasses off. That was when the light of understanding started to crawl across his mom and dad’s faces, followed by disbelief, shock, wide eyes-

_They really hadn’t known anything._

Somehow that made him feel a lot better.

“Mom, dad, guys- This is Tommy Shepherd. We have the same birthday.” Billy nodded to the group as a whole. “Tommy, my folks. Rebecca and Jeff Kaplan, and the brats are Aaron and Jacob.”

“Well now.” Billy’s dad recovered first, popping up the top step and holding out a hand to Tommy. “Isn’t that something. Good to meet you, Tommy.”

“Mm-hm.” Tommy made a noncommittal noise, but he gripped Jeff’s hand and shook it, his shoulders tight like he was bracing for something.

“This is extraordinary,” Rebecca said, finally snapping out of whatever fugue state she’d slipped into. “A pleasure to meet you. Is it Thomas?”

“Tommy,” Tommy corrected her, tucking his clipboard up in across his chest and folding his arms over it. “Only Frank calls me Thomas.” 

“His adoptive dad,” Billy filled Jeff in quietly.

“Are your parents coming to visit today?” Rebecca went on, seemingly undeterred by the ‘Go Away’ signals pouring off of Tommy. “You must be looking forward to seeing them.”

“Not really,” Tommy replied curtly, “and no. They don’t do visitors’ day.”

“Are you and Billy twins?” Jacob breathed out. “Like _real_ brothers?”

“ _Billy_ is our real brother, stupid,” Aaron corrected him. “That’s what adoption _means_.”

“I know _that_ , I mean like blood-brothers. Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not stupid, _you’re_ stupid.”

“Boys!” Jeff warned the brats, but it was way too late. Any hope they might have had of generating even a flicker of interest in Tommy had flown out the window the moment the twerps started bickering.

“It’s good to meet you and all,” Tommy said coolly, “and I don’t want to keep you from the rest of your day. There’ll be a picnic in the dining hall for families at noon, and the sail and canoe docks will be open at two if you’d like to take boats out. Sorry; I see someone I have to speak to.” And he turned away without waiting for a response, moving down the stairs to intercept Spaceman and walk with him away from the cabin.

“The hell?” Billy called after him. “Tommy!”

“Let him go,” his mother replied, setting a cool, firm hand on Billy’s arm. “It’s alright, honey.” She looked around, then spotted the picnic table in the middle of the clearing. “Come on; let’s talk over there.”

Aaron and Jacob tumbled off to smack the tetherball around the pole while Billy and his parents sat together on the rickety green-painted picnic table. The splintered wood surface was warm under Billy’s hands, the sun beating down on them as it rose higher into the sky.

“I don’t get it,” Billy complained, his eyes on Aaron as he clobbered the ball with both fists, sending it sailing up and over Jacob’s head. “I thought he’d be polite, at least, even if he couldn’t pretend to be happy to meet you.”

His mother just frowned, her eyes locking with his dad’s and something silent exchanging between the two. “Does he talk about his parents?” Rebecca asked Billy, her kindly-doctor voice on overtop of her ‘mom is going to make this better’ face.

“Not really.” Billy sat with the question for a moment. “He calls them ‘Frank and Mary,’” he admitted. “I don’t think he likes them much.”

His mom nodded slowly, and his dad made a wordless sound of acknowledgement. “So how likely is it that he’s been treated well?” she asked Billy. “Children don’t come out of the womb angry at the world, sweetheart. Babies are the most trusting things in the world—someone has to teach them to be wary.”

_I never thought about that_.

But Tommy was tough as nails—he’d never put up with someone giving him hell.

Would he?

“He never said anything about them hitting him,” Billy objected, but his brain was spinning in circles.

Jeff was the one who replied, his hand firm and comforting on Billy’s shoulder. “It doesn’t always have to be physical, son. We met a lot of foster parents and kids, and heard a lot of stories while we were adopting you and your brothers. There wasn’t a one of them who didn’t have something difficult in their pasts. Now I’m not saying that he was abused—no-one’s accusing anyone of that—but pain is real no matter where it comes from. Some people handle it on the inside, and some wear it on the outside. Like your friend Tommy.” 

Rebecca nodded. “Give him a chance. He didn’t react the way you hoped, and that’s disappointing. But you have to trust that he has his reasons.” She sounded confident, but when Billy looked at his mother, she was staring off the way Tommy had gone, a furrow between her brows.

“I’d like to hear more about what you do know,” Jeff cut in, “but that can wait.”

“In the meantime,” Rebecca brightened up, “we came here to see _you_. Tell us more about your summer, who else you’ve met, who your friends are. And the camp! What kinds of activities have you been doing?”

Even Billy’s flash of annoyance with her was comforting, somehow. It was nice to know that his parents were able to absorb whatever weird he happened to throw at them—and that nothing at all would really change, no matter what he did.

Did Tommy ever have that same feeling? That knowledge that no matter _what_ , he would have a soft place to fall?

And what would it do to a guy, to grow up without it?

The thought made Billy shiver, despite the warm sun finally burning through the grey cloud cover.

“Come on,” he jumped off the table and brushed the sand off his hands. “Let’s go. I’ll give you the grand tour.”

 --

Tommy kicked at a rock and watched it bounce down the slope toward the canoe dock. It stopped rolling before tipping off into the water, so he kicked the next one harder.

He looked at his watch. Almost noon.

Alex had the cabin watch shift—Tommy wasn’t due back until three, so now was probably the best time to go scrounge up something to eat before the campers and their families ate everything that wasn’t locked down.

It had been two hours since the parents had all shown up, and Billy had pulled his stupid-ass sneak attack. They’d probably gone off-site by now, taken Billy and his brothers into town for bowling or the farmers’ market or something equally wholesome.

It was probably safe to go back up.

Still, he didn’t move. He leaned against the side of the big old oak tree instead, and watched the handful of boats wandering haphazardly out on the lake.

What the hell had Billy been thinking? Tommy didn’t know any of those people, and they certainly didn’t want to know _him_. Just because he kind of looked like the guy, it didn’t follow that he had to make nice with his parents as well. Or his brothers, for that matter. Billy wasn’t related to them, so it followed that Tommy wasn’t either.

Like Frank always said, it was blood that made a family.

Not that he wanted a bunch of squabbling kids around anyway. He’d braced himself when the fighting had started; Frank hated noise, and that kind of shit would be good for a backhand across the chops, at least-

Jeff hadn’t even flinched, but the need to _run – run fast – faster than fast and get away away away—_ it had burned up through Tommy’s chest until he couldn’t get enough space between them.

So let Billy sulk. He didn’t know _anything_.

“You’re missing lunch, loser.” Kate’s voice called out behind him, and a moment later, her arm was reaching over his shoulder to wave a sandwich under his nose. “Since when do you bail out on food?”

“That’s not _food_ ,” Tommy scoffed, but he grabbed the sandwich and unwrapped the cling film anyway. Roast beef. Cool. He shoved about a third of it into his mouth and spoke around it. “They’re saving the real stuff for the parents’ buffet.”

Kate didn’t comment, just nudged him aside with her hip until there was enough space beside Tommy that she could lean back against the tree as well, crossing her legs and mimicking his posture. “Shame your folks are gonna miss it again,” she said calmly, but when he looked at her, her dark brown eyes were watching him over the purple rims of her glasses. “A box of cold cuts got left out last night; salmonella city. Could’ve made them a real treat.”

Tommy choked and snorted, hot mustard perilously close to going up his nose. Kate snickered and he bumped her with his hip, just the nearness of her comforting and perfect. “Nah,” he said finally, wiping the side of his mouth with the back of his wrist. “Mary’s not so bad.”

“Then she can have one of Spaceman’s twinkies for dessert.”

“You’re a real friend, Katie.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

They stood there for a while, reflections of the midday sun winking off the gently lapping waves.

“I met Billy’s family,” Kate said after a minute. “They seemed pretty nice.”

“So did your dad, when I met him once,” Tommy shot back, his hackles rising.

“Touché.”

Tommy folded the rest of the sandwich back into the cling wrap, his stomach tight and his appetite gone. Kate was more interesting to think about than parents and brothers and roast beef sandwiches anyway, and she was standing so close that he could smell her perfume, and her long black hair was tickling his cheek.

“Wanna run away with me?” he asked, as flippant as he could make it. “After camp, collect our paychecks, and bail. Costa Rica. Mexico. Get you back on a beach in the kind of teeny bikini you can’t wear in front of the kids.” And he leered, to show her exactly how unconcerned he was about everything else.

“You don’t have your own passport yet, seventeen,” she answered immediately, but she turned to stand nose to nose with him, and her hand found his. “Talk to me when you’re old enough to have a credit card.”

“Why, when we can max out yours?” He tangled his fingers in hers, his heart racing so fast that it to be just a blur of movement inside his chest. “Live a little, Katie-kate.”

“I’m living,” she murmured, but he was close enough to hear it, and feel her breath at the same time. “Are you?”

There was nothing to do then but kiss her, right there under the old oak tree by the canoe docks, the wind tangling in her hair and children’s laughter floating on the wind. 

He kissed her and was ready to run, caught between the terror in his throat and the itching in his palms. Burying his fingers in her hair helped, cupping her chin and tipping her face to fit better with his, the kind of kissing he’d seen in a thousand movies with happily-ever-afters, the kind of fantasy life he’d never see.

She let him do it, let him kiss her, and she kissed him back, hands resting on his hips and her body pressed against him. Jesus, he could feel her breasts through her t-shirt, all warm and soft, and he was about to get really fucking inappropriate when parents could come down the path any second now.

Tommy let her go. Kate took a deep breath before stepping back, poking her glasses up on her nose before she looked at him again.

“It’s not quite a Costa Rica beach vacation,” Kate teased, warm beneath the barbs, “but not bad.”

“Not bad? That’s all you have to say?” Tommy pretended to be affronted, but he couldn’t lose the wide grin splitting his face. Maybe today wasn’t going to be so lousy after all. “I’ll show you ‘not bad’-“

“Not here, tiger.” Kate paused, seemed to be thinking about something, then cocked her head. “Barracks after lights-out. If you’re serious.”

_Holy shit._ _Score._

“Never been more serious in my life, doll.” He tried to swagger and failed miserably, but she was laughing and the world was, briefly, good.

“I hope your makeout skills are better than your lines, Boy Wonder,” Kate teased. “Now get your ass back up to the main field. The Kaplans are looking for you.”

The record screeched in his head, and Tommy went still and quiet. “Sorry? I thought you said-“

“I did.” Her hands went to her hips and Kate stared him down, a stubborn set to her jaw that he knew well. “You, no parents here today. Them, parents. They wanted to talk to you before they took Billy off-site. Go find them, hear them out.”

Balloons must feel a lot like this when they were deflating. Tommy arched an eyebrow. “Is that an order? Or was a moment ago a bribe?”

“If you want to think of it that way,” Kate shrugged, and there was that grin on her face again, that one that drove him god-damned _insane._ “Doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. Do _you_ like taking orders?”

All of the blood in Tommy’s body was threatening to head due south any moment now, and he was wearing shorts. Still – “you’ll have to wait and see,” he suggested, trying to match her smile with a confidence he wasn’t feeling.

“Go,” Kate said kindly, and she squeezed his hand.

“Going.”

Tommy trudged back up the hill, his brain whirling in a thousand directions. Billy, Frank and Mary, Jeff and Rebecca- but mostly, _date with Kate. I have a date with Kate. A Katie-date._

He could survive whatever this fresh hell was going to be, with that as a reward for survival.

As promised, the Kaplan Klan was waiting for him, lurking even, at the picnic table in the boys’ cabin area. Teddy gave Tommy kind of a concerned look as he went by, flanked by some of his kids and their folks, but Tommy just shrugged.

Teddy had his own problems. As much as he always said that he wanted to help, there wasn’t anything he could ever do for Tommy. The gesture was nice, though.

“Hi,” Tommy said, hands in his pockets and his shoulders pulled up tight. “Kate said you wanted to see me?”

_Noncommittal, leave space to escape._

“Thom- Tommy! Yes, come on over.” Billy’s mom replied brightly, too bright, in that fake social-worker ‘we’re here to help you this time, really’ sort of way that he’d never trusted.

At least, not after the first time.

She patted the table beside her, but he stayed standing. He did look at Billy, to send over his best _what the fuck, dude?_ , but Billy didn’t look all that happy about it either.

Fine. They could be miserable together, at least that didn’t make Tommy the outside variable.

“Billy tells us that staff have a couple of hours to go off-site today, if they want to.”

Tommy nodded, suspicion tickling at the back of his mind. “Sure.”

“Are you staying here?” Billy’s dad double-teamed him, the question coming from Tommy’s other side. His mom didn’t stand up though, didn’t box him in. Good.

“No wheels,” Tommy shrugged. “But you should go- I can give you the directions into the nearest town, if Billy doesn’t know them.”

“Come with us.” Jeff nodded toward the field covered in parked cars. “We’re taking Billy out for pizza, and we’ve got an empty seat in the van.”

_The van. Of course they’d have a fucking minivan. They probably took it on road trips and sang along with the oldies station turned up high._

“I’m good,” Tommy shook his head. Billy glared at him, and Tommy glared right back. “I’ll grab some lunch when the visitors are done with the buffet.”

“Come on, son.” Jeff coaxed gently, and he kept his hands to himself. “It’s got to be better than whatever you’re getting fed here.”

Rebecca nodded. “We can drop you off afterward if there are any errands you want to run in town, and pick you up when we come back with Billy.”

_Go find them, hear them out._

Lunch wasn’t even a thing. It wasn’t commitment, or anything other than scarfing free food and getting a chance to check his facebook at the library. How slow could two olds eat anyway, when they had four kids with them? He’d be out of there in half an hour, plus driving time, and the rest of the afternoon would be his.

“Sure,” Tommy said finally, and the look of surprise on Billy’s stupid face made the entire thing worth it. “Why the hell not. Beats sitting around here killing mosquitoes.”

“That’s the spirit,” Jeff said congenially, gathered up his family, and led the way.

Tommy never did make it to the library; prodding the Kaplans to tell him stupid stories about Billy’s idiot childhood was a whole lot more fun. Watching Billy turn almost purple with rage when Tommy danced around the topic of _almost_ telling them about his unbelievably obvious crush on Teddy Altman was even funnier. 

He could have done without Jeff’s Very Sincere Handshake when he dropped Tommy and Billy off at camp later that afternoon, or Rebecca’s Equally Honest Promise to look into details of the adoptions.

Knowing that Aaron and Jacob were going to be making armpit fart noises all the way back to NYC was payback enough.

“Glad you had fun,” Billy said as the van pulled away, leaving them standing in the camp gate. The sarcasm was _dripping_ off of every word, and Tommy grinned.

“Nice folks,” he offered, and Billy scowled darker. “Too bad they got you instead of me.”

“Whatever, jerk. You wouldn’t have appreciated them anyway.”

“Like you do?”

“Don’t you have campers to beat up or something?”

Tommy pressed his hands over his heart. “I’m feeling the brotherly love already. Is this what it’s like to be in a _family_? Glory, hallelujah! I have seen the light!”

Billy was already stalking away by the time Tommy was winding down, and he shouted the last couple of words across the field at him, getting strange looks from some of the parents heading for their own cars.

He’d left Tommy alone with his own thoughts, and that was the one place Tommy didn’t want to be right now. He took to his heels, jogging up the winding path toward the cabins. Someone’s folks would have left already, and that meant care packages to break open, homesickness to thwart, and gossip to share.

And then after lights-out, the best distraction of all time would be waiting for him in her room.

What were a bunch of Kaplans compared to _that_? 


	9. Night Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where some important conversations happen.

Three days. Three days since Teddy had almost – he’d come so close, and he’d punked out. And he hadn’t really been able to bring himself to talk to Billy since.

Billy had to know. He _had_ to know the kinds of things that had been racing through Teddy’s mind as they’d been sitting together on the dock. And he hadn’t said anything at all.

Teddy stared morosely at the tetherball hanging on the rope. He gave it a sad little push and it swung back and forth. He shouldn’t be skipping rest time—he should be back in the cabin helping his boys write their letters home. But Chase had it under control, and Teddy needed a few minutes to think.

He needed years to think, in all honesty, but a few minutes was all he was going to get.

The tetherball swung back toward him and he pushed it again, got it spinning lazily around the pole.

It had been the perfect moment. All he’d had to do was lean in, put his lips on Billy’s and see what happened. Billy would have let him, he was almost sure. The way he’d looked at Teddy, his eyes heavy-lidded and dark, his skin so warm under Teddy’s hand, still wet and gleaming from the water that made his shorts mould around his legs— _God, he was so beautiful._

Or even if Teddy hadn’t had the courage to do _that_ , he could have ‘fessed up, told Billy what he was thinking, what he thought he was feeling.

Four words, all one syllable: _I think I’m gay_. How hard was that?

Or even _I want to kiss you._ One more word in that version, but it avoided the one that still tasted thick, like fear.

He hadn’t done _that_ , either.

The tetherball finished unwinding and Teddy waited for it to come around to him again.

The one thing that mattered, the one time he could have done something, and he’d made a stupid joke instead.

The rage and fear and grief burst inside him and he clobbered the tetherball with both fists, sending it hurtling around the pole at top speed.

_Coward!_

The heavy ball whipped past and he jumped to punch it again.

_Coward!_

The rope wrapped tight and the ball swung the other way; Teddy reached up and hit it as hard as he could, his knuckles stinging, his skin red, and his eyes hot with the tears that he absolutely would not cry.

_Coward, coward, **coward!**_

He ducked away as the ball whistled past his head like a heat-seeking missile.

Nothing else stirred. 

A sparrow hopped along the ground, pecking at crumbs by the garbage can, ignoring Teddy’s meltdown. The tetherball wrapped itself tight, and then slowly, lazily began to unwind once more.

There would be no sympathy from the greater universe, no sign or message coming to tell him what to do next.

Teddy was going to have to figure a way out of his self-loathing alone.

\--

Staff meetings were a massive waste of time, generally speaking, but this one felt more excruciating than ever. At least last year Teddy had been able to sit with Cassie, his arm around her or her head on his shoulder while they whispered together and made fun of whatever announcements were being made.

A look around the dining hall showed Teddy much the same sort of thing going on all through the crowd. Gert sat between Chase’s knees on the bench, her purple hair instantly visible. Nate and Cassie sat side by side right up near the front, their fingers barely touching, but never apart. Hell, even- _Kate and Tommy?—_ wow. Even they were bending their heads together, some kind of new intimacy vibrating between them as they bumped shoulders, their arms touching.

Teddy sat alone at the back, elbows resting on the long plywood table, the space around him cool and empty.

He didn’t dare look at Billy, who had plunked himself down at the other side of the room when he’d come in.

Teddy had known he was there the minute he walked in, could tell a questioner exactly where Billy had walked, how he was sitting, with one ankle up on his opposite knee, describe in perfect detail how Billy’s blue shirt pulled across his chest and shoulders, and how the colour brought out the deep chocolate brown of his eyes.

Teddy had been preternaturally _aware_ of Billy—where he was, what he was doing, how he was moving through the world—ever since that amazing/horrible night on the dock, his body reverberating in tune with Billy’s. Not that Billy seemed to notice. But he was the candle flame and Teddy the suicidal bug, drawn in and desperately wanting, yet so damned afraid of being zapped.

Could he have that thing again, the human closeness he’d thrown away? He hadn’t been in love with Cassie in the way she wanted, but having her near him had been everything. If Teddy wasn’t a coward, could he be sitting with Billy now, their fingers curled around each other’s, hearing Billy’s soft laugh when he leaned in to whisper something pithy and cutting and rude in Teddy’s ear?

Better yet, still living in his fantasy world where Teddy was actually _out_ —

Billy leaning back against Teddy’s chest the way Gert sat with Chase, Teddy’s arms around Billy and his chin resting on Billy’s shoulder. He’d feel Billy’s breathing that way, know the solid reassurance of his presence, learn the warmth of his skin.

Or would he be sitting alone, just like he was now, but with a harsh memory of Billy pointing and laughing at him, or worse yet, calling him out in front of everyone?

_Billy would never, ever do that._

Teddy knew that, intellectually. Or at least he was ninety-five percent sure of it. But being able to unlock his tongue was a different matter entirely.

“The papers coming around are the next two weeks of the night duty schedule; take a copy and pass it on. Night duty starts at nine, after Lowers lights-out, so remember to be there on time.”

Teddy took the stack from Kamala when she passed it back to him, and handed the pile of pages off to Spaceman without thinking.

It wasn’t until he had scanned the chart looking for his name that his stomach sank and his heart turned somersaults, a gut-churning combination that squeezed his lungs tight.

_Tuesday, Boys: Billy / Teddy_

Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night he was on night duty with Billy. Three hours from nine until staff curfew, sitting at the picnic table in the cabin clearing, the night sky starry and bright overhead and nothing to do but talk.

Maybe if he brought a book, they wouldn’t have a chance to chat.

Or a deck of cards; they could play something and stay distracted enough that-

That Teddy wouldn’t have to face his terror head-on.

_I want to tell him. I need to tell someone and I know he’ll understand._

_I just wish I had more time. Tomorrow is too soon._

He’d had the chance before and blown it.

Teddy did look up, then, the hairs prickling on the back of his neck. Billy was watching him from across the room, but Teddy couldn’t read the look on his face. Not from this distance. What had Billy realized when they were sitting there in the night, their clothes soaking wet and Teddy’s pulse racing?

Did he have any idea that Teddy’s heart hurt every time he smiled?

As long as Teddy never said anything, there was still that faint chance remaining, however slim, that Billy might like him too. But if he never spoke up, it remained a limbo-answer, a sort of Schrodinger’s-outing where any reaction imaginable was also still possible.

_He won’t laugh at me. He wouldn’t._

But that didn’t mean he would let Teddy kiss him, either.

_A middle ground might be okay._

Even if they didn’t end up together—at least Teddy wouldn’t be lying to him anymore. That would be worth it, wouldn’t it? Staying friends?

Maybe.

He had twenty-four hours to decide.

\--

_New batteries in my flashlight, deck of cards, how the hell did my bug spray roll all the way under there?_

“Night duty with Altman, hunh?”

Billy sat up at the sudden voice behind him, cracking his skull against the bottom of the bed. He backed up from underneath and tried again, the can of Deep Woods Off clutched tight in his hand. Tommy was in the doorway, hanging from the top of the frame by his fingertips.

“Yeah,” Billy tried his best to sound totally, absolutely casual, staying where he was on the cabin floor. “Why? Your guys planning a panty raid and you want me to look the other way? It’ll cost you.”

“Good to know you have a price. I’ll remember that.” Tommy cocked his head and looked at Billy for a moment, that same old mixture of familiar / strange sitting heavy in the back of Billy’s brain when he stared back. “Are you planning on telling him?”

“Telling him what?” Billy blurted out, the panic making his eyes go wide. What did Tommy know? There was no way he could know about the dock, about the kiss that wasn’t, not unless Teddy had said something-

_Had Teddy said something?_

They hadn’t even _talked_ since then, beyond ‘hi’ or whatever, and the meeting yesterday had been the only time Teddy had been able to bring himself to look Billy in the eye. Whatever was going through that guy’s brain, it didn’t feel like it was any good. At least not as far as the wish for true love was concerned.

Tommy rolled his eyes and stayed where he was, his arms stretched out over his head. “That you’ve got a stupid crush on him, dumbass. You’re not exactly subtle.”

Billy’s face flushed hot and he narrowed his eyes at Tommy. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” _First let’s try the lie._

Tommy wasn’t buying it; that much was clear from the expression on his face. “Please. Spaceman is baked half the time and even _he_ could see through that feeble attempt. We all know you want to bang him.”

“He’s straight, last I heard,” Billy shot back, his mouth running away with him. “So what I do or don’t want doesn’t have much to do with anything.”

“Just watch it,” Tommy warned. “I’ve known the guy a long time. He’s nowhere near as tough as he looks.”

“Are you seriously telling me to stay away from Teddy?”

“You’re like your folks. You like to mess around in other people’s lives because you think you know better. _I’m_ saying that maybe you don’t know as much as you think you do.”

That was a lot more ominous than Billy wanted to hear. “What exactly are you talking about?”

“Maybe nothing. Depends what Teddy has to say, doesn’t it?” And with that cryptic comment Tommy let go, dropped back down off the balls of his feet to land on his heels. He stopped, seemed to change his mind about something, and frowned. “He’s been acting shifty as hell since we got to pre-camp. If something big is up with him, the last thing he needs is a pack of well-meaning Kaplans messing with his head.”

_Ohh-_ The pieces started to fall into place. “You’re still being weird about Visitors’ Day-?”

“Whatever,” Tommy scoffed. “Just looking out for a guy who’s looked out for me. He doesn’t need you to mess him up worse.”

“I’m not going to do anything,” Billy protested hotly, scrambling to his feet. “Do you seriously think I could ever do something to hurt him?”

Tommy looked at him for a long-held beat. “Not on purpose. But you have this thing where you imagine that everyone will see things your way if you just yell loud enough. It doesn’t work like that.” 

The power balance between them was shifting in uncomfortable ways. “Doesn’t seem to have worked with you, that’s for sure,” Billy fired back, scrambling to find traction again.

“I live in the now.”

“You’re going to live with a punch to the head if you don’t get out of my doorway.”

“That’s the spirit,” Tommy cracked a grin, weirdly enough. “Enjoy night duty.”

_Fat chance._

\--

Teddy was already at the table in the clearing by the time Billy arrived, reeking faintly of bug spray, and a mug of hot chocolate pilfered from the dining hall in each hand. Billy paused at the road for a moment, in a futile attempt to calm his whirling brain. Teddy looked… distracted. Lost in thought, maybe.

_He’s been acting shifty as hell._

Billy watched him for a moment, took note of the way his shoulders curled in under his red hoodie, how he sat at the picnic table with one knee up and hugged to his chest.

_He doesn’t look ‘shifty,’ he looks sad._

The thought set the ache going in his midsection again, and Billy drew in a deep breath to try and settle it down. Three hours. He had to make it through three hours without saying or doing anything that would ruin their friendship forever.

Just brazen it out, and pretend like he hadn’t noticed anything at all was wrong. Because that would totally work.

Billy set his jaw and headed for the picnic table, the last half-glimmer of twilight slowly settling in around them. Some of the older kids were still tearing around, but the littles were all in bed (supposedly), the camp starting to shut down for the evening.

America and Gert passed him on their way down to the lake and Billy lifted a cup in their direction. America nodded back and headed on.

That simple gesture struck Billy somewhere funny. Somehow, without realizing it, he’d become one of the gang. It felt better than he’d realized it could.

He folded himself down onto the bench without saying anything, Teddy glancing up as he set the mugs down on the rough wooden tabletop. “Hot chocolate?” Billy offered, pushing one of the mugs a little further in Teddy’s direction. “It doesn’t look like it’s going to rain, but last night was colder than I expected.”

“Sure, thanks.” Teddy smiled, the worry-wrinkles in his forehead clearing, and all the anxious buzzing in Billy’s mind vanished just like that.

_He has an amazing smile. It feels like sunshine._

Teddy wrapped his hands around the mug but didn’t drink from it. He looked past Billy toward the cabins, like he was checking for something, and his shoulders tightened up when Kesler and a couple of the other sports staff headed past. Kesler lifted a hand in greeting to Teddy, but he ignored Billy completely.

Billy was completely okay with that. Teddy made a face, like he was going to apologize, but Billy just shrugged. “Haters gonna hate. It’s not my fault that he can’t recognize my awesome.”

Teddy laughed and the thick tension disappeared, like a bubble popping, or a storm blowing away. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“I’m happy to keep it that way.”

The smile on Teddy’s face faded a little, turned somehow wistful or half-sad. “I wish I had your confidence,” he said, and that made no sense at all.

“Mine?” Billy snorted. “Yeah, sure. You’re one of the nicest popular-jocks I’ve ever met. _Everybody_ likes you, even Tommy, and he hates everything. What would you need with a horrible mix of sarcasm and bravado wrapped up in a total lack of a sense of self-preservation?”

Teddy lifted his mug to drink. When he put it down again, he shrugged. “Remember what Cassie told you on the first day—I was all bones, knees and elbows until, like, last year. I could have used a little bit of bravado.” And one corner of his mouth tugged up in a rueful grin.

“I don’t believe it,” Billy responded automatically, except that he did.

He met Teddy’s eyes and there it went again—that crackle of electricity, that immediate and soul-deep sense of connection and understanding … and it was such a goddamned lie, because Teddy definitely wasn’t whatever the universe seemed to be trying to tell him that he was. “I don’t think you have that problem now,” he offered lamely.

Teddy didn’t comment on how bad Billy was at conversation. He just drank his hot chocolate as the lights winked out in the last of the cabins, the crickets began their song in the grass and the darkness fell over them.

A minute later, just as Billy’s eyes had started to adjust to the darkness, a light flared up again. Teddy adjusted the light level on the little camping lantern sitting on the table, and grinned his apology to Billy, who clapped his hand over his burning eyeballs. “Sorry about that. I should’ve warned you that I was going to turn it on.”

“It’s fine. My eyes should adjust in oh, about twenty years.”

Teddy actually snickered. “Don’t be a baby.”

“You should try not being a jerk.”

“No can do. It’s genetic.”

And after that it was easy. At least from Billy’s side. He brought out his battered deck of cards and Teddy wiped the floor with him at Snap, except that it was unfair because Billy had to constantly stop to smack at the mosquitoes busy trying to get at him through his long sleeves and his jeans.

“Why don’t they bite you? You’re in shorts,” Billy grumbled.

“You have sweeter blood, I guess,” Teddy shrugged.

Silence fell again while Billy tried not to scratch. Any last voices had long since faded away inside the cabins, no flashlight spots circling on the ceilings or the windows. The faint sound of music could be heard from somewhere down by the waterfront, whatever staff program was on tonight going strong.

A faint light shone from the far end of the cabin area, through the stand of trees that cut off the boys’ and girls’ sides. Niko and Julie were over there somewhere with their own lantern shining, the sole sign of life anywhere nearby.

Teddy had set his cards down and was staring into his empty mug mournfully. He glanced up and caught Billy staring, and the lantern light made it look like his cheeks had flushed red. “But why is the hot chocolate gone?” he misquoted plaintively, and Billy laughed.

But something was different.

If anyone had asked he wouldn’t have been able to name it at all, it was just… a shift in the air, in the look on Teddy’s face, in the easy teasing rhythm they’d had that was now entirely gone.

Dread, that’s what that expression was; dread and fear and … something else that Billy couldn’t name.

“Are you okay?” he blurted out, and then hated himself for it.

Teddy’s head jerked up, his eyes wide and half-shadowed in the camping lantern’s eerie light. He swallowed, his throat bobbing, and the silence stretched out for another ten thumps of Billy’s unsteady heart. “Are you asking just ‘cause? Or would you be weirded out if I said ‘no’?”

Billy must have looked confused, because Teddy followed that up quickly. “That is, I’m-“ he faded out, staring back into his empty mug. “I’m trying to figure out some stuff,” he said quietly, not meeting Billy’s eyes.

He should not jump up and down for glee and anticipation, because that would be an incredibly rude reaction. Teddy was probably just trying to decide what girl to ask out next, or maybe he wanted Cassie back, or something was up with his mom, or-

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Billy croaked out, his voice rough and raw in his own ears, but Teddy didn’t seem to notice. “Tell me.”

Teddy mumbled something under his breath, then looked up and out at the silent cabins surrounding them. “Did you hear something?” he asked abruptly, standing up. “I think I heard something. Like someone sneaking around, or-“ the words spilled out of him too quickly, too manic to be anything but an excuse.

Billy jumped to his feet, grabbing Teddy’s hand before he could take off into the bushes.

“Teddy,” he put all the urgency he could into the single word, and Teddy froze. “Stop,” he pleaded. “I promise, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Teddy looked down, stared at Billy’s hand on his. Billy started to pull away but Teddy closed his fingers around Billy’s, gently, carefully, holding him in place.

He didn’t look up.

Billy’s heart was thundering so loud that he couldn’t hear the way his brain cells were screaming.

Teddy mumbled the same thing again, the words still inaudible, then closed his eyes tight. Billy tugged at his hand and sat, drawing Teddy back down with him to sit on the same bench only inches away.

Staring at their hands, Teddy said it a little clearer, a tiny bit louder. “I think- that is I’m pretty sure- “ then he did look up, and his eyes were so full of fear and nerves that Billy ached to take it all away from him—to say it _for_ him, because he was so sure what was going to be on the tip of Teddy’s tongue.

He was going to have to do it himself, he had to, or it would be like the dock all over again, and Billy’s blood pressure could not take another one of those.

“I’m gay,” Teddy said, and the whole world was quiet.

There should have been fireworks, or party noisemakers and confetti; instead there was just moonlight, the distant chirping of crickets, and Teddy, holding himself perfectly, totally still. He still held Billy’s hand, and Billy would swear he could feel Teddy’s pulse beneath his skin, thrumming fast as a hummingbird’s wing.

What to say? Because now that he needed to say something, anything, he couldn’t find the right words.

(‘Fuck yeah’ seemed incredibly inappropriate.)

“Is that why you and Cassie-“ Billy blurted out, and that wasn’t nearly as awful as it could have been, maybe. At least Teddy seemed to relax a bit, even if his shoulders were still hunched up around his ears like he was waiting for a blow to fall.

“Yeah,” Teddy said softly, sadness there under the words. “She knew,” he confessed. “She’s known for a long time. Longer than I did, I think. She’s smart like that. I thought, maybe, of everyone else- you’d understand, and not be weird about it.”

“I’m always weird,” Billy’s mouth ran away from him again, his brain trying desperately to keep up with current events. “It’s genetic.”

Teddy squeezed his hand, and Teddy’s was so firm, broad-palmed and warm that Billy couldn’t resist. He turned his wrist just a bit so that he could slide his fingers through Teddy’s and hold on.

Teddy didn’t pull away. “Yeah,” he said instead, a glimmer of a smile appearing on the corners of his mouth. “I’ve met your brother.” He moistened his lips and Billy’s mouth went dry. “Is that- are we- “ Teddy looked down at their clasped hands, resting on his knee. “Are we okay?”

Billy nodded faster than anything he had ever done before, trying to memorize the feeling of Teddy’s hand in his in case it never happened again. “Yes. We’re okay, we’re great, we’re more than okay. I’m- that is. I’m really glad that you trusted me. Flattered, even. And I know you’re freaking out right now—I know _exactly_ what it feels like. I promise, everything’s gonna be-”

They both heard the noise coming from the treeline this time, and Teddy’s hand was gone from Billy’s before he could blink. Billy jumped to his feet a beat after Teddy, grabbing his flashlight as they left the table.

“Who’s there?” Teddy called, and his face was white, his expression carefully blank.

That scuffling noise came again, along with a muffled giggle and a “shhhh!” that even Billy could hear. It came from up ahead, though, behind one of the Senior cabins, too far away for anyone there to have heard anything from the table in the middle of the clearing.

Teddy seemed to realize that too, and the death-tight clench of his jaw relaxed. He cocked his head at Billy, and gestured- he was going to go around _that_ way, Billy was to break to the left.

Billy turned off his flashlight and kept to the darkest side of the cabin, creeping as quietly as he could along the back while Teddy called out and beat the bushes in the front.

“Come on-“ a whisper floated toward him from up ahead, along with scuffling feet. The shadows resolved themselves in the darkness into six separate hunched-over shapes, too short and small to be staff.

“They can’t grab all of us-“

Billy flicked on his flashlight and skimmed the beam across the frozen faces of six of the older boys. Busted.

“Got ‘em, Teddy,” Billy called out, and someone in the group groaned.

“Now!” another voice shouted the order and the pack scattered to the four winds. Teddy came running up behind and collared two of them as they sailed past, Billy managed to grab one of them by the pajamas as he barrelled by, but the other three headed for freedom.

They weren’t Tommy’s campers, which Billy had half-expected, but the shouting roused some of the other cabins, lights flicking on and answering voices coming from the bottom of the hill and the dining hall.

“Get back here!”

“Someone grab them-“

“Oh my god, you idiots-“

“Did you actually think that was going to work?”

By the time all six of the pre-pubescent escapees had been rounded up, the backpack of candy confiscated and everyone packed back off to bed, the cabins were buzzing with activity, half the staff were back in their bunks, and any chance Billy and Teddy might have had for privacy was long, long gone.

Billy slumped down at the night duty table and plunked his face into his folded arms. The lantern still sat there, bright and shining, the light penetrating even through Billy’s closed eyelids.

Until it dimmed.

Billy picked his head up, blinking blearily. Teddy stood there, still, uncertain and hesitating. “It’s curfew,” he said quietly.

“Bedtime sounds like a great idea,” Billy conceded, his eyes locking with Teddy’s. “I meant what I was saying, you know- before-”

“Not here,” Teddy said quietly, glancing around as though to make sure they weren’t being overheard. “But we’ll talk? Later?”

Billy nodded, and tried to step down on the mess of feelings that bubbled up from inside. _He just wants to talk. Because you’re probably the only out gay he knows. That’s all._ “Yeah, definitely. Later.”

That was all that there seemed to be to say. Teddy shut down the lantern, tucked his hands in his hoodie and slumped back to his cabin with only one last, lingering look behind.

The night was dark without him. Billy shoved his cards back in his pocket, fumbled around to find his flashlight, and headed back to his own room, cold, tired, and alone with his thoughts.


	10. Confessions, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Teddy makes another leap of faith.

Teddy couldn’t sleep at all. He’d left Billy at the table and gone back to his cabin like he was supposed to, so scared inside that he was almost entirely numb. Even though it had gone well, ‘well’ being a relative term, his stomach still sat inside him like a rock and his brain whirled at a million miles an hour, not making any sense at all.

It wasn’t even arguments or solid thoughts; those he could have reasoned with, thought through carefully and methodically, gone step by step with all the reasons why he’d done the right thing, why he didn’t have to worry about Billy’s reactions anymore, remembered how snug and good and right Billy’s hand had felt in his.

He didn’t get any of that, because some of that might have been useful. Instead all he could feel when he closed his eyes was high-pitched panic whining through his brain, a buzzing electric shaking letdown. Years worth of holding secrets in had just been destroyed, a pressure valve opened, and his brains had turned into steam and were leaking out through his ears. And it showed up as the same six lines of song lyrics running over and over again in his brain.

It wasn’t even anything meaningful. Not unless his brain had somehow decided that there were hidden ‘your life isn’t completely over just because you decided to come out’ messages in the Pokémon theme song.

_I know it’s my destiny-_

Teddy jammed his pillow over his head, but it didn’t do anything to block the endless repeating bars of music coming from inside his fried brain.

_You teach me and I’ll teach you-_

_Fuck my life._

He must have drifted off eventually, his alarm chirping and the sun shining in his eyes, Seth and Tyler duking it out in the back corner of the cabin about who had allowed whose sleeping bag to touch the ground where there might or might not once have been a daddy long-legs.

Teddy groaned and pushed himself upright, noted that Chase was wading in to the middle of the battlefield, turned over and tried to go back to sleep.

Didn’t happen.

The day crawled by after that. Teddy moved through it like he was sleepwalking, and at the same time incredibly conscious of the great big target he was wearing on his back. He’d only told Billy, and Billy would never tell, but even so, it seemed like everyone knew. That they could see it when they looked at him, like a speech bubble hanging over his head. Or he’d look down and he’d be wearing a t-shirt with GAY written across the front.

But no-one said anything. Even when it felt like people were watching him, whispering behind their hands, the moment he turned around everything was back to normal and no-one was even looking his way.

_I’m losing my mind._

Billy tried to be kind. He stopped by Teddy’s table at breakfast and said hi before Kate pulled him away to talk about filming the swim relays. He stopped by the basketball court while Teddy and America were teaching the boys how to dribble, but Teddy had had his arms full of basketballs and couldn’t even wave without dropping the entire stack.

He even came around with his camera during the Juniors’ evening program and Teddy stammered an awkward hello. But he froze solid after that, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth, and hadn’t been able to say anything more.

Tonight was going to be different. The world was still thick around him, his exhaustion making everything a little more difficult than it had to be. But on the plus side, it dulled the buzzing noise in his brain, that horrible feeling of panic, until it was nothing more than a soft droning whine that he could push away and ignore.

The closest he came to throwing up was when he asked America if she’d seen Billy that evening. He was so sure that what he wanted was painted all over his face, that she could see it plain as day in his eyes. But she didn’t blink, just pointed down the hill toward the canoe docks, and moved on.

Billy sat at the end of the dock, his shoes dropped on the wood behind him and his bare feet dangling to just touch the water below. The sun was setting over the lake, streaks of colour reflecting in the ripples.

“Hey,” Teddy said, his breath catching. He took off his sneakers and left them on the shore, padding softly out along the dock to join Billy where he sat.

“Hey,” Billy said back. And when Teddy sat down beside him, and Billy turned to look at him, there was Teddy’s own fear and anxiety reflected back at him through Billy’s eyes.

_No, that isn’t right. He’s the confident one._

Maybe not all the time. That was comforting in its own weird way. At least Teddy wasn’t panicking alone.

“Mind if I sit?” he asked, the tension building into something thick and soupy.

“You’re already sitting,” Billy pointed out, and the utter ridiculousness of the whole thing made Teddy snicker.

“I’m sorry,” Teddy sighed after a second. “I’m a little punchy today. For, uh. Obvious reasons.”

Billy smiled, a crooked half-grin that tugged at Teddy’s heart. “No, I get it. It’s fine. How are you – no, that’s a dumb question. You’re freaked out. What do you want to do?” He asked, and Teddy’s heart stopped.

_There’s no way it would be that easy._

“How do you mean?” he asked cautiously. “Like, about coming out to more people, or about my mother-“ _or about making out or something, like I almost maybe tried the other day-_

Billy blinked like he was confused, and then that smile was back. “That too, I guess, but I meant now. Do you want to go watch a movie in the staff lounge? I think they’re putting on Big Hero 6. Or you could teach me to play basketball – but I’m warning you, I suck.”

Teddy chuckled and the tension started to disappear. “I’ll remember that. But no-“ he hesitated, then kept going. “If it’s okay with you, I like sitting here. It’s quiet, and... nice.”

_Nice. Greeeeeeeeat. I’m so eloquent._

“It is,” Billy said, not teasing him. “I did want to say- thank you. For trusting me yesterday, I mean.” He spoke slowly, like he was picking his words carefully, and there was a faint flush to the tops of his cheekbones that Teddy could only remember seeing once before. And that had been right here on the dock as well. “I wasn’t expecting it, and I hope I didn’t say anything really stupid, because when I get flustered my mouth tends to run away with me.”

“You didn’t. You were sweet,” Teddy rushed to reassure him. “Very sweet.”

Billy snorted. “Oh good. Because that’s always been my life goal. ‘sweet.’ It’s right up there with ‘cute and short.’”

“If it helps, I do think you’re cute,” Teddy offered up, flirting back without thinking. He’d leaned in closer to Billy somehow, his arm propping him up as they sat close together on the end of the dock.

 “You know what ‘cute’ means?” Billy scoffed. “’Cute’ is code for ‘you’ll never see me naked.’”

Teddy stopped talking, and felt heat flush right across his cheeks, his ears burning.

Billy grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone blush so completely, so quickly.”

Teddy sank his head into his hands and groaned. “I just want everything to be like it was,” he lamented. Before, he’d never had to think twice about joking around, about what kinds of messages he could be sending. But now-

Now he wanted to send messages, and had absolutely no idea how to begin. With girls it was easy—everyone knew what the right steps were. Not so much this time around. And he’d never been the greatest at making things up on the fly.

“It can’t be,” Billy said softly. He was the wise one. “But it can be better. At least you’ve reached out, you know? You’re not dealing with it alone anymore.” He reached out and rested his hand on top of Teddy’s, gently, kindly, a reminder that he was sitting right there.

Teddy smiled at him, and this time it was Billy’s turn to flush red, and look away. Teddy didn’t dare to hope, or to even name the hopes he wasn’t having, but that felt good. At its base, that felt very good.

“How long have you known?” Billy asked after a minute or two of companionable silence had passed. “Is it something you’ve been thinking about for a long time?”

“No. It’s something I’ve been Not-Thinking about for a long time,” Teddy answered immediately. It probably lost something when spoken aloud instead of in his own mind with capital letters and all, but Billy seemed to get his meaning. “A couple of years, I guess,” he mumbled eventually. “But I didn’t really believe it until this year.”

“With Cassie?”

“Yeah.” It felt good to confess, to let it all out. “She wanted to- do stuff. And I thought maybe I would want to as well. But it didn’t feel anything like what I expected. I touched her boob, and it just... wasn’t that interesting.” He shrugged helplessly. It would be different to touch Billy, he was sure of it—all sleekness and angles, dark hair and the mouth that he couldn’t stop stealing glances at. “That’s when I was pretty much sure.”

“But only pretty much?” Billy was laughing at him, his eyes dancing. “Not one hundred percent.”

“I thought for a minute or two that I might be ace- it could happen!” Teddy protested. “But – no. I’m really not. And now you know the whole story.” 

 _Not the_ whole _story._

“And while I’m on a confessions kick-“ Teddy tugged his hand out from under Billy’s, instantly mourning the loss of his heat, the feel of his skin, the pressure that connected Teddy to another living human being. He turned where he sat, shifting to face Billy head-on. _Truth time. Commit or don’t – there is no try._

“When we were sitting out here the other night-“ Teddy trailed off. He glanced back at the shore, but nothing moved, no sign of life other than the two of them on the dock, under the slowly rising moon. He looked down at his knee, and took a deep, ragged breath. “I really wanted to kiss you.”

That confession fell into silence. He dared to look up at Billy’s face, and saw the struggle there that was almost immediately replaced with a look of blunt determination.

“You did?”

“Yeah. But then I chickened out. I was so scared, Billy. But I’m a lot less scared now. And I want-“

Billy _shook his head_ and Teddy died inside, all at once. “I don’t want to be your experiment, Teddy,” he said softly.

“No!” Teddy said quickly, too quickly, and too loudly. “It’s not like that, I swear. Look, David is bi. And I’ve known the guy for years. If all I wanted was to try kissing a guy, I’d have gone to him. But Billy, I like _you_. When we’re together I get all… tangled up inside.”

_Let’s just get it all out there, right now. No time like the present for dumping all my shit on Billy, all at once._

Billy was quiet for a moment, like he was processing what Teddy had said. His frown still hadn’t cleared by the time he spoke again, the furrow actually deeper between his brows. “You’re not messing with me, right? Because if we do something and it’s not real for you, this is going to wreck me.”

A cloud pulled away from the moon and a beam of light caught Billy at an angle, highlighting the curve of his cheek, the sweet plush of his mouth, the shadow of his jaw. Teddy wanted, so bad—to kiss him, to hold him, to explore and find out what his body felt like, just... _everywhere_.

“I mean it, I promise,” Teddy swore, as earnestly as he knew how. “And even if this turns into a train wreck and you never talk to me again, I – I want this memory to be with you. Here, now. Just like this.”

Billy shook his head again, as though trying to come to terms with something. “But why _me_? It’s not like I’m the only gay guy you know, right? So why-“

“Because I trust you,” Teddy interrupted the self-deprecation train before it could start. He covered Billy’s hand with his own, and Billy didn’t pull away. “Because no matter what happens, I know you won’t ever use this to hurt me.”

The clouds sailed past the bottom half of the moon again, changing the light to something softer, the darkness reaching further.

Billy bit his lip, and he stared at Teddy’s mouth. His shoulders rose and fell with his breathing. “This isn’t going to be one of those things where you freak out overnight because this felt weird, and then we never talk again, right?”

“Are you going to go through every possible disaster scenario one at a time?” Teddy teased, a burst of lightheadedness sweeping away the worst of his hesitation and fear. Billy had all but said that he liked Teddy too; he wasn’t running, just nervous, and that put them both on the same level. _He likes me. I’m almost 100% sure that he likes me, too._ Teddy pulled Billy’s hand into both of his. “Being around you is the only time I’ve ever _not_ felt weird.”

The rush that burned through him was so totally unlike anything he’d ever felt before that he almost gasped from the intensity of it.

_I know you can feel this too. This is right._

As if he’d heard Teddy’s thoughts, Billy leaned in. His eyes fluttered closed, his long, dark lashes ridiculous on a boy. And that was the last Teddy saw, as he closed his own eyes and pressed his lips against Billy’s.

It took a second to fully register what was going on, and then – _oh_. That rush whipped around his body again, burning, searing fire that set every nerve ending tingling. Billy was kissing him, his arms sliding around Teddy’s neck, and if Teddy flickered the tip of his tongue out between his lips, he could _taste_ Billy’s mouth, right there, on his, hot and opening to him, slick and their lips, tongues, teeth- exploring and searching-

Teddy found his hands buried in Billy’s hair, holding him there, right there, Teddy pressing close and tasting him again. He wanted, needed, more more- the high sparked in his brain, fireworks and hunger, and he was awake for the first time ever in his entire life.

“Oh,” Teddy said, when Billy drew back, his breathing rapid and his cheeks red. “ _Oh._ ” He looked at Billy, really looked, and the delight surged up within him in a wave that was going to pull him under. “So _that’s_ what it’s supposed to feel like?”

Billy shook his head, running his hands down Teddy’s chest and taking fistfuls of his t-shirt. “I don’t know. That is, I’ve kissed someone before, but never like that.” He met Teddy’s eyes, his own bright and shining with glee. “Kiss me again, just to be sure.”

That was the easiest thing Teddy had ever had to do. He tipped Billy’s face up toward him, his hands still buried in Billy’s dark brown hair. He kissed Billy gently at first, taking his time, slowly checking each corner of his mouth, the fullness of Billy’s bottom lip. Billy was the one who toppled over first, leaning into Teddy so forcefully, sinking his tongue into Teddy’s mouth, holding fistfuls of Teddy’s shirt in his hands.

Teddy went back with him, falling to land on the dock, and he didn’t care at all. Because Billy lay half beside him and half on top of him, arms around each other and legs beside. Teddy kissed him again and again, exploring his mouth, giving himself up to the sensation of Billy’s mouth on his, the desperate yearning hunger that had broken open deep in his core.

He ached, he ached so bad, wanted to touch Billy, have Billy touch him, to feel Billy’s naked skin against his and- and-

(And that’s where the fantasy kind of petered out, despite a handful of furtive searches on pornhub when he had been absolutely sure that his mother wouldn’t come home. But he wanted Billy more than anything, ever. That, he was sure of.)

“Oh my God,” Billy breathed out, when they broke off this kiss and Teddy drew in a ragged, shaky breath. “How are you even real?”

“I should ask you that.” Teddy reached up and cupped Billy’s face, hovering over him on the moonlit night. “Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?”

“You hit your head or something?” Billy snorted, but with such kindness and warmth that Teddy was going to cry.

“Or something,” he said softly instead. Billy bent down again, this time for a soft and slow kiss, a long and tender kiss, and Teddy’s body reacted to that one as well.

Only this time, Billy noticed. Teddy raised his knee to try and hide the raging boner he was sporting, the delicious tight pain of his arousal so damned obvious in the shorts he was wearing. Billy _saw_ , and he closed his eyes, and Teddy was going to have to apologize. “I’m sorry-“

But Billy just grinned, and laughed, and he tugged Teddy to roll over on his side so they were facing each other. Billy looped his leg over Teddy’s hip and pressed in, and oh _God_ , Billy was hard _too_ , and they were moving together in a gentle press and rub that shrank the whole world down to nothing but this, the dock and the lapping of the water, and Billy, hot and firm, solid and hard, in his arms.

“Verdict?” Billy asked after a minute or an hour had passed. It took Teddy a minute to remember what words meant. 

“Uh. Yeah. Shit, Billy-“ the tears started to come, and Teddy couldn’t stop them. They filled the corners of his eyes and spilled out, just a couple, the excess emotion needing somewhere to overflow. Billy wiped them away, and pressed himself tighter into Teddy, his dick— _oh my God, Billy’s hard. His dick. That is his_ dick—nudging against Teddy’s hip.

Billy pressed his forehead against Teddy’s, his arms close around his shoulders. “Hella gay?” he murmured.

Teddy nodded, his heart going so fast it was amazing that it didn’t just explode. “Hella.”

The wave broke over him then, the dam so far gone that he’d never be able to rebuild it. Desire and adoration, fear and nerves, the feeling of Billy in his arms and their bodies entwined, and he wasn’t just kissing a guy, he and Billy had been _dry-humping_ a little, and it was so good that his head swam. His words came out as a kind of strangled sob, and Billy kissed the wetness away from Teddy’s cheeks.

“Thank you,” Teddy murmured, and he ran his thumb softly over Billy’s lip.

“Any time.” Billy smiled against Teddy’s thumb. “If you feel like another experiment, you know-“

“I told you already,” Teddy said firmly. “This isn’t about experimenting. Although I’d say that was a hell of a test result. I like you, a lot, and I want to be with you.”

That earned him some more gentle kisses, then a fierce one, the heat in Teddy’s groin coiling tighter and tighter with each ‘accidental’ brush of Billy’s thigh, or his hip. Eventually they heard the echo of voices on the path and broke apart, sitting up hastily and tugging t-shirts back into place.

“So,” Billy said after a moment, his hair a tousled mess and his lips plumped out from kissing. “That happened.”

“Yeah,” Teddy replied, grinning. His confidence had begun to come back, and seeing Billy like this, all ragged and rumpled, didn’t hurt. “That it did.”

Billy’s laugh was the best sound in the world. He caught Teddy’s eye and smiled, not a sardonic grin this time, or anything wry and self-deprecating, but an honest, shy and sweet smile that was so totally unlike anything Teddy had seen on him before.

It stole his breath and his words. Something went ‘ping’ in the vicinity of Teddy’s heart, and all at once, he was done for.

Billy was talking, and Teddy tuned back in. “going to be weird?”

“Pardon?”

“Your mom,” Billy repeated. “Are you worried that she’s going to be weird about it?”

Teddy thought it over for a minute, then slowly shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think she’ll be okay with it. When I’m ready to tell her. Maybe when I’m thirty.”

“Wise move.”

“What about yours?”

“Nah. But it’ll be focus-group city and they’ll be running the local PFLAG before I can blink. Let’s tell them once we’re living somewhere nice and far away. Seattle, maybe. Or San Francisco.”

“I like that plan,” Teddy replied, and that earned him another kiss from Billy, the beautiful, dark-eyed boy with the arch smile, who was everything Teddy had never known he’d needed.

That was the moment he fell irrevocably and permanently in love, on the shore of Lake Manitoulin, the summer he was seventeen, with the moon and the stars circling high overhead.

\--

Curfew came way too quickly, Teddy’s watch beeping at him five minutes before he had to start running up the hill to get back to his cabin. He curled his fingers tighter around Billy’s hips, because somehow in the middle of kissing Billy had ended up straddling his _lap_ , and Billy bit down gently on Teddy’s lower lip.

Teddy’s body was screaming, burning everywhere that Billy touched him, and any doubts he might have still had that morning were so long gone that he could barely remember what it felt like to wonder.

_I’m gay. I think I have a boyfriend now. And I’m actually really going to be okay with this._

His heart hurt and glowed at the same time, thumping hard in his chest. “I have to go,” he murmured softly, regret making his chest ache. “They’ll be doing cabin checks in ten minutes. If I’m not back I’m dead meat.”

Billy nodded, not removing his hands from either side of Teddy’s face, his long, slim fingers buried into Teddy’s hair. He tilted Teddy’s face up and kissed him again, and Teddy opened to him eagerly. This was such a new sensation, this desperate craving for touch; the thought of stopping now was awful.

They had to, though, and he drew back and broke the kiss, resting his forehead lightly against Billy’s.

“This isn’t a dream, right?” Billy asked quietly, and that wasn’t right—he should never sound so unsure. “You and me, it’s really happening?”

“If that’s what you want too,” Teddy replied, and he couldn’t keep the longing and the _wanting_ out of his voice. “I like you, a whole lot, and I want-“ he trailed off for a moment, reality starting to assert itself. “We’ll have to be careful in front of the kids, and maybe the other staff, just for a couple of days—I need a couple of days to get my head on straight before we say anything, if we say anything—but. This is good. This is really good.”

He was blushing, his face hot, and Billy’s calves were tucked under his crossed knees, his thighs pressing against the outside of Teddy’s, and how was Teddy supposed to find words when his hands were splayed out across Billy’s lean chest?

Billy laughed with delight, a light and easy sound so different than his usual dry chuckle. “Take all the time you need,” he promised. “I’m not out to my family, I know how it goes. As long as you mean it when you say you like me. Because I kind of maybe like you too.”

“Just maybe?” Teddy teased, his heart light.

“Dunno. I might have to think about it some more.”

They had to get up then, the glow of flashlights approaching down the path. Teddy stole one more kiss before they could be seen, a swift, sweet promise that would have to hold him until- until-

“Do you think you’ll have decided by tomorrow night?” he asked, throwing all caution to the wind.

Billy adjusted himself in his jeans, taking a deep, settling breath before he turned to start walking back along the dock to the shore. “Is that my deadline?” he kept playing along, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

Teddy bent to grab his shoes, jamming them on his feet as they hit the beach. Excitement rolled up inside him, anticipation and the sudden understanding that this might actually be something he got to _do._ “Meet me behind the sports shed tomorrow night,” he said firmly. “Nine o clock?”

Billy looked up from tying his laces and gave Teddy a funny look, but others came around the curve of the path leading up from the staff lounge, and he closed his mouth again.

Subsumed in the crowd, they didn’t speak again until they were back in the cabin area, everyone calling their goodnights.

Billy caught Teddy’s eye, and he smiled, hopeful and wary and bright.

Teddy smiled back, trying to push everything he had into that look. _I’m not afraid anymore. You make me strong._

It probably didn’t go through exactly like that, but Billy’s grin got wider before he turned and headed off to the specialist cabin, raising a hand in a casual ‘goodnight’.

Hopefully he would sleep well, and lose some of the dark circles he’d been wearing under his eyes.

Teddy was so wired that he might never actually sleep again.

\--

Teddy did eventually drop off, despite staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours in a happy, mixed-up sort of daze. But he was able to keep it together for the kids’ sakes, try and compartmentalize the total irreversible nuclear annihilation of the personal life he’d known.

(Okay, so maybe that was an exaggeration. In all likelihood, his mom wouldn’t care one way or another, as long as he was happy. And he _was_ happy — and surer in his own skin than he’d felt in a very long time.)

All in all, his life wouldn’t change _that_ much, except for the better. He had two people now who knew the truth; one still liked him, and the other had kissed him until he could barely remember his own name. It was a pretty good ratio.

Except that he was so stuck in his own head that, when the kids were off at Arts and Crafts and he could actually duck into the shower house to grab a wash in the daylight, he stripped off his shirt without a second thought.

Chase snorted behind him, and spat a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink. “Dude,” he said, and Teddy froze. “Are those _hickeys_?”

_Shit shit shit shit._

He ducked into the closest shower stall and hauled the plastic curtain closed before undressing the rest of the way. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he called back, but there was no way Chase was going to believe him.

Footsteps echoed in the otherwise-empty guys’ shower house, the noise of Chase coming closer. “Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Not talking about it.”

Chase’s feet stopped outside the stall, persistent asshole that he was. “It’s not Cassie again, is it? She doesn’t look like a biter.”

“Not talking about it!”

“Come on, man! Gimme a hint.”

“No.” Teddy flung his clothes out the side of the stall and turned the water on, loud. He still heard the distant, muffled reply.

“You’re no fun, Teddy.”

Teddy stayed in the shower longer than he should, the water going ice-cold after five minutes. He gave it another couple, even as he avoided the center of the spray, to give Chase enough time to get back to the cabin, change, and get the hell out so Teddy wouldn’t have to answer another set of questions.

He almost made it. Chase was waiting on the cabin porch when Teddy got back.

Teddy headed up the stairs, towel wrapped around his waist and his hair wet. “For the record,” Chase said, as he went by. “I’m happy for you. Assuming you like biters, natch.”

“That was almost sweet, Chase,” Teddy said dryly.

“I’m serious. You’ve been hauling ass around here like you’re dragging a hundred pound weight, until today. So wherever you sunk that anchor,” and there he grinned and waggled his eyebrows at his double-entendre until Teddy gave in and groaned, “good. You look better already.”

Teddy couldn’t help the grin. “Thanks, I think.”

“Any time, man. What are bros for?”


	11. The Sports Shed, 9 pm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein there are makeouts and I earn my rating.

Billy was in way over his head.

He scrubbed at his face and stared at himself in the warped and blotchy bathroom mirror in the barracks, cold water dripping off the end of his nose. His usual face stared back at him—pointy chin, brown hair, brown eyes—and he still couldn’t see it.

 _You’re gorgeous_.

Teddy had said that. _Teddy Altman._ And if it wasn’t just because he was delirious, or rebounding from Cassie into the arms of someone he knew damn well wouldn’t turn him down- or maybe it was just that. Either way, he had to be totally deluded. Billy wasn’t _hideous_ , certainly; having clear skin and an okay-looking kind of nose helped. But he wasn’t anything special, either.

Except last night, on the dock (in Teddy’s arms, in Teddy’s _lap_ , his tongue halfway down Teddy’s throat-) he’d felt special. Like he was the center of Teddy’s world.

Would it feel like that every time? Or was that some special first-kiss energy that he’d never manage to find again?

Except that would probably be the only time they’d ever neck, so at least he’d made the most of it. Why? Because things like this didn’t happen.

Super-hot boys did not suddenly decide that _Billy_ was a good choice for practice makeouts.

Teddy was going to freak out about kissing a guy, and he was going to bail. He probably wouldn’t say anything to anyone, because that would out him too. But then, he _had_ been hanging out with the meatheads at the beginning of precamp...

No. He wouldn’t. But that didn’t mean anything. Billy was still going to get the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech tonight. That had to be what ‘nine o clock’ was about.

At least he’d had last night.

\--

Teddy woke up feeling more alive than he’d ever felt before. Even the air seemed crisper and the sun brighter, and the kids fighting didn’t get on his nerves at all. He was practically humming as he herded them down to flagpole and then to the dining hall for breakfast, his eyes scanning the crowd for one person only.

There- Billy was hanging out by the ping pong tables with Kate and Tommy, and something about the set of his jaw and the way his arms were folded screamed ‘trouble.’ Was he upset about something? Had Teddy overstepped with what they’d done? He seemed to be okay with it, had kissed Teddy back and everything. No, Teddy hadn’t taken advantage of him, that he was absolutely sure about. Billy had been into it, even taken the lead almost immediately.

So why did he look so unsure?

Maybe he’d decided Teddy sucked at kissing, or something. Maybe Teddy couldn’t compare to whoever it was that Billy had kissed before. Maybe-

Maybe he should go over and talk to Billy before he worked himself up into a panic attack.

Better idea.

Chase was herding the kids inside and Teddy headed for Billy. Tommy and Kate bailed out before Teddy got there, and Billy looked up at him with a smile a little less bright than yesterday.

“Hey,” Teddy said softly, extra-aware of the other people everywhere around them. “Did you sleep okay last night?”

Billy looked surprised at the question. “Me? Yeah.” He was watching Teddy carefully, though, and he pitched his voice low for his next question. “How about you? No regrets?”

_Ohhh. That’s what this is about._

Teddy held Billy’s gaze and shook his head, carefully and slowly. “None. None at all. Except maybe not having that conversation weeks ago.”

Billy’s shoulders relaxed and that real smile came back, like he was no longer waiting for some kind of blow to fall. “That might have been awkward, at least while you and Cass were still-“

“True.” Teddy grinned back at him, the relief flooding his bones. He caught himself chewing on his bottom lip and forced himself to quit it. “Are we still on for tonight?” 

“Nine o clock, right?” Billy asked, and the light had come back in his eyes, the gold-flecked brown that Teddy could die in. “As long as it’s not going to be the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech.”

“What?” Teddy gaped for a second, then shut his mouth and shook his head vehemently. “No, not a chance. The opposite of that.”

“So it is me, then,” Billy replied, and it took Teddy a second to catch on that he was being teased now, Billy’s eyes alight and dancing.

“And who’s on first.”

The field had just about emptied out now, everyone in the dining hall and the sounds of serving starting inside. “I have to get in there,” Teddy apologized. He couldn’t grab Billy’s hand like he wanted to, because the windows were big and everyone would see. “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. That we’re okay.”

“We’re better than okay,” Billy reassured him. “I was worried that you might be having a freakout, which would be totally understandable if you were…”

“I’m not. Not yet, anyway,” Teddy joked, but it wasn’t really a joke. Billy’s half-smile suggested he understood. “I really have to go. We’ll talk, though. Tonight.”

“Sure. I’ll be there.”

Teddy jogged up the steps of the dining hall and headed for his cabin’s table, the wall of sound hitting him like a force field the moment he entered the building. Chase was sitting at his usual end of the table, Teddy’s seat open at the other, and John Kesler had already grabbed one of the empty seats usually held for one of the out-of-cabin specialists, right beside Teddy’s spot.

He’d kind of hoped Billy would take that one, but so much for that idea.

“Hey, John.” Teddy nodded at him companionably and sat down, grabbing the plate of pancakes as it passed by his nose. “How’s things?”

“Not bad, not bad. Haven’t seen much of you these days. Where’ve you been hiding?” Kesler eyed him, then passed the syrup. Teddy soaked his plate with it, adding butter for good measure.

“Around,” he said casually. “With these guys most of the time. I think we’re down at Ropes again in a couple of days.”

Kesler stabbed at his breakfast casually enough, but something in the way he glanced sidelong at Teddy was making Teddy inexplicably nervous. “You’ve been hanging out with Shepherd’s little clone,” Kesler finally said, and Teddy’s hackles went up.

“You mean Billy? Yeah, we’re friends.” Teddy said firmly, though his heart was pounding way too fast and his mouth had gone dry. He chugged his bug juice to cover that up. “What’s your problem with him?”

Like Teddy didn’t know.

“Come on; he’s a – “ Kesler glanced askance at the kids sitting around them, some of whom were obviously paying attention, and he scowled. “A _geek_. We could’ve used you at football this week. We’re down a guy and odd numbers suck. You too good for us all of a sudden?”

“No! I’ve just been busy.”

“North field tonight, then. We’re going to play tackle, unless Nate pussies out.”

Teddy shook his head, though the fear-reaction in the back of his brain was screaming at him not to piss the guy off. He wanted to nod, to go along, to fade into the crowd as ‘one of the guys.’ He was good at that, at vanishing into the mass of generic Dude. It meant he could avoid dealing with big questions—like ‘who am I.’

He scanned the room and spotted Billy, sitting at Tommy’s table. The twins were sniping back and forth but Billy looked over and caught Teddy’s eye, sending him a wordless, happy smile.

Teddy’s heart clenched tight in his chest, and he distinctly heard something go ‘ping’ inside.

Some things turned out to be more important. “Can’t. I promised someone else I’d hang out.”

“Unh-hunh.”

Kesler didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t need to. The way he looked at Teddy, like Teddy had somehow revealed way too much, and been found wanting- that was telling enough.

That was fine; whatever. Teddy would just stay away. At least until Kesler got over whatever it was that was bugging him.

\--

9:07. 9:08.

Billy paced back and forth in the little patch of grass behind the sports shed, the gleeful anticipation he’d been carrying around with him all day slowly churning into resentment and humiliation. The forest ran behind him—no-one could see him here from the path or the main field—so it wasn’t like Teddy had been setting him up for some kind of horrible prank reveal. But he had been the one to say nine, even confirmed it this morning, and now he wasn’t here.

Five more minutes. Billy would wait five more minutes in the dark, the evening chill settling down around him and the treeline creepily close. Then he would go hang out in the staff lounge and give up on impossible dreams.

It hadn’t _felt_ impossible last night. Teddy had kissed him; he’d kissed him and _kissed_ him, and Billy had kissed back. Kissing Jimmy had never felt like that, all his hair standing on end and his blood turned to liquid fire.

Somewhere in the middle of everything he’d slid into Teddy’s lap, just trying to get closer, to feel his body heat and maybe touch his chest- and Teddy had hauled him in, their bodies melting together. Billy had sprung a boner almost immediately, the semi that had started with the kiss turning into the most amazing kind of needing-aching pain. Then he’d felt Teddy’s hard-on pushing up against him, and keeping his sanity had been a total lost cause.

 _I made out with Teddy. Like,_ really _made out with him. And he said he’d be here._

9:14. He should go. What was the point in making an idiot out of himself any longer?

Billy shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and rounded the corner of the shed. There were lights on in the dining hall down the hill, and some in the rec hall. He could go by there, maybe see what was going on-

A figure was hurtling along the path in the dark.

Teddy veered across the corner of the field, hurtling over the knee-high fence like it was nothing at all. He skidded to a halt in front of Billy and folded over, hands on his knees, panting to catch his breath. “I am so sorry,” he huffed out, and Billy’s mood changed from ‘dismal’ to something much more fizzy. “I’m late. I know. Andy took a header, off the bed? And I had to sit with him, in the infirmary, until his nose stopped bleeding.”

“It’s fine, it’s okay, catch your breath,” Billy could have laughed for the sheer relief of it all, now that Teddy was _here_. “No hyperventilating, or you’re going to end up back at the infirmary. Is he okay?”

Teddy sagged back against the wall, his cheeks still pink, and he nodded ruefully. “He’s little, but he’s a bruiser. Nothing broken. His pajamas look like he was an extra in The Shining, but that’s the camp laundry’s problem.”

“Good.” And then Billy had run out of things to say, oddly enough. The red flush on Teddy’s cheeks started to fade, his breathing evening out. Billy had to force himself to stop staring at the way his chest rose and fell beneath the snug t-shirt he was wearing. “I. Um. So- why did you want to meet _here_?” He gestured at the empty field, the cabin behind them that would probably be filled with soccer balls and hockey nets, the deserted path down to the waterfront. “If you wanted to talk we could go… I dunno. The docks?”

Was it rude and weird to assume that Teddy had wanted privacy for … for _reasons_? Billy hadn’t thought to ask before, had been too worried about the worst possibilities instead, and he could feel his cheeks getting hot now. Teddy had rubbed up against him yesterday, desperate and strong, the layers of clothing between them muting the incredible waves of sensation. Billy really, _really_ wanted to do that again. But did _he_?

Teddy scrubbed the back of his neck with his hand, and looked up in an expression that might be considered sheepish, maybe… embarrassed? Hopeful? Or was Billy reading too much into it? “Not the waterfront,” he said, glancing around them. “Too many people there. I was kind of hoping-“ The field was still empty, no-one watching. He wrapped his fingers through Billy’s and tugged him around the back of the shed.

Billy followed, frowning.

“I was hoping we could hang out, you know. Just us.” Teddy stopped, and it was hard to tell in the dark, but Billy was pretty sure his cheeks were flushed again.

But then- Teddy let go of his hand, the warmth vanishing, and he headed for the back wall of the shed. Billy focused, then realized – there was a door set there, a back way in that he’d never noticed in the daylight. Teddy shoved it open, and did something inside the door. A light blossomed, bright like the camping lantern, and Teddy beckoned him in.

The blood began to race in Billy’s veins, his heart thumping faster now that he thought he understood. Anticipation bubbled up, hot and fierce, and he wrestled to tamp it down as he ducked his head and slipped into the open doorway.

The shed was… a shed. Filled with sports equipment, like he’d suspected. A net hanging on the wall was full of soccer balls, a rack had about sixty kid-sized hockey sticks, boxes and milk crates of all kinds of things stacked high along the walls. And there, in the back corner, tucked away behind a divider, a stack of wide blue gym mats piled up about as high as Billy’s knees.

“Cozy,” Billy said sarcastically, because that was safer than hoping, his mouth going dry.

He got a snort from Teddy in return.

Teddy swung the door closed and slid a latch closed. It looked old but makeshift, like some enterprising counsellor years ago had nailed it into the wall on a whim. “This is pretty much the only place at camp with an inside lock, other than the office,” Teddy explained quietly, almost shyly, the lantern casting a sweet golden glow over his features. “It’s been makeout-central since I was a camper, at least. Maybe longer.”

He stood there, not moving, his hands opening and closing like he had no idea what to do with them. Billy moved across the floor, the wooden planks squeaking quietly beneath his feet, and he reached out for Teddy’s hand. It trembled, Teddy’s hand; like he was scared.

“Should I be worried?” Billy joked gently, the air between them thick with tension. “Locked in a cabin in the woods, maybe involving makeouts—usually the nerd dies early in these movies.”

Teddy looked at their hands, turned his so that he could lace his fingers through Billy’s and hold on. He filled up the spaces there, turning Billy’s skinny fingers into something solid and strong. Then he breathed out, a long shuddering breath that took the tension out of his shoulders. “Nah,” he said, and the real Teddy was back. “We’re too genre-savvy to die.”

He tugged on Billy’s hand and the world stopped. Billy stepped in and his arms went around Teddy’s neck. Teddy wrapped his arms around Billy’s waist as Billy rose up on his toes. He missed, because of _course_ he did, bopping his forehead against Teddy’s and mashing their noses together in some kind of freak parody of a bad kiss. Mortification surged up inside him— _I knew I was going to screw this up I knew it I knew it—_ but Teddy just laughed. “Score,” he joked, the sound as nervous as Billy felt, all tangled up and tight.

“Sorry,” Billy muttered, his face hot. But Teddy just tucked his hand in along Billy’s jaw to hold him in place, and leaned in again. 

Their lips met, there in the half-dark, a tentative, gentle brush that turned into something deeper.

It was just as good as the day before, maybe better, because this time Billy had brushed his teeth. Teddy tasted of mint too, mint and cinnamon, his lips moving hungrily on Billy’s. He walked Billy backwards in shuffling steps, only breaking their kiss long enough to catch his breath. Billy followed his lead, his knees bumping up against the pile of mats.

Teddy’s hair was damp and sticking up in funny directions; Billy ran his fingers through it, cupped his hands around Teddy’s face and held him steady. He licked at the corner of Teddy’s mouth, just to see if he tasted like cinnamon sugar there, too, an impulse that he couldn’t fight. Teddy laughed, flattening his hand against the small of Billy’s back and pulling him in closer.

_Where do I put my knees? He doesn’t want to be bumping against my stupid knobby knees. Maybe if I move my foot over he won’t be able to tell that they’re shaking._

That should have been the smart move, a way to keep his cool exterior (hah) and disguise the fact that his stomach was twisted into knots and his brain was running faster than anyone could keep up. Except that Teddy was still kissing him, and then nuzzling at his ear, and Billy moved _sideways_ instead of _back_ , because he never knew where he was putting his own stupid feet.

Teddy’s tongue touched Billy’s lips, the sizzle of _want_ surged through Billy’s entire body and he melted against Teddy, legs tangling up and Teddy’s thigh finding its way between Billy’s.  Teddy was wearing shorts, the fabric thin, and Billy could feel him through the layers. All the blood in his body was rushing southward as well, aching with the force of his arousal.

_Can he feel me? Can he tell that I’m hard, that my knees are wobbly?_

_Fuck_ all _of this._

Billy toppled backward onto the mats, dragging Teddy down with him. “Getting horizontal,” he announced as they went over. Because that way, even if his knees did give out or he tripped over something, he was already lying down. Less chance to mess this up and make Teddy stop, because the last thing he wanted in the world was to lose the feeling of Teddy, solid in his arms, the way his mouth tasted, the slick-sweet slide of their lips together.

“I like this plan.” Teddy managed to land on his arms, breaking his fall in a way that left him hovering over Billy, his knees resting on either side of Billy’s thighs.

“It’s mostly because my balance sucks,” Billy confessed, lacing his fingers through Teddy’s hair and pulling him down closer. He rained soft kisses over Teddy’s lips, his chin, his nose, trying to commit every inch of him to memory.

_If this never happens again, if I screw up or he really does change his mind, I never, ever want to forget this._

“I’m shocked,” Teddy teased, tipping his head back as Billy nuzzled into his neck. “Truly. I’m guessing traumatic head injury would be a bad way to end the evening.”

“Unless you want me to end up in a bed next to your camper in the infirmary, yeah,” Billy said, his lips moving against Teddy’s throat. Teddy smelled of cologne, maybe, or some kind of deodorant that hinted at musk and mountains. Billy mouthed at his collarbone, ran the tip of his tongue along that line, then tugged the collar of Teddy’s shirt down to bite at his skin. He was already marked there, little red and pink bruises dotting his skin from yesterday.

And yet. Just seeing them there made him ache, heat and tension curling tight between his thighs and confidence surging through his veins. _Mine. I licked you, so you’re mine._

Teddy pushed himself to sitting, straddling Billy’s thighs and looking down at him with an expression that hovered between awe and wonder. He traced a finger over Billy’s lips and Billy darted his tongue out to curl around it, draw the tip into his mouth.

It was purely impulsive, not at all something he’d thought much about, but the way Teddy reacted—his whole body going stiff and a groan coming from deep inside—made Billy re-evaluate. Teddy’s lips parted and Billy swirled his tongue around Teddy’s finger again, keeping their eyes locked.

_I put that expression on his face. I’m doing that. Me._

“Jesus, Billy-“ Teddy’s eyes had glazed over, and Billy glanced down. Teddy was hard enough that Billy could see the bulge through the nylon of his shorts, a long ridge pushing out against the fabric. _Note: sucking on fingers = good._

He itched to touch, just once, to know what it felt like to have Teddy’s hard-on pressing against his palm. Teddy trailed his finger down Billy’s chin instead, along the side of his throat, leaving a cool line of wetness in his trail. Then _Teddy_ was touching, splaying his hands out over Billy’s chest and running them down Billy’s sides until Billy convulsed with giggles. “No tickling—that’s not fair play.”

“Sorry; life isn’t fair,” Teddy intoned seriously, and he did it again.

There was nothing to do for that but tickle Teddy back, the glorious promise of his crotch put aside for the moment. Teddy fought back against the assault and tipped over, bouncing on the mat and ending up tangled tight against Billy. Their legs wrapped around each other, Teddy’s thigh tight up between Billy’s legs, Billy kissed him, tasted the edges of Teddy’s lips, and then — oh then, finally—Teddy parted his lips and Billy slipped the tip of his tongue inside.

_Hot, hot and slick, his lips so good, imagine what it would feel like if-_

His body jolted at the dangerous idea, their hips pressed tight together. Billy rolled his hips and ended up rubbing against Teddy’s stomach, the pressure of Teddy’s thigh hitting a sweet spot that made stars appear behind his eyes.

Teddy kissed him back just as fiercely, all lips and tongue and his fingers laced tightly into Billy’s. He rocked back against Billy, dragging out the pressure and the friction, slow and so, so sweet.

He could do this forever, move with Teddy just like this, hard as nails and the ride of their bodies together so good it was almost painful. He was drowning in the long pull of denim and the solid mass of Teddy’s thigh against his cock, kissing and trading breath back and forth, lips slick and sweat prickling along his hairline, and behind his knees.

Teddy buried his face in Billy’s shoulder and bit down, rubbing up against Billy, needy and hot. His breath hitched, almost like a sob, and the _wanting_  in that sound sent lightning flickering down Billy’s spine.

_I can do something for him._

One of Billy’s hands was still free and he slid it down between their bodies, his breath coming faster now.

Moving like this was one thing, locked around Teddy with their clothes on, the ripples of desire and pleasure still shallow. But actually _touching a dick_ with his hand, even through clothes-

It was new territory. More than mildly terrifying.

Billy swallowed hard, a lump in his throat. But Teddy had his free hand on Billy’s waist, pushing up the hem of his sweatshirt and running his fingertips along the strip of skin laid bare before him. It was almost as good as permission.

He turned his hand, just like that, and cupped Teddy’s hard-on through his shorts. Teddy’s whole body froze and he sucked in air, his eyes squeezing closed. “Billy, holy _shit_ -“

“Sorry- should I-“ Panic, but he was holding Teddy’s _dick_ in his _hand_ , shorts and underwear be damned. He could feel the heat of it even through the fabric, how hard he was, even the outline of the head, and the thick, heavy shaft pressing into his palm, and if he stroked up, he would-

“Don’t stop,” Teddy groaned, and he dug his fingers into the muscle of Billy’s hip. “You feel so good, Billy. I never imagined this would be so good.”

Billy stroked him then, ran his hand up along the whole length of Teddy’s hard on, and he could feel his own dick jumping at the feel of it. He wanted more, wanted to push his hands down inside and touch Teddy for real, hold him skin on skin and make him come, and-

He broke away with a groan and a gasp, letting go of Teddy’s dick before he could do something pushy and too much, too far.

Teddy was breathing heavy just like he was, and he rolled to his side, disentangling his legs just enough to get rid of the direct pressure. He did trail his hand down Billy’s chest again, stopping just at Billy’s waistband, because he was a teasing bastard and Billy hated him so much.

“This feels so right,” Teddy murmured, and he leaned in to kiss Billy again, his lips full and a little swollen. He splayed his hand flat on Billy’s stomach, low down below his belly button, just high enough that Billy had to rock his hips up to push even the tip of his dick against the side of Teddy’s hand. “ _You_ feel so right.”

Billy groaned, chasing Teddy’s mouth with his. “Now I know you’re just making shit up,” he teased.

“Nuh-unh.” Teddy’s gaze ranged over Billy’s body; what could he be seeing that put the hot flush on his cheeks and neck? Unless he liked skinny, mouthy dorks- “I love your legs,” he confessed, and Billy had really not expected that one.

“My legs?” he asked, confusion obvious. “What’s so special about those?”

Teddy flushed even redder than before. “They’re amazing,” he confessed. “Long, and lean, and muscled everywhere. I’ve even-“ and he stopped dead, looking away.

“What?” Billy blurted out, half-sitting up on his elbows. “You even _what_?”

Teddy met his eyes, and the heat in them sent Billy’s heart racing double-time. “I might have had a fantasy or two, about you with your legs around me, and-“ he trailed off again. “I dunno. I just like them.”

“Oh my god,” Billy breathed out, because in what way was this something that happened to _him_? Teddy was- he was _everything_ that was hot in the world, and he thought _Billy’s legs_ were sexy?

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything- now you’ll think I’m a creeper.”

And then he thought about it, about what Teddy had described. “That is insanely hot,” Billy replied quickly, so that Teddy would be okay with saying things like that _all the time_.

He didn’t even think about it, just slung his leg over Teddy and sat in his lap again, grinding down to chase the pressure and the friction once more. Teddy’s hands went right to Billy’s thighs, touching and cupping around him, almost in awe.

Billy could feel the pre-come leaking from him now, smearing against the inside of his briefs and making everything gloriously sticky and damp. “Shoulders,” Billy said after a moment, both their dicks caught between their stomachs and one of his hands clenched in Teddy’s hair.

Teddy gasped and thrust up against his body again, his hands tight on Billy’s thighs. “Sorry?”

“Your shoulders. Your arms. Your butt,” Billy clarified. “Ridiculously hot. You shouldn’t even be _real._ It’s illegal.”

Teddy tugged at the hem of Billy’s sweatshirt and Billy wrestled it off, his t-shirt getting stuck in the sleeves and peeling off with it. He scrabbled to grab the hem but Teddy pushed it off him as well, and both of Billy’s shirts ended up in a pile of the mat beside them.

Billy crossed his arms over his chest, because how could he compete with the way Teddy looked, even in a t-shirt, his muscles all defined and his ribs not showing?

But Teddy’s eyes lit up at the sight of Billy half-naked, his hand dropping back down to rest on Billy’s treasure trail, the line of sparse dark hair that ran down from his navel to vanish beneath the waistband of his jeans. His hand followed and Billy held his breath, his eyes fixed on Teddy’s hand, his curling fingers, the tentative way he settled his palm over Billy’s hard-on, and gently squeezed.

Pleasure shot through Billy like a lightning bolt and he arched up into Teddy’s hand. He was everything, wrapped firm around Billy’s dick, the pressure and the friction of the fabric rubbing hard against his cock, the heat of Teddy’s body, the way his fingertips slid further between Billy’s legs, circling his balls, testing, exploring-

 _Oh fuck, oh fuck-_ Teddy kept watching him, his eyes heavy-lidded and his mouth partly open, his tongue flicking out to moisten his lips, and he was stroking Billy’s hard-on through his jeans. How was a guy supposed to stay sane when Teddy looked at him like that? Like _Billy_ was somehow the answer to all of his prayers.

Billy ground down into Teddy’s palm, rocked into him, bent forward to kiss him deeply and the friction was so good, fucking _perfect_ , just a little more, and-

“Stop,” he gasped, sitting up and backing off a little. Teddy made a sound a little bit like a sob but he stopped right away, pulling his hand back. His shorts tented out, a tiny wet spot on the front announcing how slick Teddy’s dick would be right now if Billy took it out to touch him skin on skin.

The thought was still too much, too heavy, too… _real_. Instead Billy tried to catch his breath and slow his heart down to something that wouldn’t explode in another minute or two of stimulus.

“Did I do something wrong?” Teddy asked, and the furrow of concern between his brows was deep.

“No, no—the opposite. Way too close to coming. Oh my _God_ , Teddy.” Billy flopped over onto his back beside Teddy, his body screaming at him and only some vague notion that it was too soon stopping him from rolling back on top of Teddy and riding him into oblivion.

Teddy stayed lying where he was, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He locked his hand in Billy’s, fingers interlaced. “Wow,” he said after a minute, and there was reverence in his voice.

“Unh-hunh.”

Another minute or two ticked by, their slowing breathing the only real sound, Teddy’s hand clasped tight in his.

Once his blood had cooled and Billy was reasonably sure he wasn’t going to embarrass himself all over the inside of his jeans, he rolled back in and laid his head on Teddy’s stupid broad shoulder. Teddy’s arm came around him, snugging in under Billy’s waist and pulling him close. He nuzzled down into Billy’s hair, his breath warm, his heartbeat rapid under Billy’s hand on his chest.

This was real, it was really happening. Billy breathed him in deep, trying to memorize everything about his smell, the rhythm of his heartbeat, the way his chest rose and fell.

“So we have chemistry,” he joked feebly, once the silence seemed to have gone on a little too long.

“Holy shit,” Teddy said reverently. “Yeah. You are so hot. Ridiculously sexy. Can I say that about a guy? I don’t care. I want to make out with you all the time.”

“I’ll take the compliment,” Billy laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it, but the warmth spread out from his heart and flooded him. “And don’t go thinking that this is normal, either, just because you’re not trying to mack on girls anymore. I’ve never, ever felt this way with someone before.” It was too true, too honest, but Teddy had been holding Billy’s dick only a few minutes ago—why try and hide feelings?

Teddy made a soft noise into Billy’s hair that could have been either agreement or annoyance.

“You’ve had a boyfriend before?” he asked a moment later, and from the way his arm tightened around Billy’s waist, the sound had probably been… what? Jealousy?

“Yeah. Jimmy.” For what that had been worth. “He’s a guy at my school. We both kind of came out last year, so we kissed some. Made out a little bit. Nothing even remotely like this.”

 _Boyfriend? Did he say ‘boyfriend?’_ Billy bit his lip to stop himself from blurting out something stupid in return.

“What happened? You’re not still-“ Teddy trailed off, all frowny.

Billy shook his head vehemently and Teddy’s arm relaxed a little. “No!  We broke up a while ago. It was fine, we’re still friends, sort of. But going out just ‘cause we’re ‘the gay guys’ isn’t enough to make you really like someone, and we don’t have a lot in common. I guess he’s important because he was my first kiss, but other than that-“ he ran out of words, the explanation tumbling out quickly, just in case- _please don’t let this be the reason Teddy walks away._ “We don’t hang out. At all.”

Teddy shifted underneath him, his other arm coming up to loop around Billy and tug him close.

 “Cassie hasn’t really been speaking to me – she’s not _not_ speaking to me, but ... we haven’t been hanging out. I guess it’s awkward. I was hoping it wouldn’t be. It’s going to be weird not seeing her once we get home.” Teddy sounded wistful, a little bit lonely.

It had been different when Billy had broken up with Jimmy—it was less of a clean split and more of a ‘don’t really care enough to text him back right away’ kind of slow balloon leak. He hadn’t really missed the guy, after. But Teddy and Cassie had been friends for years, over a _decade_ , and that made it different.

“She’s probably trying to figure out the same thing,” Billy offered, hoping it would be comforting. “I’m sure if you guys hang out a bit, it’ll be back to like it was before last year.”

“Maybe.”

Billy really, really didn’t feel like consoling Teddy about missing his ex-girlfriend, however different the circumstances were. _It’s not like he’s going to get back together with her._ Still, a subject change was definitely in order.

“I guess that’s one question... What _is_ going to happen we go back to the city?” Billy pushed himself up on one elbow, curling his leg over one of Teddy’s knees to keep the contact. “Are we going to see each other again, or will I be ‘that guy I hooked up with at camp one summer’? Because if this is going to be a summer fling thing, I need to be prepared.” That idea hurt, right down to the center of his stomach, heavy and sour.

Teddy’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head vehemently. “No! I want to keep seeing you. If you do, too. I mean, I hadn’t really thought about what would happen after—I’ve been too freaked out about the ‘now’ parts.”

He paused, Billy felt the smile spreading across his own face, and Teddy relaxed. Billy nodded, but Teddy seemed to be waiting for him to find words. “I want to go out with you, like for-real,” Billy said. “Go to movies and the comic shop, and hang out after school- dances, maybe, someday, if we’re feeling brave. Sound good?”

_Please please please-_

The arm around Billy tightened, like the idea had made Teddy nervous as hell. _Fair enough. Take it slow._ Billy leaned over and kissed him, gently at first and then deeper, his tongue tracing over the still-new territory. Teddy relaxed under his hands and his lips, yearning up into him. His eyes were heavy-lidded when he looked up at Billy after, his lower lip pouting and full.

“I want –“ Teddy paused, his chest rising with a deep breath and his jaw setting with determination. “I want you to be my boyfriend. If that’s-.”

“Yes,” Billy said before Teddy had even finished speaking, and he grabbed Teddy’s hand, holding it tight. “Boyfriends, yes. Definitely. That would be … really good.”

 _He’s on the rebound, isn’t he?_ His treacherous brain spat out the question and he stomped it ruthlessly into the mental dust. _Don’t care._

About a thousand expressions flashed across Teddy’s face in the instant the words left his lips, and he rubbed his eyes, like he was trying to clear them. “Wow. Yeah. That sounds weird. Good-weird! But it’s going to be a while before I’m used to it. _Boyfriend_.”

Billy snorted gently. “Will you walk me home from school and carry my books, and do I get to wear your letter jacket?”

“Only if we double-straw a milkshake at the ice cream parlour.” Teddy leaned up into Billy and kissed him gently, his mouth soft and warm, promising everything Billy had ever needed. Billy sank into it, his body pressed up against Teddy’s strong frame, their mouths locked in a slow, deep kiss that sent waves of pleasure rolling straight down through to Billy’s toes. It was different again from the fireworks before, something _more_. He wanted it all.

Some time later—Billy had lost all count of the minutes or hours—he was lying down again, half on top of Teddy, pressing Teddy’s arms up above his head. He could keep Teddy still like that, kiss him and taste his jaw, his throat, his shoulder, whatever he liked.

“It may seem dumb,” Teddy sighed, his hips gently arcing up to meet Billy’s, “but I actually like all that stuff.”

Billy paused, letting Teddy’s arms go. He settled his hands on Billy’s hips, drawn there automatically. “What stuff?” Billy asked, his brain entirely derailed.

“The dumb teenage dating cliché stuff.” _Oh; that_. “It’s like being a part of something, showing off to the world that I found someone amazing, who also likes me. And I know it’ll be different, since we’re guys, but- I dunno.” Teddy sat up, tugging Billy over to sit in his lap again, facing Teddy, his arms over Teddy’s shoulders and Teddy’s snug around his waist. Billy crossed his ankles behind Teddy’s back, just because, and Teddy flushed red.

“I want to make out in the back seat of a car one day,” Teddy confessed, hitching Billy closer, just enough to brush up against Teddy’s dick, getting hard again between them. “And get a class ring when I graduate, and be with someone who might want to wear it.”

Billy pressed in tighter, overwhelmed by the urge to be _closer, closer, under his skin_. “Because he’s proud of you?”

“Yeah.”

There was too much packed into that one-word answer for Billy ever to unpick, especially now when his brain wasn’t doing most of the thinking. So he just told the truth. “I will one hundred percent wear your class ring. And if anyone gives me shit over it, I’ll use it like brass knuckles to punch them in the face.” _So there._

Teddy laughed, nuzzling in, his lips hot against the join of Billy’s shoulder and neck. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

“Not just my fantastic legs?”

“They’re a pretty good runner-up.”

Then they were kissing again, Teddy’s hands hot on Billy’s bare back, his lips becoming familiar territory, and their bodies moving slowly as though they had all the time in the world for love.


	12. Aftermath... and a campout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the guys come to terms with the Thing between them, and Billy has to sleep in a tent.

Teddy made it back to the cabin just before bed check, diving under the covers so that no-one would see the idiotic grin on his face, the dust all up the back of his shirt and shorts from the mats in the sports shed, or his clothes all in disarray. Chase didn’t say a thing, only snorted with laughter before turning over in his cot by the opposite wall and starting to snore.

It wasn’t that easy for Teddy, his body humming and his mind retracing every. Single. Moment. Of the evening. If he’d had any doubts at all after the day before, they were all gone now. He wanted everything with Billy that he’d never wanted before- kissing, makeouts, walking hand in hand, cuddling and falling asleep together, even- it all sounded way too good to be true.

Or to be something he got to have.

Because some of that… he’d have to come out for. If he wanted to curl up with Billy and watch movies in the staff lounge, or dance with him at the social, or put his arms around Billy at a campfire… he’d have to come out. He’d have to answer questions and be looked at funny.

He’d be the weird kid again, except unlike his dad dying, this one was something he would never shake. It was something so deeply _him_ that there would be no turning back.

Teddy had seen the way John Kesler sneered at Billy.

He knew what the guys back at school would say.

The only thing he wasn’t sure of was whether he was strong enough to tell the world the truth.

\--

It wasn’t the whole world, but Cassie was at least someone important. Someone Teddy could trust, at least so far. She’d never once let him down, and that meant that he owed her the same. Even if he never said a word to anyone else, Cassie deserved to hear the truth from him.

It had gone alright the first time, after all.

Teddy tried to find her after flagpole, before breakfast, but she had a swarm of little girls around her knees at all times and that really wasn’t a space Teddy was going to try and pour his heart out to her in. Nate was hovering around her table afterward, so Teddy gave up on the idea. At least for the moment. At least Billy was there, even if he kept getting dragged away for conversations, first by Kamala and then by Kate. He managed to catch Teddy’s eye a time or two, his smile brilliant and bright, and that went a long way toward soothing Teddy’s frazzled nerve endings.

Though in retrospect, maybe he had been staring a bit too obviously.

“Where were you last night?” Kesler bounced the basketball around his feet, blocking Teddy’s path.

The kids were up ahead, barrelling down to the waterfront for sailing with Chase in tow, but John didn’t seem inclined to step aside and let Teddy follow.

“I told you,” Teddy tried to put on the Jock Swagger that he’d perfected over the past year, but it didn’t sit easily on him this time. Something in him had changed, and his usual armour wasn’t coming easily. “I had plans. Why—did you get your ass kicked again?”

“And you would have helped?” Kesler snorted. “I’ve been hearing weird shit about you, Altman. And you’re still spending all your time with Kaplan. What are you doing with that twerp?”

Freezing was the wrong move; freezing in place would tell Kesler everything he was fishing for right now, and all the things that Teddy wasn’t ready to say. (Even if he was going to come out, Cassie needed to hear it first, not one of the random guys that Teddy didn’t see during the school year.)

Teddy rolled his eyes instead, only a split second of time hanging between the accusation and his response. “You have a problem with Billy? I’d like to hear you say that in front of Tommy and see how many teeth you have left in your head.”

“Shepherd ain’t shit,” Kesler snorted, but he still eyed Teddy with suspicion. Some kids ran by in the opposite direction, wet and wrapped in beach towels, and Kesler bounced the basketball directly at Teddy.

Teddy caught it easily, the rough surface and the force of the bounce stinging his palms.

“Remember who your real friends are, Altman,” Kesler suggested, with a dark sneer. “And be careful. Hanging out with cocksuckers is bad for a guy’s rep. People might start thinking you’ve gone queer too.”

“Billy’s a nice guy, and I like hanging out with him. Like I care what people think?” Teddy scoffed, and he bounced the ball back at Kesler before shouldering him out of the way, and continuing on down the hill. But his blood curdled thick in his veins. It was a lie; he cared. He cared way too much, and his stomach had tied itself up into knots by the time Kesler was out of sight.

Teddy sagged back against the nearest tree and sucked in air, his head buzzing. He wanted – he wanted to go find Billy, he needed to go talk to Cassie, and right now he had eight small children to pack into sailboats and drive in circles around the lake.

This wasn’t going to be easy as he’d hoped.

\--

“If Spaceman can run the motorboat I can come out with a still camera as well as the video and get action shots of the race,” Billy offered, looking out over the sail dock and the markers sitting high in the water.

“Yeah, that’s not a problem. He’s not leaving with the Junior camping trip until Thursday afternoon,” Kate replied. “So he won’t start packing or anything until tomorrow morning, at the earliest.”

The which and the what, now? “Juniors camping trip?”

Kate was heading for the shed, not paying a lot of attention to the way Billy’s ears had perked up at the thought. “Yeah; it’s just an overnighter for the little kids. We paddle them out to the woods landing in canoes and they make camp there. Tents, campfire, s’mores until they vibrate themselves to sleep. It’s always a big hit.”

Tents, campfires, woods and canoes- it was almost a parody of what camp was supposed to be. And if the Juniors were going, that meant Teddy would be there, camping out under the brilliant back-country stars. “Sounds like someone should go along with a camera,” he suggested, as innocently as he could. “If this is the first campout for most of these kids. I bet the pictures would go over well with their parents.”

“Run it by David and if Kamala can cover the other sessions at the shed, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Kate looked back over her shoulder and gave him a look so steady that he was absolutely, one-hundred-percent certain that she knew exactly why he was interested.  She sat down on the wooden steps of the shed and leaned against the railing, clipboard balanced on her knee. “Are you?”

“Fine?” he asked, just to clarify. He dropped down to sit beside her and she poked him in the butt with her toe. “Yeah, I’m good. Better than good. I like camp,” he shrugged. “Who knew?”

“Told you we’d get you eventually. How’s Teddy?” She arched an eyebrow, and Billy flinched away from the question there. He wanted to shout it to the heavens, of course he did! No-one would believe it, that a guy like him could wind up with a guy like Teddy—why wouldn’t he want to brag, to show off his incredible boyfriend, to let everyone around him know that he was the happiest he’d been in a long, long time?

But Teddy had asked him for a couple of days, at least, and Billy had promised. He had the feeling that extended to Kate as well, whether or not she was hooking up with a guy who might have been Billy’s brother.

God, life had gotten weird.

“He’s good,” Billy said carefully, picking his words with care. “I think he’s having kind of a confusing summer. Lots of stuff changing. But last time I talked to him he seemed happy.”

Kate nodded, and something softened around her eyes. Had he passed some kind of test that he hadn’t been aware he was taking? “I thought as much. Have you been talking to Tommy?” she changed conversational direction so fast he thought he was going to get whiplash, and Billy, caught off guard, just shook his head.

“Not really. Things got a bit… real at Visitors’ Day, I guess. For both of us. My parents were cool about it, but … I dunno. I’ve been trying not to get too hung up on it. It’s not like there’s anything I can do about … any of it, actually. Not while we’re here.”

And he’d been so caught up in the drama with Teddy that he’d been able to push his worries about his maybe-twin completely out of his mind. Fixating on his new closeted super-hot _boyfriend_ was a whole lot more fun than wondering what had happened to half of his genetic code. 

“I made a couple of phone calls,” Kate said casually, like she was talking about renewing her visa card. “My aunt is on a benefit committee with a woman who donated, something like a million dollars to the Children’s Aid Society, and she can probably pull some strings to get records released faster. Before you’re eighteen, I mean. No guarantees, but it was worth a shot. The other option is DNA testing,” she went on. “I know a guy who does computer stuff for the DNA Diagnostics guys – they’re the ones who do all the Maury Show ‘you are not the father!’ crap. If you wanted to be sure.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not Tommy’s father,” Billy shot back, purely out of reflex.

Did he want to know? Like, with 100% certainty on-paper lab-tested kind of proof? Wasn’t their shared face enough?

“You never know,” Kate shrugged. “He might be yours.” And she held the deadpan for a beat before they both cracked up. Her- well, who knew why Kate did anything? – and him for the sheer stupidity of the situation.

“Is Tommy doing okay?” Billy asked, when the laughter had subsided. “He’s not really talking to me and I… don’t exactly know how to talk to him. We’re not that much alike, I don’t think. Not on the inside.”

Kate shrugged. “I don’t know about that. There’re definitely some things you have in common.” But she didn’t elaborate. “He’s not a talk-about-feelings sort of guy,” was all she ended up saying. 

“Yeah,” Billy said, but that didn’t solve much of anything. “Thank you,” he added. “For looking into some of this.”

“Any time,” Kate answered, her mouth quirking up in a grin. “It’s a lot more interesting than planning regattas for ten year olds. Who knows; maybe I’ll go into detective-ing as a career. Finding lost family members, uncovering dastardly plots.”

“Dastardly? No-one uses that word.”

“Says you.”

The banter was easier than the thinking, and Billy was happy enough to avoid thinking too hard about some things for a while longer.

\--

Teddy’d drawn the short straw, metaphorically speaking, but he couldn’t find it in him to be that angry about it. Supervising Free Swim wasn’t so bad, especially since he didn’t really have to do anything except hang out on the dock and count the kids every once in a while to make sure they still had them all. The sun beat down hot on his back, his tank top and swim shorts almost too much clothing already. He sunk his feet into the water, the lake still blissfully cool even under the early afternoon blaze.

22…23…24. All the Juniors still had their heads above water.

“How’s it going?” Cassie’s voice sounded behind him, and she dropped down to sit, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“No kids dead yet,” Teddy reported cheerfully. “But we’ve still got half an hour to go.” He bumped her with his shoulder, an affectionate gesture so automatic that he didn’t realize he’d done it until she bumped him back. Their eyes met, Cassie looking at him over the rim of her sunglasses, and they shared a nervous laugh as well.

_I know her too well. And she knows me._

“We still get to be friends, right?” Teddy asked her, a little bit more wistfully than he would have wanted it to sound. Cassie didn’t seem to mind.

“Of course, dummy.” Then she looked at him deeper, before one of her girls swam up to the side of the dock with a highly urgent shiny rock delivery. Cassie oohed and ahhed for a moment, carefully setting the pebble aside by the ladder.

Kids shouted and called to one another, a bunch of his boys jumped and splashed in the shallows, swatting at each other with flutterboards. A hawk called from somewhere in the trees, and in the distance, he could hear a motorboat buzzing around the lake. This was good. This was peace, in the only place he’d ever really found it.

“You did it, didn’t you?” Cassie’s voice broke into Teddy’s daydreaming, and she cocked her head at him with a cheerful grin.

“What?” Teddy asked, confused.

“Told Billy. About you.”

That squeal when someone jammed on the car brakes too fast—that was the sound that played sharp in Teddy’s mind. “How did you-“ he stammered, looking around quickly. There was no-one else on their section of the dock, just a handful of the girls hanging out by the waterslide, lifeguard poles at the ready. And the kids really couldn’t care less about what the ‘grownups’ were discussing.

Cassie unfolded, dunking her feet in the water beside his. “Kate talked to Billy this morning.”

_Oh shit no no no-_ “Billy told her?” The horror had to be evident in his voice, the sudden whiplash of betrayal-

“No!” Cassie said immediately, and Teddy started to breathe again. “Kate said he was so obviously _not_ talking about it—even saying that he hadn’t talked you in a while which…really, that’s the worst lie ever—and she knew something had to be up. So she asked me, because I know you, and I said I’d find out. So no, she doesn’t know officially, but you may as well spill because she’s got it figured out.”

Teddy nodded slowly. “Kate is scary,” he said, with reverence.

“You have no idea. So what did he say?”

“Who?” Teddy was getting mental whiplash from all the back and forth in this conversation.

Cassie kicked him under the water. “Billy!”

“Um.” Teddy fell silent. What did he say? What _could_ he say, considering who he was speaking to? _I hit on him and then we made out and it was a million times better than anything we ever had._ … no. _He’s the most amazing person ever and I can’t believe I get to kiss him._ Probably wouldn’t go over well either. _So yeah, I have a boyfriend now, and I think he’s cuter than your new one…_

That would get him _killed_.  

He’d left it hanging too long, because Cassie just nodded, slowly. “Oh.” She frowned, looking out over the lake, then the moment of shadow seemed to pass from her eyes and she was her usual sunshine self again. “That good, hunh?” she teased halfheartedly.

“You know this isn’t about you, right?” Teddy pleaded softly, wanting desperately to take her hand. But it was way too public here, and that would start a thousand more rumours neither of them needed. “It never was.”

She nodded. “I know. And I’m really happy for you, Teddy-bear. Honestly. You weren’t as subtle as you thought you were, you know. I’ve had a while to get used to the idea.”

“Then you’re doing better than I am.” Teddy paused and counted kids again. 22, 23, 24. Fine. “What do you think, really?”

Cassie paused and ruminated, looking out over the water. “I think you two will be good together,” she said after a moment. “I don’t really know him yet, but Kate seems to think he’s a good guy. Not that she has the best taste in boys,” Cassie amended after a beat.

“Tell me about it,” Teddy snorted.

“You know she and Tommy are hooking up, right?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“One hundred percent.”

“That whole situation is just weird.”

“Our _lives_ are weird, Teddy.” Cassie splashed her feet against the surface of the lake, and waved at one of her girls spinning by in an inner tube. “But no matter what, we’ll always have this.” And on this particular hot summer July day, that answer was enough.

\--

It took Billy about fifteen minutes to talk his way in to tagging along on the Juniors campout, and about 0.001 seconds after it started to regret the entire thing.

He’d half-expected to be able to show up with his backpack and his camera gear, have a few minutes to get his stuff stowed in Spaceman’s motorboat, then watch the cheerful line of children arrive, freshly-scrubbed and-

“Paw Patrol is for _babies_.”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“You’re a...a... poophead!”

“That’s a _bathroom word_ and I’m telling!”

“I’m in the canoe with _Cassie_.”

“No, I am! She’s _my_ counsellor!”

“But you got to be on Cassie’s team for water balloon races, so it’s my turn!”

“That’s because she likes me better.”

“There’s a _spider_ in the canoe! I’m not getting in there!”

We’re sleeping outside, dumbhead. There’s going to be spiders _everywhere_. In your tent and in your sleeping bag and in your _haiiiiir..._ ”

“Chaaaaaaase! Make her stop!”

Well, no. But the chaos down at the docks was worse than even he had managed to anticipate. He hadn’t done the math. Four cabins of little kids, six or eight kids to a cabin, meant something like 30 kids too young to be relied upon to paddle or steer that now had to get loaded into canoes, two, three or four at a time. If a train going south at sixty miles an hour passed a train going forty miles an hour and full of shrieking little boys in lifejackets...

Where the hell was the motorboat?

Billy dumped his stuff in a pile beside the heap of backpacks and sleeping bags next to the dock. He turned around and suppressed a surprise yelp, a kid materialized silently beside him.

Andy stared up at him, his brow furrowed deeply. “You’re not a Juniors counsellor,” he said flatly.

Billy was not going to let himself be intimidated by a waist-high second-grader who probably still slept with a teddy bear.

(Not that there was anything wrong with sleeping with stuffed animals. The bear was just... cliché.)

 “Nope,” he agreed, lifted his camera and took a rapid series of candids of Andy in his Indiana Jones hat. “But I’m coming anyway. So don’t get in trouble, or I’ll have it all on film for your parents.”

Andy nodded, like he was taking Billy seriously. He looked around quickly, then leaned in closer. “Are there-“

“Hm?”

“Are there really going to be _spiders_?”

And in that moment he wasn’t the half-sized terror who had been chasing his cabin mates around with a hose, or the bruiser who had bashed his nose and almost ruined Billy and Teddy’s “date.” Andy was just a little kid, his cheeks still round with baby fat, looking at Billy like he had the answer to everything.

“No,” Billy said, and Andy’s whole body relaxed. “At least, none in the tents.” Andy stiffened up again, and the wave of guilt hit Billy kind of harder than he expected.

Teddy was making his way toward them, a handful of kids trailing in his wake. “See that?” Billy offered, nodding at Teddy. “That right there is Camp Manitoulin’s A-1 champion spider-smasher. And we’re taking him with us. It’s the rest of camp that are going to be in trouble now.” He was making it up completely —for all he knew Teddy was arachnophobic, come to think of it. But Andy was giving him the ‘not sure if I can believe you’ kid stinkeye, and Teddy was grinning at them both like he’d seen something amazing happening. So that was okay.

“Thanks.” Teddy approached as Andy ran off to join the rest of the kids squabbling over lifejacket assignments. “Kids are so weird. You never know what they’re going to freak out about.”

“I dunno;” Billy shrugged. “Spiders in your hair seem like solid freak-out fodder to me.”

The light in Teddy’s eyes was everything, along with the way his hand twitched between them, like he wanted to reach out. “Don’t worry, you’ve got the A-1 spider smasher to protect you,” Teddy teased. “Assuming you don’t mind being the damsel in distress.”

Billy snorted. “As if.”

“Who’s a damsel?” Cassie asked from behind them, her hair bundled up under a baseball cap that Billy was pretty sure he’d seen Nate wearing the other day.

 “Not you,” Teddy replied instantly. “Because I don’t want to get punched today.”

“Everyone’s ready, I think,” Cassie looked out over the group. “Except you, Billy. Going to try this without a lifejacket?”

“Try what?” Billy narrowed his eyes, suspicion setting in.

“Canoeing, of course.”

“I can’t take hundreds of dollars of camera gear in a canoe,” Billy pointed out, entirely correctly. “I’m riding with Space, I think.” He shaded his eyes and looked out over the lake again. “Assuming he ever shows up. Where did he go?”

“Around the point, probably,” Cassie answered. “He had to go take all the tents and food out to the site, and he’ll be back for the bags.”

Teddy nodded, his gorgeous arms folded across his chest and- Billy looked away, not ready to be caught staring. He didn’t miss the little eyebrow flicker from Cassie, though. Had Teddy told her?

The putt-putt-putt of the returning motor boat broke the silence that was just beginning to creep in between the three of them, that horrible feeling of _oh God, awkward_ breaking away before it could really set in. Billy broke away and headed for the dock to grab the line that spaceman threw him, and then it was all a blur of loading bags onto the boat until he’d built himself a throne of sleeping bags and backpacks to perch on.

Mostly because there was nowhere else to sit.

Billy balanced on top of the pile and slung his camera strap around his neck to keep it in place. Spaceman took off from the dock like a shot the moment the ropes were let go, almost sending Billy flying backwards and into the lake. He yelled, Space slowed down, but didn’t stop until they were halfway across the lake. Then he kicked back, put his feet up on the bow-cover-thing (Billy was not a sailor, okay?) and waited.

“Why did we stop here?”

“You need to take photos, right?” Space waved lazily toward the back dock and the line of canoes just starting to pull away from the camp. “There. The light is good from here, your backdrops should be adequate.”

He... wasn’t wrong. Weird as hell, but not wrong.

An hour’s worth of footage and snapshots, two close fly-bys of the canoe line and one frantic rescue later, Space dropped Billy off on the dock on the other side of the lake.

He hopped out and helped to pull the canoe they were towing up onto the sand, water squelching into his running shoes and sand settling in between his toes. Chase and the two kids who had been in his canoe—before it capsized—squished past him, Chase stopping only long enough to shake his head like some kind of obnoxious golden retriever, spraying lake water everywhere.

“Hey!” Billy’s arms flew up to shield his camera, the kids laughed, Chase... chased them, and then the sorry little pack of them came out from the gravel-covered forest trail and into a wide clearing.

The sky opened up blue overhead, the grass in the clearing cut down to an inch or two above the ground. A ring of log benches sat in the middle of the clearing, circling a large metal fire pit already stacked in with logs.

A couple of staff were there already, half the tents set up in a semicircle facing the firepit, the rest laid out with their groundsheets. A couple of large coolers sat beside stacks of boxes labelled with things like ‘hot dogs,’ and an ancient rusted-out grill about four feet long and two feet wide sat off to one side, bags of charcoal pinning its wobbling feet to the ground.  

Camping. Real camping. Tents. Fire. The one and only time the Kaplans had ever ventured into anything even remotely resembling camping had been at a family retreat run by the Temple, where the food had been catered and there had been real bathrooms.

_Oh no. Is there even an_ outhouse _?_

No obvious answer presented itself.

_Fuck this._

He briefly flirted with the idea of jumping back in the boat the next time Spaceman swung by, but realistically speaking... he was stuck here, in the back woods.

_Forget outhouses, I wonder how many axe murderers are out there?_

The surrounding woods pressed in on the clearing, a cloud passing over the sun casting a chill shadow down upon the space.

Voices carried up from the dock and the beach, and the moment passed, leaving Billy to groan internally at his own hyperactive imagination.

“So, uh,” Billy asked, approaching a still-damp Chase as he rummaged through a bag looking for something. “What’s the deal with the sleeping arrangements here? There’s no way eight kids and two staff are going to fit in one of those tents.

“What, the earth zits?” Chase snorted, pulling a towel out and starting to dry himself off. His shoes still squelched, and he kicked them off as he spoke. “Not a chance, unless we stack ‘em. And that would only work if we drugged them first.” He got quiet and contemplative for a moment, then grinned. “Nah, we stick ‘em four to a tent, maybe five if there are besties who can’t be apart for, like, a nanosecond.

“Staff tents are over there-“ he pointed to two larger ones over on the other side. “One for girls, one for guys, sadly, and we take turns on night duty to prevent the little dudes from tent-hopping. Sign up for the early morning shift if you can,” he advised sagely. “Because I’m totally snagging the first night shift, and waking up in the middle of the night and then trying to get to sleep again afterward is total shit.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Sure. In the mean time, help me with this.” Chase passed Billy the end of a long line, and he headed for a post sticking up out of the ground. By the time they had the laundry line? – laundry line, because Chase threw his wet clothes over it and threatened to hang up his two wet campers from hooks unless they got their shit changed _now—_ everyone had piled on up the hill and were moving bags into tents, running in circles, and listening to absolutely none of the counsellors shouting orders.

“Kindling!”

“Pick a buddy before you go into the woods, and _stay together_!”

“No going down to the waterfront without a grownup!”

“I don’t see any grownups here,” Teddy said, jumping on a tent peg to stick it into the solid ground. “Do you?”

Billy grabbed the mallet and tried to look like he knew what he was doing, pounding the other one home. “Only the one hiding in the woods with a hockey mask.”

“Don’t tell Andy that, he’ll be trying to sleep in the staff tent tonight.”

“Yeah,” Billy said slowly. “And that would suck.” _I’m going to be sleeping in the same tent as Teddy tonight. I’m going to be waking up next to Teddy in the morning._

_Oh no. Teddy’s going to see me with bedhead. And morning breath._

_And morning... oh no._

“Take the morning shift at the campfire,” Teddy was saying, watching Billy as he spoke.

“Come again? I missed that.”

“I said, we should sign up for the morning shift,” Teddy repeated himself. “If you want to do night duty with me, I mean. We have to have people on duty all night and the morning one is the best. Assuming you can get up that early.”

“No problem,” Billy blurted out, because his brain was somewhere else entirely. “I’ll get up with you. I mean, I’ll wake and be up- That is-“

He was going to die of mortification, that was what he was going to do. Just sink right into the ground and vanish forever.

Teddy’s cheeks were – were they flushed? Maybe a little, across the tops, or maybe it was just the sun, but he was snickering. And when they moved behind the tent to stake down the back ropes, hidden between the canvas and the treeline where no-one could see them, Teddy’s hand slipped quickly around Billy’s waist, his eyes bright like he couldn’t believe he was being so daring.

One quick brush of lips was all they could chance, but it was enough to send Billy’s pulse through the stratosphere.

“Come on,” Teddy coughed, letting go. He was definitely blushing now, and he looked away, his shoulders rising and falling with a deep sigh. “I have to go round up my kids before someone falls into the outhouse.”

“So there is an outhouse.”

“Sort of.”

“What do you mean ‘sort of’?”

“The camp is something like fifty years old, you know.”

“And the outhouse is...?”

“Up that hill. Past the, um.”

“The ‘um’?”

“The old cabin with the broken windows. The falling-down one.”

“Oh my god. We’re all going to die.”

“Not with A-1 spider smasher around.”

“When the chainsaw maniac comes for us, you’re getting sacrificed first.”

\--

Giddy. Teddy was giddy, glowing, gleeful- how many other g-words could he string together in a row? Not enough to even begin to put a dent into what he was feeling right now. Even as he helped the kids gather kindling in the woods, took his turn at the grill, handed out hamburger buns and bags of chips, he was humming inside.

He’d done it, he’d really, truly done it—he’d found the courage to kiss Billy somewhere other than behind a locked door. True, they’d been behind the tent, and also true that none of them were supposed to be doing anything at all where campers might see them, but in the moment, the sun setting over the lake and the fire building high, Teddy couldn’t care less.

He had a boyfriend, and he had kissed his boyfriend out in the open.

It was like taking that first step onto the moon, thinking the only thing waiting for you is airless void, and finding the entire universe open up at your feet instead.

So he didn’t think twice, when he made his way to the circle of log benches around the campfire, his plate piled high with food. He dropped down beside Billy, his butt on the ground and his back leaning up against the log. He bumped his shoulder against Billy’s knee, and a delighted shiver ran down his spine when Billy lightly brushed his hand against the back of Teddy’s neck in acknowledgement.

No-one stared, no-one even seemed to notice, even though he was sure he was grinning like a fool. Only Cassie, sitting on the other side of the fire, caught his eye.

She was golden in the evening dark, the firelight picking out the features he knew so well. She looked away, to his side, and from the way Billy’s muscles tensed, Teddy could guess where her eyes had gone. And then she smiled. She wasn’t his angel, had never been in truth, but it felt almost like a benediction.

Then the moment was gone, Cassie was just a kid among a gang of other kids, sitting around a campfire in the middle of a national park, the sparks jumping from the wooden logs to burn out in the black night sky.

Billy’s toes wiggled underneath Teddy’s hip, another point of contact hidden in the shadows of their bodies and the logs, one that could be easily explained away as the result of crowding if one of the kids called them out on it.

No-one did.

Billy’s leg was warm against his side, his laughter rising above the sounds of the campers chattering away. He had his camera out and was taking sweeping shots of the campers, the fire, until he settled the lens pointing directly at Teddy’s face.

“Smile for the video, Ted.”

Teddy crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

“Ahh, those precious summer memories.”

\--

“I am not singing kumbayah.”

“Where’s your camp spirit, Billy?”

“Packed in the same bag as my team-player certificate and my ‘power of positive thinking’ ideology.”

“I’ve got a verse, guys. Someone’s griping, my lord, kumbayah-“

“Ha-ha. Funny man.”

\--

The strangeness of the environment and the excitement of the camping trip – not to mention consuming almost their entire body weights in marshmallows – kept the kids giggling and bumping around in their tents long past the time when they would have been asleep back at camp. Eventually silence started to fall, though, and a few hushed giggles here and there were the only signs of life from the ring of tents.

By the time even those had died off, Teddy was pretty much ready to turn in too. The fire was burning low, Alex and Chase already installed on night duty, playing some kind of card game over by the picnic table that involved a lot of slapping the surface and bickering.

Teddy stretched, popping his shoulders and cracking his neck with a bone-satisfying noise. Billy made a face at him, and finished shoving the last of the leftover graham crackers back in the box, and the box back into the raccoon-proof cooler. “I’m gonna go set up my sleeping bag and stuff,” Teddy announced to no-one in particular. “Get some sleep before my turn on watch. Night, guys.”

A few steps toward the tent and he was acutely aware of the thing he’d been hoping for. Billy was following, ducked inside the canvas of the tent flap even as Teddy lifted it for himself. Teddy shone his flashlight around the space. Alex and Chase’s sleeping bags were unrolled taking up one half of the tent; the only obvious space left for him would be by the door, beside Billy.

A wave of uncertainty hit him then as he started to set up, one that his exhilaration before had managed to cover. Would he-? Maybe Billy would want space, keep some measure of distance between them? He should probably leave and let Billy get ready for bed in privacy, at the very least. It was so much more intimate, somehow, even than having had his tongue in Billy’s mouth.

“Is there a point to getting changed?” Billy asked, keeping his voice pitched low. He shook his sleeping bag out of the carrier and unfurled it down the end of the tent next to Teddy’s without hesitation. He dropped down to his knees to avoid bashing his head on the canvas roof. “We’re just going to have to get dressed again to go do our watch shift.”

“Did you bring sweatpants?” Better this way, yeah- be casual, act casual, because it’s not like they could get up to anything here in the tent, with the other guys outside and the kids tents right there on the other side of the clearing. “They’re a lot more comfortable to sleep in than jeans. But seriously, no-one’s going to care if we’re hanging out at wakeup in pajama pants.”

“Point.” Billy turned away and faced the tent wall before hauling his t-shirt off over his head. The lean muscle in his back and shoulders tensed and pulled as he moved, his spine a groove Teddy had the sudden desperate urge to trace with his tongue.

The campfire shone a yellow glow through the dark green walls of the tent, that plus the flashlight lying on its side and pointing at the door, casting rippling shadows over his body that made him look older, somehow, his jawline angled and strong, his hair dark.

A scattered handful of pink marks dotted Billy’s shoulder, marks Teddy had left on him in payback for the way Billy had marked him up before, and the sight of them now—if he had any blood left in his brain it wasn’t obvious, because every fibre in his body was saying ‘mine, mine, mine, prove it now.’

Not going to happen.

Teddy was staring, unable to draw his eyes away as Billy rummaged through his backpack looking for clothes. Billy thought he was too skinny; that much Teddy knew. But he wasn’t skinny at all—he was lean and fierce, and where he was pointy elbows and long limbs now, Teddy could see him as he would be, not so long from now.

He’d fill out along his shoulders; he’d already started there, muscle tight and tense more often than not. His arms next, the slenderness of his waist firming beneath. His legs were already perfect, smooth curves and firm strength, covered with a fine layer of dark hair that only served to emphasize how _different_ he was from a girl.

And the way Billy was sitting now, up on his knees, sitting back on his heels as he tugged a clean shirt over his head, his thighs open and his jeans pulled tight against the curves of his ass-

Teddy was not going to survive the night.

Then Billy’s head popped through the neck hole and he was turning to look. Teddy snapped his head away and looked down at his own bag, counting on the darkness to cover the burning red of his face and the hot discomfort in his groin.

T-shirt, pajama pants, swap out his shorts and grubby smoke-scented shirt for clean ones. The hairs on the back of his neck rippled, standing on end just a bit. Teddy looked around. Billy had paused halfway through getting his sweatpants on, his hands on the waistband at his hips, and he was watching Teddy with the same kind of expression of ashamed hunger that Teddy had probably been wearing only a moment before. If Teddy dared to look further down, he had an idea of what he’d see, as Billy quickly tugged his sweats up the rest of the way.

The campsite was quiet, only the faint rise and fall of two voices from the circle of the campfire and the faint buzz of crickets breaking the night.

Billy broke their locked gaze first, swallowing visibly. “We should-“

“Yeah.” Teddy ducked his head, his cheeks and ears so hot from embarrassment they felt burned.  

Billy slid into his sleeping bag, surveyed the state of things as Teddy managed to get into his without knocking anything over.

It was safer this way, body encased in quilted nylon heat, out of sight of the rest of the world. He could enjoy/hate the gorgeous ache of thwarted lust all he wanted, at least until he could convince his heart to stop pumping quite so quickly.

Billy frowned, then did some kind of move where he rolled over inside the sleeping bag, keeping the bag where it was, but rotating it so that the zipper was facing Teddy. That was when he propped his head up on one hand, moistened his lips with his tongue like he was nervous about something, and unzipped his sleeping bag, just a little. “I know we can’t- not here –“ he started saying, “but if you unzip yours a bit, we could – hold hands, or something. For a little while.”

And then he ducked down inside the sleeping bag completely, hiding like he was embarrassed just to have said it.

Teddy followed suit, pulling the close heat of the nylon sleeping bag over his head, encasing himself like a caterpillar in a pupa. He tugged the zipper down on the side facing Billy, until he could see out.

Billy’s eyes watched him from the opening in the side of his sleeping bag, all that Teddy could see. Teddy grinned, knowing that Billy would be seeing just about the same from him, eyes and maybe some hair, the rest of him safe and warm inside his cocoon.

Teddy shuffled sideways, inchworming closer that half-inch until their sleeping bags were right up against each other, not hard to do in the cramped confines of the tent. No explanations would be needed. He slipped his hand out and inside the opening in Billy’s sleeping bag, the two zippers so close no-one would be able to tell they were overlapping slightly, covering the touch of their fingers.

Billy laced his fingers through Teddy’s and rested his cheek against their linked hands for a moment, his skin warm his hair silk-soft. “Good night,” he murmured, as though he wished he could be saying more.

“G’night,” Teddy murmured back from inside his own sleeping bag, their mouths separated by no more, surely, than a couple of inches.

He might be saying the words, but he had no illusions that it was going to be easy to fall asleep. Not with Billy’s thumb lightly stroking the centre of his palm, or the smell of him so desperately, teasingly close.

He closed his eyes anyway, on the off chance, clasping Billy’s hand, and reached silently for sleep.

\--

It felt like a dream, in the muzzy-headed unreal way that Teddy slowly drifted into semi-awareness. Dark and warm, no world around him, only breathing and an answering breath, sweet against his lips. Warm against him, a body he knew by touch now, touch and smell, by the heat of his hands, by the way they were never still.

Sensation: The softness of his skin at his waist, under his shirt, palms against chest and mouth on mouth. Wet heat against his lips, Billy’s mouth searching, trailing kisses along his jaw.

Sound: murmuring that wasn’t words, murmuring he answered without thinking, a soft gasp with the ride of hips against hips.

Slick: his tongue on Billy’s throat, Teddy’s thigh riding between Billy’s legs, Billy’s hands slipping down, down, skin on skin, and the rhythm of bodies tangled in the night.

No fear in the dark and the silence, only delight, the arch of Billy’s hips and the bright flame of his desire.

It felt like a dream.

\--

“Oooh, hot spooning action going on over here.” Chase’s voice cut through the most amazing dream Teddy had ever had. He was in a tent and curled around Billy, his nose buried in the back of Billy’s hair.

No, that part wasn’t a dream. Teddy’s eyes flew open as the warm body pressed snug against his rolled abruptly away. He sat bolt upright in the darkness, narrowly missing clobbering Chase in the head.

_Caught caught he’s going to know and then everyone will know and it’ll all be over -_

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” Billy stammered, his eyes wide. He looked from Chase to Teddy and back again.

“Chase,” Teddy said urgently. “It isn’t-“ he saw Billy’s body stiffen, his shoulders coming up like he was bracing for a blow to fall and he couldn’t go through with the denial he couldn’t say it, not with Billy looking away from him like that. “Don’t say anything,” he finished quietly, pleading. “Please?”

Billy turned back and even in the darkness, broken only by the faint glow of Chase’s flashlight, Teddy could see the wide surprise in his eyes.

“Cold nights and body heat,” Chase said sagely, tapping the side of his nose like it was some kind of signal. “I getcha.” Then, just when Teddy thought that he had actually gotten it, that he knew and was cool and Teddy understood what Chase was saying, he kept talking. “Body pillows, man; that’s the way to go. No worries about getting elbowed for getting fresh. It’s your turn for night duty, by the way.” And a yawn split his inexplicable face wide.

He could ask, pursue the conversation further, or he could leave well enough the hell alone, wrap his sleeping bag around himself, and stumble out into the dark night.

Once he drew the cool air in, his neurons slowly starting to fire again, that was when everything – mostly – rushed back. Setting up the sleeping bags so they could touch, drowsy fumbling in the middle of the night, the vague notion that he was pulling Billy into his arms-

Holy shit. Had they actually made out? Right there, with Chase sitting at the fire no more than ten feet away?

Thank god his pants weren’t sticky. That probably meant they hadn’t done anything really stupid.

Teddy made his way over to the low-burning fire and hucked in another couple of logs from the dwindling pile before settling himself down on the log where Billy had slumped. The fire licked slowly around the new fuel, the light slowly growing brighter. Billy tipped over once Teddy was settled, his eyes still mostly closed, and sank into Teddy’s side. He’d stumbled out into the night in only his t-shirt and sweats, running shoes jammed onto his sockless feet.

He didn’t even think about it, just reached out and wrapped one end of the unzipped sleeping bag around Billy’s shoulders as well, drawing him in close. Billy curled into him, all sleepy and soft, his sharp edges and fire turned soft, pliable and warm.

Quiet had settled over the whole campsite again, the row of tents barely visible outside the circle of firelight. There was a faint glow on the horizon, the herald of the dawn, though it would be at least an hour yet before sunrise. More than that before anyone else struggled out of their tents to start the day.

Billy snuggled closer, his face pressed against Teddy’s neck. A snuffling sort of sound came from him that sounded suspiciously like a snore, and Teddy settled his arm low around Billy’s waist, carefully covered by the sleeping bag.

They only ended up sitting like that for a few minutes, Billy slowly stirring, then sitting up and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. He blinked at Teddy owlishly, his dark hair sticking up in all directions and his eyes unfocussed. His other hand had landed on Teddy’s thigh, and he looked down at it with a frown.

“I had one hell of a dream,” Billy said haltingly. “A good one, but-“ he curled his fingers in, catching a bit of the fabric of Teddy’s pajama pants. “Did that-“

“Happen? Yeah,” Teddy admitted quietly. “Pretty sure it did.”

_Teddy had pushed his shirt up, run his hands over Billy’s chest, teased at the little bit of hair there and followed it down-_

He could feel the blush rising, hot in his cheeks, as the memories poked in around the edges.

“Oh god,” Billy said, with feeling. He narrowed his eyes at Teddy and he was thinking something over carefully. “Do you think we-“

“Pretty sure we didn’t do anything _that_ raunchy-“

“I remember mostly necking, I think-“

“It was good,” Teddy offered up, inexplicably shy. “And I know I would have actually woken up if anything got naked.”

“Ok,” Billy nodded, and the firelight reflected off his cheeks, turning them red like a blush. “That’s good. When we do go further than necking, I want to be awake for it.”

Images more explicit than anything he’d allowed himself before the summer popped into his mind’s eye. Teddy tried to say something but only a kind of strangled noise came out, so he gave up and just enjoyed the idea for a while, in companionable silence.

  _When we do go further-_ was that something he was okay with in real life? In fantasies, there weren’t any bad reactions or mistakes. How had he gone so quickly from denying everything that he was, to gleefully imagining his _boyfriend_ , _naked_? And even the delicious, forbidden notion that was _naked, together_?

“Me too,” he said softly, and admitting it out loud was another minor victory. Billy seemed to get it, at least he squeezed Teddy’s thigh gently and curled in again, wrapping the sleeping bag tightly around his slender shoulders. His hand found Teddy’s not long afterward, even as the fire finally caught the new logs and surged higher, warming Teddy’s feet and ankles.

Lacing his fingers through Billy’s was a reflex, and Teddy only checked the tents nervously after the fact. Nothing moved, and only the faint noise he recognized as Chase’s snoring came from the quiet canvas walls.

“Thank you,” Billy said softly.

Teddy frowned. “What for?”

“For not denying things to Chase. I know you’re scared about coming out, but – I thought, for a minute there, you were going to say something else.”

“I almost did,” Teddy confessed. “Out of habit, I think. But I’m sick of lying, of pretending to be someone I’m not. Someone I never _have_ been, not really. I’m proud of you, Billy, I am. And when I thought about denying it, earlier- I got all queasy inside. It felt so wrong. So...” he took a deep breath. “Maybe it was a good thing that he caught us. Maybe I _can_ do this. Come out, I mean.”

Billy pressed his arm against Teddy’s, a warm, strong and solid presence beside him. “There’s no rush,” he said, but Teddy could hear the wistfulness in his voice. He knew what repressed wishes sounded like.

The sun rose slowly over the trees, the sky a cloudless, peerless blue. Billy sat up and moved over when the light grew and the first sounds of life came from the rest of the camp. He kept the edge of the sleeping bag over his shoulders, but put some distance between them.

And when the first few kids started straggling out of the tents into the morning, Teddy only slowly, reluctantly, let go of Billy’s hand. And a couple of the campers might have noticed.

And maybe that was okay after all.


	13. Changeover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the first group of kids go home, and free time leads to ... exactly what you might think. Warning in this one for some homophobic slurs.

“Who’s got Gabby’s duffle bag?”

“I put it on the bus already.”

“How many of yours are staying?”

“Four, and I get three more on Monday.”

“Then why are there five of your campers on the bus?”

“Tyler, get your mangy little carcass out here!”

“But I wanna go home.”

“You’re not going now, your mom paid for three more weeks.”

“That’s because she hates me.”

Billy turned and scanned the rest of the main field, camera to his eye. The pile of bags from this morning had been mostly loaded into the back of the bus, and the swarm of children milling about on the field was about two-thirds the size of the crowd that he’d filmed on the first day. ‘Changeover,’ Kate and David called it, the day the first group of three-week campers went back to the city, giving them two days with the stayover kids before the next flood of children came up for the second session.

Half the staff were going back with them and coming back with the new kids in a couple of days, the rest left behind to set up the bunks and manage the tweeners who were sticking around to plague them for the rest of the summer.

Billy zoomed in on Cassie hugging her leaving girls, her slim form almost buried under the pile of eight year olds in various stages of distress.

Off to her left, Tommy sending off two of his guys with fist bumps and laughter.

And there was Teddy, his arms flexing powerfully under the snug sleeves of his camp t-shirt, helping Chase to drag a spread-eagled Tyler out of the bus, the kid’s hands and feet pressed firmly against the bus’ door frame.

“You’re going to have enough footage of Teddy to edit together an entire end-of-summer video of just his abs and ass,” said a voice in Billy’s ear. He yelped, jumped in surprise, whirled around and narrowly missed clobbering Kate in the head with his camera.

“Don’t _do_ that!”

“What?” She asked innocently. “Call you out on your sad obsession?”

“It’s only sad if-“ Billy shut his mouth.

“If he won’t let you talk about it to your bestest friends,” Kate finished for him.

“It’s complicated,” Billy muttered.

“That’s a Facebook status, not a life goal.”

“He just needs some time.”

“Mm-hm.” But Kate didn’t sound completely convinced, watching across the field as Chase and Teddy managed to peel Tyler off of the bus steps to let the rest of the home-going kids get on. “On a different note,” she continued, “I’m doing the night-off rotations for the changeover staff. Did you want tonight or tomorrow?”

Billy hesitated for a second, trying to figure out his choice without flagging Teddy down. “When do most people go?”

“I need to split up half and half,” Kate said. “If it helps, Chase and Gert called tomorrow, so I have to stick Teddy on tonight.”

“Tonight,” Billy said immediately. “Is anyone driving into town for it?”

“Yeah; Space has the van. You can catch a ride in, just don’t miss the van back. It’s a long walk back from civilization.”

“So noted.”

An evening off, no campers, no parents, just a chance to go into the (admittedly ridiculously tiny) village nearby, stop for burgers at one of the two diners, maybe even a movie, if the one-screen theatre was showing anything good.

It would be almost, maybe, kind of like a date.

Awesome.

\--

It was almost awesome. For varying definitions of the word.

Billy squashed in beside Teddy on the wide seat in the van for the drive into town, and no-one really seemed to notice when their fingers brushed each other’s, safe between their bodies. The sun was still up, though low in the sky, when they tumbled out onto the main street of the sleepy little town that was the closest thing to the camp in terms of civilization. Billy’s folks had driven he and Tommy there for lunch on Visitors’ Day, and the five blocks that made up the ‘main street’ were starting to feel a little bit familiar.

He didn’t dare reach out to grab Teddy’s hand while they walked side by side, but he bumped the back of his hand against Teddy’s, Teddy bumped back, and that was enough.

There were only two restaurants open, one the sort of fancy-ish place where his parents had taken them all for lunch before, and the other a ramshackle hole-in-the-wall diner with a sign in the window advertising $1 milkshakes and homefries. The choice was easy. _I like all that stuff,_ Teddy had told him only days before, their bodies hot against each other and every one of Billy’s nerve endings on fire.

“Are you sure?” Teddy teased when they stopped at the door. “It looks like salmonella city in there.”

“I’ve survived camp food this long,” Billy said stoutly, pushing open the door. “No diner is going to defeat my stomach of steel.”

There was a jukebox in the corner, glory be, one of the really old kind with flickering neon lights and the buttons glazed over with decades of settled nicotine. Billy paused there before following Teddy to the empty table in the corner.

It needed to be cheesy, but not too cheesy, sweet but not over the top romantic, not Rick Astley. Sting was creepy, George Michael was right out. How old _was_ this thing? Billy pushed in his quarter and stabbed at the buttons, rubbing his finger off on his jeans to get rid of the residue after.

“What’d you pick?” Teddy asked, sprawling easily across the bench on his side of the booth.

“Best of a bad choice,” Billy shrugged it off, his skin already too tight and the sinking sensation of _shitfuck shouldn’t have done that made a bad call now he’s going to think I’m an idiot_ running through his brain at top speed.

Maybe if he ran back he could unplug the jukebox before the song actually started.

“Nobody on the road / Nobody on the beach / I feel it in the air / The summer's out of reach-“

No such luck. Teddy listened for a couple of seconds, then the light of recognition went on in his eyes and he didn’t laugh. He smiled, and he grabbed Billy’s hand for a tight squeeze, just long enough to feel but not get seen.

Okay. No disaster.

“We agreed, you know,” Teddy said quietly, looking at him from over the top of the menu, the tips of his ears pinking up. “This isn’t going to be just a summer thing. I don’t want it to be just a summer thing.”

And his foot found Billy’s under the table, the sides pressing together in reassuring contact. Not a disaster at all. Billy nodded, looking down to study his own menu, his mouth going dry. “Me either.” Joke, joke, he needed a joke to break the moment and save his heart from bursting – “I’m like a cockroach, or fleas,” he joked. “You can’t get rid of me without a lot of exploding poison.”

“It’s a good thing I don’t have any interest in pyro, then.”

He looked up, he had to, and Teddy was looking at him in a way he never did at camp, all intensity and heat, his eyes bluer than Billy could ever remember seeing them before. Billy’s breath caught in his chest, his tongue thick, and he held Teddy’s stare as long as he could while his pulse thundered in his ears.

“And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong / After the boys of summer have gone.”

“Would you look at you two.” A sneering voice cut in to the thick tension, shattering the best moment of Billy’s life into a hundred tiny little bits. John Kessler swaggered up to the table, his lip curled up in a sneer. A couple of his meathead sportsball buddies sat at a table on the other side of the room, elbowing each other and watching. “Isn’t that _cute_. You’re on a _date._ When’d you start sucking cock, Altman?”

Teddy had frozen solid, his face draining of all colour the moment Kessler had started talking. Billy’s thundering pulse turned hot, adrenaline shooting through his veins and his face flushing hot.

“Go crawl back under your rock, dirt for brains,” Billy shot back, half-rising from his seat. “This is the sentient seating section only.”

Kessler’s lips twisted like he’d smelled something awful, and he slammed his open palm down on the tabletop. Teddy flinched away, and the guy behind the cash register turned to look. “Go study for the SATs some more, faggot. I’m talking to your fag boyfriend.”

_Okay, that’s it._

Billy stood up all the way and got up in Kessler’s face, his face hot and his breath coming fast and tight. “Sounds like you’re the one who could work on his vocabulary, dickcheese. I’ve heard a lot worse that you could add to your list, strengthen up that homophobe game. Add some spice to your nightly circle-jerks.”

“Try this on for size- I’m gonna fold you in half, ass-muncher.” Kessler punched his fist into his opposite palm with a sound like a meat tenderizer slamming into raw steak, his breath rancid and raw.

 _I’m going to regret this,_ Billy’s brain told him.

“Bring it on, you overgrown gorilla,” Billy’s mouth said instead.

_This is gonna hurt._

He ducked as Kessler swung, instinct taking over, then popped back up with an uppercut of his own. His fist glanced off Kessler’s stupid asshole jaw, but he’d made enough contact to piss off the bully, hardcore.

_Aggroing was super-effective!_

Kessler dropped his shoulder and rushed Billy, catching him hard in the stomach, all the air forced out of him in a woosh. Someone had Billy’s arms and was pulling him back, letting Kessler get away-

“Lemme get him!” Billy shouted.

Kessler socked him in the eye.

“Shit no, you did not just do that,” said Teddy’s voice somewhere behind Billy, and suddenly his arms were free and Teddy was laying Kessler flat. “Leave him alone!”

Things blurred after that, between the shouting and kicking out blindly, his foot contacting something soft that yelled in Kessler’s voice.

The next thing that Billy really knew was the whole pack of them being thrown out into the street and David Alleyne barrelling down on them like a stressed-out Type A bullet train. A couple of the other counsellors who had been in the restaurant earlier trailing in his wake. “What the hell, guys?” David pulled up short, and Billy hissed at Kessler once more for good measure.

“That homophobic rat-bastard attacked me,” Billy spat out, pulling himself upright. His mouth tasted like iron and his shoulders ached; he’d have bruises coming up tomorrow, but at least Kessler looked worse. He held his ribs with one of his arms, something sore on his side. “And Teddy!” Which was much more important.

David did something of a double-take and Billy only realized his mistake after it had come out of his mouth. Teddy didn’t seem to care, though, his hand strong and supportive under Billy’s elbow.

“We’re not on camp property and it’s a night off,” Kessler growled, smearing the blood that dripped from his nose across his cheek with the back of his hand. “You can’t do shit.”

“I can fire your ass right now,” David corrected him, his eyes on fire. “Presenting a good example to the campers, asshole, and bullying’s not on the ‘core values’ list. Get your ass back to camp and pack your shit – the moment I report this to the Nashes, you’re going home. Nate can handle ropes just fine on his own.”

“You can’t do that!” Kessler actually had the gall to look startled, his eyes going wide.

“Yeah, amazingly enough, I can.” David stood firm, and even though he had to be at least a head taller, Kessler seemed to wilt under his calm, steely glare.

“Fuck all of you,” Kessler growled, but there was no venom in it, only the recognition that he had lost.

Billy turned, looking up into Teddy’s eyes. What was going through his head? Was he going to run? This had to have been everything that he was most afraid of, happening all at once. “Are you okay?”

Teddy blinked, seeming to snap out of the same kind of fog that had enveloped Billy. His own bottom lip was split and he curled it in, sucking off the blood. “Yeah,” he said softly, curling his fingers in to examine his knuckles, gone red and one scratched. “Yeah, I’m good."

“Hey John,” Teddy called out.

Kessler turned around.

Teddy smiled, his hand settling firmly at the small of Billy’s back and his head held high. “Suck my dick.”

The insults that came back were only a little bit more creative than the ones Kessler had spewed inside the restaurant, but at least they would be the very nice witnessed-by-everyone proof that things had gone down just like Billy had said.

The diner wouldn’t let them back in to use the bathroom so Billy and Teddy ended up washing off the blood and dirt in the gas station bathroom, elbow to elbow in the tiny, urine-stenched space. The rush in Billy’s head died down with the splash of cold water on his face, the scrapes on his hands stinging with the industrial soap.

“They’re not going to let us back in there now,” Teddy sighed, not sounding terribly upset at the idea. “What are we going to do for dinner?”

“They had a hot dog thing out front,” Billy shrugged, unspooling handfuls of sandpaper-like paper towel to try and blot off some of the damp. “It’s not haute cuisine, or the date I wanted to take you on-“

Teddy leaned back against the wall, drying off his hands on his jeans. His mouth crooked up in a smile, his skin toned greenish-yellow from the ancient light bulb in the bathroom. “Hot dogs and slurpees sounds fine,” he said along with that smile. “There’s a parkette around the corner, I saw it when we walked by earlier. We can eat there.”

“Teddy,” Billy started to say, but how could he follow on? _I blew it,_ or _I promised to keep us a secret, but I screwed up,_ or _I swear I’ll make it up to you, somehow-_

“I know,” Teddy replied softly instead of letting him finish. And he cupped Billy’s jaw in his hand, his touch tender and everything bright and good. Whereas Billy? He was an asshole with a big mouth and a hot temper, who had almost blown the best thing that had ever happened to him. “You had my back in there. Cassie’s the only one who’s ever stuck up for me like that before.”

“Then everyone else is stupid,” Billy groused, and he wrapped his fingers up in Teddy’s t-shirt to haul him closer. “And you had my back there as well. I saw the way you hit him.”

“And the way he went over when you kicked him,” Teddy added in, with a little bit of familiar unholy glee in his eyes.

“I thought I was going to get tied in a knot and shoved in a garbage can,” Billy confessed.

“I won’t let that happen.”

“I know.”

And they kissed, there in the world’s grossest bathroom, Teddy’s mouth hot with the bright tang of iron, their bodies flush against each other one more time.

“Come on,” Teddy urged after he let go, touching his split lip gingerly. “You promised me a hot dog.”

“Oh, I’ll give you a hot dog,” Billy joked, waggling his eyebrows, and Teddy laughed, pushing open the door and holding it for Billy to pass through.

“That’s what got us in trouble in the first place.”

“I don’t recall you objecting.”

“If I’d known the kind of trouble you’d be, Kaplan-“

“The kind of trouble _I’d_ be? I just took down a gorilla with delusions of personhood for you, _Altman_.”

“And I’m very grateful. I’ll show you just how much, later. Assuming we’re not getting fired as well.”

“Worth it,” Billy grinned, and he meant it.

“Wouldn’t change a moment.” Teddy smiled, and Billy was pretty sure that he meant it too.

\--

The adrenaline didn’t settle in Teddy’s bloodstream for a long time, not until he and Billy had been sitting in the little park for a while, the sun gone down and the small town slowly shutting itself down around them. He laid his arm cautiously along the back of the bench and Billy leaned back against it without hesitation, his sunglasses up on his head and his hands still wrapped around his half-finished slurpee.

“The van back to camp is going to be exciting,” Teddy said into the stillness, searching for the humor in the anxiety starting to settle heavy in his stomach.

“Nothing like a little drama to get people going,” Billy offered, and it was slim consolation. What was going to happen when they saw everyone again? Would he and Billy be shunned, ignored, held responsible for John’s dismissal? If Teddy had been more careful, said no to the date in public, then John wouldn’t have-

Billy moved, pressed the cold cup against his swelling eye and sighed happily at the relief. The sound twisted Teddy up inside, half of him burning with shame and half with pride. Billy hadn’t hesitated, had launched himself into danger for Teddy’s sake. Why was Teddy terrified of being half as brave?

Because life was more complicated than that. Because dramatic gestures and big explosions got cathartic, but they didn’t fix things in the long term. No matter what, they were still going to have to go back to camp, face the rest of their friends, the rest of _John’s_ friends—and every single one of them would know what had happened.

There was nowhere for him to hide anymore, no more false faces to wear. 

“It’ll be okay, you know,” Billy said quietly. “There’ll be something else to gossip about in a day or two, and we won’t be the big news anymore.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” But he trailed off, because it was, really, and he was still so uncertain, so scared.

He didn’t move his arm, though. Perfect example of this halfway mark between pride and terror.

His watch beeped and Billy sighed. “Let me guess. Time to go to the check-in. I’m staring to hate your watch.”

“It’s that or walk back to camp,” Teddy said prosaically, but he was in no rush to move. He pulled Billy toward him instead, buried his face in Billy’s hair, breathed him in and committed everything about him to careful memory.

“Are you _sniffing_ me?”

“You smell good.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re weird as hell?”

“Not so succinctly.”

“You need better friends.”

Really, Teddy was rapidly learning, the best (and kind of only) way to shut Billy up was by kissing him, and so he did. There on the bench, in the middle of a small town park, the taste of hot dog and fake grape syrup still fresh on his lips. Billy melted into him, despite all of his fire and prickles, like he’d been waiting for Teddy to make the move all along.

This part made sense. Billy in his arms, and the way they fit together. When he’d been with Cassie this had been the bit that felt all wrong, while the rest of the world looked on with approval -  now being with Billy would mean the opposite. His heart was at ease for the first time, but the world was full of John Kesslers who would hate them just on principle.

Which one was more important?

Billy laced his fingers into Teddy’s and broke the kiss, pulling him up to his feet. His eyes shone bright and his bottom lip poked out like he was still tasting Teddy's mouth.

That settled it, at least in Teddy’s mind. As long as Billy was with him, the Kesslers of the world could go fuck themselves. This was where he wanted to be.

“You okay?” Billy asked, and Teddy realized that he was still standing by the bench, while Billy was gently tugging him in the direction of the main street.

“Yeah,” Teddy nodded. Then again, with more conviction. “Yeah, I am. We are. All that stuff.”

Billy frowned at him, but kept his hand laced lightly through Teddy’s as they headed for the meet up point, only letting go once they’d rounded the corner and spotted the van.

There was no sign of John, but most of the other counsellors who had come on the night out were already gathered. A buzz of conversation died down as Billy and Teddy came into view, then picked up again even louder.

The words weren’t the ones Teddy was expecting to hear when they came into earshot, though. “About time,” someone was saying, and “dude had it coming.” Teddy got a pat on his back and someone else was pulling Billy aside to ask something, separating them in the milling mass of people.

“Ted?” David approached, his brow furrowed. “Have a minute?”

Teddy’s heart sank. _Gonna be fired for hitting John. I knew it._

“If you’re going to fire me, can we do it in the office instead of right here?” He tried to make it sound like a joke, but he really wasn’t feeling it at the moment. Too many feelings in too short a span of time, and no time between each one to recover and fit it neatly into his worldview.   

“Why would you be fired?” David shook his head. “Hitting him was a bad call, yeah, and I really should yell at you for it, but I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have done the same thing. And he did technically start it by punching Billy first.”

“About that-“

“I was wondering,” David confessed. “You and Billy- you’re really going out?” There was something other than curiosity in the way he was looking at Teddy, something wistful? He had to be mistaken. David Alleyne was practical and authoritative, organized and type-A to the extreme. He wasn’t _wistful_.

“Yeah,” Teddy said it out loud, and something in the knots around his stomach eased. “We are.”

“What does Cass think about that?”

“Why does everyone keep asking about her opinion?” Teddy blurted out before he recovered. Of course they’d ask. “We’re cool. She knew before I did, I think. Or she was in a lot less denial.” He confessed, and the look on David’s face was made up of a lot of different things Teddy couldn’t quite identify.

“If you ever want to talk,” David offered, and his kindness wiped away any of the confusion that Teddy might have been feeling a moment ago. “Figuring out who you are can be a rough process, and if you need someone to lean on-“

“I appreciate that,” Teddy said, and he meant it. “I’m not there yet, but if I need to-“

“Sure.”

Then David turned away and he was blowing in his whistle and getting people loaded back in the van, all abrupt like he hadn’t just been trying to convince Teddy to bare his soul.

“Everything cool?” Billy caught up to Teddy and laid his hand against Teddy’s back, warm on his shoulderblade.

“Yeah. We’re not in formal trouble, at least, though David warned me not to punch anyone else this summer.” Teddy shook off the overwhelming sense of _weird_ that seemed to be laying over this whole evening.

“Too bad,” Billy snorted. “I can think of a few other people who could use a punch or two.”

“Get in the van. One fight and suddenly you’re the karate kid.”

“Bring it, grasshopper.”

“Say that again-“ Teddy looped his arm around Billy’s neck and pretended to scrub his knuckles through Billy’s hair. Billy let out a loud burp and popped backwards out of the headlock. “Charming.”

“I’m the man of your dreams,” Billy joked, ebullient and bright, settling himself into one of the seats in the wayback.

“Nightmares, maybe,” Teddy snorted, but then everyone else was settling in around them and the conversation changed.

First hurdle, cleared. Now to be back at camp and see what the next month of their lives was going to be like.

Somewhere during the ride Billy’s hand found his again, and Teddy held it tight and close. Okay. It was all going to be okay.

\--

More than okay, given how less than an hour after they straggled back to camp, Teddy found himself back in the sports shed with Billy once again. He could blame it on the adrenaline or the rollercoaster of the past few hours, or the opportunity they had to seize thanks to later curfews and no kids in the cabin— whatever the excuse, he didn’t really care. Because Billy was on fire for him, hips rocking against Teddy’s and his hands wrapped around Teddy’s biceps, holding him down to the mat.

Teddy could break free if he wanted to—Billy wasn’t strong enough to really hold him down. But the pressure of his hands, the hot seal of his mouth, the pressure of his thigh up against Teddy’s screaming boner, all of those were perfect reasons not to break the spell.

It felt better than he could ever have imagined, being pinned, surrounded and consumed by the musky smell of boy, hard muscle and the rough scrape of Billy’s patchy stubble on his throat.

He ached, a delicious pain that radiated out from his crotch, every shift and move that they made making the pressure and the need just that much worse. Billy’s hard-on pressed against Teddy’s, and the soft gasping noises coming from his lips in between biting kisses almost drowned out the thundering of blood in Teddy’s ears.

He yearned up, wrapped his leg around Billy’s hip to get him to slow down, to stop, just for a moment, and let him catch his breath—all it did was get more pressure against his hard dick, the zipper of his jeans biting down into his skin, pleasure-pain and intense.

“Over,” Teddy ordered Billy, and wonder of wonders, Billy obeyed. He flopped back on the gym mat, his eyes blown wide and dark, and he stared up at Teddy with a look of such awed wonder that Teddy couldn’t stand it. Hands under the hem of Billy’s shirt, he tugged it up and off, exposing the lean lines of Billy’s chest to the cool night air.

Billy’s nipples went tight and hard, and that was amazing.

Teddy dragged in a breath to cool his blood a little, but one look at Billy and any notions of stopping or slowing down went right out the window. He sprawled there beside Teddy, propped up only on his elbows, dark hair sprinkled across his naked chest. His arms had gone golden from the sun, the line across his biceps more distinct every day. His hair was mussed, falling in sweat-damp tangles over his brow, his lips plumped up from kissing and parted, his tongue darting out to moisten his lower lip. Down further to the place where the waistband of Billy’s briefs peeked up over his pants, and then the thick bulge at his crotch where he was hard just like Teddy was, hard for _him_ , and Teddy was allowed to-

His tongue went thick in his mouth at the thought and he rolled over to kiss Billy again, kiss him so deeply, sliding his tongue into Billy’s mouth, between those lush lips to taste the slick heat inside.

His shirt was too tight, too scratchy, too close around his neck and he hauled it off over his head and dropped it beside them in his rush to be rid of it.

Billy didn’t hesitate the way Teddy had, he just kissed down Teddy’s throat again, making little growling noises, his hips jerking up against Teddy’s thigh like he couldn’t help himself.

Teddy slid his hand down between them, his breath catching in his throat and his heart thundering wildly. Billy’s eyes snapped open when he caught on, and a groan ripped out of him, fierce and thick, when Teddy cupped Billy’s hard dick through the fabric of his jeans, cupped and squeezed.

“Yeah,” Billy encouraged him breathlessly. “Like that, do that again,” he begged, and Teddy stroked down his length, between his legs where all their body heat was merging, rubbing his fingers over the seam pressing against Billy’s balls. “Hnng,” Billy replied with a sound that verged on desperation, and bit him on the neck. His hand found Teddy’s crotch, the heat and grip so much more intense again than dry-humping could ever provide, direct and blinding in how good it was. Teddy pushed against his palm, but only felt the rub and friction of his underwear, not enough, so not enough-

Did he dare? Flush with relief and adrenaline from the evening, wrapped up in the slide of skin on skin, the heat of Billy’s hands splayed out across Teddy’s naked chest, he dared.  

He popped the button on Billy’s jeans with his thumb, kissing away the questioning noise that Billy made when he followed that by dragging down Billy’s zipper. Grey briefs, a hint of a wet patch, the thick outline of Billy’s hard cock pushing against the cotton. The hunger hit him right in the gut.

_That, I want that, want to know what it feels like, touch him, hold him, God, I need him._

 “Can I?” he breathed into Billy’s mouth, and he could hear the desperation thick in his own voice.

“Yeah, please, yes, oh my _God_.” Billy’s hasty answers turned into a low and guttural moan, as Teddy pulled back Billy’s briefs, and slid his hand down inside.

Silk-soft and hard, familiar and yet so desperately new and unfamiliar at the same time. _I’m holding another guy’s dick._

He couldn’t help the instantaneous comparisons—first obvious difference, Billy was cut, and the feel of him sliding rough through Teddy’s dry hand was a revelation. Billy was longer than Teddy, maybe a bit thicker, maybe it was just that Teddy wasn’t used to stroking a dick from this angle, exactly- it felt so good, would be better if it slid a little more-

Teddy licked his own hand, wet and sloppy, and tasted Billy on his own skin. Sparks went off in his brain, and Billy’s hand closed tight around Teddy’s dick at the same moment.

Billy’s hand was tight, tighter than Teddy usually liked when he jerked it, but this was different, this was Billy’s hand stroking him, surrounding him with heat and friction, playing with his foreskin like he’d never seen one before. _Duh_.

Teddy stroked Billy again, this time with his hand wet, and he slid better this time, so much better, and Billy convulsed and bucked into him, thrust up into the tight ring of his fingers.

He looked down and saw them both, the strange new hand curled around his own dick, his hand on Billy, the sight of Billy’s dick, the thick rounded head purple with blood, his hips jerking up into Billy’s fist as Billy mirrored Teddy’s strokes.

Billy kissed him, all tongue and teeth and sloppy, and none of it mattered, because Teddy was fucking up into Billy’s fist, and sparks were shooting off behind his eyes.

“Wait,” Billy gasped out, and agony raced along Teddy’s spine. He stopped moving his hand, cupped Billy’s dick with his palm, fingers curled down around Billy’s balls, the tangle of hair down there so hot and forbidden. “I mean, don’t stop, I – Shit. I’m going to come really soon if we keep going,” Billy’s voice carried his apology, the edge of desperation the same as the way Teddy was feeling.

And why not? Honest to God, why _not?_

Teddy drew in a breath, his heart thumping faster than ever before. “I’m okay with that if you are,” he said softly, and Billy’s fingers flexed compulsively around Teddy’s dick, brushing against the head, turning his world red and white. “Especially if you keep doing that,” he gasped, and Billy snickered before getting serious again.

“God yes, I mean, yeah, I’m okay with it if you are,” he repeated, so hopeful and needy. Teddy moved his hand to get a better grip, tried sliding up and down on Billy’s dick again, collecting the beading pre-come to improve the slick already there. “Shit, yes, don’t stop, please, don’t stop.”

Teddy laughed, but Billy was stroking him again too, and if this kept up he was going to _die_ , right here, just come his brains out all over Billy and the musty old gym mats and they’d have to peel his body away in the morning. There was no turning back now. “I wanna see you come,” Teddy urged him on. “I wanna know what your o-face looks like.”

Billy’s expression went luminous, the sunlight in his eyes as his body arched, like Teddy’s words had been the last thing he needed to send him up and over.

“Oh _Hell_ ,” he swore, and then Billy was coming, coming _in Teddy’s hand_ , hot and white, come spurting from him and pearling in the dark hair below his navel, spilling over Teddy’s fingers.

“Jesus Christ,” Teddy whispered, ragged with awe.

If his words had been the trigger for Billy, that sight did it for Teddy.

Lightning coiled deep in the small of his back, lightning and sparks that whirled and concentrated on Teddy’s dick, where Billy had started to jerk him harder, faster, tighter than before, and between that and the image of Billy coming, one that would be burned in his brain forever-

Teddy cried out, burying his face in Billy’s shoulder. “Oh my God.” Lava melted through him and he came, the rush familiar and so much more intense than he had ever managed for himself, a searing wave of pleasure that exploded from him, coated Billy’s hand, spilled over and out to mark Billy as his, dirty and shameless.

Time stopped. The only thing that existed was his heartbeat and Billy’s, the heat of their mouths on each other’s, the strange-wonderful sensation of Billy’s hand slowly stroking him through his aftershocks, his own hand tight around Billy.

Salt prickled at the corners of Teddy’s eyes and he pulled away, buried his face in Billy’s shoulder again and drew in an uneven breath. He let go of Billy’s dick, heedless of the mess pooling between them, and focused on breathing him in, on the taste of his sweat, the smell of his lust.

Billy’s hands settled on his back a moment later, sticky and hot. “Are you crying?” Billy murmured softly.

“Absolutely not,” Teddy replied, his voice muffled against Billy’s skin. He wasn’t crying, not exactly. He was just... overwhelmed.

“Liar.” There was a catch in Billy’s voice as well, but Teddy was in a good resting place here, his head on Billy’s shoulder and his mouth on Billy’s skin, Billy’s arms around him as the white-out in his brain slowly started to recede.

Teddy nuzzled in deeper, found the place where Billy’s shoulder joined his neck, and mouthed at it until Billy squirmed and gently pushed him away.

It was easier then, to open his eyes and feel around for his t-shirt, wipe Billy’s come ( _Oh my God)_ off his hands. “Have you ever,” he started, then paused to find his words. “Have you ever felt the world completely click into place? Like every question you ever had just got answered all at once?”

Billy’s eyes showed that he understood, even as one eyebrow went up and his mouth got sarcastic. “Total clarity of thought thanks to orgasm?”

“Shut up, that’s not what I mean.” Teddy did a half-assed job at wiping off his stomach before giving his shirt to Billy.

Billy ducked his head and didn’t watch while Teddy pulled his pants back together, rearranging his own clothing too. “No, I think – I think I get it.” He paused, then, and looked up at Teddy with a brilliant, sheepish grin. “I’m really in like with you, too.”

What could Teddy do but snort at him? Confessions of love couldn’t come yet, it was too soon, too new to really know, but... he knew. And there would be a point where it would be okay to say it out loud. Just not quite yet. So he did the next best thing. “You have no idea what you look like, do you?”

Billy frowned at him. “When?”

“When you come,” Teddy confessed. “It’s the most amazing, hottest thing I’ve ever seen. You’re beautiful anyway, but just now, it was like- I dunno. Amazing. I want to see you do that all the time. I’m going to make it my life goal to make you come like that every day.” He leaned in and kissed Billy gently, a sweet exploration of his mouth with the tip of Teddy’s tongue.

Billy made a soft noise of disapproval when Teddy pulled back again. “I am so into this plan. This is one of the best plans I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Cleaning up with a t-shirt was not ideal, but as Billy leaned into Teddy and he toppled back onto the gym mats, Billy on top of him again and his body wild with renewed desire, Teddy couldn’t find it within himself to care.

 

 


	14. Making Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even after drama, life at camp goes on.

Nothing lasted forever, especially stolen late-night secret rendezvous, and eventually Teddy’d had to go back to his cabin, Billy to the barracks, alone. He didn’t bother turning on the light, just closed the door and flopped back on his bed, sticky, sweaty and buzzing.

He’d just made _Teddy Altman_ come. Teddy had done the same for him. Wait- did that count as sex? Hand-jobs still fit into ‘making out,’ probably, so no… but something had definitely changed. Billy stared up at the ceiling, at the dozens of names scrawled along the rafters in red, blue and black marker, and tried to pinpoint the difference.

Buzzy; he felt buzzy and light-headed, tingly and fizzy in his blood. That could just be from making out with quite literally the hottest teenage guy on the _planet_. He poked and prodded at the new feelings, testing their edges. Older, maybe. Not wiser, that was for sure. More like…

More like the wardrobe door had opened for the first time and he was looking in at Narnia. Like finding the key to the secret levels of the game—ones you knew were there, but hadn’t figured out the cheat codes for.

He was on the verge of something new and brilliant, and only a little bit terrifying.

Because he wasn’t in it alone.

Teddy had touched him, had kissed him with the kind of passion Billy had snickered at in movies. He got it now, though, the way someone could make your knees go weak just from a touch.

Teddy had touched his dick. More than that, a lot more, and Billy had done it right back. Naked (even a little bit)—the final frontier.

Yeah, Billy decided, pushing himself up off the bed and stumbling toward the tiny bathroom to finish cleaning himself up. Something had definitely changed. His world was bigger now, the potential greater. He just had no idea what was going to happen next.

\--

Staff meeting, that was what was going to happen next. Billy stumbled in to the mess hall at the slightly-later-than-usual time they’d been allowed to sleep in on this, the last day of changeover before the next batch of campers came up, and the rest of the staff along with them. Almost everyone who’d stayed behind was there as well, except John.

A buzz of noise rose up when Billy wandered in, peaked for a moment when he stopped at the funky old coffee urn to pour a cup of black goop, then faded away into normal morning type conversation as he made his way over to the benches and long tables, trays and boxes of cold cereal littering the chipped-varnish surface.

Teddy was there, sitting by Kate, his whole body tense. Had he been worrying about what they’d done, maybe changed his mind, or- he looked up and he caught Billy’s eye, and the affection there killed the spiral of negative thoughts Billy had been about to sink into.

_I’m not what he’s worried about._

Okay, that was good. That was something he could work with.

Billy sidled past Kate and Tommy, parking himself on the bench between Tommy and Teddy.

David was climbing up on the bench at the front with his official clipboard of power in his hand, and the room fell mostly silent in response.

Teddy shifted behind Billy; they had to turn to watch, and that put Teddy behind him. Billy leaned back against Teddy’s solid bulk, more out of instinct than anything else. Teddy was right _there_ and Billy was allowed to touch him, so- he hadn’t entirely thought it through, of course. The whole ‘in front of everyone’ bit was new, and when Teddy went tense again, Billy remembered. But Teddy didn’t push him away.

“I guess it doesn’t really matter now,” Teddy said quietly. “Everyone knows what happened yesterday.” 

Billy turned his head halfway, so he could see Teddy’s face out of the corner of his eye. “No pitchforks,” he murmured back. “No flaming torches.”

That seemed to be the right thing to say, because Teddy huffed a quiet laugh, and his shoulders relaxed. A moment later and Teddy had crept a little closer, Billy’s back secure against Teddy’s chest, and Teddy’s chin coming down to rest, gently, on Billy’s shoulder.

A quick glance showed Billy that a few other couples were sitting pretty much the same way, on knees, or hand in hand, or snug up against each other like Teddy and Billy were doing. The last day with freedom of expression before they had to be responsible adults in front of campers again, which explained the PDA.

Billy relaxed into Teddy’s strength, and he could practically feel Teddy’s heart racing a million miles an hour. But he didn’t push Billy away, or flinch at the closeness, just tucked himself in and around Billy until they were sitting easily, Billy relaxed and easy between Teddy’s knees.

“There have been rumours flying around,” David was saying, reading off of a paper that looked like a prepared speech. “I want to fill you in on what happened. Yes, there was an incident yesterday during the staff town trip, involving three members of the camp staff, it involved highly offensive language, and John Kesler has been sent home as a result. I’m going to take this moment to remind everyone that bullying—which includes racist insults, and anything directed toward another person’s gender or sexuality, I should add—is against the camp’s code of conduct. We’re here to be examples of leadership, even when the campers aren’t necessarily around. Everything else has been dealt with. And that’s all that we’re going to say about that.”

“Did you really punch Kesler?” Tommy leaned back and muttered to Billy, without so much as a ‘good morning.’ He arched an eyebrow, as though to insinuate that he didn’t believe a word of it.

“Why? Didn’t think I had it in me?” Billy mouthed off before he could stop himself, and he felt Teddy tense again behind him. “I don’t like bullies,” he finished firmly.

“Call it… grudgingly impressed,” Tommy conceded, with that shit-eating grin that made Billy reflexively want to punch _him_ , just a little. “:Maybe there’s a little of me in you after all.”

“Am I supposed to be flattered?” Billy drawled, and might have said more, except that Teddy’s elbow kind of accidentally nudged him in the ribs, and his coffee jostled in his hands. By the time he’d made sure none of his precious caffeine was going to end up on his shirt, the buzz of conversation and died down and David was busy assigning clean-up duties to prepare for tomorrow’s invasion.

By the time the meeting was over, the stay-over campers were allowed in to the mess hall and breakfast was being served, Teddy had relaxed back to his usual self and was even joking with Cassie, sitting across the table from them both.

“I’m starting to think you have a type,” Cassie was teasing him, and Teddy flushed across the tops of his ears.

“What’s that, little and violent?” Teddy joked back, but his eyes were so bright that Billy couldn’t even bring himself to feel weird about being lumped in to that description.

“Knights in shining armour,” Billy supplied instead, and got a surprised but brilliant smile back from Cassie in return. “Can I help it if you bring out the protective instinct in people?”

“I have this feeling that I should be offended, but I’m too relieved right now to care,” Teddy answered softly, his brilliantly blue eyes still warm.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to your mom?” Cassie asked, glancing between them.

Teddy shook his head and crammed an entire pancake into his mouth. “Nope,” he said around the food. “And I’m enjoying the fact that I can ignore the question entirely for the next three weeks.”

Point taken.

“Gross,” Cassie declared with a snort. “Boys are just so gross.”

America was crossing by behind her, and she flashed a broad grin, possibly one of the first times Billy had ever seen her smile. “Come to the dark side,” she offered, and Cassie froze, fork halfway to her mouth. “We have cookies.” And then she headed off.

“Did Chavez just make a nerd joke?” Tommy leaned in from Billy’s other side.

“I’m wondering if she just came out,” Kate mused aloud, watching America as she walked away.

“This is getting all too Breakfast Club for me,” Tommy announced, and he pushed himself away from the table. “I want to get this cleanup bull over with. Last one to the waterfront has to rake the seaweed.”

\--

The cleanup didn’t take nearly as long as it had during pre-camp, and Billy found himself heading back down the hard-packed path toward the cabins before the morning was half over. His wet swim shorts stuck to his legs and sand rubbed against his feet, harsh and sandpapery inside his old beat-up running shoes. He was in a ridiculously good mood, considering the ups and downs of the last couple of days.

_I have a boyfriend, and I can hug him in public now._

Not in front of the campers, but he’d been okay with touching Billy in front of the rest of the staff. Been _cuddly_ in front of their friends. Given the way the summer had started, Billy was going to consider that one a major breakthrough.

The shortcut back to the specialist cabins led through the woods, branching off from the main path and winding through the shade of the trees. Billy took it without a second thought, the layout and the terrain of the camp starting to become second nature. This section of the woods was still pretty open to the sky, sunlight filtering down through the tall trees, the forest floor clear of scrub brush or grass.

Except something moved, just around the bend in the trail.

Someone was sitting on the old swing, the weather-beaten wooden plank that hung from a pair of ancient-looking ropes and had probably been hung back when the camp was first founded.

Billy took a couple more steps, then paused. It was Tommy, not one of the campers, curled over and staring at the ground. He pushed himself with his toe, the swing moving lazily—back a couple of inches, then forward, the slow arc stopping when Tommy toed the ground again.

It was the first time Billy had ever seen him be still like that; usually Tommy was all over the place, griefing everyone, running his mouth off. Looking at him now, all quiet and pensive—it was weird. Unnatural. Like walking in on your parents doing it, except not as instantly mentally scarring.

What was he thinking about? Kate, probably. Or more ways to make Billy’s life difficult.

For a moment, so fleeting Billy would never swear that it had actually happened, Tommy’s eyes had been sad, his face lost, almost like a little kid’s, without all its hard angles and edges.

Billy moved, deliberately stepped on a branch so that it cracked. Tommy sat bolt upright at the noise, and whipped around to glare at Billy as he stepped out of the bushes.

 “What?” Tommy demanded, then relaxed a little when he saw Billy. “Oh, you. What do you want?”

“Nothing,” Billy hedged, coming closer. “Just cutting through to the cabins. What are _you_ doing out here? Avoiding cleanup?”

“Cabin’s done, beach is done, if they want someone to go do garbage pickup, they can bug someone else.” Tommy shrugged, and he was back to his usual self, so prickly that Billy couldn’t get close.

What should he say? Billy wasn’t good at getting people to talk—he had the kind of mouth that was built to make people shut up. Sarcasm was a lot more his forte than empathy.

_Ok. So try this – what would Teddy do?_

The words came easier with that thought in mind. “Is everything okay?” That was the wrong thing to ask, because Tommy’s back and shoulders went tight again. “I don’t need to go yell at Kate for breaking you, do I?”

“And why would you do a thing like that?” Tommy snorted. “Even if she did break my heart—and I don’t have one, so that’s impossible—what would you care?”

“How could I not?” Billy asked, and he waved kind of half-heartedly between their two faces.

“You’re still on that kick?”

“Aren’t you the least bit curious?” Billy followed that question up with an approach that left him sitting down on a log a couple of feet away from Tommy.

Tommy shrugged again. “I might be if it would mean something. Kate’s been on me to do one of those DNA swabs, you know. ‘Find your ancestry’ paternity testing kind of stuff. But even if it did, so what? What would it even prove?”

And that was probably the longest single speech Billy had ever gotten out of Tommy, on this subject or any other. “It would prove that it’s not just coincidence that we look alike, for one.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Come on. You don’t believe in coincidence at all, and as far as I’m concerned it’s all a crock of shit. Why spend the time and money?”

“It would prove me right and you wrong, for one,” Billy fired back, in a very un-Teddy-like kind of way. _Oops. Trying to be better person._ Trying _being the operative word._

“Don’t you ever wonder?” Billy blurted out. “Don’t you ever get tired of being alone? Not knowing anything about your family, or where we came from, or who you belong to? Anything like that?”

“I know who my family are. Frank and Mary Shepherd.” And Tommy closed his mouth on his words, pushing himself harder on the swing.  

Billy pushed it, because that was the kind of thing he did best, and dammit, this was too important, especially now that Tommy was (sort of) talking about it. “I mean your biological family. Your blood. I love my parents, don’t get me wrong, but haven’t you ever just wanted to meet someone you were related to, see what’s there in the genes and what’s been nurture instead?”

“No,” Tommy said, and Billy didn’t believe in twin telepathy as a thing, but he would swear—for no particular reason he could lay a finger on—that Tommy was lying.  

“I have,” Billy said, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. “Always. Not to go with them, or anything like that, but to see something of me in someone else. To belong to them, down to my bones. And now there’s you, and you’ve got my entire _face_. And if you really are my twin brother- then it’s an even more important piece. We’ve been missing each other all along.”

Tommy stood up abruptly, his feet skidding the swing to a stop. “Speak for yourself, Billy. I don’t need anyone but me.”

“That’s an awful way to live.” Billy surged to his feet, only barely resisting the urge to reach out and grab Tommy’s arm.  

“It’s not so bad.” And that look was back, though Tommy was looking off at the trees. Billy could see it in the way his jaw worked, knew what that tight swallow in Tommy’s throat would feel like.  

“How so?” was all Billy said.

Tommy smacked the swing and sent it flying, spinning around on itself as it careened back and forth, getting the knots into a tangle. “If you don’t count on people, then they can’t disappoint you.”

That was probably the most honest Tommy had ever been with him, and inexplicably, Billy’s heart started to hurt.

“Cynical much?” was all he could find to say.

“Older and wiser,” Tommy replied, and his cocksure grin pasted itself back on his face. “If we’re twins, I am _definitely_ the older brother. The smarter one, too.”

“Keep dreaming.” Billy snorted. He searched Tommy’s eyes, looking for a hint of that boy he’d seen only a few minutes before, scared, small and unsure.

All he found was Tommy, the mask pulled down so tight that it was like it had never lifted in the first place.

 _I’m going to figure this out,_ he tried to transmit to Tommy, on a wavelength for them and them alone. _I fixed things for Teddy; I’m going to do it for you, too._

\--

“It’s really bothering you,” Teddy said quietly, his hand warm on the small of Billy’s back.

The door to the sports shed had been locked by the time they got there, so Billy had said ‘fuck it’ and brought Teddy back to Billy’s room in the barracks, jamming a chair against the door just in case anyone decided to come looking for him. It was different, making out with Teddy on his own sheets, trying not to fall off the tiny little cot, stifling the noises he wanted— _needed—_ to make, in case someone else in the building heard them.

The walls weren’t exactly thick.

His pillow, his sheets; they were going to smell like Teddy tonight.

But for the moment, as he sat there cross-legged with his shirt still off, Teddy sprawled half-naked beside him, head propped up on one hand—Billy wasn’t really thinking about the marks his teeth had made along Teddy’s shoulder, or the faint musk still lingering in the air.

“I just don’t get it,” Billy searched for the words, something he never usually had trouble with. (His problem was too many words, too quickly, usually the wrong ones.) “He looked so lonely, like I’d never really seen in him before. But when I tried to reach out—he’s not interested, in me, or in finding out how we’re connected,” Billy finished, his shoulders slumping and the taste of defeat sour in his mouth.

Teddy tucked a couple of fingers into the back of Billy’s waistband and settled down on his back, his touch firm and steady and his head on Billy’s pillow. “Think about it,” he urged, still so gentle and intent. “If you guys were twins, then he got given up first, right? Because he was adopted first? He’s never really been that close with his folks, and to think that maybe his birth parents didn’t want him that much either... That’s the kind of hurt that doesn’t go away, even after seventeen years. I bet he’s felt abandoned all his life and never really knew why.”

Billy scooted back a bit so he could see Teddy’s face, and the frown that wrinkled the space between his eyebrows. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say until he blurted it out, his brain processing Teddy’s suggestion at double-time. “You think he’s been missing me without realizing it?”

“You guys had nine months practically stuck together, if you think about it.” Teddy drew gentle circles on Billy’s back with his thumb. “Three when you were actual proto-people instead of funny-shaped tumours. And identical, that means split from the same egg...” he trailed off, as though not sure where he’d been going with any of that after all. Teddy shrugged. “There’s got to be something there. All that stuff about twin mind-reading has to be based on _something_.”

“We were halves of each other... it makes sense, I guess, that there would be a feeling of something that was _off_ somehow, like a missing limb,” Billy mused aloud.

Teddy snorted at him. “That might be a little dramatic.”

Had he ever felt anything like that? A sense that there was a piece of him he didn’t understand and didn’t see? Running back through his own memories was a muddle, except- Billy had always assumed that the way he felt a little bit aside from his parents was because he _was_ different. He’d known that he was gay before he had words for it, known that it was something to keep quiet, a secret all his own.

Had he been misunderstanding, assuming that one kind of soul-deep itch and discomfort was something else completely?

Nothing long-buried had slotted into place when he’d first met Tommy; nothing but confusion, anyway. “You’d think meeting your long-lost twin would feel more...” he gestured in the air. “Click.”

He’d felt more when he’d seen Teddy that first time.

“Maybe,” Teddy said thoughtfully, not asking Billy to explain what he’d meant. “But whether it’s a Lifetime Movie moment or not, you said yourself that it really shook you up.”

“It did, it does.” Billy gave up trying to understand, and flopped down beside Teddy on the narrow bed. Teddy shifted closer to the wall, and wrapped his arms close around Billy. “I don’t want to think about it anymore,” Billy said to Teddy’s chest.

“So don’t,” Teddy suggested. He rolled Billy over and kissed him, gentle and sweet. All Billy’s worries about Tommy faded, packed down into a mental box labelled ‘deal with this later.’ They had half an hour until cabin checks, and this was the best way to spend it.

 --

As wrung out as Billy was, Teddy was weirdly kind of glad. Being able to take care of Billy meant an excuse to ignore his own swirling thoughts, and the tight-chested panic that set in when he tried to imagine Life After Camp.

Would they keep in touch? Would he be able to see Billy often enough to matter? They went to different schools, lived halfway across the city from each other — an hour on the train, on a good day—and there would be parents to consider, homework to interfere, everything they didn’t have to worry about here in the summer sun.

The notion of beyond that, of coming out to his mother, of figuring out college, how to navigate in the world now that he was officially Different... that was all too terrifying even to consider.

Keeping busy was better, keeping his mind on other things meant no brain space left for freaking out. He could let Billy do that part for him.

So when America hit him up for help in planning evening programs for a couple of days, something to keep him busy making phone calls and organizing stuff while his campers were at instructional swim, he jumped at it.

“American Gladiators,” America said without any introduction or ceremony. She sat down on the other side of the picnic bench in the cabin area, dropping a clipboard on the table between them. “You ever see it?”

“In reruns on Spike or something, yeah-“ Teddy trailed off, considering what she was saying. “You want to make the campers be gladiators?”

“Other way around,” she said, and turned the clipboard to face him. “Get some of the staff to be the gladiators, the kids are challengers. Chicken fights, powerball, pad tables down with gym mats and make them run the gauntlet. We can rent inflatable horizontal bungee from the party place where David got the human-foosball set last year.”

He was nodding after she was a couple of lines in, the possibilities aligning themselves in his brain. “Older kids, or full-camp?”

“Two sets — Juniors and Lowers with one group, Uppers and Seniors in the other.”

They were off and running after that, the pages filled with notes in America’s tight, tidy handwriting and the games all but planned out by the time the first wet campers came straggling back up from the swim docks. This kind of thing was the easy part of camp.

Getting some people on board was easier than others.

“Sure I’m in,” Kate agreed easily. “I’m not a bad shot, if you’re adding an archery section.”

“Did they shoot each other on American Gladiators?” Cass asked, dubious.

Teddy shook his head. “Not that I remember, but they also wore a lot of spandex and mullets, which we’re not doing either.”

“I think there’s a mullet wig in the drama closet,” Kate replied, grinning wide. “It would look fetching on Tommy.”

“Bite me, Bishop.”

“Not in front of the children.”

\--

“Seriously?” Billy asked him, looking dubious, and vaguely offended. He brushed past Teddy on his way between the sink and the clothesline in the red-tinted darkroom, pinning up the campers’ developed pictures to drip-dry. “You remember baseball, right? I’m not a sports-person.”

“You also said you weren’t a camp-person, and you’ve adjusted pretty well to that,” Teddy wasn’t about to let him off the hook. He pushed himself up to sit on the counter where there weren’t any buckets of sharp-smelling chemicals, watching Billy work. “We need you to help out,” he wheedled, and felt a small internal flare of victory when Billy’s face fell. Teddy pulled out his mournful eyes. “ _I_ need your help.”

“That’s unfair,” Billy stabbed a finger at his chest.

Teddy pouted.

Billy glared at him, then slowly his shoulders slumped. “Fine. But only because I can’t cope when you pout at me.”

“My secret weapon worked.” Teddy rubbed his hands together and chuckled evilly.

“Just because you’re cute-“

“What? You’ll let me get away with anything?”

Billy trapped him on the counter, hands on either side of Teddy’s thighs. “No!” Teddy took the chance in the empty darkroom, leaning forward, his hands gripping the edge of the counter. He pressed his lips against Billy’s and Billy opened to him, melted against him, just like that. “Okay,” Billy murmured against his mouth. “Pretty much anything.”

“I win.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Billy kept his hands where they were, which was probably for the best, considering the gloves on his hands and the pungent smell of developer fluid that clung to his clothes. He rose up on his toes and pressed deeper into Teddy, though, his tongue tasting the edge of Teddy’s lips, hot and fierce.

The rush started at the top of Teddy’s head and screamed down his spine, everything in his body reverberating to Billy’s nearness. He was a strung violin, tuned to Billy’s frequency, the analogy dying as he lost all upper brain function.

A door slammed outside the darkroom. Kamala’s cheerful voice and the chatter of children broke in to their stolen moment.

“Hold that thought,” Billy murmured, his eyes impossibly dark in the red hues of the darkroom.

“How could I ever forget?” Teddy bumped Billy’s nose with his own, a soft brush of skin on skin that said more than he could find words to. Billy stepped away to finish with the photographs, and Teddy breathed deeply, willing his body to settle down.

Okay, so he might have resorted to bribery, but honestly, this worked out very well for both of them.

“I’ll put you on the list,” he said aloud, as Kamala bustled into the darkroom and fixed them both with a vaguely suspicious look. “I’ll let you know when America and I have figured out who’s doing what events.” And he looked at Kamala, all innocence and smiles. “So – can I interest you in signing up for an evening program...?” 

 

 


	15. Colour War and Other Follies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein paint happens, and Billy gets over himself. Mostly.

“I feel ridiculous,” Billy grumbled, pulling the too-snug t-shirt away from his chest.

“Get in the spirit of things,” America scolded him, but she had a grin on her face and her hair back in a poofy ponytail, and she actually looked _good_ in a tank top and shorts.

Billy had noodle arms.

Maybe... maybe not quite as noodley as when he’d come to camp back in June, but –

“Ready?” Teddy popped his head around the corner, and _he_ was just _unfair_. He seemed totally oblivious to the way his t-shirt clung to him, and the effect of his shorts and all that expanse of muscle-y calf and thigh.

Or maybe it was only Billy who was slowly choking and turning red, because no-one else seemed to notice.

Billy had no idea where America and Teddy had managed to get all the t-shirts printed in the past few days, but the staff were all in variations of white and black and the kids had been divided up into teams, and sometime in the past four hours they’d managed to build up pyramids of gym mats, string foam blocks and pool noodles together into weaponry, and get the campers so revved up that the mess hall sounded like all hell had broken loose.

“No,” Billy grumbled, more self-conscious than ever. Why had he agreed to this? Sure, everyone else looked like they were having a great time. Billy was the only one who didn’t belong.

“You realize that no-one cares, right?” America was staring him down, and Billy’s head snapped up at being addressed directly.

“What?”

“Whatever the hell it is you’re sulking about. Look around you, Kaplan.” America gestured wide at the mess hall, the bleachers full of excited kids just past the dividers, Tommy hanging off of Kate and making jokes about gun shows, Chase goading Nate into flexing and growling like an animal- “Believe me, no-one is thinking about you. Not half as much as you think they are. If you’re determined to _not_ have fun, then you’re going about it the right way, but you’re only screwing yourself. My advice?”

She was obviously going to keep talking whether he stopped her or not, so Billy didn’t say anything. “Stop thinking that anyone else cares about whether you look ‘dumb’ or not, and unclench enough to enjoy yourself once in a while.”

Billy couldn’t quite believe his ears. “This, coming from you? I don’t think I’ve seen you crack a smile more than twice this summer.”

She only snorted. “Maybe that’s because you’ve been living up your own ass. When would you even notice other people, if you’re spending all the time worrying about what _we_ think of _you_? Trust me—the rest of us aren’t spending that kind of time on it.”

And then—then!—America Chavez smiled a full-toothed smile that looked a lot more like a shark’s grin than anything joyful, and she clapped him roughly on the shoulder. “Live un-ironically for a day,” she suggested cryptically. “Enthusiasm won’t kill you.”

“Are the gladiators ready?” David’s amplified voice rang out over the noise in the mess hall and America left him alone. She started clapping along with the others, joining Teddy at the front of the group to start the evening’s events.

“I said,” David shouted, and even Tommy was whoop-whooping, pumping his fist in the air to get the campers howling and stamping their feet. “Are the gladiators _ready?_ ”

What was that feeling inside? Something bubbled up inside Billy’s gut, fizzy and excited. Normally he’d stamp it right back down, but looking around... America was right. He was the only one.

_Fuck it._

“Yeah!” he shouted, along with everyone else, and this time when America looked over at him, her smile looked real.

And so did Teddy’s. So that... that was alright.

He could get into this.

“First event – Juniors Powerball!”

That was one of the things Teddy had put on Billy’s list, and Tommy clobbered him on the back of the head as he headed out into the ring marked off with overturned lunch tables and garbage cans full of nerf balls. “Come on,” Tommy grinned, then he hesitated for a beat, just long enough of a pause for Billy to notice. “...little bro,” Tommy finished. “Time to lay waste to some ankle-biters.”

_Hunh._

Was this what it felt like to be part of something? Looking like an idiot or not, as Billy took up his guard spot by one of the empty garbage cans, the seven and eight year olds flooding on to the field with excited shrieks and posturing-

It felt pretty damn good.

\--

“Ten days?” Billy stared at the calendar posted on the wall of the photo shed and a wave of disappointment hit him hard in the gut. “We only have ten days left of camp?”

“Weren’t you counting down the days to freedom the first week you were here?” Kamala asked with an aura of faux innocence. “I thought you told Kate you weren’t a camp person?”

“I’m not-“ Billy started to say, then paused. The shouts of kids outside poked into his awareness, laughter riding on the wind. The sun shone into the grubby windows, making shadow patterns and the outlines of rustling leaves moving on the floor and walls. The air was fresh here, so unlike the city, and there were little bruises along his shoulder from where Teddy had sucked marks into his skin. “Fine, maybe I’m a little bit of a camp person,” he conceded, and Kamala grinned.   

“Come on then, camp-person,” she got bossy with him, this little pipsqueak of a CIT with her wide know-it-all grin. Billy couldn’t help it; he grinned back. “You’ve got to pick a song for the closing video, and start picking footage, and then we have to start editing it and converting to go to DVD because they like to send them out as video yearbooks for the parents...”

“Oh God,” Billy groaned, and pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought through his options. “You know, I have never seen a closing video for a summer camp. Not one. How does this even work? Do we screen it on the mess hall wall or something?”

“Last dinner at camp is Banquet,” Kamala started to explain. She headed for one of the tall storage cabinets that Billy hadn’t really bothered exploring. He sat cross-legged on the counter and watched as she opened it and climbed up on the stepstool to reach a box up on the top shelf. “Everyone gets all dressed up, kids, counsellors, everyone. We do awards, you know, ‘best swimmer’ and ‘most improved camp spirit’ and all that stuff. Then after dinner the tables get cleared out and there’s a singalong, and everyone dances, and then we show the video on the screen. Everyone breaks down crying, and hugging and promising to write to each other all the time. We go back to the cabins, no-one sleeps, ever, and then in the morning we go home.”

The box she came back with was filled with tapes—VHS ones, and then on top of handful of DVDs. “Here; there’s a bunch of the older ones. Wanna see a few?”

It wasn’t a bad idea. At least then he’d have some kind of idea what everyone else at the camp was going to be expecting him to produce. “I should’ve done my research earlier,” he muttered, and grabbed a couple of the DVDs from the box. _Camp Manitoulin 2007_ , it said. _2008_ was written on the other one.

How old would the rest of the guys have been back then?

Billy grabbed his laptop and slid the DVD into the drive, watching the credits as they popped up on the screen. Someone named Monica Rambeau had been the video specialist back then, and an image of the camp expanded across his screen after the names scrolled by.

_In the summertime, when the weather is fine-_ the soundtrack started.

“Isn’t this a waterpark commercial?” Billy asked with a frown, and Kamala shushed him for his trouble.

“There,” she bounced in her seat. “There are the buses.” Slow pan across the entrance gate and there they were—a set of old yellow schoolbuses bouncing down the old gravel road. Billy grabbed his notepad and started scribbling down ideas, shots from the footage he’d been taking ever since day one.

The doors opened and Billy’s attention snapped back to the video. A little girl with dark hair was the first off the bus, bouncing down the stairs like her exuberance simply couldn’t be contained by a physical vehicle. _Kate_. It had to be.

The flood of kids overwhelmed the video for a minute, then Billy saw it.

His own face.

Tommy stepped off the bus, a skinny little kid with dark hair, dark eyes, and- Billy paused the film, took a screenshot and expanded the image.

And dark bruises on his upper arms that looked a lot like the kind of lines fingers would make.

An intake of breath from behind him meant that Kamala knew, had seen the same thing he had. But when Billy looked back over his shoulder at her, and he said— “it’s a trick of the light,”—she shook her head.

“I know nothing,” Kamala said softly. “I won’t say a thing.”

But it gave Billy something new to chew on as he clicked back in to the video and the hordes of children from eight years ago.

A moment after he stepped off the bus, little Kate swooped in and dragged Tommy away. The smile that bloomed on little-Tommy’s face was the same one Billy had seen on himself in the mirror so many times before.

_There’s really no doubt about it, not even the slightest bit. I don’t need DNA to know that he’s the other half of ..._ me _._

And there, waiting on the bottom step like he was afraid to step down to the grass, a skinny blond boy with sad eyes, hair that needed a trim, and clothes that looked like hand-me-downs a size too big for him.

“Is that-“ Billy broke off and squinted at the screen. “It’s Teddy, isn’t it?”

Kamala didn’t know; how could she? Her first year at camp would have been a few years later, if she’d even started at eight years old like so many had. But it was hard to reconcile the image of that little boy clutching the strap of his Pikachu backpack like a lifeline with the brash, confident sportsball meathead Billy had thought Teddy to be, back at pre-camp.

“He’s so little,” Kamala replied with a kind of surprised amusement in her voice. “Camp air is good for you, I guess!”

“Must be.” Billy shook his head to get rid of the cobwebs of unformed thoughts still bubbling around inside, and he settled back in with his notepad and pen. First work, then thinking, and then he’d have to figure out what he was going to do. About what? About... everything. About ten days left of camp, about final videos, brothers and boyfriends, and how much he had changed this summer as well.

Because camp air might not be the reason for it, but he wasn’t the same as he’d been back in June. Somehow he was going to have to fit back into the Billy-sized-box that he’d left behind in the rest of his regular life.

And it wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d once assumed it would.

\--

Once Kamala had gone to take pictures with the senior girls, Billy scrolled back through the DVD to that first shot of Tommy. He brought the image up closer and sat for a moment, taking it all in. The dark hair, the familiar face, and the beginning of the mask of wry acceptance that seemed to be a permanent part of him nowadays. The bruises were still there when he expanded the image; they weren’t a trick of the light or a camera angle thing, no matter what lies he’d told Kamala, or she’d pretended to believe.

A hollow inside his bones ached. There was an empty space below his ribs that he didn’t like, a void that he didn’t dare probe too deeply. Child-Tommy stared back at him defiantly, and it made no sense at all that a lump would rise in Billy’s throat, or that he would feel-

What _did_ he feel?

Guilt?

Why? None of this was _his_ fault. It wasn’t like he’d asked to be adopted by the parents he had, or... or... anyway, it didn’t make a bit of difference, because Tommy didn’t want to talk about it.

_Talking is the first step toward healing, sweetheart._

His mother’s voice echoed in his head, at the same time both calming and utterly infuriating. Because she was right, even though he desperately didn’t want her to be, which was the utter worst. How was he supposed to get Tommy to start talking to him, anyway? Billy wasn’t the one with the fancy psych degrees, or MD after his name.

All he had was a screenshot and a total inability to take ‘go away’ for an answer.

 It would do.

Billy hit printscreen, and tucked the page that spat out of the printer into his pocket, then grabbed his camera bag and slung it over his shoulder. The schedule told him that senior boys were heading for the sail docks right about now, and that meant a chance to get Tommy alone, and in a space where he couldn’t back out.

He paused at the door of the photo shed, then whipped back to his workbench to grab his cheap-ass equipment instead. If Tommy decided to dump him in the drink, at least it would be the camp’s gear and not his that would come with him to the bottom of the lake.

Seniors campers were old enough —practically CITs themselves—that they were pairing off for the sailboats without counsellors taking charge. Most of them were already in lifejackets and running the small two-person Lasers out past the dock by the time Billy jogged down the hill. Tommy had his sunglasses on and was lazily unhitching the last boat, not looking like he was in any kind of rush.

“Wait up,” Billy called out, and Tommy put out his hands like he was going to shove off the dock, but didn’t end up pushing away.

“What do you want?” he called up to Billy instead.

“I need to get some shots of your guys,” Billy huffed out, stopping on the dock and bracing his hands on his thighs while he caught his breath. “Get some footage of sailing too, for the end of summer vid. Let me on the boat.”

Tommy seemed to accept the answer, even as he rolled his eyes. “Don’t get dumb and fall in,” he instructed, like Billy was a total idiot. “I’m not going in to fish you out.”

“Your loss.” Billy set his bag in the muddy bottom of the boat and struggled into the lifejacket he’d grabbed on the way down, the musty, damp nylon cool and clammy against his skin. “Ugh. When was the last time any of these were washed?”

“Could you be more of a city boy if you tried?”

“Please. You grew up in _Jersey_.”

“Not by choice.” Tommy played out one of the ropes that attached to the long... thing that held the sail out. Boom. That was the boom, and the steering pole was the tiller, and he had so been paying attention at pre-camp.

Tommy controlled the lines like he’d been doing this for years, and nudged the tiller with his knee to course-correct as they started to gain a little bit of speed. The boat turned into the wind and the sail filled, and then they were moving, riding smoothly over the rippling lake, with the whole of the world open before them and the sun hot on their backs.

The motion of the waves tipped the dinghy this way and that, a rocking, soothing motion that merged with the sound of the water sliding past the hull. Billy leaned over the side and stared down at the lake, giving in to the impulse to trail his fingers through the water. It fizzed past his fingertips, the bubbles from the boat’s wake catching against his skin.

Lulled by the bubbles and the waves, he didn’t expect the water to come rushing up at him in an instant. The boat heeled over, and he flung his arms out to grab at the rail and safety lines before he tumbled head over heels into the lake. “Tommy!”

Tommy was laughing as he let out the line and the sail swung back to where it had been before, the boat turning away from the wind and slowing down at the same time. “Told you to hang on, dipshit.”

“You suck.”

“Never tried it, wouldn’t know.” Tommy replied archly, and Billy, much against his own will, caught himself snickering.

Sliding down into the bottom of the boat, he gave up on the idea of keeping his shorts clean and ended up sitting with his back against the seat and his legs crossed beneath him. Tommy pushed the tiller and they swerved much more gently then before, coming up alongside one of the campers’ boats. Billy scrambled to get his camera out and on, following through on the excuse he’d used in the first place.

The kids shouted and waved, and Billy actually got some reasonable shots and footage before the wind carried them past and away again.

A few more passes and the wind started to die, the sail bagging and rippling in the half-hearted breeze. Tommy kicked back and sprawled across the bench in the sun, hands behind his head and his sunglasses hiding his eyes.

There would never be a better time.

So why was he hesitating?

He’d already committed a good number of ‘can’t ever go back from this’ rash decisions this summer, what was one more? Except that Tommy looked actively _happy_ for once, and there was no way that would last if what Billy suspected was really true.

_I’m looking for a reason not to. Chicken._

Billy fished in his pocket and drew out the folded paper. Tommy’s head tilted as though he was looking over, but the sun reflected bright off of the lenses of his glasses and hid his eyes completely.

“I found this today,” Billy said, and he handed over the printed picture, young, bruised Tommy front and center in the image.

Tommy took it and looked at it, his expression invisible, but his body going very, very still. The breeze toyed with his hair, the only thing on him that moved. It was hard to tell if he was even breathing, his chest neither rising nor falling as it had.

A moment, then another. “I’m not talking about it,” Tommy said, his voice steady and firm. He crumpled the picture in his hand and flung it overboard. The paper floated away behind them and Billy watched it go, the edges going damp, the ball unfurling, and Tommy's childhood finally sinking to vanish beneath the waves.

“Come on,” Billy coaxed, not taking the bait. “Talk to me.”

Tommy lifted his lip in a snarl. “Why should I?”

He was talking, which was something. At least he wasn’t fighting, or dumping Billy overboard. It was an opening, something he had to find the right words to exploit before it closed down again. “Because talking can help, or so I’m told.” So maybe he did sound a bit like his mother, was that a terrible thing? Not if it got him an in.

“Whatever,” Tommy sneered, and turned his head away.

Okay, so maybe not.

Billy let it go, sat back against the side of the dinghy and watched the sail react to the shifting wind, back and forth, back and forth.

“I embarrass them.”

Tommy’s voice cut into the thick silence and Billy forced himself to stay as perfectly still as he could, not to react, not to spook him off. He made a faint, noncommittal noise, and that seemed to be enough.

“They wanted a smart kid, and I’m not. They wanted a _nice_ kid—one to show off at the legion hall and look sharp for grandma in a suit and tie—and I’m not that, either. So there’s two sets of parents who don’t want me around. Satisfied?”

And if Tommy’s voice cracked in there, or had the hint of a dangerous wobble to it, Billy pretended his hardest not to notice.

But he had to say something, and nothing he could think of would come close to fixing the problem. “I do,” he said finally.

 “What?” Tommy recoiled, and Billy wanted so badly to see his eyes, to get some hint as to what was going on inside his brain. Teddy had said something about ‘twin telepathy,’ but even if that was a thing, right now Billy was completely flying blind.  

“Want you around,” he explained, and wrapped his arms around his knees. Water splashed over the side of the boat and soaked his back, and he still didn’t move. “I’m sorry for – everything. If I could go back and fix things, somehow, I’d want-“

“What? You’d take my place in the house that joy forgot?” Tommy yanked hard on the line and the boat turned, the stern going through the wind and the boom rocketing across barely an inch above Billy’s head.

He ducked as Tommy flung himself across to the other side and ended up sitting beside Billy’s head. “Coming about,” Tommy said, far too late to be at all useful for a warning.

Billy shifted, the boat wobbling as he did it, and he still couldn’t find a spot where he could sit, now, and see anything at all on Tommy’s face. “No. I’d make it so we never got split up in the first place. We’re brothers, and you know it, even if you never pull your head out of your butt long enough to admit it. We need each other, dumbass, and should have always had each other,” he protested hotly.   

The echoes of his voice died away without any response, other than Tommy pushing the tiller and veering their boat toward some of the campers again. Billy did his job, taking pictures, waving and making the kids wave back, but he didn’t speak, didn’t give Tommy the easy out of backing down.

“Don’t go getting emotional on me, Kaplan,” Tommy broke the silence.

_Oh, for fuck’s sake._

But maybe that wasn’t the dismissal it sounded like. Could he — _was_ he —admitting something more profound?

“God forbid someone around here should have feelings,” Billy grumbled.

Tommy’s foot nudged him in the small of his back. “You have enough for both of us.”

And that sounded an awful lot like an olive branch, even if Tommy was still staring out at the lake, his bleached-blond hair sticking to his cheeks where they were damp from the water’s spray.

The silence this time was almost a comfortable one, even as it stretched out between them, not strained or stressed or full of Billy trying to think of the right words to say.

They could just sit, and for a little while, Billy felt like he understood. A little glimmer of _something_ had been forged between them, and he held on to that moment of clarity with everything he had.

He did get a decent amount of footage that would be useful, even though they had to stop and rescue one of the boats from an angry swan, and flag down Spaceman in the waterski boat to pull another boat out of the reeds along the shore. And when Billy had scrambled out on to the dock, tie-line in hand, he grinned at Tommy, and Tommy... he smiled back.

“We should apply to the same colleges,” Billy blurted out, wrapping the rope around the cleat and securing it tight. His shoes squelched, and his shorts were wet across the seat, but overall... success. Probably.

Tommy finished tying down the main sail and snorted at him. “What makes you think I’m going to college? I got kicked out of my first high school for setting fires in garbage cans.”

Billy stared at him, caught off-guard.

Tommy shrugged. “I was bored.”

What could you say to _that_?

“Sure, makes sense.”

They fell in step together walking back down the dock, Billy’s lifejacket heavy and wet on his shoulders. Tommy’s shirt was annoyingly dry.

It was a bad idea, but Billy was gonna do it anyway.

He flung his arms around Tommy, making sure to get his wet lifejacket really up close and personal with Tommy’s clothes, and hugged him close.

“Gahhhhh,” Tommy yelled, and pried him off, his campers snickering and laughing from the shore. “You’re getting cooties on me.”

“Cooties?” Billy asked, the triumphant feeling at seeing Tommy get wet dimming for a second. _Please don’t let it be_ that _..._

“ _Feeling_ cooties.” Tommy stuck out his tongue like he was grossed out, and Billy’s worries evaporated. The little sly smile he got from Tommy after that, the one he was pretty damn sure Tommy would vehemently deny if Billy ever said a word? That made everything better. “They’re ten times worse than regular ones, because those fuckers never go away.”

“Oh really,” Billy scoffed, then he wiped his hand all up and down Tommy’s arm and shoulder. “Feeeeeeeeeeeelings. Ewwwwww.”

Tommy hip-checked him, just hard enough to make him stumble, but not hard enough to make Billy trip and fall. “Shut the fuck up.”

“You shut up.”

“Make me.”

Headlocks, knuckle-burns, rude names as they gathered up Tommy’s campers and started the hike back up the hill — it was all familiar, as familiar as the two brothers Billy had left at home, and something more. The hollow ache inside his ribs was fading, getting smaller and dimmer with every one of Tommy’s elbows that managed to poke him somewhere sensitive.

_Teddy. Tommy. Now the only person left to fix around here is_ me _._

\--

Secrecy mounted over the next couple of days, as camp barrelled toward the final week. If the campers noticed half the senior staff vanishing into outbuildings or walking around with longer to-do-lists than usual, none of them ever mentioned it. The older kids knew what was coming, of course, even if they didn’t know exactly when... or how it would all happen.

“Breakout is going to be Monday night,” David told the staff at the evening meeting, the campers long since packed away into bed and only crumbs left of the trays of cookies the kitchen staff had left out for them. “Ten pm, so it’ll be nice and dark, but the Juniors won’t melt down from being up too late.”

“Are we going to do a fake fire alarm?” Cassie asked, and she caught Teddy’s eye with a knowing grin. That first year he’d been confused as hell, not knowing what was going on when the alarms started going off and the counsellors had chased them out of bed – and all the way down to the main field, where the team leaders had been waiting.

“Fake fire alarm?” Billy’s brow furrowed, and he tipped his head back to look at Teddy without shifting from his seat between Teddy’s knees. “What exactly is happening on Monday?”

“Colour War, dumbass,” Tommy snorted, and Teddy tensed for more bickering, but Billy only poked Tommy between the ribs and seemed to consider the matter settled. “The kids all know it’ll happen sometime in the last week of camp, but keeping breakout quiet is half the fun of freaking them out.”

“We can’t do the fire drill anymore,” David answered with a shake of his head as conversational buzz rose around him. “The alarm’s rigged to trigger a signal at the fire station down the highway now, so unless we want trucks showing up-“

“Which would be awesome,” Chase enthused.

“Which would be an enormous pain in the ass,” David continued, “that’s a no-go.”

“Camp invaded by fire ants,” someone suggested behind Teddy.

“Missing kid? We get them all down to the main field for a headcount?”

“We’re going to get them down to the docks,” Kate jumped in before the chaos could spread too far. “The line is that there’s a meteor shower and you’re bringing your cabins down to see the shooting stars. Technically there is a meteor shower this week, so even the nerds won’t necessarily catch on.”

“What happens then?” Billy asked quietly, his weight a calm and steady pressure against Teddy’s chest.

“Madness,” Teddy answered, not particularly helpfully. “The moment the older kids catch on, it’ll be screaming loud enough to hear at the road.”

\--

It was easy for Teddy and Chase to rally up their kids; Juniors were easy enough to send where you needed them to go, especially when they were in pajamas and rubbing sleep out of their eyes. “Meteor shower?” Tyler grumbled as Teddy helped him shove his feet into his running shoes. “Stars are stupid. I want to go back to bed.”

“Trust me, kiddo. This is one you won’t want to miss.”

They made it outside into the cool night air, voices from other cabin groups floating on the breeze. Bobbing circles of light from lanterns and flashlights flickered and danced between the trees, the stars overhead a brilliant white against the black bowl of the sky.

“I know what it is,” one of the older boys was saying.

“Shhh! Don’t spoil it, there’s Juniors here.” Another one elbowed him and they ran off to catch up with their cabin before any of the little ones caught on.   

The gravel crunched under Teddy’s feet, two little hands holding each of his, and there it was—that same thrill that he’d felt after the confusion, the knowing that something was coming.

There was enough room for the camp along the fence at the waterfront, but only just. And there was Kate dressed in black, holding a torch that flickered bright with orange and yellow flame. David stood on the other side of the path, an identical torch in his hands. The cabin groups passed through the line, the senior staff dressed in blacks, the firelight turning their faces into shifting, magical shapes.

“I’m cold,” Charlie complained, and Chase slung his sweatshirt over Charlie’s skinny shoulders.

“I want to go back to the cabin,” Tyler grumbled, and yawned. His yawn stopped halfway through when the first boat appeared, bouncing over the waves of the lake. The red flare burned bright, casting showers of sparks behind the motorboat. There was enough light to see Space at the wheel, dressed in red, red paint on his face, and America riding behind him, the flare raised high in her hand.

The second boat followed them in with a blue flare this time, and by then all of the kids were jumping and screaming, so much so that Teddy almost missed the moments when white and green team leaders arrived with their flares and their flags flying out behind them.

Billy would be down on the dock somewhere with his cameras, getting breakout on film, committing the moment to memory.

Something deep inside Teddy desperately hoped he was feeling the same excitement, even though it hadn’t been imprinted on him as a kid. Not the way Teddy had hung on to this something that had made him who he was.

“Attention!” David and his megaphone stood up in the front, the team leaders arranging themselves behind him and Kate in their groups. Teddy could have volunteered, when the signups went around, but he’d chosen this instead. He wasn’t cut out for leadership, not that way. He wanted to play. “In case some of you haven’t realized, this. Is. Breakout!”

The cheers were deafening, drowning out the first speeches from the team leaders. The names came next, lists of who was on which team, and Teddy ended up with Tyler up on his shoulders so the little guy could see, and almost missed his own name being called.

“Blue team staff – Teddy Altman, Billy Kaplan, Tommy Shepherd, Niko Minoru, Julie Power-“

He caught Tommy’s eye and got a thumbs-up in return, along with a grin that was almost cheerful in its lack of sarcasm. Whatever he and Billy had talked about the other day seemed to have done him a world of good, even if Billy had grumbled half-heartedly about it to Teddy the next day.

After the names came the fireworks, team colours shooting up in spirals and screaming streaks, exploding across the sky in a shower of brilliant sparks.

By the time they got back to the cabin, the kids would have already drawn the battle lines. His cabin last year had actively moved bunks, splitting the cabin four ways, each colour sticking to their own corner.

Blue team. And Billy’s team, which couldn’t be coincidence. They’d be spending the next three days in each others’ pockets, more or less, a last-minute reprieve before they had to go home and be separated by the city.

He owed Kate a big one.

\--

“I don’t think I own that many blue t-shirts,” Billy grumbled at Teddy the next morning. The camp had changed overnight and he was still trying to keep up, something that didn’t seem to be bothering anyone else. The dining hall had been split by streamers, each corner decorated in a different team colour, and Billy found himself sitting with Teddy (huzzah!) and about a quarter of his Juniors, along with a sea of blue-clad campers.

“Paint some white ones,” Teddy suggested with a grin. He was probably joking, right?

Looking around the room at the kids with team colours scribbled down their arms and bandannas tied around their heads in proud demonstration, Billy realized he wasn’t actually all that sure.

\--

“Our team is what?”

“Red hot!”

“Our team is what?”

“Red hot!”

“Our team is R-E-D-H-O-T hot! Once we start we cannot stop! Alright, alright, our team is dynamite!”

“We are the mean, green, fighting machine! We are the mean, green, fighting machine! We are ...”

“Does it count for the creativity points if they just repurposed an old cheer?”

“You’re just bitter because there aren’t any good chants with ‘white’ in them.”

“It’s a fine line between brilliant and horrifically inappropriate.”

\--

Billy stared down dubiously at the rope in his hands. “Are you sure?”

“We’re exactly the same height,” Tommy pointed out. “And size. That gives us a killer advantage. Assuming you can keep up with me.”

“Anything you can do, I can do better.”  Billy pulled the rope tight between his hands, his grin a challenge and his heart beat picking up speed.

“That’s the spirit.” Tommy set his leg beside Billy’s and waited for Billy to tie them together. Behind them, the other three-legged pairs from white, red and green teams were hobbling toward the starting line.

“We got this,” Billy said, with more confidence than he felt.

He kept up pretty damn well, thank you very much, so much so that the blue-team campers burst into cheers when he and Tommy crossed the finish line arm in arm and legs in synch. It seemed natural to yell in victory and jump with them, grabbing Tommy in what turned into an almost-half-sort-of-hug.

It lasted about two seconds before Tommy knocked him sideways and managed to dunk _just_ Billy into the water barrel.

On the plus side, it was a damn hot day, and the water felt amazing running down his back.

It was only fair to return the favour.

\--

“On the plus side,” Billy gasped, sliding his fingers between Teddy’s and hanging on tightly, the stars the only light through the treetops overhead and the tree bark rough against his back. “We’re on the same team, so any paint transfer won’t be noticeable.”

“What if I put big blue handprints on your butt?”

“That’s the worst threat you can think of?”

“This stuff’s non-toxic, so no, I can get more creative...”

“I’ve made up my mind. I love colour war.”

\--

“Eight marshmallows!”

“CHUBBY BUNNY”

“Oh my God, he did it.”

“Dude, someone get a garbage can—I think he’s gonna erupt.”

\--

The three days went by in a blur of video, music, shouting and balloons, everything Billy owned was splattered in some kind of supposedly-washable paint, food colouring or whipped cream, and he had something like eighteen hours of footage – or more – to go through before he could finish off the closing movies. But standing there on the docks again, the camp assembled before them, Kate and David reading off the point tallies for the different competitions, he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face.

“And in fourth place-“

Spaceman knelt behind them on the docks and lit something, the flare and pop of the fuse burning an after-image of his face into Billy’s eyes. A bright green flare shot off into the sky and the green team cheered. White took third, Alex and Gert holding their noses and cannonballing into the swim section along with the staff on their team, as everyone cheered.

“And the winner of this summer’s colour war, and the reigning champions of Camp Manotoulin- drum roll please-“

He was nervous; why was his heart thumping in his chest? It had been three days of sports he hated and contests he’d have laughed at before, but the burning thrill of anticipation refused to go away.

Someone grabbed his hand and Billy turned to see Teddy, a blue bandanna tied around his wrist and blue tempra paint dragged through his hair. His blond-and-blue hair stuck up in spikes from the stiff paint, but his eyes were bluer, even in the dark.

“The winning team is-“

The rockets shot off, and blue sparks filled the sky above them.

“Blue team!”

Teddy had his hand on one side, Tommy on the other, and without consciously making the decision, Billy found himself hurtling with them into the air.

They hit the water in a tangle a beat later, the cold lake water rushing up to engulf him. Billy sank beneath the waves, losing his grip on Tommy’s hand. But Teddy held him tight and when he broke the surface again, shaking his head to spray water around, Teddy and Tommy were right there beside him again, along with the others, shouting and cheering their victory up into the starlit sky.

“Smile for the camera!”

Billy turned, treading water, his clothes heavy and dragging him down into the wet. Kamala grinned from the dock, firing off a half-dozen flashes, the go-pro around her neck capturing the rest of the action.

“Smile,” she coaxed, and she couldn’t be talking to Billy, because for some dumb reason he couldn’t stop grinning.

_Look at me now,_ the thought pinged around inside Billy’s brain even as Teddy clasped his hand tight beneath the surface of the water, and Tommy splashed them both. Billy splashed back, laughing and not even trying to stop himself.

_Mom and dad are never going to believe these pictures aren’t photoshopped._


	16. Another Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Teddy has a bucket list.

The next day was a blur as far as Teddy’s schedule went. Post-color-war adrenaline hangover was a real thing, no matter what Gert haughtily proclaimed, and he’d had to pull kids off of each other and give more time-outs in the past twelve hours than he had in the three weeks he’d had this set of campers underfoot. Billy had been... somewhere that wasn’t ‘around,’ the photo shed, probably, if Kamala’s brief harried appearance at the dining hall was anything to go by.

But now his hyperactive campers had finally burned themselves out, it was Teddy’s last free night at camp, and he stood in front of the door to Billy’s cabin. His stomach fluttered with nerves, and not for the first time that day. He had to be in-cabin the next night, their last night at camp for the summer, and then... and then what? The buses home and trying to figure out everything new and terrifying all over again.

Billy was probably too busy dealing with the end of summer videos and slideshows to have time for him tonight. Teddy caught himself chewing his lip nervously as he stared at the weathered wooden door of the cabin. The moonlight played down through the leaves overhead, but other than the faint rustle of the breeze, no sound broke the nighttime quiet. 

The light was on inside; he could see that much glimmering out under the eaves and in the line around the door.

If Billy didn’t have time, he would say so. He didn’t have a problem speaking his mind. (Not like Teddy, who still felt the twist-up in his gut when things weren’t right, but he was getting better at that.)

Teddy knocked, shave-and-a-haircut, and he waited.

He really shouldn’t have worried.

The door flew open and Billy’s eyes lit up like sparklers. He grabbed Teddy by the hand and had pulled him into the room before Teddy could even say ‘hi.’ Before the door had swung closed behind them, he had his hands buried in Teddy’s hair and his lips pressed against Teddy’s mouth, warm, hungry and searching.

“Save me,” Billy pleaded when they finally broke apart. Teddy’s hands had somehow made their way to Billy’s hips, his fingers curved around the jut of Billy’s hipbones, the hard muscle that sloped down toward his thighs. “Everything I touch sucks. The video sucks, the music stinks, and I can’t even get online to find better options. I’m going to get fired.”

“At least it’s the last day, so you’ll only go home a few hours early,” Teddy teased, not letting himself get drawn in. If he offered to help they’d be spending hours fighting with Billy’s computer, when what he really wanted was-

Who was he kidding? He was going to end up helping. Just not now; not yet.

“Don’t joke,” Billy mourned aloud. Teddy kissed him again, because they could do that here without worrying – about his mother catching them, about Billy’s parents walking in, about anything real-world and scary.

They stumbled backwards, Teddy hooking his fingers in Billy’s belt loops, until his knees hit the edge of Billy’s bedframe. He pulled and brought Billy with him as he let himself fall backwards, the cot creaking ominously as Billy followed, landing on Teddy and slotting his thigh between Teddy’s legs like it was already habit.

This part they didn’t need to talk about, the way Billy’s mouth tasted and the strength in his hands as he laced his fingers between Teddy’s and held on tight.

_Hold on to me, keep me who I am when I’m with you._

The plea rang out in Teddy’s mind and vanished again before he could parse it out, his body responding to Billy’s touch, the weight of him pressing Teddy down, the dirt-sweat-sunscreeny smell of Billy’s skin and the slippery nylon of the sleeping bag beneath him.

Teddy squeezed Billy’s hands tight and let go, tipping his head up as Billy mouthed his way down Teddy’s neck, hot kisses that left a faintly damp trail behind. Teddy slid his hands down, then under the hem of Billy’s t-shirt, tracing his fingertips over the hot skin beneath. Billy groaned and his hips hitched, grinding down into Teddy. Lifting his hips, Teddy made contact, his dick aching and heavy, needing touch, pressure, him.

Pushing himself up on his arms, Billy’s hair flopped down over his face, dark brown and longer than it had been in June. The muscles tightened in his arms and Teddy couldn’t resist, running his palm along the sinuous outline beneath Billy’s skin. Billy rocked into him again, that sweet-slow drag of fabric and heat firing sparks along Teddy’s nerve endings, and when he looked down, saw the bulge there that tented out Billy’s shorts, he almost succumbed.

He could do this forever, this drag and push-pull of bodies, the solid heat of Billy around him, over him, pressing him down and holding him firm. He reared up and kissed Billy, a tangle of hands in hair, of lips and teeth, their dicks rubbing against each other hard and thick, and the only thing going through Teddy’s mind now was pleasure, a pure _wanting_ that burned away everything else in its path.

They were never going to get a better chance. If he didn’t do it now, Teddy knew he would be kicking himself for the rest of _time_.

But it felt so good, biting at Billy’s plump lip, dragging his fingers up Billy’s side and making him squirm, pulling his hips down and tight against Teddy’s own and feeling that Billy needed him just as badly.

He might be letting Billy pin him down­­—and honest to God, he probably liked that a little bit too much—but he was still stronger, and taller, and could flip Billy over on to his back as easily as one, two-

“Hey!” Billy yelped, but he didn’t fight it, and he looked up at Teddy from where he landed, his dark hair tangled on the pillow beneath him, and his eyes were blown wide and dark. “It’s like that, is it?” he teased, and Teddy kissed him to make the fluttering tangle of nerves in his stomach go away again.

“It’s like that,” Teddy replied, and settled his knees between Billy’s legs. Would he ever get used to this, to the power of his muscles and the dark hair against his skin, the way Billy responded to his cues so easily, dropping his knees to the side and making space for him? It felt like he was stealing something precious, a treasure he hadn’t earned.

But Billy lay beneath him now, tugging at his shirt until Teddy took pity on him and stripped it off over his head. He’d never get tired of that, either—the way Billy’s eyes lit up when he looked at him, the hunger in them, the admiration. Teddy needed that, he craved it, and that part was scary, but Billy didn’t seem to mind. If he even realized how much he filled the hole in the middle of Teddy’s soul.

His shirt next, because Teddy wanted to see him, to be daring, more daring than he ever had before and run the tip of his tongue across Billy’s nipple. Billy made a strangled noise and the little pink circle tightened right up under Teddy’s lips, a response so pure and immediate that he couldn’t help his delighted laugh.

“Oh sure, yuck it up.”

“I like your nipples,” Teddy protested, yelping when Billy’s fingers found his and poked him, just a bit. “I like looking at you at swim and thinking about how different your body is now, when I can make it do things like that.” And that was incredibly incoherent, and not half of what he meant to say, so he tasted Billy’s other nipple instead and put up with Billy’s griping.

The dark trail of hair led downward from there and Teddy’s breathing caught in his throat at what he wanted—what he was _going_ to do. His hand was shaking a bit as he undid the button of Billy’s shorts, pushed down the zipper. They’d done this sort of thing whenever they could over the last couple of weeks, and he was starting to know what to do, what kind of stroke of his hand would make Billy gasp, what would make him tense up, how fast and how hard to go in order to make him bite into his arm to muffle his cries.

This was different.

“Tee?” Billy had noticed his hesitation and propped himself up on his elbows, sliding one hand into Teddy’s hair. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Teddy said firmly. He closed his eyes and took a breath, then slid his hand down beneath the elastic waist of Billy’s underwear. Billy’s dick was hard, not just kind-of-interested but full-on hammer-in-nails kind of hard, rock solid and silk-smooth in Teddy’s palm. Billy arched at the contact, pushed up into Teddy’s hand, his breath shuddering out of him and his head tipped back.

“Oh God, Tee, yeah. Please.”

Teddy pushed the fabric away from Billy, trying hard to ignore the throbbing in his own groin, the pulsing pleasure that was fighting with the nerves. Billy’s dick rose up from the dark thatch of hair between his legs, purple-tipped and glistening a little with pre-come, his balls drawn up high and tight.

_I did that, I made him hard._

And just like that, the nerves faded away all at once, and Teddy’s body reverberated with the need to _take_ , to have and taste and get Billy under his skin all at once. _Remember no teeth_.

He bent his head down, drew in a breath scented with lust, the musk of sex and arousal, ignored Billy’s questioning noise from somewhere up around his head. He licked the head of Billy’s dick, just as easy as that, and he tasted like salt-sour heat. Not quite what he’d imagined, but the lightning surge of desire rocketing through him confirmed the thought.

_I want more._

“Holy _shit!_ ” Billy yelped, and Teddy pressed his hands on Billy’s hips so that he wouldn’t get hit in the face if Billy decided to move all of a sudden.

“Is this okay?” Teddy asked, suddenly unsure, thanks to the unexpected note of panic and surprise in Billy’s voice.

“Are you shitting me? Yes, that’s very much okay, holy shit, Teddy.”

It wasn’t his most coherent moment, but that probably meant it really was okay to keep going.

Taking the head of Billy’s dick into his mouth was a bit easier after having had that first taste, and Billy’s reaction—cursing under his breath,  grabbing a fistful of the sleeping bag and white-knuckle clenching it—was enough to make Teddy’s dick throb in sympathy and anticipation.

It wasn’t _easy_ per se, to remember to keep his lips over his teeth and enough spit in his mouth to make everything slide, and he made the huge mistake of trying to go down all the way, taking Billy in to lie thick and heavy on his tongue.

Gagging wasn’t sexy.

“You don’t have to do that, are you okay?” Billy blurted out, concern mixed with laughter mixed with red cheeks that had come when Teddy had run his tongue around the rim of his dick-head, and Billy had just about shaken himself apart.

Teddy wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes and coughed, swallowing hard to get rid of the sudden surge of nausea. “It looked easier on pornhub,” he muttered.

He probably should have been mad when Billy started to laugh, but it was easier and much more fun to put his mouth around Billy’s dick again, just the top, to be safe, feel the heavy pressure of him, the stretch at the corners of his lips, the hot friction as Billy rode inside his fist with Teddy’s spit to slick the way.

Hard-on aching, so full _he_ felt like he was gonna come just from doing this, Teddy rocked his hips against the air, the pressure of his jeans zipper the only relief he could get.

“Teddy,” Billy groaned, his arm pressing against his lips and muffling all of his other sounds. There was nothing more beautiful in the world than this, Billy with his head thrown back, his neck arched and stubble shadowing his creamy-gold skin, his whole body flushed and tight and responding to what Teddy was doing with mouth and fist and tongue.

“Gonna come,” Billy gasped the warning, and his balls had drawn up so tight against his body that they were all but gone under Teddy’s palm. Teddy pulled off, licked up the underside of Billy’s dick for good measure, then tightened his hand again. One, two, and few tight tugs and Billy was coming, spurting white and hot over Teddy’s hand, his body shaking itself apart.

_I did that._

Billy – Billy was _crying_ , maybe, his face wet and his body trembling. Teddy flopped down beside him, hand tucked beneath his head, and Billy plastered himself against Teddy’s chest. He was damp with sweat, and the sleek press of his body was not helping ease Teddy’s hard-on or his rapid breathing, but Teddy could hold on for a minute or two while Billy recovered. He _could_.

“That,” Billy said after a moment, his hands finding their way down below Teddy’s belt, stroking him through the fabric of his shorts. “That was a religious experience.”

“Then I should go to church more often.” Teddy was joking, but Billy kissed him fiercely, his tongue tasting Teddy’s lips, the taste of his mouth mingling with the taste of his dick, and was that weird? It had to be kind of weird for him because he pulled away quicker than he normally would.

But he didn’t say anything about it, just touched Teddy until Teddy’s brain was _screaming_ , then pushed him over onto his back once more.

“You don’t have to, just because I did-“ Teddy started to say.

Billy’s eyes gleamed with mischief, even though his movements were less sharp now, more languid and slow. “Are you saying I shouldn’t?”

“No,” Teddy replied faster than he ever had before. “No, not saying that, not ever saying that.”

Then Billy was undoing Teddy’s shorts, and his hands were on Teddy’s skin, and he forgot what words meant. Billy’s lips enveloped him and he was inside—inside, he was inside Billy’s mouth, hot sweet wet and everything he never knew he needed or wanted in the world.

The world was fire, everything tingling and hot, and he lifted his hips despite himself, following the line of Billy’s teasing tongue. He flicked and licked at Teddy, the sensation appearing and then vanishing again, tentative at first then more sure, but never enough, never full hot and tight, not together, for just long enough that he could feel the desperation building, burning but not enough to finish.   

Then Billy did it, pushed his mouth down over Teddy’s dick, enough that Teddy could feel his tongue, the pressure and the suction, wrapping around him, pulling at him, fireworks building in his spine and any second now-

“I’m coming!” he gasped out, and just in time. Billy lifted his head and Teddy came just like that, splashing hot over his own stomach, Billy’s hand, maybe even his chin if he hadn’t sat up fast enough.

The world whited out for a moment, Teddy floating on a sea of bliss that took over his brain and shorted all of his circuits at once. Billy’s reassuring weight settled back in his arms and Teddy held on, drowning.

Eventually the rush subsided, the heat turned to shivers and come was drying sticky on Teddy’s stomach. They untangled themselves, Billy padding into the tiny bathroom with his shorts still unbuttoned around his waist. The water started running a second later, and Teddy stared up at the ceiling, a hundred magic-marker names staring back down at him from the rafters.

Billy’s lips tasted like mint a little while later, when they were back on the bed, shirts still off, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Teddy’s mouth felt funny, _used_ somehow, and the taste lingering there wasn’t _bad_ , per se, but definitely new.

Kind of good. Not, like, ice-cream topping good, but the taste in his mouth was sex, and more than that, it was sex-with-Billy, and that was even better.

“So that was okay?” Billy was asking as Teddy contemplated, and he tuned back in, in time to catch the flash of uncertainty in Billy’s eyes.

“Are you kidding?” Teddy replied reverently. “Your mouth is amazing. Your hands are amazing. _You’re_ amazing. I want to have all the sex with you.”

He blurted it out before thinking it through, and the frown that furrowed a line between Billy’s eyes gave him pause for a second. Thankfully he only had to panic internally for a beat before Billy said something.

“Is this real sex?” Billy flattened his hand against Teddy’s stomach, and pressed a kiss to his collarbone before continuing. He slowed down and his face got redder as he explained. “Or does it have to be, y’know.  Butt stuff?”

“I-“ Teddy started to answer, then paused. What _was_ the checklist for bases with guys? If he worked backward from the girls list it didn’t exactly match up. Neither of them had hymens up their butts, if that even mattered anymore.

“We came, right?” he said, and felt his cheeks turning red and hot as he spoke. Billy snickered and couldn’t look him in the eye. Teddy continued on with determination.  “Our dicks were inside each other.”

Billy made a strangled noise from somewhere down around Teddy’s collarbone.

“I think this counts,” Teddy decided out loud. “I want it to count.”

“Why? Not that I disagree, just asking.”

“Because. That means I just lost my virginity to you, and I can’t think of a more perfect way to do it.” Teddy scooted down the bed a bit, until his toes were touching the metal rail and he could bury his face in Billy’s shoulder.   

“Holy shit,” Billy said softly, and his arms came up around Teddy and held him tight. “Yeah. That’s a great thought.” He tipped his head in and kissed Teddy, mint toothpaste-y and sweet. Teddy almost missed the next thing he said, so soft as to almost be a whisper. “I’m glad it’s you.”

 

The words played over again inside Billy’s head, and he couldn’t stop grinning. _Lost my virginity to you._ It shouldn’t make him so happy —virginity was just a social construct, part of patriarchy, bla bla if he never had to listen to his mother try and give him the heterosexual ethics lecture again he’d be ecstatic.

But here, now, curled around Teddy in his stupid little cabin, the memory of Teddy’s mouth—his _mouth_ —seared into Billy’s nerve endings from now until the end of time, it mattered.

_Today, I am a man._

Now that made for a very different take on his bar mitzvah speech.

Billy must have snorted or something out loud accidentally, because Teddy’s gentle, rhythmic breathing caught, and his eyes opened. “Hm?” he said sleepily, and what an amazing thought that was—someday having a place where they could do things like that and then fall asleep afterward without worrying about curfews or parents, or whatever.

Billy’s thoughts were bouncing all over the place, superballs on a trampoline, and he bumped Teddy’s nose with his while he was trying to think of something to say. “Just happy,” he settled on, and the smile that blossomed slow and bright across Teddy’s face meant he’d said the right thing.

“Me too,” Teddy murmured, and shifted enough that he could reach Billy’s jaw, and press a soft kiss there.

“Out of curiosity,” Billy stretched, keeping half an eye on his bastard of a clock that sat and uncaringly ticked down the minutes before Teddy would have to leave. “Did you come here planning that?”

“Planning what?” Teddy asked, all innocence and light. But when Billy shot him a sharp glance, there was a twinkle in his brilliantly blue eyes.

“You know what.”

“Noooo. Tell me. And use the dirtiest language you can think up.”

Billy shoved him gently in the chest, but Teddy’s back was up against the cabin wall already and he had nowhere else to go, a wall of firm, smooth muscle. “Perv.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Teddy offered up, and didn’t look like he was about to answer the question, until a moment later when his lips tugged up into a sheepish smile. “Maybe, yeah. I wanted to find out what it was like. While we still had the chance.”

He should know better by now, especially considering that ten, no, fifteen minutes ago, he’d had Teddy’s _dick_ in his _mouth_ , but the rush of panic burned through Billy at Teddy’s final phrase. The sleepy haze burned off him like fog in the morning, and his heart thumped painfully in his chest.

“What do you mean, ‘while we have the chance’?” He struggled, refusing to give in to the fear and dread, because that was absolutely not the case, there was nothing to worry about, and if he _kept_ freaking out about that shit, then Teddy really _would_ get fed up with him and it would all be Billy’s own fault. “We’re not breaking up at the end of camp, remember? We promised. At least, I’m not breaking up with you.”

“No!” Teddy’s eyes went wide and registered the same moment of panic, so Billy didn’t feel like that much of an idiot after all. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant that it’ll be harder to find chances to be alone and mess around, you know? Especially if-or-when we come out to our parents. Mom had a no-bedroom rule when Cassie was over, not that it would have made a difference... but if she knows we’re dating, it’ll be the same thing.”

The rush of relief was almost as powerful as the rush of fear, and honest to God, Billy was going to have to learn to control that shit because it was really distracting. Especially considering that he had his half-naked boyfriend in bed with him, and they’d _just sucked each other off, holy shit_.

It was going to take some time for all this to really sink in.  

“Ohh, yeah,” Billy said instead. “But if we don’t tell them right away-“

“True. Still.” Teddy contemplated. “My mom shows houses in the evenings sometimes, but I never really know when, or how long she’ll be gone.”

“Ugh, logistics.” Billy slipped his hands around Teddy’s ridiculously slim and toned waist and drew him in closer, their bare torsos pressed tight and close. Teddy’s heart beat steadily against Billy’s chest, a thum-thump of promise. “Let’s worry about that later.”

“Yeah.” Teddy fell silent for a minute, then wiggled around like he was trying to reach something. Billy opened his eyes and was staring right at Teddy’s clavicle, at least until Teddy sat up and fished something out of his pocket.

It was a chain, that much Billy saw, glinting in the light when Teddy pulled it out. “This was the other thing,” Teddy said, hesitating.

Billy didn’t catch on. Not until Teddy played with the chin in his hand and he saw the nameplate connected between the silver links of the bracelet, T-E- engraved on the part not hidden behind Teddy’s fingers. “I don’t know if you’d want it,” Teddy said quietly. He sat up and drew his legs up under him, sitting cross-legged on Billy’s bed. Billy sat up with him, wanting to be on the same level, too vulnerable bare and open when he was lying down alone. “’Cause of Cass, and stuff...”

“Teddy Altman, are you giving me a _used_ token of affection?” Billy teased, because that was the easiest thing to do when his heart was lodged hard in his throat and his brain was spinning in panic in a dozen different directions.

 Teddy flushed red, looking down at his hands, and he looked about to ball up his fist and forget the whole thing, which was absolutely not what Billy wanted. Why couldn’t he ever learn to keep his stupid mouth shut? Billy reached out and grabbed Teddy’s hand before he could do anything, wrapping his fingers tight through Teddy’s. “It means something to you, doesn’t it? Something important.”

Teddy shrugged, but it seemed more half-hearted than anything else. “I like the idea of you wearing something of mine” he said, and it sounded like a confession. Billy’s heart pounded at the thought, and he squeezed Teddy’s hand tighter. Teddy squeezed back, and his shoulders started to come down from up around his ears. He grinned at Billy, and the twinkle was back in his eyes, if only for a second. “Something that tells all the cute boys at your school that you’re taken.”

“What cute boys?” Billy scoffed, and he wasn’t lying. He couldn’t think of a single guy he’d ever seen in the halls or in class who could come close to Teddy for sheer gorgeousness. “There’ll never be anyone for me but you.”

“Such a liar.” Teddy leaned in and kissed him, despite the words he said, and when he pulled back, he was smiling. “So will you? I mean, only if you want to.”

“What, go steady with you?” Billy joked again, but this time Teddy didn’t flinch, or pull away. “Yeah.” And as much as he wanted to defuse the moment with some dumb joke about frat pins or letter jackets, he couldn’t find the words. He had to sit with the feeling instead, this balloon expanding inside his chest that pushed away all other thought.

_Is this what un-ironic ‘happy’ feels like? I could get used to this._

Teddy messed around with the clasp until the bracelet came open in his hand. The links were warm against Billy’s skin when he fastened it on, warm from Teddy’s pocket, warm from his hands. It sat low over his hand, the silver links glinting against his skin, big enough that it didn’t pinch, but thank God – small enough that it couldn’t slip off, so he wasn’t going to do something dumb and lose it.  

“It looks good on you,” Teddy said, and there was something wistful and hopeful in his voice all at once.

Billy spun it on his wrist and admired the shine, the solid weight of it where he’d never even worn a watch before, the clear block letters of Teddy’s name marching across his wrist. _I’m his, he’s mine. That’s what this means._ “I love it.”

“I-“ Teddy started to say something and then stopped, his cheeks turning red. He reached for Billy and drew him into a kiss instead, and whatever he had been going to say died unspoken in the taste of his mouth. His alarm beeped a moment later, that awful, stupid signal that Teddy had to get back to his cabin before curfew, and Billy groaned aloud.

“Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

“This sucks.”

Teddy nodded, and his arms tightened around Billy one last time. “I’ll come by tomorrow and help with your video stuff, if you need me to,” he offered.

“That-“ too distracting, or useful? Billy fell down on the side of ‘as much time with Teddy as possible’. “That would be awesome, if you can swing it.”

“Yeah. The kids will be packing in the afternoon anyway.” Teddy stood and searched around for his shirt. Billy reached back over his head and grabbed for his own, a baggy band tee that had always been too big on him. He flung it at Teddy’s head and Teddy grabbed it without thinking, pulling it halfway over his head before he stopped. He sniffed.

“Are you smelling the shirt?”

“It smells like you,” Teddy said, muffled from inside. He pulled the shirt on and looked down at it, vaguely surprised. Billy stared too, at the way it clung and outlined Teddy’s biceps, his pecs, his other muscles that Billy didn’t know the names of because he’d been half asleep in bio that one time.

“It never looks like that on me,” Billy said, vaguely envious but mostly admiring.

“Is that the plan? Get me in clothes that are too small?”

“That is not too small, that is absolutely perfect and you should wear shirts like that always,” Billy vowed sincerely. He rose to his knees and grabbed for Teddy, who patiently stayed where he was and let himself be manhandled.

“That’s it,” Teddy muttered against Billy’s mouth. “I’m keeping it. If you want it back, you’re gonna have to come over to my place and get it yourself.”

“Deal.”

Teddy’s stupid watch beeped again, and Billy grumbled rude things under his breath. Teddy did leave, this time, after promising to save Billy a seat at breakfast. When he was gone, Billy intensely ignored the computer he’d already been ignoring for the last couple of hours, and flopped back on his bed once more.

 _I love it,_ he’d said. _I-_ Teddy had started to say. What had he been thinking? Billy lifted his wrist and turned it, felt the way the silver links slid over and around, settled into a weight on his arm that was already comforting and _right_.

Had he been going to say ‘I love you’? Was it something he’d been thinking? It was too soon for that, wasn’t it? A sign that Teddy was seriously on the rebound and Billy was just the first guy in the way?

Maybe. And maybe it was real and he meant it. And maybe, in time, Billy would find out a way to make the words come out too. Because he felt it, down into the marrow of his bones, too serious to even make a joke out of.

There was too much he didn’t know.

And now he had a video to finish. Billy groaned, rolled out of bed, and found the t-shirt that Teddy had left on the end of the bed. He pulled that one on instead, and since no-one was watching, buried his face in the soft cotton and breathed in Teddy’s scent until his lungs were full.

Then, braced for anything, he cracked his knuckles, spun his chair around so he could straddle the back, and sat himself down to work. _Let’s end this summer right._  


	17. Summer's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where summer has to come to an end, but also promises new beginnings. 
> 
> (note - this is not the final chapter. An epilogue is coming.)

Teddy’s last full day at camp went something like this:

Pack, chase kids down and make them pack, comfort crying child, kill spider inside duffle bag, refuse to kill mouse inside duffle bag, let non-crying children write on his arms, take markers away from children trying to write on each other, climb into the cabin rafter with a small can of paint and get everyone’s names up into one of the few blank spaces left in the eaves.

Drop paint. Clean up paint. Stop children from running through paint. Pack bags.  

Why doesn’t Braden have any underpants?

Why are all of Braden’s underpants in the tree?

Get out of the tree. You too. Braden, you little sneak, get your butt back here!

Get children showered. Get dressed in reasonable clothes (no paint). Did Tyler brush his hair? Has Tyler ever brushed his hair? Get back here, short-stuff. How many kids? Where did we lose one? Get off the roof. Not that way!

Is it Banquet yet? Where is Billy? Tommy, don’t strangle them. No, not even if they’re being shits. Jesus H, who made the decision to feed them cake for snack on the last day? I don’t care if it’s tradition, none of them are going to sleep again.

“I am never having children,” Teddy said aloud.  Chase, dragging three duffle bags and a third-grader down the hill toward the luggage truck, nodded frantically as he passed.

\--

After dinner came awards, and since it was That Sort of Camp, every last kid ended up with something, from ‘ _Most Home Runs Hit_ ’ right through to ‘ _Most Enthusiastic Water Balloon Maker_.’ Which only took about a million years, and during which Teddy kept scanning the crowd of campers and staff crammed into the mess hall, looking for Billy. He and Kamala had been invisible all day, probably crammed into the photo shed working on the end of camp videos. But sooner or later they were going to have to show up and set up, and Teddy got antsier the longer the presentations went on with no sign of either of them.

He made his excuses somewhere around _Most Frogs Caught_ , and slipped out of the dining hall. The decibel level dropped about a thousand percent almost immediately, and he paused to enjoy the relative silence for a second before looking around.

There they were, heading up the hill, Billy with his laptop under his arm and Kam with a box of cables. Billy’s hair was on end, sticking up every which way like he’d been pulling on it in frustration.

“Are you okay?” Teddy jogged over to meet them, taking the box away from Kamala before she could trip and faceplant into it.

“How can a projector not have an HDMI input?” Billy asked, not waiting for an answer. “It’s only VGA! Who the hell has audio cables anymore? I’ve been through every box in the camp and can’t find an adaptor. I’m going insane. Kill me.”

“No,” Teddy replied cheerfully. “You get everything else set up, I’ll find Kate, she’s got all kinds of stuff stashed in her cabin. And if she doesn’t, she knows where it’s been hidden in the camp office.”

Billy paused mid-stride and grabbed Teddy’s t-shirt, his eyes wide. “You can get me an adaptor?”

“I will get you an adaptor.” He wasn’t entirely sure how, mind you, but they had to have used _something_ in previous years, right?

“Marry me. Seriously.”

“Darling, so soon?” Teddy teased, then he kissed Billy on the forehead. He’d forgotten for that moment where he was, that Kamala was right there, just falling into the easy intimacy he and Billy shared when they were alone.  The world didn’t cave in, and Kamala just grinned at them knowingly. “I’ll meet you back here in a few,” Teddy promised, setting the box of cables and bits down on the dining hall porch.

Kate didn’t have anything useful, it turned out, but for some strange reason, Spaceman did, a jerry-rigged adaptor that telescoped about three different things together before it terminated in the precious HDMI port on the end. Sometimes it was better not to ask too many questions.

Teddy skidded into the back of the dining hall where Billy and Kamala were running power cords and things back and forth between the over-stuffed extension cord from the kitchen and the table full of gear. Staff members dragged the long dining tables to the edges of the room, stacking benches on top to get everything out of the way. “Got it.”

“You’re just in time,” Billy grabbed the missing piece and dove behind the table to wire things together. Silent clips of the pre-camp baseball game and first-aid classes appeared on the piece of card propped up in front of the projector lens on the table. “Yesssss.”

“And we have sound!” Kamala dropped her headphones back around her neck and she and Billy high-fived, a moment of camaraderie that was as unexpected as it was awesome to watch. “Are we ready to do this?”

Billy let out a long rush of air that seemed to deflate his entire body the longer it went. “Once we hit play, camp is pretty much over, isn’t it?” His glanced up at Teddy, and the smile on his lips was bittersweet.

“Just about,” Teddy had to admit. The real world was knocking on his door and he didn’t, so desperately didn’t, want to let it in.

“Which means,” Kamala interrupted the sap-fest before it could really begin. “Only three hundred and fifteen days left until pre-camp!”

Teddy grinned. “You counted that out?”

“Calculated. I have my reasons.”

David poked his head around the pillar and glanced at his watch. “We’re just about done. Are you guys ready?”

Billy nodded. “Whenever you are.”

Teddy had just made it back to his campers when the video started. He nudged a couple of kids over and took his seat on the floor as the music swelled, the white bedsheet stapled to the far wall rippling a little underneath the footage of the buses pulling down the dirt road toward camp.

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.”

He knew that song – it was one that David liked to play at campfires. Teddy looked around the room and saw him, leaning up against the back wall, head tipped in to talk to Kate. They were both grinning, totally at ease.

Faces flashed by on the screen, kids jumping off buses, kids jumping off the swim docks, kids jumping because they were kids, just for the hell of it.

On the other side of the dining hall, Cassie and Nate sat together, knees bumping. Cassie tipped her face up as she watched, her golden hair falling loose down her back. Teddy poked at his heart for a reaction and all he got back was fondness, and something that felt a bit like relief.

She turned and saw him staring, her smile blossoming wistful and warm at the same time. She blew him a kiss, and Teddy touched his fingertips to his forehead in a small salute. Still friends.

Tommy sprawled on the floor beside his campers like he didn’t have a care in the world, but the furrows had etched themselves back into his forehead. He came in like that every year, tight and hard-edged, and it took longer every summer to ease out and relax. Teddy made the same resolution he did every year—this time he would be better at staying in touch. He had double the reason, now.

Hallowe’en-at-camp ran by on the video in front of him, campers shrieking, counsellors painted up like ghouls and ghosts, Teddy covered in face paint. _That was where it began, I think. The waterfight, and everything that came after._

Billy stood at the back of the room, still there when Teddy turned to check, some of the backlight from the projector playing shadows over his face. Kamala said something and he laughed, and if Tommy was closing back down, Billy was open now, more than Teddy had ever seen him when they were around other people. He belonged here. Manitoulin had put its mark on him like it had on every single one of them, the sultry stretch of days between school-ending and school-beginning meaning so much more.

Some of the Upper and Senior girls had started the ritual Banquet-night Demonstrative Sobbing, arms around each other in circles and in groups. Fireworks burst in the video, splashing the screen with bright bursts of colour and light.

The soundtrack changed, shifted from Green Day to the old camp song, and they were into the montage portion of the video: quick flashes of kids, alone and in groups, thumbs-up at the camera or ignoring it entirely. There went a long fly-by from a sailboat, Tommy’s campers waving back at whichever one of the videographers had done the filming.

One more night, and then it was back home, to his room, his books and computer, his own _bed_ and a shower that didn’t come with its own spiders. Only three hundred and fifteen days until he came back. As ridiculous as it sounded, that did make Teddy feel better. 

Some of the campers had started singing along and he joined in, voices rising in the dining hall one last time for the year.

“ _We have traveled far, Hitched our vessel to a star,_  
Never more we'll have to roam.  
For we realize, it was right before our eyes,  
At Manitoulin, our second home.”

 

\--

Billy could have taken the easy way home and jumped on the staff bus to get back to the city. But. Teddy was a bus parent, responsible for keeping thirty screeching monkey-children under control all the way from Manitoulin back to New York. And Alex, wonder of wonders, had been easy enough to persuade to switch spots. Which was how _Billy_ ended up with one of the clipboards, checking and double-checking that they had everyone from A-E squashed into the bench seats on the long yellow schoolbus.

It was also how he’d ended up where he’d wanted to be in the first place, tucked in beside Teddy in the back row once the bus started to move. He leaned in and pillowed his head on Teddy’s shoulder, watching out the window as the camp gates vanished around the curve in the road. Teddy sagged back against the seat after that. His arm slipped around Billy’s waist, against the seat so no-one could see easily, and he tugged Billy in closer.

He was warm and solid, and Billy dared to rest his hand on Teddy’s thigh for just a moment, the heavy cotton of his shorts hiding his strength. But Billy knew it, had had his hands all over Teddy just two nights before, and all the times before that.

It wasn’t just about that, though, as much fun as making out with the hottest guy on the planet—seriously—was one hell of a summer memory that he was bringing home. But none of the rest of the mess of feelings was as easy to pick out, to point to and say _here – this is the thing I feel, this is the piece of me that’s changed._

And his mother would have an absolute _field_ day if he admitted to any of this in front of her. Not that she would gloat, or say ‘I told you so.’ Her quiet pleased smiles would be that much worse, because he couldn’t even pick a fight about them.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Teddy said softly.

“Make it a quarter,” Billy replied without hesitation. “Inflation.” Teddy snorted a soft laugh, and Billy shrugged. “Nothing, I guess. I’m not ready. I don’t want to think about school starting again in a couple of weeks. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I get home.”

“I’m going to sleep for a full day,” Teddy said with reverence. “Maybe two. Eight year olds just. don’t. stop. when they’re really excited.”

 “That’s one part of the camp counsellor experience I’m not sorry to have missed.” 

“Just wait until next year; you’ll end up in a cabin like the rest of us.”

“Putting me in charge of a pile of strangers’ children would easily be one of the worst management decisions ever.”

Teddy’s laugh shook Billy’s head, still resting on Teddy’s shoulder. “They let Tommy do it.”

“True.”

“Here.” Teddy dug into his thigh pocket and pulled out a marker, because apparently that was the kind of thing he kept on him now. He leaned forward, dumping Billy off his shoulder, and dug through his backpack until he came back out with a beat-up old copy of a Terry Pratchett novel. “Just in case mom doesn’t have my phone with her when she picks me up.”

“You’re going to send me a secret message through a copy of ‘Guards, Guards’?”

Teddy’s ‘seriously?’ face and quirked eyebrow made Billy grin, but he watched with mounting satisfaction as Teddy scribbled a phone number and a name on the copyright page. He closed the book and handed it over. “It’s harder to lose a book than a piece of paper, I’ve read it a dozen times already, and it’s less likely to make your family ask questions than if I wrote it right on your arm.”

“It’s going in my phone the second I get it back,” Billy vowed. He grabbed the marker as well and looked for something, anything to write his down. A gum wrapper sucked, but it would have to do. “And I’ll text you as soon as I can. I have no idea what my parents have planned for the rest of the summer, but I promised you a redo of the burger date at the very least.”

“I’ll hold you to that. And no face-offs with bullies this time.”

“Deal.”

And that was when the carsick kid threw up, kids up to three benches over scattered like ants, and chaos took over. Not exactly the last hour of peace and bonding that Billy had imagined, but he had Teddy’s phone number in the book shoved safely into the deep front pocket of his hoodie. It would do as a talisman for now.

Landing back at the drop-off spot, Billy rocked with the weirdest sense of déjà-vu. Parents everywhere, kids everywhere, luggage everywhere, and his parents waiting in the middle of the insanity, like the past two months had been a momentary daydream, and he’d never actually left town at all.

“Hey, there’s my mom.” Teddy skated his fingertips across Billy’s arm, the most either of them could dare, at least here, for now.

“It’s going to be weird not seeing you after dinner tonight.” Billy smiled up at him, but the reluctance he felt deep inside was mirrored in Teddy’s eyes. The noise seemed to recede, and for a final, blissful moment, the world was sonly the two of them.

“I gave you my screen name, too.” Teddy nodded toward the square bulge in Billy’s pocket. “Can you get on skype tonight?”

“Nine o clock.” Billy promised. “I’ll be there.”

“Billy?” His mom’s voice cut into the moment, and Billy crashed back down into reality with all the soft landing of a nuclear bomb.

“Mom, hey.” He turned to greet his parents, and mom was looking from him to Teddy with a question in her eyes that made Billy’s panic rise up into his throat. He hugged his dad hello as a distraction, and by the time dad had made his stupid jokes about Billy being taller and he should think about growing a beard, Teddy was gone.

Billy spotted him by the luggage drop, talking happily to a slim blonde woman who looked so much like him, she had to be his mom. He had his phone in his hand and he was typing something into it while his mom talked at him. He looked up and caught Billy’s eye, lifting his hand—and his phone—in a wave.

“Did you want to introduce us to your friends?” Mom asked, and she sounded so innocent that he could almost see a freaking golden halo shining over her head.

“No.” Billy shook his head and grabbed his duffels without a second thought, hoisting the big bag up on his shoulder. “Let’s just go,” he urged them, because the sooner they were out of here, the less chance his parents would have to be ridiculously embarrassing while he was already pretty much running on empty.

“Later, Billy!” Kate strode by, a purple bag slung over her shoulder and... was that a _chauffeur_ carrying her bags behind her? What the hell? 

“I have to say, it’s nice to see that you’ve made some friends,” Dad was the one to bring that up, as Kate vanished into a town car parked at the curb. “Did you have a good summer?”

Billy glanced at Mom, and she looked at him, and somehow he just knew that she knew something, or suspected something, or _thought_ she knew something, and he was just not ready to deal with this on less than five hours sleep and the smell of camp still in his clothes and his hair.

He had to remember, too, not to put Teddy’s t-shirt in the laundry basket. She’d notice that it wasn’t his, and then the inquisition would start again.

Thoughts of how and where in his room to hide his ill-gotten boyfriend-tee faded a moment later, though, when they all but stumbled over Tommy. He sat on the curb, his duffle bag and backpack beside him, and he was wearing his old jeans with holes ripped in the knees.   

“Thomas?” Mom paused and that meant Billy and Dad stopped too. “Is everything alright?”

Tommy looked up at them, startled, as though he hadn’t realized they were there. “Mrs. Kaplan, hi. Everything’s cool. My folks are just late.” Something faltered, then, and he dropped his eyes to look at his hands, tangled in the strap of his duffle bag. “Could I borrow your phone? Just for a sec.”

“To call them? Of course.” She fished around in her behemoth of a purse looking for it, and the bag on his shoulder was getting heavy as hell, so Billy dropped it beside Tommy, then sat down on top.

“Are they usually late for stuff?” Billy asked, but he didn’t need to. He remembered Visitors’ Day.

“When they show at all,” Tommy snorted. “It’s cool. I’ll get a cab if they forgot. It’s not the first time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Billy’s dad cut in. “If you need a lift, we’ll drive you. The other boys are at their grandmother’s today, so we have plenty of space in the back of the car for your bags.”  

“Our place is in Jersey,” Tommy started to argue, but Mom handed him the phone and he dialled a number instead. Billy couldn’t hear what was said at the other end, but something preternaturally calm settled down over Tommy’s face as he listened. “Wrong number,” he mumbled, but something wasn’t right. More not-right than Tommy’s usual crap. That was the ‘trying not to freak the fuck out’ face. Billy knew that one on himself really, really well.

Tommy dialled again, held the phone to his ear, and one of his knuckles was white from how tight he was holding it. “Got the machine,” he said after a few beats, and he turned off the phone instead of leaving a message. “It’s no big deal. They must be out. Thanks for the offer of the ride, Mr, Kaplan, but I’m cool. I can wait here longer. They’re probably out grocery shopping, or-“

He was _babbling_ , and what the hell was going on? Mom picked up the phone, and hit redial. It only rang once, and then a machine cut in. Not an answering machine, though. It was the screwed-up robot voice that meant something had gone more wrong than Billy had imagined.

“We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.”

“Do you have another number to try?” Billy’s mom asked, and she was using her helpful and kind voice, the one that meant something big was going down.

Tommy shook his head. “That’s the only one we have.”

Time paused while the horror and the understanding rolled over Billy. It came slowly at first, like the curve of a wave, and then all at once it rose up and drowned him.

Tommy didn’t look upset, or angry, or much of anything. He just looked... blank. The mask shifted back over his face when he looked up, then, but not even his half-smile touched the cold stillness in his eyes. “It’s no big deal,” he repeated, but even Billy’s dumb younger brothers would have seen right through that.

Billy grabbed his twin brother’s hand and held on, and it was a sign of just how fucked up this was that Tommy didn’t even fight it. He let Billy do it, and he even hung on in return. “Dad?” Billy looked up, and he should have known that he didn’t need to. Because Mom and Dad were already trading looks.

Dad nodded before he even looked back down at the two of them sitting there together on the curb. “Thomas—it’s Tommy you prefer, isn’t it?—Come home with us for now. You can stay at our place until we can get in touch with your parents.”  

Tommy tried to get his hand back from Billy, but he didn’t try very hard. Billy won. Tommy glared at him, at about one-tenth of the heat he used to be able to deliver. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“I worry about everyone,” Mom replied kindly, and if she kept on being sweet, Billy was going to get really, really scared. “One more isn’t going to make any kind of difference.”

Dad picked up Tommy’s bag and put it over his shoulder, nodding at Billy to get up and get moving. “We’ll get this all figured out, son. In the meantime, we have three boys eating us out of house and home already. One more won’t be a problem at all. What do you say?”

Jeff Kaplan held out his hand. A moment passed. Tommy stared him down, and he never flinched once.

Tommy pulled his hand out of Billy’s, and he reached out to take Jeff’s instead. Billy’s dad pulled Tommy to his feet, and they shook hands, Tommy’s chin high. He blinked too often, eyes bright, but Billy chose not to be a dick and point that out. He pushed himself up to his feet instead.

“Come on, boys,” Mom was already moving again, heels clicking purposefully on the sidewalk. “We’ll stop for pizza on the way home. You’ve had a long day already, and you must be starving.”

Tommy had already fallen in step, but Billy caught up quickly. “It’ll be okay,” he said quietly. “If anyone can fix this, it’s my parents.”

“Some things don’t get fixed.” Tommy drew in a deep breath that shuddered on the way down. “But hell; it’s got to be better than a shelter, even if it does mean bunking with you.”

That was a lot more like it.

“Keep your hands off my stuff,” Billy ordered him, and Tommy snorted.

“Like I’d want to see any of your porn.” Tommy hesitated for a second while Billy’s parents unlocked and loaded up the car. Much more quietly, then, he asked. “Are you out?”

“No!” Billy hissed back “Definitely not.”

“Got it.” Tommy raised his voice back to a normal level for the rest of it. “Are you gonna give me your bed, since I’m the guest and all?”

Billy could have laughed, or cried, or strangled him — or better yet, all of those things at once. Instead all he did was roll his eyes, and he caught his mother glaring at him already. “Dream on. Couch or nothing, grifter.”

“William!” 

“Sorry.” He totally wasn’t. Because Tommy had a faint smile, and his eyes looked a little less dead inside. Not happy, but definitely less... dead.

And maybe, just maybe, if his parents really had bailed out on him for good, moved and left no forwarding numbers, like it seemed, Tommy would be free to start again. It wasn’t exactly the Parent Trap, but then, Billy had never been a huge rom-com fan anyway.

Billy’s phone was sitting on the center console, plugged into a charger. Thank God for hyper-organized parents.  He grabbed it and unplugged it before he even sat down, flopping back into his seat when he saw that first text from Teddy on the screen.

**Teddy: Skype tonight, 9 pm.**

Billy typed back even as Tommy made quiet gagging noises in his ear and his parents started up their running commentary about screen addictions.

**Billy: Keep your pants on, ftr. Tommy’s coming home with us. I’ll tell you what I can later.**

He saved everything to contacts and tucked his phone close against his chest. The last time he’d been in a car like this with all his bags, he’d been coming to camp, tight-chested, angry and alone. Now they were driving away, and somehow in the last eight weeks he’d picked up both a boyfriend and another brother.

Despite all of the chaos and drama that was sure to come next, right now, the sun shining down through the window a pale imitation of the one that had warmed him through and thawed him out this summer, the tightness in his chest was completely gone.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned - there will be an epilogue. We're not done with these dumbs yet.  
> 
> * Camp song lyrics stolen shamelessly from the Camp Kadimah songbook.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we flash forward, with some flashing back. Years later, the gang returns to Camp Manitoulin.

Ten years ago, Billy had left Camp Manitoulin on a big yellow school bus. This time, he drove up in a rental car, the back seat piled high with bags and boxes. It didn’t take much to remember the whirling storm of emotions from that August drive home, worried and happy at the same time, terrified of what the future would hold — and looking forward to that future more than he ever had before.

A lot had changed between then and now. The one constant, thankfully, was Teddy there in the seat beside him. And maybe some residual terror.

As if knowing what he was thinking, Teddy laid his hand on Billy’s knee, caught his eye and smiled. “You ready for this?”

As if he didn’t know.

“Conceptually, emotionally, _theoretically_ , yes,” Billy confessed, and yeah, his knuckles were a little white on the steering wheel. He was allowed. “Actually standing up in front of everyone? Less so. I’ve always been a lot more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it.”

“Local documentary-maker hates sound of own voice,” Teddy teased him. “Film at eleven.”

“You only joke because you’ve never had to worry about it. You’re gorgeous, and on camera I’m just funny-looking,” Billy grumped aloud. Teddy only chuckled and squeezed his thigh, his hand a warm and solid promise.

“I suppose we _could_ bail out,” Teddy mused aloud. “Drive to the airport, get last minute tickets to Vegas, call everyone from our hotel room overlooking the new Sigfried and Roy’s twenty-tiger extravaganza...”

“Tempting,” Billy sighed, the turn coming up on their right. The gravel of the camp road crunched under their wheels as he turned into the country lane. “But mom and dad have been up here since dawn, and they would flat-out murder me once we resurfaced.”

“Point. No inciting homicide. Not today.” Teddy sat up straighter in the passenger seat as the camp gate came into view. They’d been up here three more summers after that first one, and then twice more this summer alone, and it was like clockwork, every time. As though he’d clicked on to the frequency of a homing beacon, or a lighthouse that was calling him in to shore.

And there was the rush of fondness, that deep-seated warmth that radiated up from inside Billy every time he saw that look in Teddy’s eye. Camp had never ended up resonating with him exactly the same way, but he could appreciate Teddy’s joy anyway.

Especially this weekend.

There was the gate, the new office, the gravelled-over parking lot behind that hadn’t been there ten years ago. The handful of vehicles parked there were exactly what he’d expected – the camp van, David’s sensible Toyota, a couple of rental cars.

It Had Begun.

Billy parked, slammed the door behind him, and stretched, his hoodie riding up and every vertebra in his back popping and cracking in sequence. “I hate long drives,” he grumbled, because it needed to be said. By the time he’d grabbed the suit bags out of the back and locked everything up, Teddy was heading for the main field, waving at the group waiting for them.

He had to admit, by the time he’d made his way up to the top of the hill and looked out over the wide green space, that Sarah had really outdone herself. Teddy’s mom had taken the bit in her teeth on this one, and he’d been more than happy to let it go. He and Teddy had walked in on more than one dinner-table conference with Rebecca where their moms had notes and lists everywhere, wine glasses half-empty. More than once, the two women had just looked up at them and burst out laughing, amused by some shared confidence. It was a disturbing alliance, but all in all-

“’Bout time you got here.” Tommy met Billy halfway down the hill, taking the suit bags from him with easy strength. “I was about to bet David that you’d chicken out.”

“Almost did,” Billy confessed. “But then Teddy started talking about Vegas, and I figured if it’s going to be a circus, it may as well be this one.”

“Damn,” Tommy glanced at him side-eye with that grin that meant he was being a shit-disturber just because he could. “David was giving me two to one odds; I should have taken it.”

Billy scratched at his beard, still a new thing. Teddy seemed to like it though, and Billy harboured the desperate conceit that it made him look older, and like he actually had a jaw. “Yeah, yeah. This is what I get, my brother and his best friend taking bets on the most important day of my life?”

“Don’t think of it like that,” Tommy said, that grin turning into a rare, thoughtful smile. “It’s just a day. The rest that comes after is the shit that’s almost impossible to get right.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil.”

“I call it like I see it.”

That was the end of any further chance for conversation, because they got swarmed the moment they got down to where the chairs were set up. Teddy’s mom was already walking him through the schedule, from what Billy could tell from her hand gestures, and Jeff was in deep discussion with the Rabbi under the fancy gazebo-tent off to one side.

Rows of white-covered chairs sat in the middle of the field, elegant bows and tidy bouquets of flowers marking the ends of each line. Billy paused at the end. White and green alternated with spots of brilliant colour, until there, at the end of the aisle, stood the table with the wine and glasses, the rented chuppah already constructed and standing tall, the silk-gauze covering draping down in delicate swags between the poles.

Four hours from now, he and Teddy would be sitting in that gazebo, signing the ketubah, making their first promises. Ten minutes after that, his parents would walk him down this aisle, right here.

The light was perfect, the early autumn sun already spilling pools of buttery gold through the trees, morning shadows soft-edged on the grass. A gentle breeze cut the end-of-summer heat just enough, though they’d probably be sweltering by the end of the reception. Even the new dining hall didn’t have proper air conditioning. ‘Just not cost-effective,’ David had apologized when they’d signed the rental contract. It hadn’t mattered then, and it didn’t matter now.

Billy was back at Manitoulin, and this time, he was getting _married_.  

-

“Then you stand _here_ , Mrs. Kaplan-”

Teddy had paid careful attention the first time the co-ordinator had tried running them all through everything, but by this point, he had tuned the woman out entirely. He tried not to fidget with his tie, hands behind his back while they waited for some decision to be made about whose parent was standing where.

He wanted to be back in the cabin that he and Billy had commandeered, wanted to change back out of his fancy suit into shorts and a t-shirt, and go cannon-balling off the docks like they used to. Anything but stand here, an hour before any of their guests were supposed to arrive, and rehearse something that – if he’d had his way – would have been a lot more spontaneous, or casual.

Something on a beach, maybe, with sand between his bare toes. 

But then Mom had gotten teary-eyed at the idea that he wouldn’t be having a Wedding (tm), even when he’d only suggested it in passing. He was her only kid, and she barely had any mementoes of her own wedding to his dad. She’d been over the moon when he’d told her he was planning to propose to Billy, so how could he take this chance away?

And then the _Kaplans_ had been so thrilled at the idea of hosting a big party, and he hadn’t had the heart to say no.

He’d gotten the one thing he’d specifically wanted for the wedding, after all. Two, if you counted both the location and the guy he was marrying.

“You’d think this would be straightforward,” Cassie gave up standing beside the chuppah pole that didn’t actually need to be held up, and she perched on the edge of the little table underneath it instead.

“I think not having a bride’s-side confuses her,” Teddy replied quietly, sharing a grin. “Maybe she’d take it easier if I’d showed up in a dress.”

Cassie muffled a giggle behind her hand, and he felt instantly more at ease.

“Hey, Cass.” He kept his voice low, half-watching Tommy and Billy in some kind of deep discussion about the rings. She looked up at him, and he saw the kid she’d been beneath the so-familiar sight of the close friend she’d become. Even after everything. There were days when he was absolutely sure he didn’t deserve that kind of loyalty, but she kept giving it anyway. “Thanks for being here.” There was more he wanted to say, but he reached out for her hand and she grabbed his, and they left it at that.

“Of course, you big dummy,” Cassie teased him, and squeezed his fingertips before letting go.

He’d told her that he didn’t care what she wore but she’d chosen something fancy anyway, a light blue dress that made her look like a flower, in the green grass of the main field. “Though you did make the major mistake of letting Tommy plan your bachelor thing. Wrong best-person for the job.”

“Of the two of you, it seemed like the better idea at the time...” Teddy trailed off, shrugging helplessly. At least the hangovers hadn’t lasted longer than a day, and that had been a week ago.

Cassie was sharp, though, better at reading him than anyone other than Billy. She cocked her head, watching him intently. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She’d gone all serious now, and her questions made him more nervous than he should be, considering.

Teddy shrugged, scuffing his toe in the grass. “I dunno. This whole thing is ... it’s a lot. I just want to have it over with so we can relax.”

“Are you sure that’s all? Because if you’re having second thoughts, Teddy-bear, now’s the time.”

“No!” he shook his head quickly, racing to dispel that idea before it could take hold. “Not about Billy, I promise. We sorted out our junk years ago.”

Junk. It made it sound so benign, instead of the shit-storm of epic proportions that their lives had briefly become.

It had come up on them slowly, in the time frame Teddy had mentally named AW—After Wanda. The grey cloud that had stolen Billy away and left a shell of a boy in his place.

Billy had sworn up and down that he was fine, but he wasn’t. He was so not-fine for a while that Teddy had spent days dragging ass into classes exhausted from nights spent curled around Billy, or worrying about him, or texting back and forth with Tommy because Billy wouldn’t pick up the phone.

Billy had vanished inside himself, leaving Teddy to wait for the phone call from Billy’s parents that would mean it was over, that the worst possible thing in the world had happened.  

It never had, he’d never gone that far, but the exhaustion that had settled over both of them had been so hard to deal with, and they had both still been idiot kids. Teddy more of an idiot than anyone.

Except maybe it had been the right thing to do, to take off for Europe on his own, spend a year traveling and thinking and just... _being_. Without someone to look after, or expectations hanging over his head. He’d been selfish… or he’d taken care of himself, depending on how you looked at it.

But Billy hadn’t needed him anymore, and so he’d been able to go, to leave (he thought) without needing to look back. And he’d been okay, more than okay. He’d met people, had adventures all on his own. He’d spent time actively learning to like who he was inside.

And when he was a whole person, with a life he’d built himself, when he was perfectly capable of living happily on his own, without his high school boyfriend as a security net, or some kind of proof that he was loveable-

Once he had all that, he’d sat himself down in a café on the other side of the world, and he’d stared at his phone. He’d called up Billy’s number and looked at it for a long time.

He imagined seeing the rest of the world, by himself. Taking another year and bouncing from country to country—a hostel here, a dishwashing job there. It was a good image.

He imagined doing it with some of the friends he’d made along the way, other kids doing gap years, or travelling before grad school, or just picking up and _going_ on their own. And that was a good image too. He liked people, and adventures were more fun with a group.

And then he’d closed his eyes and imagined Billy sitting beside him, poking fun at him, teasing and laughing, dragging him through book stores and finding new places for them to explore, hand in hand.

(Then he had imagined Billy depressed, like he had been; tried with all his might to bring up the worst of the fights and the dark days, the awful stillness and the not-knowing that made his heart hurt. But Billy had been so much better, or Teddy never would have left.)

Even though those memories hurt, the pain was so much less now, and he was so much stronger. And of anyone else in the world, anyone he could have called on that sunny afternoon from the café in Istanbul, he’d wanted Billy to be there beside him.

He’d called. And despite Teddy not even thinking about the time difference, the seven hours and thousands of miles between them, Billy had answered. He’d been hesitant, his voice on the other end of the line breathless and tight, and Teddy had tied himself into a thousand knots and untangled them all at once in the moment it had taken him to say hello.

There had been crying. Then Billy had done some shouting and he’d been perversely happy at that, because Billy-when-he-was-sick would have kept all the poison inside, and wouldn’t have yelled at him at all.

A week and more than a dozen Skype calls later Billy had met him at Heathrow. There had been some more shouting, and then a lot of talking, and even more kissing, and by the end of that weekend things were better than they had ever, ever been.

And in the six years since he hadn’t once looked back.

Not until now, and Cassie’s careful question.

“No,” he said again, this time firmly. “We’ve both grown up since then. I want to marry him, Cass. Billy and I belong together.

“It’s just…” he trailed off and sighed. “Why do weddings have to be so _complicated_? It feels like we’re just waiting for one of these moving parts to fail dramatically today, and this whole ‘best day of your life’ thing is more pressure we really didn’t need.”  

She squeezed his fingers again and nodded. “It’s all done once we sign the papers, right? I mean, that’s the legal stuff—you, Billy, the rabbi, Tommy and I—the rest is just a party. Even if... I don’t know. A rainstorm rolls in, or a swarm of bees shows up, you’ll still be married at the end of it.”

 “Swarm of bees?” Teddy grinned, stuck on that mental image.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

“On the drive up, we actually talked about turning around and running off to Vegas.” Cassie glared at him, a reaction he hadn’t expected. “What? We didn’t, obviously, since we’re here.”

“If you butts had eloped to Vegas without taking me along, I’d have been seriously pissed.”

“Good thing we didn’t, then.”

“Damn right.” 

“Can I _please_ have everyone’s attention?” The co-ordinator was back to being exasperated, and if he had to be perfectly honest, Teddy could understand why. Tommy had vanished, Billy was quietly freaking out over by his grandmother, and getting them all back in the same place was a little bit like herding cats.

Teddy glanced at his watch. One more hour until people started to show up, and this show could get on the road.  

 -

A half hour to go, and Billy managed to break free from the photographer long enough to hunt Teddy down. “Why aren’t you panicking?” he blurted out, before anything else. Billy was a wreck; it wasn’t fair that Teddy was just standing there, looking all calm and... and _gorgeous_ in his suit. It was kind of a shame that teaching high school wasn’t the kind of job that leant itself toward wearing really nice suits, because Billy could seriously get used to a husband who dressed like that all the time.

Husband. _Augh._

“I’ve only just gotten used to calling you my fiancé,” Billy rambled on. “How am I supposed to get used to ‘husband’?”

Teddy took him by the shoulders and held him steady. He was a rock, a pillar of strength. “You could call me ‘Dark Lord’ if that works better.” He was a dork.

That felt better.

Teddy set his arms around Billy, leaning in to bump their foreheads together. “Between you and me? I _am_ panicking. But if freshman homeroom hasn’t broken me, this won’t either. We got this.”

Skin to skin, Billy could feel the tension in Teddy’s embrace. Perversely, he felt a little bit better knowing that Teddy was taking this seriously enough to freak out too. Usually Billy did enough of the stressing for the pair of them.

“It’s like Cass was reminding me earlier. The only thing that actually matters is the legal part. You, me, Rabbi Lerner, and a contract with the State. We’ll roll out of here married, and the rest is extra.”

“The rest is extra,” Billy repeated dutifully, but didn’t one-hundred-percent buy it.

Teddy set his hand along Billy’s jaw, curled his fingers into Billy’s hair. Their lips met in a kiss that was as calming as it was life-affirming, and Billy drank him in greedily.

A new voice broke in, while Billy was re-acquainting himself with Teddy’s mouth. They’d been in bed together just last night, but it still felt like forever ago; time dilation by means of wedding stress. “Aren’t you supposed to avoid each other before the ceremony?”

“Kate!”

Billy broke the kiss even as something —someone—slapped him lightly up the backside of his head. “That’s for brides.” He turned, and grabbed Kate into a three-way hug. “And we don’t have one of those.”

“Teddy!” One of the moms called his name and Teddy headed off with one last kiss to Billy’s cheek, abandoning him to Kate’s not-exactly-tender mercies.

“Pity, because I would have loaned you something blue,” she teased, her insanely expensive high heels already starting to sink and leave divots in the field. Between their friends starting to arrive and the stolen moment with Teddy, Billy was starting to feel back on stable ground again. Unlike Kate’s Louboutins. “Or a garter.”

“Funny.”

“You’ve got the legs for it.”

“Stop talking right now.”

Kate laughed. “I make no promises. You’re having time for toasts at the reception, right?” Her eyes sparkled with laughter, and Billy shook his head vehemently.

“No. Even if we did, now we don’t. Especially for you. You are _specifically_ banned.”

Which, because the universe hated him, was exactly the moment Aaron appeared behind them, his hand extended to Kate. “Did I hear you say something about toasts?” Billy’s middle brother had the same halo-over-his-head beatific smile as Kate, and this was going to end badly. “I’m MCing the reception. Let me get your name on the list.”

“No!”

“Ignore him, he’s panicking.” Kate tucked her arm into Aaron’s elbow and let Billy’s brother escort her away. When the hell had Aaron gotten taller than Kate? Billy narrowed his eyes. And he was _laughing_. He had better not be flirting with Kate, or-

“Who are you glaring at?”

“Eli, oh thank God.” A cunning plan began to resolve itself, as Billy pulled one of his oldest friends into a back-patting manly-hug. “You made it! I have to introduce you to someone-”

“Your directions were terrible, but yeah, I made it.” Years of Skyping and email just weren’t the same, and Billy had to take a second to recalibrate his expectations. Eli was taller too, but then, he would be, wouldn’t he? They’d been all of fifteen and sixteen when Eli had moved to Arizona, and the years had made major changes to them both.

Inside, Billy usually still felt like that idiot sixteen year old kid. Except now they let him drink.

“Flight was good?”

“Could have been worse. So am I going to get a chance to actually meet Teddy in person before you commit for life, or am I going to have to try and pick him out of a line-up?”

“It’s easy; he’s the only other one as stressed out as I am.”

Eli snorted at that, that old familiar chuckle, and Billy instantly felt more at ease. This was fine, he was fine. Everyone here was an old friend or family, and how often did a guy get to have everyone who loved him all in the same place? “He’s talking to his mom,” Billy nodded across the field, and like he knew they were looking (somehow he always knew), Teddy turned and smiled.

“Has anyone given him the ‘hurt my buddy and I’ll punch you in the teeth’ speech?” Eli asked, eyebrow up.

“Tommy did,” Billy confessed, “after giving me a longer and more violent version of the same talk, so I’m pretty sure we’re covered.”

“Speak of the devil.” Eli was looking somewhere over Billy’s shoulder, and with the way the place was starting to fill up with guests, it could have been anyone. Billy turned, though, and spotted Tommy. He had his hands in the pockets of his suit, and managed to look effortlessly cool in a way even Billy—though they looked _identical_ these days, other than the beard—was never able to emulate.

“Bradley,” Tommy greeted him. Not with any animosity, but really, they didn’t know each other, other than whatever stories had come up when Billy was talking. And the time Tommy had been pissed at Billy and pretended to be him on Skype. That hadn’t been so good. But that had also been a long time ago.

“Shepherd.” Eli nodded, as friendly as he ever got with people who weren’t on the inside of his inner circle.

Tommy shook his head, but he did grab Eli’s hand and shake that, too. “It’s Kaplan.”

Eli’s eyebrow went up, and Billy, well. There was that usual tangled mess of feelings that came with any admission of feeling on Tommy’s part, any acknowledgement of their connection that went deeper than the surface.

“You changed your name?” Eli asked.

Tommy shrugged, like it was no big thing, like he hadn’t picked up the application and sat on it for months, shoving it deep into his bag every time Billy had caught him looking at it. “Last year. All the formal adoption crap went through years ago, but with Bill going off to be Mrs. Altman now-”

“Hey!” Billy objected, and Tommy ignored him.

“I figured one of us should keep the name alive.”

“Other than your other two brothers, right?” Eli cut through the bullshit in one question, but he wore a knowing smile.  

Tommy just shrugged, a wry grin tugging at his lips. “Eh.”

Eli dropped it, turning back to Billy. “What _are_ you doing with your names?”

“Hyphenating, I think. I guess we should probably decide soon.”

“You think?” Eli asked dryly.

“I’ve had other things on my mind.”

Speaking of which- Billy had been talking for too long, and the field had somehow filled up around them. He was supposed to be- where _was_ he supposed to be? They’d posed for more pictures than he’d ever wanted to and run through the ceremony twice, Teddy fidgeting all the way through it like he didn’t want to be there, and-

Shit. What if he was having second thoughts? What if Teddy was having some kind of crisis, while Billy had been oblivious, talking to his friends?

He whipped around to look for Teddy, make sure he was still there, because what if he wasn’t?

(Forget that it didn’t make any sense for him _not_ to be here. He was the one who had proposed, after all, and the one who had _come back_ after they’d split up that one horrible time that Billy refused to think about, and the one who had kissed Billy, that first summer when anything had seemed possible.)

But he might, just might, have gotten cold feet. Billy had heard that weddings did that to people.

“Billy?” Eli was frowning at him, but Billy didn’t pay attention. 

“Oh thank God.” Because there was Teddy’s mom, heading right for him, Teddy trailing along behind.

“You two need to go to the gazebo,” Sarah told him, her eyes as blue and smiling as Teddy’s—just less nervous than his were at this precise moment. “You too, Tommy. Your parents and Cassie are waiting for you to sign the ketubah.”

Billy grabbed Teddy’s hand and he was here, and real, and the fluttering in Billy’s stomach died down as quickly as the terror had started. “Sure, yeah. We should go,” he apologized to Eli, but neither he nor Tommy were paying any attention.

“Hold up,” Tommy said quietly. He was staring down the hill toward the parking lot, with an odd, closed-off expression on his face. “She’s here.”

“She came?” Billy didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. There was only one answer that fit.

He followed Tommy’s gaze, letting go of Teddy so he could turn around properly, and there she was. She looked nervous, maybe a bit lost, holding a beaded shawl around her shoulders, auburn hair falling in curls to her waist. And she walked with a man—taller than she was, with the same high cheekbones, the same dark hair.

He was the man from the photograph she’d shown them before, her own twin brother. He had Tommy’s face, or Tommy had his, either way.

Billy heard Teddy and Sarah talking quietly behind him, Teddy answering his mom’s questions so Billy wouldn’t have to.

“Is that her?”

“Billy and Tommy’s bio-mom, yeah.”

“I didn’t realize she’d RSVPed.”

“I don’t think she did.”

Billy and Tommy were heading down that way before he realized his feet had made the decision to move.

He’d both wanted and not wanted her to come, when he’d added her to the guest list. They’d been in touch, sure, off and on, but it wasn’t easy yet. It might never be _easy_. Against his own better judgement, even from that first meeting, he had liked her.

Even when he hadn’t wanted to. Even when the tangle of feelings had been too much, when it had almost drowned him.

Eighteen had been the magic age, not for drinking or voting or enlisting, but for _knowing._ Two sets of applications, two different state registries, the notary looking at them strangely when Billy had dragged Tommy in to have the applications signed and sealed. And less than a month later, the envelopes in the mail, slim and intimidating, a lifetime’s worth of wondering answered inside.

Tommy had left his lying on the table, watched Billy and vibrated with the nerves he refused to show. A breath, a rip of paper, and there she’d been, a name in black and white.

Wanda Maximoff. His mother.

Not his _mom_ , because he had one of those already, but something extra and different, his own eyes looking back at him from an unfamiliar face. 

She must have signed up the day the registry began, Billy’s dad had told him, or it would have taken longer—if ever—to get an answer. She had been waiting for them, maybe even counting down the days until they found _her_ , and that was enough for him.

Wanda had agreed to meet them at a diner that first time, almost eight years ago now. Billy had known her from that first look, when he had first dragged Tommy through the door. She’d been sitting at the table by the window, toying with her spoon, the daylight picking out the tired creases around her eyes, but also the smile lines around her mouth. Sad-eyed and lovely, she’d held her head high when she stood to greet them, strength in her despite the memories of pain.

Tommy and Billy were older now than she had been when she’d given birth to her twin sons, estranged from her family, hallucinating from post-partum psychosis, abandoned by her boyfriend, panicking and desperate.

Could he have made a better choice? Could anyone?

He’d forgiven her faster, more completely than Tommy could. At least he’d thought he had. And then he’d forgiven her again, years later, when he was better able to ‘appropriately process his feelings,’ as mom kept calling it.

Sorting out the bull from the shit, as Tommy would say.

It wasn’t her fault. No more than _her_ mental break had been Billy and Tommy’s fault. Life wasn’t that tidy.

But she was here now, and her brother with her, and Tommy stood beside Billy with his jaw set and shoulders tight.

“William, Thomas, it’s good to see you.” She broke the silence first as they came to a halt, two sets of twins facing one another.

Billy took her hands, leaned in and kissed her cheek. She was smaller than he remembered, or he had grown taller since the last time they’d seen each other in person. “I’m glad you could come.”

“I didn’t know what to expect when the invitation arrived,” she confessed, squeezing his hands tightly before letting them go. “I waited too long to reply, but I do hope it’s alright. If there aren’t enough places, we can leave.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Billy said firmly. He was on more solid ground here, with the rest of his family around him. This was the right place to try once more to turn this tenuous genetic bridge into something right, something real. “Don’t go.”

That must have been the right thing, because she relaxed, and so did her companion.  Wanda stepped back, letting go of his hands, and put her hand on the other man’s arm. “This is my brother Pietro, your uncle.”

Tommy and Pietro seemed to be in the middle of some kind of stare-down, identical sets of suspicious green eyes locked in combat.

“Welcome,” Billy said firmly, and held out his hand for Pietro to shake. “It’s good to meet you, after all this time.”

“Congratulations,” Pietro said, and there was something stiff and unhappy about him alongside the just plain weirdness of the moment.

At least until Wanda surreptitiously elbowed Pietro in the ribs, and his resulting incredulous look at her was so much like Tommy that Billy had to crack up. Which got both of them glaring at _him,_ and suddenly this whole mess of a family almost made sense.

Wanda belonged to Billy more somehow—she’d kept him longer, and even though that had been twenty-six years ago, it made a difference. At least as far as Tommy was concerned. But this was someone new, and there was more of Tommy in Pietro’s smile than anything of Billy.

“I’m very proud of you boys, I want you to know that,” Wanda said impulsively, reaching out to touch Tommy’s arm, her gaze moving from Tommy to Billy and holding there. “I know I haven’t been there for you, and I can’t claim any responsibility, but I am very proud of the young men you’ve become.”

The hand wasn’t enough, some impulse calling out to him along bloodlines that ran deeper than conscious thought. Billy stepped in closer and hauled Tommy along with him, catching the three of them together in an embrace that was as important as it was swift.

“Billy?” Cassie was calling him, waving from across the green.

“I’ll take you to your seats,” Tommy cut in, oddly formal. “Billy, you’d better go. I’ll meet you there in a minute.” He held out his arm, a symbolic olive branch, and Wanda took it, her sudden smile like the sun breaking through the clouds on a dull day.

The reality of where he was and what was about to happen thundered back in on him, and Billy got dizzy for a moment, the blood rushing in his ears.

“Is he going to survive?” he heard Pietro—his _uncle_ —saying, as he headed off, in a voice tinged with amusement.

“I’m giving it two to one odds,” Tommy replied, and then Billy was too far away to hear any more of their teasing, the big dumb jerks.

And he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. 

-

Teddy had proposed accidentally, the first time. Not that he hadn’t been thinking about it, but having the words pop out while Billy was in the middle of a laughing fit, their shitty old dishwasher spewing bubbles out of the busted seals and floor slowly covering with water — that hadn’t been part of the master plan. The redo went off much better, considering, even though it wasn’t exactly a surprise by that point. Billy had been very nice about pretending to be startled by the ring box, even while his eyes smiled.

Unfortunately weddings didn’t just happen by accident, the way proposals could. Unless Billy had taken him up on Vegas, which had only been partially a joke. Bali, maybe, or some black sand beach far away-

“Are we ready to begin?”  

But then he wouldn’t have this, the sight of his mom beside Rebecca, Billy’s mom’s arm tight around her shoulders, Jeff on Rebecca’s other side with a smile on his face that was etched so deep it seemed permanent.

“In a Jewish wedding, we sign all of the documents beforehand,” the Rabbi was explaining as she waited for he and Billy to take their seats at the small table tucked away inside the screened-off gazebo.

Indistinct voices hummed outside, their guests getting settled, but when Teddy looked around, the most important people in the world were right here. Cassie and Tommy, teasing each other while they waited to sign-on-the-line as witnesses, Aaron checking schedules and fussing at the photographer, Jacob giving him a grin and a wink-

 _You realize you’re getting three brothers in this deal,_ Jacob had told him very solemnly, months ago now. _You sure you’re up for it, old man?_

_You can give me advice once you’ve graduated high school, twerp._

Then Jacob had hugged him, briefly and with a great deal of Manly Back-patting, but it felt an awful lot like love.

And beside him, vibrating with nervous energy, leaning against Teddy’s arm like Teddy was in any shape to hold them both up, the entire reason that he had come full-circle. The Rabbi was talking, explaining the process, but he’d heard it all before. Teddy found Billy’s hand beneath the table and squeezed it tight, only letting go when the ketubah was placed in front of them and he needed his hand free to sign.

 _Theodore Rufus Altman_ \- it felt too simple, for something so life-changing. He let out a long, slow breath as the ink settled, lost its shine, absorbed into the paper between the swooping watercolour birds and vines.

“William?” Rabbi Lerner slid the certificate over six inches, and Teddy handed Billy the pen, their eyes locking. There was that smile in his eyes again, the crackling, searing promises that had first drawn Teddy in so completely, and then captured him for life.

“Hey,” Billy said softly, and by that he meant everything from _I love you_ to _I’m freaking out too_ to _Look at this, we made it._

“Hey,” Teddy murmured back, and he meant every one of those things too, and more besides.

Then someone sniffled, which reminded Teddy that they were actually sitting at a table in a garden gazebo only separated from about a hundred impatient people by a light white curtain. And their parents were all right there.

He let go of the pen, his ears going hot. Billy pretended to read the certificate over, a frown on his face. “Always read the fine print,” he quipped, winning a laugh from the others watching. And then he signed, the black ink marking his name next to Teddy’s, forever.

The bubble they were in seemed to deflate all in a rush, then, time picking back up to its usual speed. Tommy and Cassie signed on the dotted lines, the state paperwork came out—much less attractive than the gorgeous certificate that would end up hanging on the wall in their bedroom—and within moments they were done.

“Signed, sealed, and delivered,” Rabbi Lerner announced, before she blessed them. “The official part is done, gentlemen, and it is a beautiful day. Are you ready to begin the ceremony?”

“At this point, I think they’re pretty stuck.” Jacob ducked away when Aaron reached out to smack him, and almost landed on top of the photographer.

 _Done._ Somehow it was a lot less nerve-wracking than he imagined it would be, standing up and joining his mother, his eyes on Billy and Billy’s eyes on him. _No matter what happens now, the really important part is done._

The rest _was_ easy, even as he headed down the aisle with his mother by his side, every step lighter than the one before. And when Billy’s parents brought him up to the front as well, Rebecca’s eyes shining very suspiciously, everything became that much easier again.

They’d talked through the unfamiliar ceremony a handful of times, but Teddy found he was still was vaguely grateful for the rehearsals everyone had insisted on.

Blessings and wine, then Tommy pretending he’d lost the rings just until the point where Billy almost looked like he believed him. Then speaking his vows, the warm comfort of Billy’s hand in his a counterpoint to the cool weight of the gold band sliding onto his finger, the match to the one he slipped easily over Billy’s. His hands were only shaking a little, probably. At least everyone had the grace to ignore it if they saw anything.

The seven blessings washed over him, in Hebrew and then in English, promises of life and love and hope to follow them forever. Billy blinked hard, his hands still locked in Teddy’s in a death grip, and Teddy bit his lip to stop the wash of _something_ that threatened to drown him in feelings. Then more wine, and having to force himself to let go of Billy’s hands to take the glass, to breathe, to try and remember every instant, every detail of this moment in time.

It did slow, then, that bubble-echo behind his ears, and nothing else existed but Billy taking the glass from him, holding his eyes as long as possible before he drank.

There it was, the calm stillness in his center, the absolute certainty that had come over him that all was as it should be.

Rabbi Lerner took the glass back from Billy’s hands and the world began to move again. She was smiling wide as she handed over the fancy brocade bag. “Which one of you is doing the honours?”

“Billy,” Teddy said instantly, even though they hadn’t actually talked about it, not even when Jeff had shown up at the apartment pleased as punch, the bag and the cheap wine glass carefully wrapped in tissue paper. It was his tradition, after all, a role Billy must always have assumed he’d fill at his own wedding.

The smile he got back was proof he’d made the right call, and Billy grabbed his hand to hold it tight. A hundred camera flashes went off as Billy stomped on the bag, shattering the glass inside. Cheers and applause went up, mingled with the cries of “mazel tov!” from assorted Kaplans and friends, and then it was done.

Billy was in his arms in an instant, their lips locked there beneath the chuppah, the ring on Teddy’s finger already warm from his body heat, already a part of him. Teddy buried his hands in Billy’s hair and held him there, the cheering broken by a wolf-whistle that could only be from Kate.

 _Alone_. That was all he could think about suddenly, the driving need for quiet, for solace, for space to be just with Billy and process something — anything— about the magnitude of what they’d just done. The trip back down the aisle was a blur of happy, friendly faces, and by the time they got to the end of the rows Teddy was the one tugging Billy toward the gazebo once more.

The curtains fell down across the entrance after they were inside, cutting them off from the rest of the world. He kissed Billy again, without hesitation, pulling him up into his arms and breathing him in. Billy kissed him back with that same perfect abandon, their bodies moulding together, fitted tight.

Teddy’s face was wet when he let go, laughing with an unexpected mix of joy and overwhelming relief.  “We did it.”

“We did.” Billy locked his hands behind Teddy’s neck, the ring on his finger a new and unfamiliar pressure against Teddy’s skin. “Holy shit, Tee.”

Movement and a shadow outside meant Jacob—he’d appointed himself ‘gatekeeper’ for their ten minutes of privacy, or at least, as much privacy as one could get in a semi-translucent fabric tent-thing on a sunny day. _Traditionally,_ Rabbi Lerner had explained, _yichud was a chance for the newly married couple to be alone together, often for the first time..._ she’d trailed off and Billy had snickered uncomfortably, sitting there in the Rabbi’s book-lined office, going over the details one at a time.

Now, in minute one of the few they had before rejoining the party, Billy buried his face in Teddy’s neck. It seemed like a sweet, intimate gesture at first, until Billy bit him lightly, right where Teddy was sensitive. Teddy made a startled noise, and he could swear that the shadow of Jacob outside flinched.

“Think we could get away with the traditional reason for ritual seclusion?” Billy asked, grinning wide. He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.     

The giddy laugh bubbled up inside. _Nothing is going to change, nothing that matters._ “Not with your brother right outside.” Teddy slid his hands down from Billy’s waist and cupped his ass, marvelling—like always—that this was a thing he got to do. “But if you want to check out the sports shed later, for old time’s sake...”

“Only if you promise not to leave me waiting in the dark,” Billy teased back, the happiness in his voice thick enough to taste.

“Never,” Teddy promised, and he kissed his husband again. He kissed _his husband_ \- Teddy’s brain skidded sideways and derailed briefly, and he could feel the idiotic grin that had to be plastered all over his face. “I’ll always be there. Forever.”

-

They didn’t actually make it into the sports shed, even once the sun had gone down and the stars were out, the trees dark smudges against the last glow around the horizon.

Not that they hadn’t tried. But as they were sneaking out of the party Teddy had spotted a couple of shapes that looked suspiciously like Tommy and Kate, already halfway across the field. “I’m not going over there to find out,” he’d declared.

Billy had been tempted to object—this was _his_ wedding, damn it, and if anyone was going to get stupid in the old makeout spot it should be him. But then Teddy had pulled him close and kissed him, there on the path where they never would have dared to as kids, and he forgot what he was being indignant about.

A flash of memory came through, then, something about the path they stood on, Teddy coming down from the porch of the dining hall-

 _Marry me,_ Billy had joked, grateful beyond words for the sudden offer of help-

 _Darling, so soon?_ Teddy had teased him, right there in front of Kamala, right there in the open, and he’d just about died from the combination of embarrassment at his own big mouth, and giddy joy at Teddy’s easy acceptance.

“You okay in there?” Teddy kissed his forehead in the here-and-now, and Billy came back to the moment, the autumn breeze still warm and crickets chirping somewhere nearby.

“Just remembering,” Billy confessed. He was going to say more, but Teddy’s face lit up, and he tugged at Billy’s hand.

“Come on,” he coaxed, and Billy fell in step behind.

“The treehouse from second year doesn’t exist anymore,” Billy sighed. “If that’s where you’re taking me. David said they ended up having to take it down when one of the branches started rotting.”

“Not there.” Teddy shook his head, and steered Billy down the hill, down the gravel road toward the waterfront. They strolled down, the sounds of music and laughter fading away behind them, the quiet of the trees taking over.

“They’re going to notice we’re missing soon.”

Teddy shrugged. “Let them. We sat through a dozen toasts and speeches, danced with about a billion of your great-aunts-“

“Three great-aunts does not constitute a billion.”

“-we can steal a couple of minutes for ourselves.”

There had been some modifications to the camp in the three years since David had ended up buying the place, but the canoe dock still looked exactly the same. Teddy let go of Billy’s hand when they got there, bending down to untie the fancy dress shoes he had on, and stuff his socks into the toes.

_A memory: wet sneakers set to dry in the breeze, Billy burning inside with all the things he wanted to say and couldn’t._

Teddy rolled up his cuffs a couple of turns and padded barefoot out onto the dock. The moon had risen behind him and cast him in silhouette for a moment—a little bit taller than he had been back then, his frame squarer and filled out, confidence in his stride that he’d had to fake before but didn’t now.

Billy blinked away the memory of the boy, kicked off his own shoes and joined the man.

The wood still held a little of the sun’s warmth, but the water lapping underneath splashed cold drops on Billy’s toes. He wriggled them to keep them warm, Teddy not seeming to have the same problem. He was looking at the lake, lost in some thought or memory of his own, only breaking out of it once Billy slipped his arm around Teddy’s waist.

“This is the spot,” Teddy said, looking down at the wooden dock and moving over a few steps, angling his feet in sync with some image he was carrying around inside his head.

There was really only one it could be. “Our first kiss,” Billy suggested, rising up on his toes a little bit to nuzzle against Teddy’s jaw.   

But Teddy shook his head. “No, or at least - not only that. It’s where I _almost_ kissed you, that first time.”

When-? Then Billy remembered. Sitting there, side by side, the electricity sparking more intensely than anything he’d ever felt before. Heat in his blood, and so scared that it might happen, that it wouldn’t happen, that the world as he knew it was about to be blown apart-

And then nothing. 

“Right before I came out to you that summer,” Teddy was saying. “It’s the exact moment when everything changed. I remember being so scared, Billy- I knew that no matter what happened next, there was no going back.” He turned and caught Billy in his arms, tugging him close. He didn’t go in for a kiss right away, though, just rested his forehead against Billy’s and breathed him in.  

There was a slim chance that Billy would regret hearing the answer, but he asked anyway. “Any regrets?”

Teddy shook his head, his fingers flexing on Billy’s hips. “Not one,” he murmured. “You?”

“Not going to camp sooner.”  

“It wouldn’t have mattered,” Teddy confessed. “The time was right for both of us.”

He wasn’t wrong, but Billy couldn’t help wishing, just a little bit, that he’d been the one Teddy had turned to first, been the love of his childhood as well as his adult years. Selfish and petty, sure, but Billy had never claimed to be a really selfless person. He only wanted to be Teddy’s everything. “What would you say to yourself if you could? Go back, I mean.”

The sky was dark, but he could hear the fond surprise in Teddy’s voice. “What, and talk to little Teddy that summer?”

“Yeah. And believe me, you weren’t all that little.”

Teddy snorted, and pressed a kiss to Billy’s forehead. “Did I ever tell you that you’re very good for my ego?”

Billy tucked his hands under the lapels of Teddy’s tux jacket and spread his fingers out to soak in Teddy’s solid warmth. “Once in a while, yeah.”  

Teddy fell silent for a moment, and just when Billy had the urge to ask him the question again, he spoke, soft and pensive. “I couldn’t tell him not to be afraid, because nothing anyone said would have changed that. But I’d promise him that he just had to hang in there a little longer, take that one awful risk, and everything was going to work out okay.”

“Only okay?” Billy asked archly, because he never could leave well enough alone.  

Teddy kissed him in response, a kiss that seared down Billy’s spine and curled his toes against the old, smooth wooden slats of the dock. “Better than okay.”

“Okay, yep, I believe you. But show me again, just to be sure.”  

Teddy’s low laugh was everything, his hands strong at the small of Billy’s back, his mouth an endless parade of sweet promises. “So much better than just okay,” he said against Billy’s lips, and kissed him again.

Billy curled his fingers tight in Teddy’s shirt and let himself surrender to love, the breeze tugging at his hair, the wood solid beneath his feet, and the waves of Lake Manitoulin lapping gently against the rocky shore.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for this one - thank you so much to everyone who's joined me on this journey. I appreciate you and your comments and support more than words can say. May everyone have a summer love that changes them for the better. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr!
> 
> Fandom: [Ardatli](http://ardatli.tumblr.com)
> 
> Pro writing: [Tess Bowery](http://tessbowery.tumblr.com)


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